Hiatus: The Compounding of Crises · 4:27am Sep 12th, 2019
It’s time to walk away for a time.
In the last few weeks, a great many things have happened. I have packed my home, I have moved to a new house, paid way too much money for said move, I have published Teahouses to completion, I have had several incidents happen to me professionally that resulted in a semi-public humiliation resulting in a new and miserable status quo, and I have dealt with more than I want to admit.
And considering the nature of The Quiet War blog posts, that’s saying something.
In the last few months, my passion for writing has dropped to next to nothing. Yes, I know I’m the champion of diligence, but as happened with The Quiet War last year, there are times in one’s life where you begin to question what you’re doing.
I’m questioning Wavelengths right now. I’m questioning if I have it in me to finish the series beyond what I’ve written. I’m questioning if I should.
And so, Wavelengths is going on hiatus. As is the rest of my writing on here.
Teahouses of Saddle Arabia is published and complete. I spent a year and a half on that story. My longest FimFiction story to date, rewritten from the ground up over the course of months and months. Some folks liked it, some didn’t.
I find this troubling.
With the coming end of the MLP TV series, I’m questioning if I have it in me to finish the Wavelengths Timeline. No matter what, I won’t finish before the end of the series. Not to mention that in recent months, my passion for writing has slowly been dying. At present, it’s a few room-temperature coals.
And I’m not entirely sure what to do about it.
In the last several weeks, I was forced to pack up my home of seven years and move. Moving when you don’t want to… it’s difficult. Very difficult. Doing it while dealing with two very active and often troublesome children makes it worse.
The stress and depression of all of this have spilled into every aspect of my life. My professional life is in shambles after a recent faux pas that ended up in my humiliation in front of some parts of leadership. The strain has driven me to step back from running the Nook, because of my inability to handle things anymore.
Home, family, marriage, work, writing, even my ability to enjoy cute pony art, everything has been impacted by this chaos. A death of ten thousand cuts, with a few enormous stabs thrown in for good measure. What would normally be something I can cope with becomes overwhelming. An offhand comment from someone becomes the end of the world.
And I can't get the critical comments--even constructive ones--out of my head. In my current mental state, all I can see is the negative. I hope I can see the good parts of it someday, but it won't be for a while. It's that old thing about us focusing on the negative, well... I don't have the power yet to focus enough on the positive. (So, if you have some comments on Teahouses, they're best posted to the story where I can read them when I'm ready and not here).
Since I finished the first draft of As the Raven Flies, I have been unable to write in any of my primary series. I even had the idea of a very cute side-sequel to My Kind of Crazy, about the Sunset and Twilight romance subplot of that story, namely their third date. I got a couple thousand words in and slammed into a wall the size of Mount Whitney (Look it up).
Since then, Scrivener’s been sitting there on my laptop. There are days when I don’t even get out my laptop anymore. Those spare hours are spent playing a Borderlands marathon (1 & 2 and all their DLCs. I never played the DLCs. Not to mention Tales From the Borderlands, a very fun adventure akin to point-and-click games of old).
This is going to seem random, I don’t really have many ‘safe’ places in my life. Or rather, I did, but they were all stripped from me within a week or two.
Allow me to explain.
First, I’m speaking of mental safety and—just like all mental health issues—these are extremely relative. Many people out there deal with far worse situations than I do. I can’t speak for them. I can only speak for me.
Okay, let’s put the disclaimers aside. I’m going to trust you know what I mean.
You all know I was required to move. What some of you know don’t know is that we actually did move. It was only across “town” (South Orange County isn’t individual cities, it’s a sprawling suburbia that seems to go on forever). The owner of our house was selling it so we needed to move. It was as simple as that. Except for that it was also a family member. So, not really simple. Difficult. Extremely.
We went through all kinds of hell finding a place. I won’t harass you with all of that. But we did find one that is at the absolute limit of our budget. It’s in a safe, nice area, that isn’t too far from work and has good schools for the kids.
