(The Only) Chapter One
Aw yeah, words and shit.
"Tapping into civilian broadcasts now," Terrance Piderett reported from his computer station. The Central Intelligence Agency of the United States of America was as alive as one would expect it to be under the circumstances. A new landmass had inexplicably appeared in the middle of the Atlantic, smack dab in between four continents. Along with it, a species of apparently sapient ponies.
"No reason to censor what they're saying yet," Director Wallace stated as he walked closer to the center screen of the Action Room. "Keep on alert, though. If these things already know our language, they could know more unsavory things."
Most of the agents were not, in fact, paying attention to the news broadcast on CNN. They kept their eyes trained on their monitors, literally waiting for an opportunity to cut the broadcast short with either a timely commercial break or a sudden loss of a signal.
The director and his lieutenants, however, listened intently to what the equine creature was spewing over the microphone.
"... unclean and unfit to further live on this planet," The white-colored leader of the ponies announced. Murmuring from the crowds almost instantly turned into an uproar of expletives and angry shouting.
"You have got to be shitting me!" A lone voice somehow rose above the wall of sound, earning immediate bouts of laughter and statements of agreement. A few humans had taken quite an offense at their race been denounced so casually and had walked away without another word. A single half-drunk bottle of water flew across the air and barely missed the equine monarch.
"Is this some kind of joke?" More and more voices could scarcely be picked out of the jumble.
"I bet this is some kind of prank on one of them TV shows..."
"I swear, this is going to be like that movie 'Independence Day',"
Aside from a few scoffs in the Action Room, the men and women still went about their normal duties of recording the broadcast and directing the field agents to their new objectives.
"'Humanity is unclean and unfit'. This could interpenetrated as an act of war in any context, gentlemen," the director turned to face his associates. "I trust the course of action is obvious?"
"Yes, sir," They all replied without hesitation.
"Seeing as these aren't human being we're dealing with, the law grants us a slight leeway with how we interpret it. Johnston, what's their mode of transportation?"
"Chariot. Pulled by the leader's guards themselves," the agent replied.
"Get tactical nuclear ordnance on that chariot before it leaves. A going away present of sorts," Wallace's lips curved into a slight smile. He then turned to Harland and Rogers "I want two teams of agents on an amphibious assault to this new continent. If we get men in there before they close borders, we'll have a backdoor later."
"Yes, sir." the two replied and left the room.
Tow weeks later
"This just in: A whopping two weeks after an unknown nuclear attack in the new continent of 'Equestria', the diarch princesses of this whimsical land has officially closed their borders. With a force field of 'magic', no less. Kaira?" The news anchorman prompted his co-anchor with a half-forced smile.
"That's right, Tom. This is the same attack that claimed over six hundred thousand ponies and left a more than obvious blot on their pristine grasslands," Kaira continued. "Governments all over the globe are denying adamantly that they had not part in it. It has then been concluded that the attack was the work of an unknown terrorist force."
"Indeed, Kaira. Relations between the UN and Equestria are now more strained than ever. If you remember, one of the princesses had spoke of the 'conversion' of the human species as well as denouncing them as inferior to ponies."
"Well, Tom, I don't see them with iPhones or Ford Mustangs." The two news people both chuckled at the joke.
"Right you are, Kaira," Tom said after they had finished their laugh. "These ponies don't quite get that we've been here longer and know more than they do about life. This is our planet, and we're here to stay. Now going live to Edward Freeman with the weather and weekly forecast..."
Three days later
"Tragedy in New Jersey! Earlier today, a massive force of twenty thousand ponies arrived on the shore of of this coastal state, taking many summer beach-goers by surprise. Armed with spears and other primitive weapons, the ponies set on a quest to bring conversion to the humans with force. We go live to our action reporter, Maria Rodriguez, with more on the story."
"Thanks, Tom. We are currently a mile away from the where the fighting initially broke out on the shore. The scene is so graphic that we can not show it on the broadcast, but I can tell you straight up that it is not pretty. We have an eye witness of the event beside me right now," Maria said and brought her microphone closer to the man. The caption below identified him as John Smith. "Can you tell us about what happened here?"
