• Member Since 11th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 28th, 2021


I'm actually a slab of beef jerky with a top hat and a cool microphone.

Comments ( 83 )

I've seen fics where Fluttershy has a problem "getting there", but I didn't know that it was that popular a concept.

2679763 Yeah, I wasn't aware of that either. I've read fics before, and I wanted to do my own spin on it. I'm still sitting here laughing at how awkward the summary of the story is :twilightblush:

jojo magnifico fic me gusta la idea de fluttershy en apuros, gracias por la lectura:rainbowwild:

2681275 ¡Gracias! Disfruté mucho escribiendo esto. Realmente me gustó la idea, así que quería escribir sobre ella. Una vez más, gracias por leer esto! Me encanta Google Translate. :twilightsmile:

Very nice! The pacing was a bit quick in the beginning, I'm having a hard time thinking they'd agree to help that quickly (not that I minded terribly much hahaha!)

And I agree with Pinkie: Round 2 please!

2681987 Thank you! As always, I appreciate the feedback :pinkiehappy: And maybe if I can get off my lazy butt, I'll do a sequel :twilightblush:

Some more description would have helped, but this was actually a really good story. Favourited!

2682600 Thank you for the feedback :pinkiehappy: Now, what kind of description are we talking about? Surroundings, facial expressions, reactions, what?

:trollestia: Again, thanks for reading!

at the risk of sounding crass im harder than a damn diamond. well done. paceing may have seemed fast but frankly that works well with the tale at hand.

2683649 Good, good, I should hope so! That is, after all, mostly the point of the story :twilightblush: You know, other than to get better at writing in general xD And yeah, I'm not a particularly patient writer, so things generally have weird pacing. When I write, I write it fast, and pretty much all at once. I don't really do rough drafts xD I go Grammar Nazi while I'm writing it.

I'm sorry, but when you said "diamond" my mind went into Twilight Sparkle mode, and I started thinking about the industrial uses of diamonds – such as in blades of saws – which led to the mental image of a diamond dick cutting stone. Now, if you're reading this, you have the mental image too! :pinkiehappy: :facehoof:

2683986. god damnit twilight sparkle and diamond dildoes. so wrong but so vry right. i dont know if i love or hate you for that image.

2685214 as far as the comment made about more description i disagree. the imagination is a wonderful thing and sometimes in storys like this this less description leads to more imagination. and women write the best clopfics hands down. pun kinda intended.

2685214 You should love me for that :twilightsheepish:

2685568 If I may be so bold as to reply to your pun, then I actually agree. I was having a fair bit of trouble keeping my hands on my keyboard, if you know what I mean :moustache: If that is the case, then that means it's clopable, which is what I was goin' for :twilightblush: And I agree. Every time I read a clopfic that I REALLY like, it was written by a woman. We actually know what we're talking about, so I don't have to deal with being all like, "No. That's not how that works. Just... no." The first time I read Stuck, I was like, "Wow, this is biologically accurate! 95 percent chance it was written by a girl." And, low and behold, it WAS written by a girl :rainbowlaugh:

And in terms of description, I agree with you about that too. I want enough to give me an idea of what's happening, but I like to let my imagination run free. Like, I'll put things like Rarity and Rainbow Dash holding Fluttershy's legs apart for Pinkie, because FUCK, that turns me on. What I DON'T do is specify which side of Fluttershy Rarity and Rainbow are at, or where Twilight is standing. Trying to keep things like that from developing naturally in one's head pulls one out of the moment.

2685701 awesome banter aside. these points right here are why a faved and followed you. you have a great grasp on where to draw the line on description and imagination. i tend more toward ship fics like spark or my personal fav merely a mare. cause good clop is a rare thing.

2685794 I agree with you, there! Again :rainbowlaugh: Yeah, I just don't find much good clop. I have, however, read enough good and bad clop, so as to feel like I'm knowledgeable enough to write and contribute to the slowly-growing pile of good stuff.

As far as imagination goes, I imagine it probably pretty different from how you would imagine it while reading; but that's good. It allows for some personal preference, which is incredibly important. I get pulled out of the story when people specify things too much. I want my own brain to fill in the gaps with what it wants. The key is to give enough description to set the ball rolling, and then allow the brain to carry out making it even better for the reader.

The end result happens to be Twilight Sparkle and diamond dildos, apparently :moustache:

2685818 if only i were a better writer i would definitely make twilight sparkles adventures with gemstones happen. of course spike would likely eat them. akward. :facehoof:

2685863 Good gravy, that's amazingly awkward :facehoof: Should... should I write it? I... I kinda feel the need to write that now... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME :raritydespair:

2685887 warping you in return:pinkiehappy: and dear god yes write it. i haven't the talent.

2685918 Okay, I think that sounds amazing. I think I will write it :rainbowlaugh:

What have I gotten myself into? :trollestia:

2685948. i will take that as one hell of a compliment. as far as what you've gotten into. welcome to the dark side. we have great nachos.

2685966 Damn it! Now I really want nachos. Why do you keep doing this to me? I NEED nachos. :fluttershbad:

EDIT: It's all good. Never mind, my bro is making me pizza rolls ^_^

2685970 lucky. i want pizza rolls.

2686022 REVENGE >:D I mean, I'd share, but this is the internet :scootangel:

2686041 thats better. my cutiemark tattoo is far better than a bald pony head. now my comments mean more. no really they uhh....do :facehoof:

2686186 Actually, I agree ^_^ It makes you look more important when you have a profile pic xD Also, nice tattoo! :D I'm really tired, so I'm having trouble recognizing what it actually is, but it looks awesome either way :rainbowlaugh: Also, I can't quite tell, on what part of your body is that tattoo?

