• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen Jan 12th, 2018

Mudraynebow

Look into my eyes... It's where my demons hide... Don't get too close, it's dark inside...

Mudraynebow Joined 23rd Mar, 2013 · Offline

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Comments ( 16 )
adamdwarf
adamdwarf #1 · May 20th, 2013 · · ·
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this... is... creepy... but... good...

Slate the Pegasus
Slate the Pegasus #2 · May 20th, 2013 · · 1 ·
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Omg I was like what and then I was like awesome

SolidFire
SolidFire #3 · May 21st, 2013 · · ·
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Beautiful! Let the heads roll!

Abaddon_Satanas
Abaddon_Satanas #4 · May 21st, 2013 · · ·
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The detail of the deaths of sweetie and scoots made me:pinkiesick:but the cliffhanger made me go:flutterrage: but over all a good story:twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

Unused
Unused #5 · May 22nd, 2013 · · ·
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is there gonna b a 4th story?????

Mudraynebow
Mudraynebow #6 · May 22nd, 2013 · · ·
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2615791

Of course there will be! I wouldn't leave ya all hanging like that. It should be out soon, still working on it:pinkiecrazy:

DaemoN67
DaemoN67 #7 · May 27th, 2013 · · ·
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You do know you don't have to put that parental advisory thing there. The mature tag speaks for itself.

Zecoro
Zecoro #9 · Aug 31st, 2013 · · ·
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Heads will roll...wait they already are...LOL

RBronyReader446
RBronyReader446 #10 · Jun 11th, 2014 · · ·
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2615989 you said that over a year ago!!!!

Mudraynebow
Mudraynebow #11 · Jun 11th, 2014 · · ·
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4531052
Been busy, I don't have a lot of time on my hands. Also, do you know how hard it is to work on stories on phones?

nopeeeee
nopeeeee #13 · Oct 25th, 2014 · · ·
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The lead pony, one of the unicorns, spoke. "You two," he said, motioning at two of the pegasus guards, "and you," he said, motioning at one of the other unicorn guards,

I find that bit funny for some reason. :rainbowlaugh:

Stardoost
Stardoost #14 · Jan 19th, 2015 · · ·
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My lone criticism of this story is that you do a lot of "telling" you explain way too much, instead of explaining you could provide an image for example when you said

Apple Bloom ran back through the trail back to where her, Scoots, and Sweetie Belle had camped. She was sobbing and crying. She had woken up and had followed the same trail that Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo had taken, and had just seen Sweetie Belle get murdered by Rainbow Dash.

It would run smoother as:

Panting, Apple Bloom sprinted through the trail towards their camp, fresh tears flowed freely down her face. after waking up she had investigated the trail which both Scootaloo and Sweetie belle had previously taken and witnessed Sweetie Belles sudden death at the hoofs of rainbow dash.

Additionally you use "said" too much, use other words like "stated" "questioned" "admitted", this will avoid the monotonous use of "said".

superfun
superfun #15 · Apr 11th, 2017 · · ·
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My one criticism of this story has to do with this paragraph:

Rainbow Dash suddenly stopped, the knife about two feet from Scootaloo's face. Her expression softened, the demonic glint left her eyes, and she slowly lowered the knife. In that moment, she looked normal- normal but scared.

I feel like that last sentence would have worked better if that first "normal" was replaced with "scared".

Doctor NOOOOOOOO
Doctor NOOOOOOOO #16 · January 5th · · ·
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Even later that night, Scootaloo awoke with a gasp. She'd just had a nightmare. She looked around, and in the darkness, saw that Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were already asleep. Scootaloo needed a walk, but she had to do it in in the woods or else she might be discovered by Applejack, Pinkie, or the guards. Scootaloo began to walk into the woods in a straight line so she could easily find her way back. Still, she was scared and she jumped at small noises. After five minutes of walking, she realized how deep in the woods she was, and turned around to go back. Crack. Scootaloo froze. That was the sound of a hoof breaking a dry twig. And it wasn't her. Crunch crunch. The sound of footsteps nearby, walking over fallen leaves. Badly scared now, Scootaloo began to trot quickly back in the direction she had came from, but the footsteps followed, out of sight. "Somepony, help me!" Scootaloo tried to yell, but her voice came out as a weak whisper. Terrified, Scootaloo sped up until she was running, but the footsteps sped up, too. And then, a dark figure leapt out of the bushes ten feet in front of her. Scootaloo began to back away, too terrified to scream. Then, the figure stepped into a patch of moonlight... "Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo gasped loudly in relief and happiness. "What are you doing here? I'm sorry I was off wandering in the woods again, it's a long story, and I had a nightmare-" Scootaloo expected Rainbow Dash to go comfort her like she did the last time Scootaloo had done something like this (except that time, she had fallen into a river). Rainbow Dash did not try to comfort her. She didn't even move. "R- Rainbow?" Scootaloo asked again, sounding unsure this time. This time, Rainbow Dash did move, slowly walking towards Scootaloo in a menacing manner. Suddenly, as Rainbow stepped into another patch of moonlight, Scootaloo noticed two things that horrified her. The first she noticed was the crazy maniac grin on Rainbow's face, her eyes bloodshot and glinting an evil shade of red in the moonlight. The second thing Scootaloo noticed was the moonlight glinting off something metal in Rainbow's hoof- a blood covered knife. "Kill you," Rainbow Dash said in a chillingly normal voice, then charged at Scootaloo with the knife, making a soft sound that sounded in between laughing and choking. Scootaloo squeaked in terror and she tripped and fell backwards on her side, and Rainbow missed her. "Help!" Scootaloo tried to scream, but her voice came out once again as a weak whisper. Rainbow snarled, actually snarled , and turned around once again to charge at Scootaloo. The crazy pegasus held the knife in front of her and galloped at Scootaloo, full speed. Scootaloo finally found her voice. "Rainbow Dash, stop, please stop, you're like my sister, remember? You're a sister to me, please!" Rainbow Dash suddenly stopped, the knife about two feet from Scootaloo's face. Her expression softened, the demonic glint left her eyes, and she slowly lowered the knife. In that moment, she looked normal- normal but scared. "S- s- sisters," Rainbow said. "I remember... Scootaloo... like my sister... the sister I never had..." Scootaloo felt hope rise in her. She didn't know what had happened to Rainbow Dash, but whatever it was, she had stopped it! Scootaloo smiled, happy. "Sisters..." Rainbow said again to herself. Suddenly, the blue pegasus began to shiver violently, and she closed her eyes. When she opened them, Scootaloo gasped in horror. Rainbow's eyes were again bloodshot and blank looking, except for the evil glint which was back in them. Her expression changed and she began to laugh-choke again. "Sisters haha good try!" Rainbow growled. "You're just like them you're here to kill me but I will not take anymore oh no I won't because I'LL KILL YOU FIRST!" Rainbow Dash raised the knife, and Scootaloo finally was able to scream. But the scream didn't last very long.

This zeems familiar :rainbowdetermined2:

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