"Yeah, I was out on the beach with buds, having a good time. Nothing like a beer early in the morning and sand beneath your feet, right? My friend Will spotted a bunch of these pony guys coming towards the shore. Some of them were flying and shit, others were on boats," John's face smirk turned into more somber features. "At first we we're all like 'oh, they're just ponies looking for some sun', right? But then we saw five people get some kind of needle in them from the ponies, then in a flash, they were ponies too. They were ponies before they knew what was happening."
"How many in total got subjected to the conversion?"
"Just them. Everyone else turned tail and left or started beating the crap out the ponies. My buds and and I got folded up umbrellas and started beating ponies with 'em. You know, to not get injected or whatever," John answered. "We bloodied a few noses before the police got their and started tearing them apart."
"And what did you do when the police arrived."
"We were escorted out of there to make sure we didn't get hit. We stayed behind the cars while everything was going on." John replied.
"Thank you so much, John," Maria said before the camera was trained back on her. "As was described, police and SWAT teams were on the scene shortly after the attack began. No one was injured or killed, but we have reports of around six-thousand ponies were killed before retreating back to their homes. The men and women unwillingly placed under conversion have declined to be interviewed and their fates after today are unknown. Only time will tell if these people will regain what they once had. Back to you, Tom."
One day later
"Congress has declared war on Equestria. Earlier today, the Capital unanimously agreed to end the newcomers' sudden chain of threats and attacks. The UN has yet to come to an agreement as to what is to be done, but the U.S. is confident that they will suffice." Tom announced as the caption under his name scrolled by. "If the recent attack on New Jersey's soil is an indication, we will be looking at a very short war indeed. Now to Edward Freeman with the weather."
Director Wallace turned the television off and turned back to his lieutenants. "How's our back door coming along, Harland? Have the agents figured out how to break it?"
"Yes, sir. All they needed was a single hostage unicorn to break a small portion of the barrier. It should be large enough for Marines to land and get their mitts dirty."
"Good. I want these openings used later to coordinate missile strikes in key areas as well," Wallace nodded. "Remember to tell the Marines to snag some of that 'conversion' substance for reverse engineering. We want those from the New Jersey incident cured as soon as possible."
"Yes, sir." Harland replied.
"Then let's get at it." Wallace said as he pulled up the desk phone and brought it to his ear. "Clearance granted. Commence the attack."
Epilouge
Many ponies died that day. Military forces were successful in breaching the very loosely fortified areas of Equestria and systematically crippled the nation from within. Conversion serum was quickly reverse engineered and made available to those very few who were transformed into ponies. Princess Celestia was forced to leave the humans be, never to use conversion ever again. Humans thereafter went about their daily routines almost as if nothing ever happened. Equestria remains in seclusion until deemed fit to integrate into the world.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Another_Dead_Account1109 · 2.7k words · 306 37 · 15k views
- Paddle Steamer · 1.9k words · 549 44 · 19k views
- -Twilight · 2.3k words · 256 26 · 14k views
- bh18 · 2.9k words · 454 24 · 18k views
- Underpaid Carronade · 2.4k words · 478 64 · 21k views
- Eternal Aviator · 3.9k words · 389 55 · 16k views
- dragozon · 1.4k words · 533 20 · 21k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.141 seconds
Total duration
633 users online
929,456 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
TCB: How it should have ended.
I don't think there is a better sentence that summarises the actual reaction to that retarded speech.
Celestia survived? Rewrite please!
2771924 Aww, but I want her to live in shaaaaaaaame.
2771942 Might I suggest a follow up?
Religious extremists goes on a crusade to ridge Equestria of witchcraft by tearing off the horns of unicorns (And of course alicorns) That way no one dies and Celestia is reduced from Goddess to meat
Ps. And the elements of harmony is melted down to its components, leaving Equestria as chaotic as earth for the future generations of pony kind, thus forcing them to make the tough choices that we had to make in order to survive.
2772007 That would require the GORE tag. I'm too lazy to press buttons, but don't think I hadn't thought of this while writing.
2772019 Gore requires bloodshed. Horn removal doesn't need bloodshed. Only chloroform, duct tape and a good sharp saw.
2772027 You and I will get along swimmingly.
2772032 If you ever need an idea, feel free to poke me with a stick and see how I react
This seems like a much more believable ending to any Conversion Bureau story.
