• Member Since 16th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 6th, 2018


Comments ( 134 )

I would like to see where this will go keep it up

I think the only ponies he'll kill is the gaurds, because the Yautja cant kill a target if its unarmed, and the citizens are to peaceful to fight. But I would like to see the mane 6's reactions when they see his "trophies", and whats underneath that helmet.

He shall kill ALL teh griffins!

Nice... I see a few errors but nothing to call to attention. Pretty good story so far, keep up the good work! :pinkiehappy:

Predator in Equestria = Insta-fave.

Will follow this. But don't bring in the aliens or human. Somehow that always ruins it.

2785682 Don't worry, Im not going to add them in this one. If this fic gets popular, I may however make a sequel....... but only time will tell.

Kill them all! :flutterrage:........ Please? :fluttercry:

hooray for the walking armory!!

wow, this could be the first time i see a predator fic. though you need to fix the character's lines; don't put them all in one paragraph, its just a bit confusing in my opinion. one more thing, i really, really need to ask you... isn't the predator's personality a bit... i don't know, human? i'll just have to wait and see. good work. keep it up, hope to see more soon!

Ace out:rainbowdetermined2:

2788653 Thanks for the input bro. I will separate the speaking from the paragraphs for the rest of my story. Also I will be going complete predator lore, you know honour, language, attitude crap like that to make his ways of living and moral code different than that of a humans, So in other words I will try my best to make him less human :twilightsmile:
Thanks for the view!

Now, I will wait for the epic time between stare battle, Predator versus Fluttershy!

...... I really wish Fluttershy will fine after she witness Predator's trophy room... lot's of skull......

anyway, I like it!

damn, the predator's gonna have some fun earning him some new trophies from those guards!
EDIT: my call is that one of Celestia's best goes down first

2789036 I'd enjoy giving you info on the Yaut'ja any time you need it, what they'd attack, who to attack first, their weapons, etc.

Aww, yeah. This story has great potential.

i think that you should space out the words more and use different people talking in separate lines and make it more clear about who is talking. i also think that you could go into more detail about the image that you want us to see, such as the predators armour which you barely described.

Welp sucks to be celly and lulu at the moment.

so... predator and sex? guess i should check this one out.

hahahahaha, little ponies thought they could hurt it. its so cute. it's best to not attack something that obviously has enough tech to space travel and is twice your size.

waits for roar... waits for roar

"I hope your having a better day then I'am sister." Luna said to herself as the mechanical door came to a full close.


Wow I like the story even more

well, could be worse... 'least he didn't skin them:rainbowderp:
their were several words that you accidentally doubled, but its all good. by the way, is his "plasma caster" shoulder-mounted or hand-held like in Requiem? and, no Shuriken's or throwing disk's?:fluttershysad:
great work! keep it up, hope to see more soon!

Ace out!:rainbowdetermined2:

2827275 It's shoulder mounted. The handheld plasma caster from Requiem is called the Plasma Cannon, which will be featured later in the story along with the net gun, Shuriken, Throwing disc, and sword. So don't you worry son. I GOT THIS SHIT!
Thanks for the view! :rainbowwild:

Fun Fact if his plasma caster is hotter it should produce white plasma not red.

2828269 I DO WHAT I WANT!
Just kidding. To be completely honest, I WAS going to make the plasma white but I thought that white was.... a little bland, so I thought, hey, RED.
I hope besides that your enjoying the story, thanks for the view! :ajsmug:

well then this is just awesome! you have earned yourself a fav:pinkiehappy: though i must admit i was a little nervous when reading the first chapter:unsuresweetie: dont worry it has nothing to do with the quality of the chapter, its just that im always like that with crossovers (since ive read a lot of bad ones) but anyway this defenetly deserves a like and fav:heart:

I shall fav this to track it and see how it is.

