Itty-Bitty Bite Size Stories

by gallagsp the corgi

Crouching Rainbow, Hidden Tortoise (Pets Week)

"Sorry about talking to you last, Tank."

"Its alright, Twilight. I hope you had a nice rest. I understand how Opal can get sometimes."

"Yes, it was quite refreshing, actually. But how are you doing?"

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Yes, fine. Is there something wrong with that?"

"Um, no, of course not. its just that most of the other pets had a bit more to say than that."

"Well I'm not very talkative. I don't see the point in spouting out my woes when I could be helping others with theirs. If you want to talk, I'll listen, but I don't talk much myself."

"Alright. Anyway, so your situation is kind of a special one. You tried hard to win the best pet competition, even against other competitors who would clearly be better than you, yet you stuck to it and kept going." Twilight adjusted her reading glasses. "What made you do that?"

"When I first saw Lady Dash I knew I was meant to be the pet for her. As you are aware, she's loud and reckless, she's fast and has a very short fuse," Twilight rolled her eyes an nodded in agreement. "but see, behind all that confidence she lacked balance."

"She's good at balancing, I mean, she can stand with all for hooves on a single fence post."

"No, you misunderstand me. I mean a spiritual balance. Lady Dash lacked balance of soul. As her polar opposite, It is my duty to bring balance. She is fast, I am slow. She's loud, I'm quiet. See where I'm going here?"

"I...think so?"

"Think of it like this: If there were no chaos, would we have harmony? And without harmony there can be no chaos."

"Oh, I get it now! Rainbow Dash needs you a much as you need her."

"Exactly. And isn't that what being a companion is all about?" Tank smiled, his face covered in the wrinkles of age.

Author's Note:

I went with the Ancient Chinese Proverb tortoise. It worked out the best, and was better than my original plan.

Comments

[GordonFreebrony]

So, my question is how did Tank beat the others? And I don't mean in the show, I mean in the 'reality' like scenario?

I'm leaning towards Ancient Chinese Secret....

[gallagsp the corgi]

3656932 Confucius says: The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.

[GordonFreebrony]

3656947
Confucius say: Shit Happens

[gallagsp the corgi]

3656949 That too, I guess?

[Sollace]

Yay, more reading...

fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/354/a/c/clapping_pony_icon___sollace_by_comeha-d6ymjq8.gif?isEmote=true

--Sollace

[gallagsp the corgi]

3657069 I gotta get me one of those gifs... that's pretty cool

[Sollace]

3657081
I can make you one, just let me know what pony you want. Or a picture of your oc.

--Sollace

[GordonFreebrony]

3656952
Atheists say: I don't believe this shit.

Agnostics say: Can you prove that shit?

[gallagsp the corgi]

3657625 hey! Lets not get into an argument over religion here! This isn't Youtube!

[gallagsp the corgi]

3657090 i would like Octavia, if you please. Thank you, my friend.

[GordonFreebrony]

3658092
Fuck that, have this instead!
TAOISM - "if you understand shit, it isn't shit"
HINDUISM - "this shit happened before"
CONFUCIANISM - "confucious say 'shit happens'"
BUDDHISM - "shit will happen to you again"
ZEN - "what is the sound of shit happening?"
ISLAM - "if shit happens, it is the will of Allah"
SIKHISM - "leave our shit alone"
JEHOVA'S WITNESS - "knock. knock. shit happens"
ATHEISM - "i don't believe this shit"
AGNOSTICISM - "can you prove that shit happpens?"
CATHOLICISM - "if shit happens, you deserve it"
PROTESTANTISM - "shit happens, amen to that"
JUDAISM - "why does shit always happen to us?"
ORTHODOX JUDAISM - "so shit happens, already"
TELEVANGELISM - "send money or shit will happen to you"
RASTAFARIANISM - "let's smoke this shit"
HARE KRISHNA - "shit happens rama rama"
NATION OF ISLAM - "don't take no shit"
NEW AGE - "visualize shit happening"
SHINTOISM - "you inheritt shit of your ancestors"
HENDOISM - "i love it when shit happens"
SATANISM - "sneppah tihs"
CAPITALISM - "this is MY shit"
FEMINISM - "men are shit"
EXISTENTIALISM - "what is shit, anyway?"
SCIENTOLOGY - "if shit happens, see Dianetics p.137"
MORMONISM - "excrement happens" (don't say shit)
BAPTISM - "we'll wash the shit right off you"
MYSTICISM - "this is really weird shit"
VOODOO - "shit doesn't just happen - we made it happen"
MYSTICISM - "this is really weird shit"
DISNEYISM - "bad shit doesn't happen here"
COMMUNISM - "lets share the shit"
MAXISM - "you have nothing to lose but your shit"
CONSPIRACY THEORISM - "THEY shit on us!"
PSYCHO-ANALYSIS - "tell me about yoru shit"
DARWINISM - "survival of the shittiest"
AMISH - "modern shit is useless"
SUICIDAL - "i've had enough of this shit"
OPTIMISM - "shit won't happen to me"
TREKISM - "to boldly shit where no-one has shat before"
SHAKESPEAREAN - "to shit or not to shit, that is the question"
DESCRATES - "i shit therefore i am"
FREUD - "shit is a phallic symbol"
LAWYERS - "for enough money, I can get you out of shit"
ACUPUNCTURIST - "hold still or this shit's gonna hurt"
DOG - "i just shit in your shoe"
CAT - "dogs are shit"
MOUSE - "oh shit! a cat!"
POLITICALLY CORRECT - "internally processed, nutritionally drained, biological output happens"
EINSTEIN - "shit is relative"
FAMILY GATHERING - "relatives are shit"
MATERIALISM - "whoever dies with the most shit, wins"
VEGETARIANISM - "if it shits, don't eat it"
FATALISM - "oh shit, it's going to happen"
ENVIRONMENTALISM - "shit is biodegradable"
AMERICANISM - "who gives a shit?"
STATISTICIAN - "shit is 84.7% likely to happen"
HIP-HOP - "motherfuck this shiznit, beeatch!"
TANTRISM - "fuck this shit"
CYNICISM - "we are all full of shit"
SURREALISM - "fish happens"
WICCA - "you can make shit happen but shit will happen to you three times"
DRACONIANISM - "If you shit on another person, the governent shall have you shat out of a camel three times."
RELAVATISM - "How can excremiment 'happen'? Therefore, how can anything happen? I don't know....
PERVERSION - "Shit is an aphrodisiac AND a contraceptive! The more is happens the better."
RETARDATION - "Shit! Shit! Shiiiiiiiiit! Shity shit shits! (rubs himself with his shit.)"
HOMOSEXUALITY - "I shat the same shit twenty times, oh yeah, it happens!"
LESBIANISM - You don't want to know.
Then the other:
DRACONIANISM - "Because you have shat on me, I shall devise a contraption that will be unmistakably too complex for eveyone's inferior mind to comprehend that will enevitably shit on you when I feel like operating it..."

And then the best of them all:
SITHOLOGY-"Sith happens." -or- "Shit happens... so fling it back already! The one who's the cleanest wins, after all."

[gallagsp the corgi]

3658102 You are my hero. I... I think I love you...

No homo.

[GordonFreebrony]

3658158

Pledge your soul to my cause, future minion! So that I might one day rule this world and turn us all to ponies!

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!