I'm sorry, I've been exploring the internet for so long and... is this the famous "Full Retard"? I've been told never to go there and accidentally stumbling upon it just seems unfair, y'know. I didn't know it was possible to put as little Celestia into a piece of text as possible and still make it this bad. "Live in shaaame."? Being this dumb she would choke on air. If she survives to princesshood I could count on even rats defecting to whatever the hell is the closest neighbouring realm. Even more unfathomable is how the humans are even more disastrously dim. If someone comes over and moons at you, do you shoot a nuke up that someone's ass? Why would you do that!? How in hell can twenty thousand ponies take anyone by surprise? The police massacres six thousand ponies who evidently could be held back by dudes with umbrellas? Is New Jersey really that stoned? iPhones and Ford Mustangs? Intentionally mispelling epilogue - how edgy!
Much better than any serious TCB story.
2772406
Aww, are you mad because someone knocks on something you like? Too bad, sweetie :)
2772448
Some faith in humanity: restored.
I would if someone did that. But this piece of crap doesn't. It's not based on anything I like. It's based on suck. In other news it seems like you get banned for going full retard.
2772518
This story is meant to be bad. But it still reads better than any serious TCB story out there. Also, you seem like one of those people who act like a show about fluffy ponies is far superior to the human race in general. Although, that's how most TCB fans act anyway, so I wouldn't be surprised.
2772532
A story can be meant to be dumb, crazy, trash, lots of things, but if it's really, really written and published for the sake of being bad, it becomes so bad it's terrible. The very idea of doing it is bad enough no sane person would still go with it!
"Reads better than..." Now who's being silly here? Not even my worst TCB one-shot is as bad as this. And I've written a couple of pretty bad ones.
Fluffy ponies being superior to humans? So what if I say a seemingly idyllic life in Equestria might be preferrable to Earth? If Costa Rica is the happiest place on Earth why would that in any way be a stretch? Humanity claiming superiority over anything with "We kill more of our own than you. Fuck yeah!" is pretty damn retarded, agree with it or not.
Awesome
I was under the impression trollfics were allowed.
I don't follow.
2772722
Granted, they've got an ace up their sleeve in the form of magic. Even then, we really ARE more superior than them. We have numbers, economical power, military power, higher understanding of the universe, ect , ect.
**EDIT**
I realize this story in itself is just silly.
2773239 Not to mention they are, at max, at the Industrial Revolution, so we have them beat Technologically by atleast 2 centuries.
This was hilarious.
Oh look, another "evil!Nazi!communist!pony" Conversion Bureau story. It's so sad that such an interesting plot has to be ruined by two stupid extremes.
2774670 TCB Not Alone is the only good TCB story I've ever read.
2774973
Amen, fellow brother.
2774973 Agree.
2772406 This wasn't meant to be taken seriously. It's a hypothetical scenario between extreme views on the TCB universe I thought of by whim, relayed to readers via a fanfiction site about magical ponies. Which you have taken offense at because I gave my entirely fictional and comical viewing on the whole subject.
My word, to all the people who thought I put more than a few minutes' thought into this:
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/p480x480/489_306940306102273_1828995203_n.jpg
2772532 I'm glad you understood.
2774973 Don't mind me, just thirding your opinion here.
This story doesn't work for me, and I'm going to tell you why...
1. No expanding Barrier. In most CB stories -- and every Anti-CB story that I can recall -- the expanding Barrier is the Ultimate Weapon that really forces pony conversion. Take that away and you've pulled the rug out from under the whole scenario, and nothing makes sense.
2. Easily breached barrier. In most CB (and Anti-CB) stories, the Barrier is utterly impenetrable. Again, if you change that then it isn't really CB anymore. I've seen one or two where it was possible with great difficulty to launch an attack on the Barrier, but never before a story where breaching it is presented as trivial.
3. Overtly hostile ponies. Only in the most blatant of Anti-CB stories do ponies come across with this attitude and intent. And you know, Anti-CB has been done before, many times. And, frankly, it's been done much better. (I particularly liked the one where they fought over South Africa.) So... What then is the point of this exercise?