However, I forgot about the psychological component of ripping yourself away from the home you’ve lived in for seven years. Primary Colour was six months old when we moved into that place. We had Sunny Stage there. The kids grew up there. I fell in love with ponies while living there. Painted and I celebrated our “N7” 7-year anniversary there when we were both into Mass Effect (instead of just me). And so much more.
Putting that behind me is insanely difficult. We’re very slowly trying to make our house an actual home, but it’s not easy. A lot of blood, sweat and tears are required (who knew hanging pictures would be so exhausting?).
If that was it, that would be one thing. It’s not.
In recent weeks, several incidents of social drama hit me hard, leaving me barely able to function. This has resulted in my recent departure from Discord. In the meantime, I’ve handed off administration to my dear friend, Heartshine. I trust her implicitly to make sure the Nook stays as it is.
When I’ll come back? I don’t know. A lot of things are in the air.
Work has recently had been a nightmare regarding some of my pony images on my computer screen saver that’s gotten me in trouble (wrongly) with HR. While I was validated and the complaint was found to be invalid, my attempt at repairing my collection and removing the “borderline suggestive” images failed miserably and explosively.
What I learned is that everyone has a different view of what suggestive is. What’s suggestive for me isn’t the same as what’s suggestive for you. It’s a life lesson I wasn’t ready for. After a couple complaints, I’ve been ordered to pull it all down. I still have statues, figurines, hanging pictures and such.
Still, this was a sword through the chest. It hit me far, far harder than I expected. Emotionally destroyed me for days and is still lingering in me with a deep depression that won’t go away.
These were the images pointed out as too “suggestive,” by the way.
Please don’t ask me to explain their logic. I don’t understand it.
When I first got into MLP, I had to actively fight this “shame” I had for being into cute little ponies. Now, I find that someone thought that an image of Gummi riding on Wiona’s back was actually of them having sex. I’m mortified. I can’t even look at images without mentally judging them all.
In six months to a year, that decision may be reversed. Until then I’m to have official company artwork or blank screens. And even if that decision is reversed, I can no longer have my selection of 6700 pictures. I will be required to curate it to a much smaller number.
And worst of all, I now have this seed in my chest that makes me ashamed for thinking pictures of cute ponies cuddling together is “too suggestive.”
It’s been suggested to me that other things are going on right now in upper management. Part of me doesn’t give a damn. Even if there is something else going on, I don’t deserve this treatment for images that have been on my machine for years. I care that this is doing a lot of mental damage.
The worst part is that even if was rescinded, this broke a social trust. I no longer trust my team to talk to me. I’m always looking over my shoulder, worrying that someone’s out to get me. I can’t imagine anyone who could be. I’m not the most popular person around and I’m still as socially awkward and oblivious as ever, but not to a degree that I’ve made actual enemies.
I don’t even feel like it's safe to have Discord on my computer screen anymore because someone might post a pony picture and get me in trouble inadvertently, making it far harder to come back to the Nook. Yeah, I can disable that function, but considering how much time and effort I’ve spent over the years setting up SweetieBot’s various cute pony pic commands… it seems a shadow of what I had. And still… I’m nervous of someone reading something they thing is “suggestive” over my shoulder.
Even if I have it on, I have to have it minimized. If I check my phone, I feel like I’m doing some illicit and NSFW just by looking at a cute pony. This is another relative thing as I know most people don’t get to do this at all. But, as an introvert with ADHD, it’s too stressful for me to try and be super active while gaming, watching TV or something else. For example, I like immersive gaming, where I can get into the moment. Having Discord open for many games (especially story-driven intense-combat games like Borderlands), makes it impossible to enjoy the game.
The point is, this edict handed down has cracked the foundation of how I function on a day-to-day basis. It’s broken connections I have socially (though incidents with some others have contributed to that) and when I’m in this place… well, I’m an introvert. I retreat. I hide.
No longer do I feel like I can just be “me” at work. I know that’s normal for a lot of workplaces, but it’s something I’ve cherished for five years, only to have it ripped away from me out of the blue. I feel like I’ve been mugged by people I trusted.
And that, even more than the lack of pony images, is I think what hurts the most.
