Outskirts of the Unicorn City “Brouge”
Dawn slowly broke through the misty morning calm. All around the city soldiers and machines of war stood in ordered rows waiting for the order to strike. Commander Hurricane shifted excitedly in her armor. This was it. After all these years the war was soon to be over. This was the last major unicorn city before their capitol. If Brouge fell, the feathering unicorns would have no choice but to surrender.
In front of her lay the city itself; a tall white walled fortress. It was protected by a pearlescent blue bubble. Pegasi trebuchets, ballistae, and lighting throwers had been pounding it for days. It was finally starting to crack.
She quickly donned her helmet, checked the fastenings of her wing blades one last time, and flew to the front of her army. As she passed many in army looked at her with awe, respect, and undying loyalty. She was the living embodiment of everything a pegasus warrior aspired to be, a true legionnaire of Cyrene.
She had a coat the color of a stormy sky, an electric blue mane, and a mark that showed her talents as a warrior. It was of the eye of a hurricane in the forefront with two crossed wing blades behind it. Every legionary worth her salt knew the tale of how the commander earned her mark.
It was at the beginning of the war. The unicorns had attacked Cyrene without warning. Their strongest casters had teleported entire cadres of their warriors into the heart of the city. It was found out later, after questioning some of the captives, that the unicorns had planned on assassinating the leaders of the senate and the military, and then holding the senate chambers and barracks, thus plunging the city into chaos and forcing the city to give itself up.
What they didn’t plan on was the tenacity of the pegasi warriors and their knowledge of the city itself. During the fighting the commander, just fresh from training, rallied a broken squad and led the counter attack on the senate chambers herself. The legionaries that fought with her say that she was a whirlwind of death. None that stood before her lived to tell the tale. It was after the fighting that the young warrior saw that a mark had appeared on her.
This elevated her in the eyes of her superiors. It was not uncommon for a pegasus to go her entire life without receiving their mark. They only appeared when the pony in question had performed a true act of courage and bravery.
From there Hurricane took part in every major battle of the Gemwing wars. She was promoted quickly. She led from the front and had the utmost respect for the mares under her command. The War was long, bloody ,and tiresome and now it was about to be over for good.
With boulders, bolts, and lighting shooting behind, providing a backdrop that even the Goddess of War herself would be envious of, she flew up to where her entire army could see her and began her speech.
“Legions of Cyrene, hear me now! I come before you not just as your leader, but as a fellow sister of battle. I have fought with you since the beginning of this great conflict. I have witnessed the bravery and tenacity of the Legions I see here before me today at first hoof. This is the final push. With this city taken we will have broken the backs of the invaders that pillaged our lands, killed our sisters, and defiled our stallions. They have cowered behind that shield of theirs for too long. Soon it will falter and we will show those horned weaklings how true warriors fight!”
The Legions cheered loudly, stomped their hooves, and smashed their wing blades together in a cacophony of pride and battle lust. They were getting worked up for the bloodshed to come.
The shield started to crack and pieces of it began to fall downwards into the city below.
“So fly with me now my sisters, the goddess of war is looking down upon all of you, show her that you are worthy of her gaze.” She looked at her troops, pride and admiration flowing through her. “Fight for your home, fight for your herd, fight for Cyrene!”
The shield finally broke; its light dissipating into the void.
“TAKE THOSE WALLS!”
She took off the legions right on her tail, streaking towards the city, a fire burning in everypony’s belly and a war cry bellowing from their lips. The unicorn defenders on the wall fired their bolts of magic. Most shots found their mark. The Commander had to admit, albeit begrudgingly, that physical weakness aside, most unicorns were formidable marksmares.
Hundreds of pegasi legionaries fell before they reached the walls. The beleaguered defenders manning the battlements, though, did not last long. Their walls were meant to keep the hordes of the earth pony nations and the strongest unicorn spell casters out. They could not hope to stop a determined pegasi airborne assault. The pearly white walls of Brouge ran red with her defenders’ blood as the pegasi took to the skies again to continue with the siege.
Two cohorts of the Third Legion stayed behind to mop up the rest of the unicorns on the walls; the rest of the Third began to bring the siege weapons into the city, to ready them for the final assault on the citadel at its center.
The rest of the fighting had taken to the streets. Wing blades slashed, lighting casters thundered, and magical bolt after bolt was cast. Slowly, inch by inch, hoof by hoof the determined pegasi pushed the unicorns back.