2779003 If the fucking barrier can take on the full nuclear might of the human race, then I'll eat my delicious khaki shorts. If the persistent pounding of fucking shape shifting bugs can break through the barrier canonically explained to be the "most powerful" (or something, rather, very close to those lines), I'm sure a hydrogen bomb with it's 40-megaton wrath can take it down just a tad bit faster.
My stupid satire of a story aside,(and with all due respect) you're being retarded.
2777272
Aside from trying to go all psychic on me, I am a bit miffed because of that first line since it's a misconception. This interpretation isn't between any views. It's one single view. You can't separate the ponies' reactions from the humans' in a TCB story because one is the result of another.
And those few minutes have given us the flat out worst piece of writing to bear TCB in its title. You should've thought a bit longer to either put a little more effort to it or not write (or at least not publish) it at all.
2779069
That comparison isn't valid. The barrier in TCB isn't a simple barrier spell but an interdimensional rift that you can't just blow through. There are a hundred variations though.
2778829>>2775226>>2775617
Glad to see some of my fellow comrades here
2779816 In response to your second part of post: Regardless of it not being able to be blown through (however unlikely), there are more... indirect ways to win in the case war presented itself.
In response to your first part of post: Awwww. Is someone frustrated that this retarded version of TCB was generally more well received than most serious TCB fictions? This story was published because I felt the urge to do so. This is the same kind of impulse I got when I decided to not take a jog this morning. It was meant to be satirical, therefore it was well received by those who got the point. Had I wanted to be serious, there would be a much more detailed account about how the ponies quickly receded back to their hole after witnessing how innovative the average human can be when faced with unfavorable odds. Because, seriously. Humans are superior.
There needs to be another one, kind of like a "Where are they now?" type of show 50 years into the future after Equestria has been occupied by humans, kinda like what happened to post-war Germany\Japan.
Lets see, Celestia deposed from ruler to figure head inside her castle while the parliament of pony politicians squabble amongst each other about welfare reform and giving themselves pay raises. The occasional radical nutcase ordering for unicorns to have their horns removed. Alicorn Twilight now a office worker at a local university after forcing to accept humans and other species under equal rights Acts. Rainbow Dash now married with two foals in Cloudsdale. Applejack as a Wal-Mart greeter where her farm used to be. Pinkie Pie.. well, no one knows where she is, but last reports say she was running off with barrel loads of Pseudoephedrine from Chinese suppliers.
Sick sick irony all around. :discordgrin:
2780070
Although, to be fair, "Conquer the Stars" is pretty good too.
2787332 If Dalek IX would ever update it...
hes a 80s kinda of guy, it was meant to be silly.
what the flip? weirdest fan fic ever, and what the flip is a tcb? you have epicly failed,ssssssshhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2780748
Damn straight. Conquering continents since the Roman Empire 200 BCE.
Two weeks later
Looking forward to MOAR! Also,
2780748
Yep. I have already thought of countless ways the average (modern) human could survive and adapt in everfree forest. I pictured it all the way up to basic electric powered machinery. Yes, I even went through the trial and error of how to get there, including black powder firearms. Hell, the only reason people from a few thousand years ago couldn't do that is because they didn't know it existed or any basics of it.
The average modern human, however, does. We even get the jist of how to make rope, sinew-based line, carving bone and stone into tools, using hot ash to burn holes and stuff to make room for straps or canoes.
Hell, the average human even knows to watch animals that we recognize to know what to eat, what to avoid, etc.
The average pony would die in Everfree. The average human would be feasting on manticore meat after a couple days while laughing at all the wanna-be predators running in terror from his/her mere scent.
Ponies have the Magic of Friendship.
Humans have NUCLEAR POWER.
It's obvious that we would win.
2774670>>2772406>>2801670
Look guys, I know autism makes it hard for you to understand what a "joke" is, but you don't need to show us, we understand.
2772518
Whoops, better cancel that celebration party because he's unbanned.
3064193
jerk!
I have to admit that this is the only TCB story that I like.
3089068
I understand that logic. But when has the planet ever really fought back?
2779069fool. Magic must defeat magic. That's why we needed that one hostage.