There are a few other aspects of life that have seen fit to kick my ass in recent weeks, but they’re a bit too private. They deserve a sentence though, even if it’s cryptic and useless to you, this is more for me, I suppose.
The kids have been exceedingly difficult, freaking out because of the move and their new school.
And that all leads to my writing. As I’ve said, I haven’t written anything except for the beginnings of a short story I lost interest in during the move. Nothing since I finished my draft of As the Raven Flies.
My passion for writing on Novel-Idea has all but died lately (and me being sick recently has knocked the wind out of my sails on some other projects).. I’ll admit that some of the responses to Teahouses were difficult to hear. Especially when I heard them repeatedly in each chapter’s comments. For some time now, I’ve been questioning my desire to finish Wavelengths, even to get to Sparks. Sunset’s got a good story, but Teahouse took a year and a half. And the end of the series is coming very quickly (no spoilers, really, please).
I have to ask… despite my confidence that the fandom will continue past the series (and I still believe that it will), will there be anyone to read my stories if I do finish it?
I find myself wondering if anyone would care. More importantly, I find myself wondering if I care.
I’m not fishing for compliments here. I’m simply giving you some insight about what’s going on in my mind. Occasionally, I’ll get a spark because of comment on FimFiction (FimFic is always better in my eyes, because those are comments I can go back to, unlike Discord). Or a random picture will give me an idea. But those are rare now. My thoughts dwell--despite my best intentions--on what’s been taken from me at work, my social troubles, dealing with my new house and the like.
Let me be clear: I’m not saying Wavelengths is dead. I’m saying I need some time to think. I need some time to recover from the move, from the disaster at work, to settle into my new home.
So, for the moment, Novel-Idea is going on sabbatical. A walkabout, if you will. He’s going to go find himself. And if he’s lucky, when he finds Amber Spark (and he will), he’ll be able to say yes to her offer of expanding that walkabout to the far reaches of the universe.
I don’t mean just Wavelengths, but everything. Everything’s on pause.
I know I’ve done this before. But I admit this is different.
A year and a half ago, the opening salvos of The Quiet War started. A combination of bad medications, damaged relationships and my inability to stop for my own mental health nearly led me over the edge. I walked up to the edge, looked over, and in a moment of lucidity, thought about what it would do to those I love, swore, and stepped back.
In the wake of those events, I left writing because I needed the time to build back up my psyche.
This feels different writing-wise, though I can’t articulate why.
I can see the edge from where I am. I won’t lie. Sometimes this different road gets closer than I’d like to that edge. But this is the sensation of being battered mercilessly over and over again without cessation. Death by ten thousand cuts. My shields long ago shattered, and now I’m down to armor and that’s down to shards and strings. I’m tired.
The true problem is that so much of what’s happening around me is external, yet I seem to need more healing time after an incident than most people. But life doesn’t give me that time. It comes in for a second blow, then a third, then a fourth. I stagger forward because it’s either that or collapse into the dust.
I’m not good at that. To quote Brandon Sanderon’s Oathbringer, “The most important step a man can take. It’s not the first one, is it? It’s the next one. Always the next step....”
So, that’s what the walkabout is all about. After all these pieces of me have been ripped away… is there anything left? Is there anyone left?
When speaking to a friend recently, I actually asked her “What’s wrong with me?” I was overwhelmed and trying to understand why I still couldn’t cope even after all the therapy and struggles I’d undergone in the wake of The Quiet War. I seriously was looking at myself and going “why aren’t I better?”
She listed out nine different aspects of my life. Core aspects of my life. And she told me flat out that any ONE of them would be enough to push someone right up to the edge of literally jumping off of a bridge. Also, this wasn’t just some random person. This was someone who had some experience in the field.
It kinda puts things in perspective for me. It also gave me permission to scream “WHAT THE F$#@#?!” to the universe.
Originally, I was going to give a thoughtful reflection of the Babylon 5 Questions, but I felt like I’ve done that a dozen times and to me, it comes across as inauthentic and freaking pedantic as hell. Like I’m some great philosopher on the top of some mountain somewhere, spouting my wisdom to barefoot acolytes in dusty robes.
I’m not.
