Do not go gentle into that good night. Old age should burn and rave at close of day. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Benjamin is a human boy who after an argument with his father get hit by lightning. He wakes up in Canterlot and grow to be a good worker at Sweet Apple Acres... But a nagging feeling back in his mind to return to his world haunts him.
Will he return home or is he stuck?
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That is all.
3271423 Okay?
i bet his father despite the argument feels horrible his son died like that most parents only want what best for there kids and it hard being a real parent that man gonna have a lot of grief and regret for what been said or done.
im kind of sick of hie's with abusive or uncaring parents or friends school and life is horrible don't feel loved or feel like don't belong im sick of those kind of hie sick of it. over done
3271541 I'm just not sure that you spell "species" the way you did in the short description.
As for the story itself, which I'm surprised I bothered to read, it avoid some new writer pitfalls, but laughingly jumps into the rest.
For starters, newbie, I don't want to discourage you, but did you expect the story topic as a whole to be a good idea? A human with abusive background just magically happening upon Equestria, jumping forth to when nopony gives a shit about him any more, except that he's still treated like a fucking king, romancing Fluttershy, with no apparent flaws, working in an oddly specific job that just by pure coincidence fits the demographic that would be highly attracted by MLP and its fan fiction. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new industry standard here! Standard as in absolutely bland of course.
In all due seriousness though, while the previous also applies, you are literally wasting your time with this story as no one will read it. Your writing definitely is far from terrible. I'd suggest you give the Writing Guide (under FAQ) a read, might teach you a few tricks, the rest is experience.
Most importantly though, pick your topic better. The trick is to get something original which isn't too big for you to handle. No deep psychological trauma, no death, no apocalypse, just something light and easy to get you into the feel. For instance, how about a story in which the CMC accidentally break their club house, but are too scared to tell anyone since it's sort of Applejack's. So they fix it by themselves, only for Scootaloo to break through the badly made floor a bit later and (almost) break a few bones. Hey, build in bent wings to induce fear of never being able to fly. Of course, then she wakes up in a hospital, everything will heal just fine, and AJ tells them a lesson about asking for help you need.
There. Writing something like that (or that) and you'll at least have a fighting chance. I'll be around for an opinion on it when you do.
Good so far. There's a few errors but I liked it.
3271605 Sure. I'd give it a go.
3271716 Pray tell.
3271605 Just a few things:
1. I'm not new to write stories, however those I write are in Swedish.
2. Ben's past isn't abusive. Chapter 3 will tell more when I get there.
3. He's not considered a god. He just get along after have been there for a year.
4. Romancing Fluttershy won't be until a few more chapters, like 8 or 9.
5. I gladly appreciate constructive criticism.
6. What more can he do? He was a farmer on Earth.
3271544 You probably going to hate chapter 6. I delve deeper into Ben's appearance in Equestria then.
3274527
"I'm not new to write stories, however those I write are in Swedish."
Language doesn't matter. Story writing is story writing.
3275765 Yeah, but writing in English AND a fan-fic at that... I'm Insecure. Thus I take any criticism I can get to be better.
I have some nagging feeling that I want to delete this story. Should I or not?
interesting very
I promise to get on the story ASAP. Have been busy.
3276796 Never delete a story, it's part of your legacy.
3896900 Don't worry. It was in the beginning. The next chapter is in progress. And the romantic interest is already planned.
3896900 I deleted a story so I could rewrite it. It sucked although people liked it.
The perfect amount of likes and dislikes ( Im going to tip the scales with a like)
4091765 I really need an editor.
To quote Ditzy: I just don't know what went wrong.
4091770 Ah. (i see)
Sup man, well. so far I like the story. I'm on chapter 3 at the moment :P
P.S. The story so far have picked my interest, the down votes confuse me really. For I don't see anything wrong with it. well the parts where he talks like this.
People could have got confuse with those, you need to make them so it seems like he is talking more to himself and not to others. For, he just says it to write it on is notebook. It should be like
or something like that *Shrug*
But again, people just likes to down vote without reason sometimes or just cause it is an HiE.
P.S.S.. Wow... looking at those comments below ._. JUST CAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT! IMMA GONNA REPLY! MUAHAHAhahaHaha
3271605
Well... that sole comment? It just... no, I want to hit my head on a wall just for that. Wait... no I can do that later.
The comment is like a year or so old, so the man could have changed but.. damn. How can people be so ignorant? Well... again no offence bro(cause I love your stories) but well...
Sure, it lacks(not that it is a problem mind you) on the parts about pony/human culture exchange drama. Yet, there are many fimfictions that doesn't even touch that part and are damn good. Then there is the part about abusive past, if he have a good past then it is the same bro.
