• Member Since 2nd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 12th, 2018

HollywoodMarine


CPL 0311 Rifleman in the United states Marine Corps.

T
Source

In the waning hours of the Gemwing wars between the pegasi and unicorn kingdoms. One human is thrust into the world of equestria. This is set before the unification, and is my twist on how equestria was truly unified. All of the pony culture is taken from AnonAuthor's amazing story Xenophillia, check it out if you haven't read it.

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 107 )

This is set before the unification

Then why the RD and Spitfire Tag ?

Nothing good happen in this chapter, we just know that the MC is a super-soldier geared for war and landing in Ponyland where he's going to save the day, just like thousands of HiE stories on this site.

2486230
Woops, forgot about those tags. Thanks for the catch. And hes not going to be a supersoldier. I hate OP characters. Hes just a normal grunt. Anyways, thanks for the read, and at least giving it a chance.

Is this meant to be set in a prequel-era to 40K?

2486301
Not directly, I just borrowed some stuff from the universe. Im mixing in alot of sci-fi genres.

"Gemwing Wars?" Isn't that taken from the Xenophilia stories?

2486410
Yup, I thought it would be an interesting period to expand upon.

didn't see any typos, this is pretty good. hope to see more:raritystarry:

2490576
Thanks man, glad you like it

Favoriting, can't wait to see more from this.

2495834
Thanks man, glad you like it. Im working on the next chapter right now. Dont know when Ill have it out though, I have finals coming up and I have drill next weekend. Rifle Qualification FTW. Ill try to get it out soon.

2490576
Really? 'Prolouge' should be 'Prologue'.

So, he just sort of... flopped. :rainbowhuh: :rainbowlaugh:

2497207
Well I feel stupid lol, thanks for catching that. I fixed it.

Neat-o, I hope the rest of the story is told from the human's perspective. I feel that's where the most cultural shock will come from.

Cool story, man. Looks like it will be a good read.

Hey I got a question for y'all. In terms of the pegasi I'm molding them after the roman republic. How would you guys like the unicorns to be? I was thinking more medieval nobility, kings, knights, vassals, that sort of thing. Also for the life of me I can't think of a good name for the unicorn Capitol. Everything I think of sounds corny. Any ideas?

2497320
lol, well lets see you land gracefully on your toes after being flung through space.:pinkiehappy:

2497709
Sounds about right. For the Earth Ponies, go Norse. Vikings always win. :ajsmug:

And, as for your other comment... Isaac Clarke does it! :derpytongue2:

2497709

Well, if unicorns are medieval, then... something grandiosely corny does seem fitting. Or at least grandiose, and therefore corny. Royals always wanted to show off their power, and unicorns being arrogant twits who think they own the world... Maybe something magic related aswell.

Wait, what was the name that Princess Platinum wanted to give Equestria? *looks at the episode real quickly* ...Unicornia. :facehoof: yeah, it's.... (uni)corny... alright. :facehoof: Looks like if you name it something stupid and self-centered, it will fit the ancient unicorns better than something witty or cool.

Etherlight? Gloriana? Shining Peaks? Gilderen? Solaris? Dawnbreak? (thinking something sun/moon related, since it was the unicorns that moved the celestial objects back then. And they'd want to remind/show off that fact. And probably do it in the capital, with grand ceremony and all.)

Interesting. The text could use a little polish here and there, but the story itself is satisfactorily engaging. That said, for two chapters of close-quarters combat, you seem reluctant to provide much detail. More than once the text basically says, "and then there was carnage offscreen." Still, it's your first story and it's got me wanting more, which is always a good sign.
If I may make a recommendation, I think it might have been more effective to begin with this chapter and leave the nature of the human ambiguous. Maybe delay the details of his life, his world, and his entry into Equestria for a bit. On the other hand, what's done is done, and now we can speculate about 26th century tactics among pre-classical ponies.
I look forward to more. Especially Chancellor Puddinghead. I want to see how Commander Hurricane handles inside-the-chimney military strategy. :pinkiehappy:

Oh, and one last point: since these appear to be 40k orks, wouldn't that mean that their engines would stop working once there weren't enough of them alive to believe they should? :raritywink:

2497709
Given the example of Princess Platinum and Clover the Clever, that sounds about right.
Given their performance in starting the war, they sound about as arrogant and glory-hungry as the Franco-Burgundian knights I just read about, getting curbstomped by Turks in the battle of Nicopolis in 1396.
On naming the unicorn capitol.. Hmm something grand that sounds medieval European... Hmm (Destrier?... maybe for Earth Pony capitol?..). Palentine? Elyseum? Electrum? Marble Hill?