By late afternoon the legions had taken control of most of the city. The last of the defenders had barricaded themselves inside the citadel with the Governess and her herd, and most of the important families of the city.
Now the citadel was definitely built with pegasi in mind. It was a solid spire of pure marble, no windows, only tiny slits for the defenders to fire out of, and gate that only 7 ponies could go through at one time if standing shoulder to shoulder.
The legions had surrounded the citadel and began to take fire from the defenders within. Commander Hurricane walked up to the gates without fear, gazed up at the tall spire and took a deep breath.
“STOP!” she shouted. Amazingly the fire from the citadel stopped. An eerie silence fell over the battlefield, only broken by the low moaning of the wounded. The Commander cleared her throat and began speaking loudly up to the spire.
“Defenders of Brouge, listen carefully for these words may be the last that ever grace your ears. You have fought bravely but the time has come for you to lay down your weapons. If you surrender now no harm will befall you or your family. You will be given a place to live and your family will be fed while we rebuild the city and gently take over as rulers. All I ask of you is to put down your weapons and come out of the spire. You have my word as a Commander of Cyrene that you will not be harmed. You have 30 seconds to comply.”
At first not a sound came from the tower. Then a stern voice sounded from inside.
“We will never surrender to the likes of you. We would rather die than willingly let your filthy hooves walk our honored halls as rulers. We will fight to the last mare!”
The Commander looked down and sighed inwardly. “So be it.” she mumbled.
Fire from the spire began to rain down once more as the pegasi brought forward a massive battering ram to break the gate down. Pegasi skirmishers tried to lessen the fire coming from the tower with their lighting casters but the slits in the wall proved too narrow for the bolts to go through.
As the ram was about to break through the gate, Commander Hurricane flew to the front of the formation, determined to be the first one through the door.
The gate finally gave way and the pegasi warriors charged in. It was a bloodbath, 200 pegasi died just to take the first floor. As more pegasi stormed in the more desperate the unicorns got. They fired with reckless abandon, sometimes hitting their own troops in the process. The rooms were awash with flapping wings, heaving bodies, and glowing horns. The screams of the civilians within pierced over the low sounds of battle. Finally, after hours of fighting the final floor of the citadel was breached.
There Governess Ruby sat upon her throne looking down at the advancing pegasi with disdain. Like they were just bugs to be squashed underneath her hoof.
The commander strode forward looking the Governess straight in the eyes.
“Surrender now, it’s over”
The governess snorted, slowly getting off her throne. She walked to the center of the room, lowered her head, pawing the ground, horn charging with magic.
“I will not stand idly by while you butcher my citizens with such disdain. If I die I am taking you with me.” She spat.
The pegasi began to close in on her when the commander spoke up again.
“Back off!” she barked, “this one is mine.”
The two leaders slowly began to circle one another, neither one of them breaking the death glare that they were casting one another. The governess, surprisingly, made the first move.
She fired a mighty blast of magic at the commander, hoping that the massive amount of energy she put into it would make it fast and powerful enough to strike the Commander and kill her. To her chagrin though, the Commander swiftly jumped over to the side of the bolt as it flew in.
With a quick slash of her blades the fight ended as quickly as it started. The Unicorn lay on the ground, a vicious gash slitting her throat. She maybe had a minute to live.
“You will never succeed.” She croaked the words almost unintelligible. “You cannot hope to hold the city. The capitol will come and they will wipe you from existence.”
Commander Hurricane walked over to the downed unicorn and whispered ominously into her ear, “Let them come.” She then watched the light fade from the unicorns eyes and her last breath leave her chest.
The Commander sighed deeply and removed her helmet.
“Private Pansy!” she roared, “Get your flank over here.”
The private in question quickly trotted over to her and reported in.
“Take this down and make sure these orders are followed to the letter,” Hurricane barked. “I want the 1st legion on crowd control. Have them go door to door and inform the citizens that we are in control now get them to start rebuilding and burying the bodies. Kill any who resist, but remember this isn’t Ithaca; I don’t want any looting or pillaging.”
The private’s head bobbed up and down, the quill in her mouth flying over the scroll, taking down the Commander’s every word.
“Then get the 2nd to set up camp 10 miles down the road have messengers fly back every hour. I want an early warning if the Unicorn Capitol sends reinforcements. The rest of the legions will remain here in the city and guard the battlements. Lastly send a letter to Cyrene, let them know we have captured the city.”
The private nodded, rolled up the scroll and quickly sped off to deliver the orders.