I’m someone who’s desperate, battered, bruised, beaten and so very tired. Someone who’s afraid of everyone around me at work now. Someone who’s pulled away from every major social group because I’m worried my actions will hurt someone. I’m even more worried about being confronted about that. Some confrontations about me socially have been hard but helpful, some have felt one-sided and brutal, leaving me legitimately afraid of that person. Both kinds of confrontations terrify me right now. The honest truth is, I don’t think I can handle another situation.
While I end up feeling very alone, I know I’m emotionally and mentally unstable. Which means I’ll take things harder than I should. It also means I might lash out without even realizing it and just cause more harm.
There are parts of my life where I want things to change socially, but I’m too scared to do it. And I hate being “that one person.”
Tonight, I drove to my old home and continued our ongoing process of cleaning it out (need to be done by Monday). I yanked a bunch of items from our closet, most of which had massive memories attached to them. I packed my car to the brim. It was another two hours before I got home.
And tonight I will attempt to flee all of this chaos in my head by doing another completion of Borderlands 2’s final DLC in a blaze of robots, gunfire, elemental attacks and plant monsters. It’s decent escapism. But that’s all it is.
It’s been too much stuff in too short of a time. Reactions to Teahouses, the move, the work fiasco, all of it. My life has descended into insanity, a raging maelstrom where I can find no safe harbor anymore. All the ones I had have been destroyed by the storm.
Now, I simply have to pray the storm will stop, or I’ll find my way to calmer waters. I’d rather not think about the alternative, even if neither option seems likely at the moment.
“And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by.”
Can I have my star now?
-A&N
P.S. Since I’m on a Borderlands kick (and let me know if you’re playing BL3, might be nice to play with people), here’s a couple other cute Borderland pones.
Hey, at least I have Gaige. I love her. She’s adorable.
Good luck, man. I hope you feel better soon.
I don't know what to say other than *hugs
It definitely sounds like a break will do you some good.
IMO no one should ever feel like their """obligations""" to the fandom should override their own personal and IRL problems. I hope you take all the time you need and manage to refresh yourself.
We're here for you. Hiatus, cancellation, continuation... I'm going to be more glad that you made your choice for yourself than anything. You're going through a large variety of the things most call "hell on earth" and you have my enduring respect for the opennes and honesty you show your community in these times. I believe in you, and I promise to care for both your stories (wherever this go) and you as a person, despite never having met you in the real world.
And as someone who has gone through the whole school upheaval thing more than they care for, I can say the fillies will likely come out all the stronger for it in the end, as little as they'll care for the actual transition period.
Yeesh. You sound like in bad need of a break novel. Attend to your real life mate. There will still be a fandom when you decide to return
‘Will there be someone to read it?’ You ask. There will. There always will. I’ll read every word myself, at the very least, I can promise you that.
You deserve to be happy. If that means going on a sabbatical, taking a good long look at writing as a hobby, even stopping completely, there’s nobody in the world who has the right to judge you for it. But if, when you’ve recovered enough to take a shot at relighting the embers of your passion for writing horsewords, you decide to come back... you’ll always have an audience.
You don’t know me. I don’t know you. But that’s the beauty of the internet, isn’t it? In a way, the anonymity allows for one to be more genuine than anywhere else. From one stranger out in the world to another, from one person who’s been going through months of life dealing nothing but shit hands to another— nothing is permanent, bad times least of all. Keep moving forward. Take all the time you need. And when you’ve built yourself back up, fought and clawed your way past everything the world can throw at you, when you’ve come out on top of it all? You’ll be able to look back and say ‘I survived.’
I related entirely to the workplace stress. Mine was caused by different things than ponies, but it created an atmosphere of eternal tension where I felt as though my any action was being watched and could potentially get me in shit. Managers told me "that's your problem to deal with, we aren't going to not do our jobs monitoring employees to accomodate your feelings." I understand the hesitation to start writing. I announced my biggest pony fic I'll ever do, and it's gonna be started once the show is over, which feels like throwing a party on a sinking ship. It makes me nervous as hell.