You want a story that have a human with a good life and then end in Equestria? Well, there are a lot of stories like that too. It is called... I think diversity or something. So it is not unoriginal. It is just that you can only make three forms of human life, a bad past, a good past, and a neutral when he doesn't care. Not counting memory lost.
People tend to forget that there are people with likes and dislikes different than theirs. Just like with myself, I really dislike fallout Equestria or stories where Equestria have fallen and villains are killing everything(or stories were the elements of harmony died, or the princesses, making the world enter in chaos.) but I don't go disliking stories because of this. For they are good, just not my cup of coffee.
The romancing Fluttershy? Bro, there like... ummm... Diamond Dogs, Changelings, Thestrals, Cows, Griffons, Deers, Minotaurs, Sea Ponies, Buffaloes, Dragons, Horses(Saddle Arabia), Zebras, the three pony races, not counting the sirens, sea serpents(arent those like male sirens?) and Chimeras(cause they are monster and they don't have cities, or do they? Uh... well some stories have them *Shrug*) So, seeing this, don't you think inter-species relationship's globally accepted? There are the Hippogriff and Kirin for a reason. For the other races that aren't compatible with ponies(Diamond Dogs ad Minotaurs?) they could adopt. The point is, so what if they don't judge a pony from falling in love with a human? It is completely acceptable.
For the part of...
What do you mean? For all the stories I have read in Fimfiction I have read like... only seven stories were the human become a carpenter. Oh, and I have read 248 stories, which are COMPLETE but have read a total of 600 Stories that are incomplete with over 20000 words each, and 122 stories on HIATUS, with 20 cancelled stories too. Sure, not all are about humans but most of them have the human/pony go into becoming a guard, baker, ambassador, king, prince, writer, god, overpowered gary stu, or farm worker on sweet apple acres... if you read he lives with them but he doesn't help carrying apples or bucking them! There are very few stories like that really. Almost all humans that end with the apples have to work with the apple harvesting.
Aaaaanyway... point is... just don't talk. If he choose help carrying apples would you have said the same? Or would you have said that it is over used topic?
You said he could just make a story about the CMC too? Well... he could but you forgot.
It is not your story. It is his, and as such. He can write whatever he feels like. The point of being a writer is to write what one wants to, if he wants to write HiE? Let him! If e wants to write about Equestria Girls? Let him! If he wants to write about PiE? Displaced? After Earth? Fallout Equestria? Crossover? Let him bucking.do.it!
Fiction's limited to our imagination, which is endless.
But again, your view and belief could have changed for this comment is so freaking old. But you let this comment behind, something that is not right. You(the man that wrote this) need to either delete this message, or apologies really.
3275765
This comment just made me lose faith in humanity
Just kidding.
Ignorance at its finest but it is a pretty old comment so the man could have changed, anyway. Don't really know why I'm replying it xD
Bro, you have to delete this message cause well... it makes no sense whatsoever. Language? You cant ask a Spanish man to write you in English if he doesn't know how. Don't you think?
P.S.S.S. About deleting the story? No, never delete a story. Sure, you can CANCEL the story and make a remastered edition like so many have done. But never delete it. Just as one of the comments above have said, it is your legacy.
P.S.S.S.S. The story was down vote so hard for it began in a time were HiE was overly criticized.
P.S.S.S.S.S.
P.S.S.S.S.S.S. Why so many P.S.? Is it legal? Or even grammatical possible? Uh....
P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. Remember that after three months without response from the 'Searching for an editor' group you need to re-post the petition. Cause they will delete it. Oh, and try to look into the blog itself cause it doesn't always send you an alert when someone talk in that post.
P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. Why isn't this on the HiE group or Fluttershy-shipping groups? It would raise the views a little *Shrugs*
6611882 Yo! After reading your comment, with difficulty, I wanted to say that Flutters will not be Ben's romance. I decided on someone else. And she's in the tags.
6613038
Really? Damn you spoiler!
Okay, I was about to return reading xD.
P.S. Try to NEVER spoiler again, it suuuucks! It would have been better to see it on the story wills I read
P.S.S. Dont read it, it was just= Me + 5Dark Dog + Fury + Old Enchiladas + Hate for people talking bad about it for being HiE... + lack of sleep too! oh and lack of response on part of those two guys! that too xD
Sup, made it to the last chapter. Damn, Ben wont be looking forward to face all his friends when he goes back to ponyville xD.
P.S. Gotta sit patiently and wait for the next chapter
P.S.S. Continue loving the story