• Member Since 29th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Cyanjames2819


Um... hi. I like reading, writing and drawing. Sorry, I don't take commissions/requests anymore, I don't trust myself in finishing them. Have a nice day/night, everyone.

T
Ink

Waning! Not quite updated yet so be aware of Mistakes.


A young man named James was out biking one day and was suddenly transported to Equestria. The next day, a timid, yellow pony known as Fluttershy found him in the Everfree Forest and brings him to Ponyville. Will he take it all in calmly, and get the adventure of a lifetime? Will he ever get back to his original home?

Chapters (16)
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Comments ( 39 )

Certain spelling errors seem to repeat themselves, meaning you're probably using Spellcheck as your editor. I saw at least two instances of "stock" instead of "stuck", for example, in this chapter alone.

English is my second language, so there's bound to have errors here and there. I'll fix a few mistakes when I wake. Thanks for the comment.

aside from the spelling. it's VERY fast pace, there are ALOT of holes in the story and i've only read the first 2 chapters. it lacks MANY MANY details and...it's just....like a beginner...

english isn't my first language either, i'm a cajun and grew up with cajun french, but...you need work. sorry if it seemed mean but i love the idea...it just needs alot of work

2674928 I am a beginner and only a half brony. Just been a little too busy lately and I just moved to another house in which gave me a terrible sore throat. But I do agree with you, thanks for the comment.

2675036 i see. hope things go good for you. i just went blind in my right eye so i'm dealing with that

I'm guessing you'd rather talk about MLP:FIM, but...I can't help but to mention that ACTUALLY what's causing it to get warmer is that the jet stream changed directions causing air from the south to move up north.

I just wanted to point that out.

Kinda sad he forgot about his old home. But, I love this story! :fluttercry: it was beautiful!

you...made FLUTTERSHY CRY:flutterrage: BAD AUTHOR BAD. Still a good story. Agree with pearl-san many plot holes. 2 Mustaches for you:moustache::moustache:

This was so confusing :rainbowderp: . Characters appeared out of no where, and there was no explanation for anything at all, next to nothing in this fic made any sort of sense. But if you were to drag this out a bit more and put more detail into this and explain things it could turn out much better. As it is, if you don't have any sort of eye for detail it can be enjoyed or if you just attempt to ignore the glaring faults.

In the previous comments you said you were a beginner and half-brony, as such it would be a good idea to read some of the better fics before writing your own or ask some of the more experienced writers for advice or get a proof-reader of sorts.

(I don't mean any of this as an insult if you take it that way just constructive criticism)

2943873 Thanks for the comment. I do have an Editor now, he read the first four chapters, gave me a few advice and edited a few this here and there. But I let him take his time, so, yeah. I'm learned a lot more about MLP sense I finished Ink. I might get another editor if schools starts again, gonna ask my old English teacher.

Again, thanks for the comment. :pinkiesmile:

Seriously? Why'd you have him sleep that way? :facehoof:

She might be a Princess, but there's always time for fun.

Just need to add the 'be'

3620855 I'll reread and fix the whole story in the future. Right now, I'm a little too busy. But thanks for reminding me.:twilightsmile:

hummmm loving the chapter :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry:

lol dam that goter bite :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry::fluttercry:

aww and lovely chapter :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry:

Ooooooooo dan dan dan :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry:

a good slice of life chapter :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry::fluttercry:

lol and yay that a lovely slice of life chapter :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry::fluttercry:

lol time flies yay and a good slice of life chapter :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry:

awww so cute and lovely chapter :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry::fluttercry:

4132886 Thanks a lot for the comments.:twilightsmile:

Well, Vinyl Scratch would definitely wub this chapter.

If he has burns, shouldn't he be feeling those, especially after the adrenaline from the battle has left his system? Kind of defeats the purpose of wounding the hero, if there is no more mention of his wounds in the aftermath, even if only for the treatment and recuperation of said hero.

perhaps you might want to reedit this chapter I'm not that qualified and I found these.

After that I put on my statson hat [Stetson]
I took my glasses back on [ put ]
strait branch [ straight ]
as a small bomb fire started to light [ bonfire ]
wore my sunglasses [ put on ]
gear shifter on the handlebars on how fast you want to go." [ for how fast you ] ????
A Manticore is going rampage into town ??????????
Some taking a step closer to either sniff me or pock my body. [ poke ]

Same comment as last chapter, your putting way too much trust in spell check. Try reading your work out loud, you will catch a lot of the that way.
also you can find pre-readers on this site who will help you. Not a bad story just some jarring errors that detract from it.

good luck
B.D.

No no no stop putting in random events like where did the dragon come from and now poison joke you tried to make a action hero doesn't matter how much damage he takes nothing is going to slow him down. Also Luna terns up out of the blue for two sentences and go's it seems very poorly thought out.

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