I cannot offer any sympathic words on children that are from the heart, because I don't have kids and cannot imagine the stress you deal with trying to raise a family. I also can't relate to the pain of moving, because I've moved multiple times in my life and my feelings on it amount down to "lemme get my room set up as I like it and I'll be fine".
Not making this about me, just explaining how in some elements, I totally relate. You have a lot of sources of stress in your life, duh. But if I may, those sources of stress are also sources of pride and accomplishment - you're raising a family, you have a job, you run a Discord server that is socially active, and you have an ungoing work of fiction that is fantastic to read.
You're an amazing guy, Novel. You do what you need to to feel better, however that may take, no matter what the fate of Wavelengths or any stories in it. If you need us to talk, or to give you stuff to read or do, or to aks the same of us, you know where to find us.
You're a tough nut to crack, you will win that war like the ones before.
One of the keys to happiness is to care more about yourself than what others think of you. Yeah, it sounds greedy and all kinds of bad, but take a step back and consider. Does it really matter if anybody on Twitter likes me? No, not really. Then go down the list and prioritize by scale. As an example, I do care deeply what my wife thinks of me. I kinda care about my fellow employees and customers. I don't care what politicians, movie stars, people walking down the street, random spammers who email me, etc...
I've got pony stuff hanging up at work. Odds are if one of my co-workers has a pearl-clutching fit over them, I'll have to take them all down. That will (by human nature) make me dislike the pearl-clutcher who is (by location) somebody I'll have to deal with for another ten years. I'll have to deal. That's human nature too. Maybe I'd hang up a few posters of Transformers instead. I'd still know what they stood for. Perhaps just to tweak the pearl-clutcher, I'd hang up a poster done in geometric patterns that used the Mane6 color scheme. Let them try to complain then. "That triangle seems to be having some sort of indecent interface with the cube! Make them stop!"
Good luck, Novel, I know we've never spoken much but I know what it's like to stumble like that mentally and just have no safe refuge.
I hope on your wanderings through the Boarderlands you find peace, or at least a good time.
I wish I were better with words, but with the few you and I have traded, I hope I’ve done well enough for you understand all that you’ve done for me. For that, I’ll always be in your debt. What I can say with absolute certainty is that I believe in your ability to overcome, and we’ll be here when you’re ready.
"A farewell is necessary before we can meet again, and meeting again after moments or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends."
- Richard Bach
Take all the time you need. Let's face it, despite what some idiots on this site may say, you owe us nothing. Not your time. Not your stories. Nothing. Everything we receive from you is a gift (and a good one at that) and not an obligation. This is one aspect of your crazy, trying life where you can tell everyone (though you would never phrase or mean it so crudely or harshly) "Screw off, I need some space!"
Take all the time and space you need to recover. If there's anything you need, say the word.
And if you can't find the motivation to return to write again, then thank you for everything you've given us, and good luck with everything.
I hope things get better.
Was playing D&D once and my gnome sorcerer got bored, the DM finished a big info dump and I looked her straight in the eye and said, "I want to drink my bottle of alchemist's fire."
Not relevant, but figured you might get a small laugh at that. Things are tough, just know you have friends out here. Hugz Because hugz are superior to hugs.
It's always sad to see something like this. I'll hold onto hope to see you back here at some point, but until then I'll leave you a song here that I believe could help you through this trying time of change and uncertainty. Maybe you'll remember that there's always somewhere bigger and better to sail, but those you leave behind will always be there for you, paitently waiting your return with open arms and a smile.
I know I haven’t been able to relate to or even understand every thing you’ve gone through in the past, Novel, Amber. But I understand this: I understand somebody with power over you making false judgements, I understand finding yourself suddenly stripped of your confidence in yourself, I understand questioning your every action, I understand being unable to trust, I understand finding yourself without solid footing. It feels like you’ll be swept away, like the air is being ripped from your lungs. It’s a nightmare, and you aren’t alone in knowing its face.
So, cling to the mainmast with all your might. All of us in the nook will still be here for you when the storm breaks. And it will break. I have faith that you too will be there when it does. I personally intend to read as much of Wavelengths as you write, and anything else besides. That friend is right, you know. You are strong. But nobody feels strong in the moment when they are using all of their strength.