“Ugh,” Hurricane groaned while leaning against the wall, she then spoke softly to herself, “This war is finally almost over. With this city taken the Unicorns have nowhere left to run. Ill finally be able to go home.”
She walked slowly outside and gazed upon the ruined city. It was then that a bright light shown from above and a sound unlike anything she had ever heard thundderd. Everypony looked up at the anomaly in shock.
“Was this the unicorns' doing” The commander thought to herself. She was just about to order everypony to their battle stations, when she saw an object fall from the anomaly and then it collapsed in on itself. The object crashed into the dirt right in front of her with a resounding THUD.
When the dust cleared, she saw one of the strangest things she had ever seen. It was some sort of creature. It was tall, seemed bipedal, and was covered in some kind of armor and clothing she had never seen before. It seemed to have one big eye on the top center of its head.
As some of the pegasi crowded around it, it began to stir, groaning softly.
2490576
Really? 'Prolouge' should be 'Prologue'.
So, he just sort of... flopped.
2497207
Well I feel stupid lol, thanks for catching that. I fixed it.
Neat-o, I hope the rest of the story is told from the human's perspective. I feel that's where the most cultural shock will come from.
Cool story, man. Looks like it will be a good read.
Hey I got a question for y'all. In terms of the pegasi I'm molding them after the roman republic. How would you guys like the unicorns to be? I was thinking more medieval nobility, kings, knights, vassals, that sort of thing. Also for the life of me I can't think of a good name for the unicorn Capitol. Everything I think of sounds corny. Any ideas?
2497320
lol, well lets see you land gracefully on your toes after being flung through space.
2497709
Sounds about right. For the Earth Ponies, go Norse. Vikings always win.
And, as for your other comment... Isaac Clarke does it!
2497709
Well, if unicorns are medieval, then... something grandiosely corny does seem fitting. Or at least grandiose, and therefore corny. Royals always wanted to show off their power, and unicorns being arrogant twits who think they own the world... Maybe something magic related aswell.
Wait, what was the name that Princess Platinum wanted to give Equestria? *looks at the episode real quickly* ...Unicornia. yeah, it's.... (uni)corny... alright. Looks like if you name it something stupid and self-centered, it will fit the ancient unicorns better than something witty or cool.
Etherlight? Gloriana? Shining Peaks? Gilderen? Solaris? Dawnbreak? (thinking something sun/moon related, since it was the unicorns that moved the celestial objects back then. And they'd want to remind/show off that fact. And probably do it in the capital, with grand ceremony and all.)
Interesting. The text could use a little polish here and there, but the story itself is satisfactorily engaging. That said, for two chapters of close-quarters combat, you seem reluctant to provide much detail. More than once the text basically says, "and then there was carnage offscreen." Still, it's your first story and it's got me wanting more, which is always a good sign.
If I may make a recommendation, I think it might have been more effective to begin with this chapter and leave the nature of the human ambiguous. Maybe delay the details of his life, his world, and his entry into Equestria for a bit. On the other hand, what's done is done, and now we can speculate about 26th century tactics among pre-classical ponies.
I look forward to more. Especially Chancellor Puddinghead. I want to see how Commander Hurricane handles inside-the-chimney military strategy.
Oh, and one last point: since these appear to be 40k orks, wouldn't that mean that their engines would stop working once there weren't enough of them alive to believe they should?
2497709
Given the example of Princess Platinum and Clover the Clever, that sounds about right.
Given their performance in starting the war, they sound about as arrogant and glory-hungry as the Franco-Burgundian knights I just read about, getting curbstomped by Turks in the battle of Nicopolis in 1396.
On naming the unicorn capitol.. Hmm something grand that sounds medieval European... Hmm (Destrier?... maybe for Earth Pony capitol?..). Palentine? Elyseum? Electrum? Marble Hill?
2500955
Yeah your right on the detail part. Im having trouble in that area. This is the first thing Ive written in the past 4 years that hasnt been an engineering report or tech note. Its hard to break out of the habit of just putting in the facts and leaving out frilly details. That being said would you or anyone you know be interested in helping me out with that?
And about the ork ship. You clever bastard, I didnt even think of that.
Watching this now. I like where the narrative seems to be going, but add my vote to the tallies of describing the action more.
One thought here: wouldn't bits of the ship come with him? Honestly that'd be an awesome image; a stranger falling from the sky in a rain of fiery debris
I want to see the human start freaking out, as well as all the ponies under estimate him cause he's a male (gahd that felt weird to type)
Princess Platinum and Clover the Clever?
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