An intrigue that can unbalance the very foundations of Equestria is stirring.
Colgate, being an initiate to the Conclave, an ancient order bound to protect the balance of magic, receives her first assignment. And the young mare, following the instructions of her enigmatic tutor, soon finds out that many things aren't as they initially seem.
All under the star-filled night sky...
This story was inspired by Prane's Conclaverse - to learn more about the setting, please follow this link.
Chapters (5)
I hope my story shall manage to provide good fun for all.
I encourage critique from all of the readers, as with this being my first officially published story I would like very much to improve my style and be able to provide the community, which work I enjoy reading and experiencing, with my thoughts, ideas and inspirations.
Ooh, pretty interesting. I wonder what Rainfall's hiding.
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You can count on our duo to unearth it, whatever that is.
This whole set-up has a strange feel to it...very mysterious!
As a bit of constructive criticism, I want to say that Shining Armor seems a bit out of character. To remedy that, you can either go back and rewrite it so that Shining Armor is in character; or you can add clues and foreshadowing that suggest Shining Armor has some kind of history with Moonwarden/Moonwarden's school of magic/Moonwarden's organization which justifies the way he's acting.
But other than that, great!
I think you mean that his voice was soft or quiet, not that no one could hear it.
Also, I'm not sure why I didn't point this out in a comment to one of the earlier chapters, but double quotation marks are usually used for dialogue, as in, "Do you want a cookie?" instead of what you're doing, 'Do you want a cookie?'.
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I am... frankly, perplexed! I had no idea anyone would bother with this story, let alone comment on it!
Truth be told, I see all the mistakes and roughness of this work in comparison to my recent creations. But I have pretty much abandoned this story now. I might clean it up, but I doubt I shall ever continue this.
Still, a pleasure you took your time to check it out...
5525059 Woah! I looked at your comment and was thinking, huh, I wonder who he's replying to, and it's me! Quelle surprise!
Why was this cancelled?
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Oh, this was my first attempt at creating the story, but my inspiration fizzled out, unfortunately, and I shifted my attention to other tales. I keep it here for the sake of reminding myself what to do and what to avoid in future works of mine, mostly.