Would you believe that I start speaking in dramatic when I have something I feel is deathly important to say? I can’t help it. I mean every word, so please: take what I say here at face value. But since you quoted Oathbringer and Masefield, let me give you some from Chrono Trigger. Star or candle, these words guided me through the bottom of some long and dark nights before, at least well enough to remember the way home.
In our world, every storm has an end.
Every night, brings a new morning.
What's important is to trust those you
love, and never give up......
We must all keep hope alive...
Novel, you will have an audience. I read all wavelength series up to date and I love it. I am so intrigued how it will end. So it is worth it, at least to me - some random stranger on the internet to you. Take as long as you need, I will wait for it for an eternity)
For what it's worth, I've really enjoyed your Wavelengths stories. Best of luck.
I'll be doing the Borderlands 3 thing. Hit me up wherever's most convenient.
I hope things improve for you, and soon. I've been there, moving when you don't really want to is never easy, and you always form attachments. Not to downplay what you're going through, I just believe that's something we can all relate to from one degree or another. Retreat, regroup, and press on when you are ready.
So many vibes, N-I.
Moving alone can be a major source of stress; add to that the bullshit you faced at work, and any and all other things going on in your life, and it's no wonder that you're feeling down and out, with no energy left for writing.
Take your time, man. Real-life things should always take precedence over fandom stuff and similar. I hope you will find calmer waters soon! And when, or if, you're ready to come back to ponidom, we'll be here to welcome you back.
If it makes you feel any better, I’ll always read you’re stories, even if I’m a bit slow. I don’t know what else to say, but always know you’ll at least have an audience of one.
I am writing this on the last megabytes of the Internet, but I consider it important to write. I am one of those who are not very pleased with the development of history in teahouses. But the entire line of wavelengths remains a very mysterious and fascinating story, the end of which I VERY want to see. As for criticism, the author is always primarily the author, and only you decide how and when to finish your story, don’t listen to anyone and go to the end, and I will be happy to watch this path).
Take care of yourself first. if you call it quits here at least you warned us, that's not something a lot of writers do.
Also Borderlands three is coming out tommorow so hopefully that will help you relax a bit if you can get it.
Good luck
I can say with confidence, that if you ultimately decide to keep writing Wavelengths, that I am going to be along for the ride. Unfortunately I can't say much more because I'm at work and my break is up.
Godspeed sir
Well, that's a shame to hear. Scummy colleagues are everywhere it seems.
I was one of the ones who wasn't a great fan of Teahouses. Mainly because it kind of felt like the same chapter was being repeated over and over slightly differently. That said, one disliked story (even though I stuck a like on it) doesn't sink an entire series, and I'll still be here for the next one when and if it ever materialises.
Hope that everything works out for you - good luck.
Well, you know me. As much as I would love to offer some advice or nugget of wisdom, I don't have any. All I can do is join my voice to the chorus of support right here.
And yeah, sometimes, you just have to walk away. And sometimes, it's hard to know whether or not you even want to walk back. If you do, there's plenty of people eagerly awaiting your return. I'm one of them. And if you ever want to talk, I never know if I can do anything, but, you know where to find me. I can at least listen.
I know the question was mostly to yourself, but I'd just like to say, yes there will be people reading Wavelengths if you take it to its fullest conclusion. I know because I'm one of them.
I haven't gotten through Teahouses yet, because I have so much to do and read alongside it, but I'm too curious to see how this love triangle works out. And there are longer hooks I'm looking forward to too, such as who gets what elements (some are obvious, others less so) and what Sunset's place in the group of seven will eventually be.
Take all the time you'll need. We'll be here for you when you feel ready to return. And if you feel up to it, maybe let your coworkers know the damage they've done. Letting out the poison could help, though I understand if you'd rather not. in any case, do what you need to.
Moving sucks, hard. One of my worst fears is, strangely enough, that I will accidentally time travel back to my own earlier life, and I will have to do a move all over again.
Finding the boxes of memories is the worst. It really is.
The work thing sucks, too. I hope it all works out. Best of luck.