2500955
Yeah your right on the detail part. Im having trouble in that area. This is the first thing Ive written in the past 4 years that hasnt been an engineering report or tech note. Its hard to break out of the habit of just putting in the facts and leaving out frilly details. That being said would you or anyone you know be interested in helping me out with that?

And about the ork ship. You clever bastard, I didnt even think of that.

Watching this now. I like where the narrative seems to be going, but add my vote to the tallies of describing the action more.

One thought here: wouldn't bits of the ship come with him? Honestly that'd be an awesome image; a stranger falling from the sky in a rain of fiery debris

I want to see the human start freaking out, as well as all the ponies under estimate him cause he's a male (gahd that felt weird to type)

Comment posted by M-Tails-P deleted May 2nd, 2013

You have names from 40k, Halo and Xenophilia.
Congradulations! Didn't think something like that was possible

Semper Fi, my friend. Semper Fi. (Does not know what it means... Lol)

2582801
Its short for Semper Fidelis. Its the Marine Corps Motto. Latin for "Always Faithfull"

AAHHHHG!!! I'M GONNA HAVE A LONG BOREING 8 weeks. Your story is the best!!!:heart::twilightsmile:

2583530
Thanks dude, glad your enjoying the story. To be honest I didn't think this many people would like it. Its the first story Ive ever written.

2582674
Thanks dude, Im gonna need it, lol:rainbowlaugh:

I just wish your chapters were a little longer, or that you updated more often. Other than that, great story.

2588665 More the latter than the former. Long chapters take more effort to read...


However, I don't really mind. I understand writing a lot can be difficult, especially if you're not used to doing so.

2588665 2588855 There's also the fact he'll be leaving in a couple of weeks, so anything sent out is made under a time constraint, so I'm happy for anything posted.

2589852
Yeah, I know. I read the announcement, too. That doesn't change the fact that this is a really good story, and I want more of it.

2590466 “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”
― Aristotle

I like where this is going.

Well done. Keep going!

Hmm. Well, this should be interesting. First contact scenario in progress. I look forward to seeing how it pans out.

Thanks for the tips on the dog tag information. I was playing New Vegas and found similar stuff on the Desert Ranger Combat Armor
SSGT VICKERS R.B.
O.POS. USMC
I think it means that armor belonged to Staff Sergeant R.B. Vickers of the USMC 200 years ago (Who has O positive blood):raritywink:

Woooo another week down. Weve done it so much That I think I could do fire team rushes in my sleep "Im up he sees me Im down!!!" Three more weeks to Go

D48

This is very good so far. I really like how you are using the historical background of Xenophilia to do something different with this because it adds a lot of depth to the story. I also like how the pony's cultural bias made them initially discount the threat posed by a freaking Marine because he is "just" a male without considering that other species may not share the same gender rolls. They are also going to be in for one heck of a surprise when he gets his gear back because a futuristic composite/ceramic armor will be more or less impervious to everything they have and they are not going to believe the range, accuracy, and power of his gun.

That said, I am a bit disappointed by the prologue because it feels like it was just an info dump to get things started rather than something we have any reason to care about. I think it probably would have worked better to drop it completely so the story starts with chapter 1 and then go back to fill in details as they become relevant to the story.

2798080 Huh, it sounds like I got this off my read later list at just the right time.

Hmm. Not bad. I'll have to keep an eye on this.

Not bad. The blade was inspired by the omni-blade from Mass Effect, right? If not, then you get extra points for creativity.

This... could get ugly. Very ugly.

Looking forward to seeing what happens next!

Huh. Well, this is a fine mess our protagonist's gotten himself into. No matter what the level of technological sophistication, it seems military training and xenodiplomacy don't mix.

(Also, note that torch-lit and windowless make an equally bad combination, unless there's a chimney somewhere. Otherwise, there's no way for the smoke to escape. Furthermore, depending on the door's design, the torches may end up exhausting the room's oxygen faster than the airflow can replenish it.)

I look forward to the next installment, and the body count thereof. Could be anywhere from zero to a dozen, by my estimate...

You've alive?

Anyway, good chapter. When will the next one be out?

Comment posted by HollywoodMarine deleted Aug 3rd, 2013

2982403
I thought the roof would have a ventilation system in it. When I visited some castles when I was in Europe a couple years ago, the "Cushier" Cells that allowed for torches had this grate looking thing in the ceiling

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