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A Pole by birth, a Lawgiver by trade and a Trickster by choice. Altogether a most friendly, sociopathic madman. At your service...


  • EYour Money or Your Love
    When being an expert highwaypony turned Imperial Tax Collector, it is good to still appreciate one’s roots. And Legal Basis is lucky to... get mugged on Hearts and Hooves Day?
    Gulheru · 6.1k words  ·  179  2 · 1.9k views

This story is a sequel to Stand and Deliver

Prince-Consort Shining Armor is a stallion of honor and principle, law-abiding and diligent. So when he receives an urgent summon from the Imperial Tax Collector, he makes sure to comply as quickly as possible... even if not overjoyed to visit the Imperial Revenue & Customs.

Especially on the weekend which he wanted to spend with his wife and daughter.

Actually, speaking of tax collection and wives...

Idea, motivation and co-authorship – Copey.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 71 )

LOL, "Announcing Princess Flurry Heart: The princess of merchandise, and Princess Cadence: the princess of DEBT!" XD :derpytongue2:


... drat, you just gave me more ideas. :rainbowlaugh:

Did Shining just get pranked?


I suppose. :twilightsmile:

Not sure what to think about Legal Basis suckering Shining into that. :rainbowwild:

Not gonna lie, I would have figured Shining Armor to grab Legal Basis in his magic and strangle him for even suggesting that he give up his wife to pay off some sort of debt, especially as said sleazebag threatened said wife with death previously.

He pulled a 'Chryssi' on him! I didn't expect that.


It's for the greater good, darling. :twilightsmile:


Hence why a good scare was necessary first to disarm the dear Prince-Consort. :raritywink:


Dealing with law is a tricky business. I know it well. :pinkiesmile:

There's just one part left unwritten. The part where Legal Basis' wages are docked for lying to a public figure in an official setting. By, let's say, eight hundred and thirty three bits a month.


Maybe, maybe not. :raritywink:

And now the obligatory wife joke.

Oh come on, you know which one I'm talking about. Do I really have to spell it out?

I mean, of all the obvious and over-done jokes in the world, this one takes the proverbial cake! It was a throw-away gag in a standup routine only funny the first time, and for the next 30 years every hack was spouting it as if it was the most brilliant thing ever created, when in fact it was a very basic form of paraprasdokian etymology!


(Alondro dies, another unfortunate victim of 'Takemywifepleasitis'. If you or a loved one suffers from this condition, Astrazenica may be able to help.)



... alright, then.

I'm... going to bury this one in the backyard.

8836782 There is also the part missing about an act tantamount to treason against a member of the royal family... and beheading. By manticore.

He should have waited until Shining left. NOW Shining can murder him in cold blood and claim the bastard attacked him when Shining noticed he was trying to deceive him into signing over funds by duplicitous means.

Of course, in the fight, the paperwork was accidentally destroyed. What a shame. But this is, after all, the tax collector who had threatened the good, beloved Cadance previously! Who would doubt Shining's word against the life of a miserable tax collector no one liked?

Seriously, you don't screw with royals. Especially when they have god-powers.

But honestly... what the hell was this story trying to say? That tax collectors are amoral scum we should murder on sight?

That's what I'm getting... not that I'd be opposed, mind.


... that it's a comedy based on the regular craziness of my legal profession, not a political statement?

8837415 It rises from the grave to haunt the living...

8837428 I still say it's subliminally commanding me to blow up the IRS. (That'll be my defense. Say... I'm gonna need a defense attorney! Hint hint!)



Glad you do. And I think it's a given, as long as I work where I work, I shall be coming back to this setting. :twilightsmile:

That April 1st is a day to do silly things that don't really make sense.

I am okay with this, even though there's no way anyone could really get away with doing this to their boss.

8838619 I choose to believe this story is a subtle message calling for us to violently revolt and overthrow the world's governments, placing me as the Supreme Emperor.

So... what are you all waiting for?! Go get revolting!


Heh, a nice read, perfect for a late morning tea. By the end I was half-expecting Shining to ask what would be the exact value of Cadance should he go the other way, and whether he would receive compensation should that value amount to more than just his debt.


Well, I suppose Cadance's value varies depending on who you ask. :rainbowlaugh: Glad I have added to your tea experience with the tale.

With one last sigh, he entered, customarily abandoning all hope... as it was advised by the gossip of the courtiers, especially majordomo Divine Comedy.

All hope abandon ye who enter here.