Light above… I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this Novel.
I don't know if it helps, but I can say that I greatly enjoyed Teahouses, along with all of your works on the site. If you have to step away for your mental health, then please, do so. I've stared into the abyss more times than I'd care to think about, and I know that its so hard at times to not fall into it. Just know that if and when you come back, I'll be more than happy to continue reading your stories. And if the passion has been killed, and you can't continue because the fire's gone, then I'll still love what you've given us, and continue to love the worlds that you crafted.
I guess what I'm trying to say is: I enjoy what you've created Novel-Idea. If this is where this story ends, I will still enjoy it, because you have crafted many stories that are well told, and full of heart. If you need to step away, then step away, because in the end, you need to take care of yourself. Perhaps once things have settled down, your fire will return. But if it doesn't, know that I still love and am grateful for what you've given me in your stories: characters that I've come to care about, and worlds that I love to lose myself in.
So, let me end this with one of my poems:
Please take care of yourself Novel.
The Voice in the Water
And yes, I agree. Gauge is adorable.
I'm glad you have someone to say this to you. :) My first thought as I was reading this journal was something I heard from my therapist yesterday: It is perfectly reasonable to have this kind of reaction to that much stress in your life! Heck, to less than that much stress! You don't deserve what you're going through, but you're gonna make it through, and that will be good.
Novel, you've given us so much with your wonderful stories and if you need a break, then I think you more than deserve one. You've had a lot happen with you and to you in a short period of time. Believe me, I can well understand how you are feeling; from the stress of moving, to dealing with children's insecurities and fears, to not feeling you can trust your co workers. Any one of these would, as your friend said, be enough to push any one of us near the edge of our sanity. But let me tell you, you've already done something that I'm very glad you did: you talked to someone and you talked with us, your friends. While we might not be able to offer much, we're here for you, just like you have been for us. And we will be here, anytime you need us.
It's undeniably difficult to move and face all those memories. But it is also a chance to make new and hopefully good ones.
I had a similar situation with my own work environment. Yes, it hurt, very much. But in the midst of that turmoil, I found one good, true friend. I hope you do as well. Sometimes, it takes something like that to find out how folks really are. Now that you know, you know how to deal with them. Don't let them control you, judge you or take your joy. Remind them that you don't do it to them and you expect the same in return.
Find a place to recenter yourself and go there as often as you need to. You have to take care of you, just as much as you take care of others. Don't get lost in there though; we need you! And remember that we are here if you need to talk or vent or scream.
And you know eventually, it's all going to be alright, because you have friends. And truth be told, Friendship is Magic.
Yeah, I know. But I really do believe it.
You take care, friend. Hugz
So sorry to hear you're having that much trouble. That work thing sounds really awful, and I am not sure how I'd react in a similar situation (I've always tried to tone down my stuff and my self to avoid something like that, and I'm still scared of everyone). I do know how you feel, I've been going through some really awful stuff lately, that I won't dump here. I wish I had something useful to say, but I'm still trying to figure it out myself. I hope things get better!
I cannot really comment on your IRL troubles, because I lack the experience necessary to understand your exact situation, and I do not want to sound like a hypocrite. Of course I am rooting for you and hope you will find some peace and personal/professional success.
On the other side: to be honest, I was also not exactly thrilled with Teahouses. It included wonderful world building, the promised epic journey was what I expected: epic, and Sunset still rocks. But for me it was still missing something, a lack which I have never felt reading your other stories. However! You as a writer have already earned my unconditional trust. That means that I am going to stick by you and by Wavelengths to the end - your exemplary prior works deserve that at the least. I am also confident that newer installments will instill the same kind of awe in me as the earlier ones did. And I absolutely believe that there are a lot of people on this site who agree with me (not with my opinion on Teahouses, but on the topic of continuing to read your stories and be intrigued by it).
Of course, however you decide to proceed will be understood and supported by us.
Mhm!
Also I main Gaige but I also play Krieg. I've been meaning to get into BL3 for like six years and am always ready for some Borderlands!