2686239. stylized moon with a few stars going through a heart. and its where it should be if humans had them. my hip. and ouch.

2686252 Ooh, I get it! Now it's even more awesome xD Pony tattoos are seriously great.

2686259 obviously why i always choose the tag Nightheart. always loved the moon then the show came around and i said to my self. self i said. time to get your cutiemark.

2686276 Awesome! :D Also, brb. I'm laughing because we're using my comment section as a chat :rainbowlaugh:

I was going to post a witty comment here but you all covered it. Gemstone phallics and all!

In short, favourited. I would follow you but this is my second day using the website and I'm a total nublord.


2688970 Thank you very much! I'd like to welcome you to the website :pinkiehappy:
Okay, here's how to follow someone, starting from a chapter of a story:

1) Navigate to the general story page by clicking the title of the story. It should be above all the text, and below the chapter name.

2) Click on the author's name, which should be above the description of the story, and below the title.

3) There will be a bar with the author's name. At the very end of the bar, there is a button that is labeled "Follow," and it has a little eye next to it.

4) Click it :D

Once again, thanks for the read and comment ^_^ Happy following!

Daaaaaaaaaayum gurl.
Fuckin... yes. Just... yes. :heart:

Okay, criticism time.
One: you have too many line breaks. Especially during conversations. You should keep the speaker's dialogue on the same line as their actions. Otherwise your audience has to do lots of unnecessary scrolling.
Two: Because of how you break up the lines, it can be a bit confusing at times exactly who is speaking, so you should always indicate who spoke what, unless there's a few quick lines spoken between two characters, in which case you can skip the indications after one or two lines.
And three: I'll second the sentiment that the action needs to be a bit more descriptive. Or maybe give each character more than only one thing to do during sex.

Sorry if I sounds a bit harsh, but you have a lot of talent, and I really want to see you improve in your next story. :rainbowkiss:

2691386 WOO! I'm happy that you like it :pinkiehappy: And I love criticism <3

Now, to address said criticisms!

One: I can actually explain those. While I share the sentiment that I probably use too many, I do tend to use them a fair bit more than other authors because it allows for better pacing for the reader; in my opinion, that is! I also tend to use them for emphasis. Though, I will try to cut down on them :twilightblush:

Two: That's something else I need to fix. I have a bit of a personal vendetta against standard dialogue tags, so I have a habit of using action tags instead. Unfortunately, sometimes those get left out! Another useful bit of advice that I will keep in mind next time :twilightsmile:

Three: Yes. A thousand times yes. You see, this is my second clopfic ever, and my other one (which I ended up not liking very much) used only two characters. It was a lot more descriptive. I'm not used to writing, and even reading about group scenes like this.

I would like to thank you very much for this excellent critique of my work :pinkiehappy: Sometimes, harsh is the way to go :raritywink: :rainbowlaugh:

All jokes aside, really, thank you tons. The next two I have lined up are going to be awesome :rainbowlaugh:

I get the idea behind all the line breaks, but it makes it a bit awkward for the reader, in the end. It's like reading thought a chat log or something.

Oh, and a quick note about the descriptiveness: I really only mean being more descriptive about the physical sensations of the characters involved. You managed to describe their feelings and positions and actions really well, but it was a bit lacking on what it feels like. i.e. what does it feel like to have your wings preened? (I doubt you know from actual experience, but that's where you can get creative)
I also looooove how you described how each girl handled their orgasms. Wonderful.

All in all, 9/10

2692340 Okey doke, I gotcha! Right, right, that makes sense :twilightsmile:

Also, hey, this is the internet. Nobody knows that I'm actually an eagle. :rainbowlaugh:

And what exactly did you like about how they handled their orgasms? I'm sorry, but if I'm doing something right, I'd like to be able to repeat it xD

So, yeah, thank you! I'm just sitting here snickering, because you pretty much just rated one of my fantasies 9/10. You have to know, that's really really funny :rainbowlaugh:

Thank you for the warm welcome ^_^

You'll find yourself one follower richer now.


2693691 WOOOOO :D Heck yeah :D I thank thee, Grant Weeden! :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy:

Most people would have gone with a simple "they all came at once and it was awesome" type of thing. I like how you made them all cum one after another, and described how they handled it. It's hard to imagine the characters having an orgasm, but you wrote it pretty well in character. Especially with Rarity "taking it like a lady." Fuckin loved it.

Well that's all clopfics are if you think about it. My TwiLuna fic was a personal fantasy, I just wrote it down.

2694043 Oh, alright! Thanks :D And really, how Rarity dealt with everything was one of my favorite bits to write :raritywink: Making them all orgasm at once isn't particularly realistic, and it feels like a bit of a cop-out to me XD

Also, yeah, that makes sense. Although, I'm fairly certain that there are some well written troll-fic clop-fics that aren't just someone's fantasy :rainbowlaugh:

It's nice to have friends to help. I enjoyed this story. :pinkiehappy:

nice story, keep 'em coming :twilightsmile:


2714821 I knew someone would read the comment chains O.o :twilightblush: :moustache:

You can has like, can I has diamond dildo story? :fluttershysad:

2721840 Yes. I will write it after I get back from a trip xD

2721889 i knew i wasn't the only one who wanted to read that.:pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by CaptainSpitfire deleted Oct 6th, 2013
Login or register to comment