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Nearly all of humanity has been converted and all that remains is a small, but well armed resistance. They are mounting an assault on Equestria to, one way or another, send Celestia a message.
"We will not go quietly into the night!
We will not vanish without a fight!"
President Thomas J. Whitmore, Independence Day
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So good. These evil Ponies should meet the good Ponies that would never do this to Humanity.
Beautiful.
Well this is an interesting take on TCB.
Pray tell, are there more TCB's like this?
2053390
I'm honestly not sure. I'll have to look.
2053528
Well if you won't find any then good job. You have written an original story.
Sure it's based of a dead concept and isn't really good when other people take their insight on it, but you did something original by making the ponies sympathetic and making them realize that they were under an illusion.
Basically what you did was pull a Spec Ops: The Line on the ponies, which I fully approve.
2053545
Spec Ops: The Line? Gonna have to explain that to me.
2053550
It's a third person shooter that was released last year. It starts out like a generic shooter but it evolves into something much, muuuuch bigger. To sum it up kind of shortly:
It's in the near future and it takes in the city of Dubai. Several sand storms have been occuring, so the US sends in a batallion of soldiers to evacuate the city. Things go to shit, the evacuation fails and the city is engulfed 70% by sand. Everyone is presumed dead until several months later, the leader of the batallion sends out an emergency call. The US sends in a special team of 3 operatives to check it out, including you, the captain, the teams wise crack young boy sniper and the rational thinking, tank build black guy.
That's basically the intro. It's a really, really, really good game. Watch a walktrough of it on YouTube. It may look like a generic yellow shooter but it evolves into something different and it really gives you a new look on military life.
I just wish she turned some of the newfoals back Human to spare Humanity.
She did in a parallel universe. Or perhaps after this fan fiction.
2053578
I might just.
2053582
Haha no. Not "might". Will.
Seriously, do it. Do it doc.
Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it.
2053581
Key word there parallel, but regardless of any material to that argument I personally will not be adding that. The story exists as it is. If anyone else wants to take a stab at that, you have my full blessing.
wow amazing :'( so sad, it make me think about freedom ,but why do the ponies want to convert humanity?
well writen and definately a fav
Elixir
2054036
I believe I answered the why, they see humans as evil, greedy and vile creatures...sadly the majority of us are but not all of us. Get it?
also makes ne think about what if the humans had a nuke...
2054065
Eh, overpowered.
Then there'd be no story.
I salute Clarke and all the brave men in this story.inapcache.boston.com/universal/site_graphics/blogs/bigpicture/memday_05_25/m22_19132581.jpg
Beautiful! Just... beautiful.
Bravo. You actually made the EOH actually somewhat sympathetic.
So it ends. Humanity does not go out with a whimper but with a blast of raw elemental fury.
I salute you Clark if there is some alternite universe which you live in I hope to met you some how.
2054362
I appreciate the comment but please try not to double, or triple post.
2054367 my bad fixed it.
sad, very sad.
I've never read a conversion bureau story. I'm not sure the amount of hate I would receive from it would be healthy. I've read your story, and I actually find it pretty interesting.
so sad
the magic of friendship does not effect humans
Manly tears were shed at the end.
I can only imagine the final moments leading upto humanity's final charge. Definitely a good short story, IMO.
2055839
Beautiful selection.
Greatest story I ever read.
10/10 - It's okay - IGN
I'd love an alternate ending
2056471
Sorry, the story exists as it is. I am considering going more in depth, spread it out and observe each side.
I... You..... ......No words can express my amazement to this story. I salute you sir. This has brought manly tears.
Oh look, a story that really makes itself known on my notifications page (I think I got 5 in total).
Okay, seriously. Until I cement my 'meh', mind telling me what this story is about? The writing is okay, and there could be something worthwhile put into it, though it can't hold up against even a moderately deep analysis even if the premise (Ten Rounds 'verse TCB) is a given. I repeat, what is the theme of this story? I honestly have little idea.
2056483
Yes please.
please have an aftermath chapter. i must read how they all react and handle the death. they have to see the battle field
pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaasssssseeeee
when i read this i was reminded of falling skies where the aliens where all like: WHY U NO GIVE UP
2057158
I agree. Pleeaaaaasssssseeeeee?
lol
2057791
Sorry to say guys that I won't be doing an aftermath chapter. The story works as a one-shot and I've gotten some pretty emotional reactions from it and adding an aftermath just feels like padding to me, it would only serve to spout exposition of how sad the ponies are feeling, that they realize now blah blah blah. It would just restate what has already been said in Picket's Charge and that I feel would take away from the impact of the story. It stays as it is, though I am considering writing a separate piece that goes more in depth but I'm on the fence at the moment.
2056808
Sorry if this sounds mean spirited but, I will not explain the story to you, or anyone for that matter, I don't feel that's my job. If you can't recognize the theme behind it, then tough, ask someone else.
Manly tears were shed during the reading of this story good job sir
2059434
Lol thats ok it just leaves me to think
2059434
Okay, I'll find it by myself. I'll tear this story to pieces if I have to.
Here we go with our expedition!
I like that title, by the way. This is a special case so I withdraw from pointing out most writing related things. Oh well: ”He wanted to fight…against her.” A nice gratuitous ellipsis there. Okay, not about that anymore. :D
”old battleships had been lovingly cared for by their respective historical societies” So there's a ”Keep Old War Machines Operational -society” out there. Would've never guessed that.
”modern tech on Earth had been disabled by a massive CME (Coronal Mass Ejection)” Why the acronym? And those things occur naturally as well; one heck of a risk to have zero countermeasures. Though it makes the ponies' conquest more plausible.
”Human sympathizers within the Diarchy” Hmm... this could be interesting. Who am I kidding? This is the only mention they get!