I love this reference :pinkiehappy:
I vividly remember it every time I crossed the threshold of a teacher’s office, asking for a tutor for my thesis.
Mhmm I wonder in which circle Legal Basis will end


A small office somewhere in Limbo, I think. :rainbowlaugh:

Hey, I have a new idea for you now that Season 8’s come out!

The EEA, or more specifically Chancellor Neighsay, seems like MLP: FiM’s version of antagonistic bureaucracy, complete with one racist jerk of a bureaucrat.

So, back to the idea. What if, for some reason, Chancellor Neighsay decides to sue Twilight for opening an EEA unaccredited school? And Twilight decides to hire the one and only, the most efficient and most dreaded of bureaucrats, Legal Basis to defend her in court. Throw away the fact that he’s currently an Imperial Tax Collector. After all, he was a highwaypony (AKA brigand). Besides, I’m sure that by now Twilight has heard horror stories about a certain Imperial Tax Collector and his Deadly Legal Speech, along with the Dreaded Legal Documents; also, it’s canon that Twilight heard of him in the first story from Cadance, right? So it’s a great idea.

What do you think?


Hmmm... Not bad, not bad at all. I will definitely save this idea, though it all depends on the inspiration gathered to write such a thing. I thank you for the concept, though. :twilightsmile:

Yay! My idea got considered!

Ahem... *celebratory jig*

In all seriousness though, thanks for considering my idea. Well, whatever may be the case, I wish you luck in your endeavors, and my best regards.

P.S. All your Legal Basis stories have been delightfully funny. Keep up the great work!


Stay tuned to experience more, friend. I will surely not abandon Legal anytime soon, so more little comedies might appear in the foreseeable future. :twilightsmile:

I definitely will, my friend... I definitely will...

Here’s to bureaucracy as comedy, cheers! :pinkiecrazy:

I dunno, I can't really find this funny. The fact that it was all a deception, a scam, even if for a good cause, basically ruins it for me. I don't find stories about good ponies being robbed amusing.:ajbemused:


Nothing bad about it, to each their own. :twilightsmile: Maybe another one of my stories shall be more to your liking?

I thought Your Money Or Your Life was rather amusing, and I have your bat pony series on my RIL shelf


Then I hope those stories will give you the satisfaction that this one did not manage to. :twilightsmile:

Ha ! Always read legal documents before signing them, even if it's a chore.
Still, I wonder what was really on the other one... And how much Shining would have been screwed up if he had chosen that one. :rainbowlaugh:

I am dissapointed, i thought Shining was going to bring up Chrysalis as the "spare wife" to satisfy the contract. Their marriage never was annulled!


I have my legal doubts if it ever became a thing, though, I admit, an amusing, alternative scenario.


See, that's why Legal went with this scheme against Shining and not a person like you. :raritywink:

I have to confess, you surprised me. I expected him to somehow be married to Chrysalis, and pay his taxes that way.


It's a funny possibility, but I think this granted more of the panic factor. :twilightsmile:

I know. Can't wait to see what happens with Twilight when she realizes what that burn-mark meant.


That's another tale, but... yeah, working on that. :twilightsheepish:

And now if anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about wants to know...:raritywink:


I also have a thing for Chaos and spleens, but I doubt anybody caught that reference. :raritywink:

Technically, she would be transferred to the official handling the debts on a strict reading of the "law" being applied, unless that part was edited in later.

Legal Basis but smiled calmly, taking out a tissue from the desk and nonchalantly swiping a little bit of spit that stained the desk. “Indeed. A rare precedence, but entirely applicable, as it happens. The discerned value of said mare, at the discretion of the ruler of the Empire, or an official handling debts of said kind, is subtracted from the owed amount and can even pay it in full. The marriage is considered annulled and the mare is transferred to the ruler or the official, leaving the stallion free of his burden. More than one kind, I suppose some would say.”

(emphasis mine)
Though whether or not the law itself is real to begin with is up for interpretation given the end result of the encounter. I'm more interested in what the documentation for giving up "his wife" actually said because I somehow doubt it was actually that given the state of the other set of documentation.

What I meant about Twilight and the burn mark. Like Gulheru said, though, it's another story. Journey with a Batpony, specifically.

And if anyone who hasn't read that story reads the comment on this story, they might be curious enough to look at the other one. At this point, though, I think most of the people reading this story will be reading that one too.

She the ruler of the country if she found out about such a law she could ahve it immediately annulled

The princess is the ruler of the country and could easily just annul the law not to menti9on pay her husbands debt

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