I have pretty much one word for a chapter without the Predator:


Is there any way that you could possibly make the chapters longer? These short fillers won't sate your readers for long periods of time, as they will go off and find other stories that engage them more. Just a suggestion, take it or leave it, it is interesting to get a glimpse of what's happening back a the capitol.

please make him kill these two:pinkiecrazy:

well it certainly wasn't the negotiation i was hoping for, but at least i know what happened during our visitor's little mishap with the guards. though you may want to speed things up just a little bit.
keep it up, hope to see more soon.

Ace out:rainbowdetermined2:

We want more and longer chapters but all we get is FUCKING EXCUSES! Heh, just joking there but I was exited to see a new chapter but was left unsated, not being rude of course.
Can't wait until the next chapter.

razorback wants supplies, I say supply his face with shoulder beam

And here i thought that the predator was finished :/.
Well crazy ponies aside. Good chapter.

good chapter:pinkiehappy: looking forward to the next one

He should throws his headless body at her and say "is this yours"

Blood, gore, fighting... This story is looking better and better. Keep it up.

Love the story. Keep it up.

You sir ! Just nailed this chapter

man that was to good, definitely like the decapitation in the end, great chapter

Bitch, please! You can't kill him alone!

they say ignorance is bliss... i guess our unfortunate guard learned that the hard way.:facehoof:
i wonder what would happen if the mane six meet our visitor, especially a certain rainbow-maned Pegasus if she sees the head of a pony on his wall...:pinkiecrazy:
anyways, great chapter! keep it up, hope to see more soon!

Ace out!:rainbowdetermined2:

You better hurry with the new chapter

2926237 mane six reactions based on my headcanon:
Rainbow Dash: likely would try to ram him, and end up dead herself
Fluttershy: Cower in fear of him
Twilight Sparkle: ask him how how managed such a clean kill with a bit of fear in her voice
Applejack: Look very pissed off at him
Rarity: Horrified at the gruesome sight
Pinkie Pie: Look at it and do/say something completely off topic (I don't really know what she'd do, but I wouldn't want to see the head of one of my buddies mounted on a wall)

keep it up only thing i got to say.

I'll be brutally honest: this predator reads as being a pre-teen human having a tantrum, than a yautja blooded.
Especially one of such a high rank, as you tell us.

Predators are creatures that 'speak' through their actions - they don't scream or cry out words in anger.

They track. They stalk. They hunt.

Their technology is also incredibly durable.

Realistically? He, your main character, would activate a beacon (note: as seen in supplementary material and games, yautja ruins thousands of years old can attract predator ships in as little as under six weeks, even when they've "moved on" from that part of the galaxy.

He would then most probably hunt the natives for trophies, pony or non-pony.


His mind-set, his train of thought, is too human. He's not a human, he's an alien.

A yautja wouldn't have approached the Equestrians - he would have hung back, camouflaged, used vocal mimicry to freak them out, and then hunt them when they scatter.

There would be a good chance he'd fight the Captains hand to hand like how his kind have since before in the movies, before taking their skulls.

If he was somehow defeated by Luna, the self-destruct suicide would vaporize a small city. If Canterlot is in range, that'd go bye-bye.

If you truly wish to capture the essence of a predator, convey his intentions through actions - show the reader that he's frustrated with a computer, like banging his first against the decking, not screaming, "Damn it!"

Perfect example? Aliens versus Predator: Requiem's introduction, when the Elder 'Cleaner' gets the distress call.

Youtube videos related to these - this includes gameplay and cut scenes, though Concrete Jungle is a very good example.

PREDATOR: Concrete Jungle.

3053929 I see what you mean but honestly,the story is just begginging man. The chapter I'm working on right now ( which is about 50% complete) is more focused on the hunt. The main reason I'm not making him kill everything around him is because I'm focusing on the honour code that their species obeys you know.... Not killing beings that can't defend themselves, also if I made him communicate only through his actions, the story would be boring. I will agree though that I have made him have more of a human train of thought then that of a predator, which in the chapter I'm working on, and all future chapters that will come out, I WILL try my best to make him..... Less human.

Sorry that you didn't like the story, hopefully you will enjoy future chapters :twilightoops:

Login or register to comment