”If this assault didn’t work…they had their orders.” Nice waste of ellipsis again. Okay, not really, I see what you're going for, but how it's written out here is simply too vague. Now it's like it's supposed to be a surprise that they have orders. ”They were prepared for anything” would be a better alternative.
”She had tried the peaceful way, that didn’t work” I'm going to assume this means the Conversion Bureaus themselves. Not surprising they weren't successful with the lousy PR speech and all.
”Each time she had tried something different the humans had adapted! How? Why? When would they simply give up and accept it?” Guess what Celestia? I too would like to know how. And really? Celestia thinks it's only a matter of time when humans give up and accept it? They are on her doorstep! She must've had at least a million people to say ”NEVER” to her face in the preceeding times.
”Unfortunately the cities had not been evacuated and no one had heard any news from them.” If the fastest form of communication is a pegasus courier, shouldn't that be expected? Why would the humans do anything but travel through those places anyway?
”may resort to worse measures” Worse than destroying and killing stuff? I realize this is a bit of a foreshadowing but so very very ineffective considering it comes off as a surprise to them later on.
”The Royal Guard was utterly shocked and unready” The hell were they doing then?
”she threw him against the wall again, and again, and again.” Luna tortures people. I didn't see that coming.
”no greed, no want, and no hatred” I just have to take your word for it, I guess.
”guards Celestia must have kept in reserve for such an occasion” Made sense to have that first line of defense do nothing but die and let one soldier to the freakin' Throne Room. Not my kind of sense, though.
”her expression neutral and unwavering” Because the man had been tortured enough?
Nice pointless filler with the radio. This guy is a damn Private and if he'd told them to fire at the Castle, what for? If they wanted Celestia dead they would've fired immediately.
Okay, now we get to the supposed point of the story. The incredibly pathetic dialogue notwithstanding, choice seems to be one. Choice to follow suicidal orders, it seems. Wait, what? ”We do this of our own free will.” How do you get a couple of thousand people to commit suicide ”of our own free will?” Did they somehow get all the world's crazy people on those boats?
There's another baffling thing as well. The Mane 6 gets a pass but Celestia and Luna have no excuse for being this oblivious. It's like this is the first time they actually meet a guy who's against them and the whole thing. There's a reason why Ten Rounds is such a good fic even though it has a similar ”last stand” type of thing. Here the designated villain is nothing more than a verbal punching bag and the designated hero is just some guy raised to a giant pedestal to represent the whole species with his ideaological blather.
”we can deny you a bloodless victory” There has been all-out war for who knows how long? Bloodless my ass. If Celestia valued life over all else she would've stopped forced conversions as soon as people began to die.
”Such a sweet pony, it was too bad she was the enemy in this.” Well, if you say so, author.
”we wanted to make you see why we resisted so much” As did billions of people before these crazies. Besides, that's not what they wanted to do, they wanted to kill the Diarchy. Committing mass suicide doesn't answer the question anyhow.
So... Where was the theme in all of that? It can't be ”the value of one's heritage” since nothing indicates that would change beyond thumbs. It can't be that humanity is relentless or adaptive or something since here they were all coward little shits. But what it can be is ”if you find the world unfair, then you must be too good for it”. Things change all the time no matter our opinion about it. These people, these couple of thousand ”soldiers” go against that change only to say ”we don't like this, look at what we do instead” and kill themselves. I wouldn't even call this a tragedy but a sad farce.
2063352
Okay, wow. Wasn't expecting that.
I kinda want to get into this but at the same time I know that if I do, it'll be as long as Microshaszm's post and about twice as cranky. I'll hold off for now as I don't want to make that a habit, especially since most of the crankiness is from an outside source.
At any rate, overall it was a decent story. Yes, there are a few things that are out of place like the very wordy private speaking for all mankind and the suicide rush. I know it's supposed to be symbolic but at the same time it really does beg the question of how that many humans decided suicide was a better option than using some of the truly horrific weapons in humanity's arsenal. I don't mean nukes. I mean stuff like chemical, biological, and most horrifyingly enough radiological warfare. Jet's flying overhead and releasing materials like powdered cobalt 60 from shielded compartments over Equestrian population centers. Anthrax dispersal bombs set off near markets. These are truly horrible, but when pushed to the brink, desperate people do horrific things.
However, I can see wanting to go with a heroic self-sacrifice to teach the ponies a lesson as opposed to whipping out weapons and tactics that would leave the most hardened criminals and monsters in our history weeping in terror.
2053581 What fic is that!?
I enjoyed this short story. I couldn't help but feel sorry for both sides. Hope you do more stories like this
I was hoping that the ships will launch nukes in the end
2171524 Brain: Error nitpick detected. Preparing to translate comment...
Translation complete. Begining translation...
I don't like this that is off by a little bit and this is spelt wrong and this is awkward and the pacing is off even though it is a one shot and it is supposed to have different pacing then a full leangth story and I don't like this plus this is pronounced wrong and now I will tell you how good this story is even though I am not actually a cridic is that it is kind of good but the blablabla's and the olala's ruined it for me.
2063352
While that was an interesting review my brain automagically made a translation of it, this is what resaulted of said translation...
Wannabe critic... wannabe critic... I want to be a critic. I do not like this, screw this, I must pick this one shot apart bit by bit. Omg, I did not like that therefore it is a bad part of the story.
I do not like the dialog even though it is a main part of the story, I do not like this, I do not like that, this sucks, this is bad because I said so, nothing makes sense the way I see it. I would not have done that so it is bad.
I shall continue treating this one shot like a full story even though it is not supposed to be like a full story, oh and by the way I did not like the dialog so therefore the story is bad.