Either way. Fair winds and following seas, may the sun always be at your back and the road rise to meet you. Happy travels, friend. It's okay to lie down for a while as long as you get back up again. Remember that you've always got friends here, people fighting from the same trenches you're sitting in, other people fighting the quiet war shoulder to shoulder with you. Go in peace, Novel. I hope that someday you can come back home.
Sorry to hear you're dealing with this level of stress, Novel. Best of luck in coming out the other side happier.
Stay sane, buddy. We'll be here.
I feel like I can relate to the endless whittling away of supports, safe spaces, and overall stability and confidence—though I wouldn’t presume to speak into your journey. But I think for me it’s parenthood that makes the rest of the sting so hard. My wife and I reflect often that you kind of always have to be “on,” even (and especially) when you feel like you’ve got nothing left. And parenthood has consistently undermined our ability to... life, because our time is not our own. It’s gotten better in the last year or so, but I’ve definitely valued the cozy encouragement of pony to help be a support at times.
The situation at your work totally sucks, but it’s probably more a function of corporate drone BS than anything fundamental. Something I’ve done at times when I’ve really needed that pony connection is wear a pony shirt under my work shirt, or get some rubber bracelets with pony designs on one side and wear them flipped with the designs against my skin. I don’t do this stuff as often anymore, but there was a time when it really helped get me through the days.
Keep praying, reach out to others as you can, take time for yourself as you need it, and don’t let the weight of your series crush you. I absolutely can imagine committing to an entire series and it makes me want to piss myself and run away screaming. That’s a lot of work on top of your life et cetera. Don’t give up, but don’t let it drive you if there’s bigger stuff—which it sounds like there’s a ton of bigger stuff!
I think people are still gonna be here and will still care about you and your work and your wellbeing.
Having recently broken up with my romantic partner, I know how horrible it is to have mental health completely gut your ability to write. Especially hard when you feel like you've bitten off more than you can chew with a writing project. I can't begin to say I've been in the same level of shit you find yourself in, but I can empathise with how your emotions are going.
Do what you need to get your life back in order; to get yourself bacj in order. The Wavelengths Timeline is a huge inspiration for me, and I find myself hooked in it every time. Find your spark of creativity, look after yourself, and come back to it whenever you're ready. We'll be here <3.
5119881, 5119882,
Thank you. Sometimes it's nice just to have your pain acknowledged.
5119883
I'm certainly trying to take a break. I dearly hope life will allow me to do so sometime soon.
My biggest struggle is my desire to tell this grand sweeping tale and simply not having the strength to do it in a reasonable amount of time. And so, time for a revaluation. Yes, there is some obligation to the public, but that wars with the obligation to myself.
Life's too bloody complicated.
Will anyone read it? Yes. Yes a large number of us will. Frustrations over Teahouses? That's investment in the main characters, and wanting to see things go better for them sooner. Teahouses didn't, couldn't do that; it's too soon. We want it anyway. Because we care so much about what you're creating that we hurt for these characters, these people you've brought into our lives.
For you as well, as you don't deserve the trials that've been piled onto you. I can only hope it's getting better, and I wish I had anything helpful or useful to say beyond that. Never stop reaching out to those around you, for any kind of support you might need, even if they can't possibly provide it (and yes I know that sounds ridiculous). Better to fail together than alone. I am volunteering, by the way. Yell at me, any time, I don't mind a bit (err, unless I'm asleep. Then I don't mind but won't respond right away). I know I'm not anyone's first choice to talk to, or their tenth, but I feel like if I don't volunteer (and not out of some obligation beyond a friend wanting to help) than I'm not really saying anything here.
Maybe I'm not anyway. But get better... get better any way you can.
And thank you. Thank you for telling us this much. It can't be easy sharing this kind of thing, whether or not you're hoping for any outpouring of support or even any real response (though I assume you knew you could count on at least that). The comments tell the story here: there are so many here for you.
I've only just discovered your stories, by way of Unexpected Hazards, Teahouses, and Diamonds, and I can definitely tell you that you are definitely in the above-average category of writers here on Fimfiction. Looking forward to reading the rest of your stories.
Quite frankly, most part-time writers would need a break based on the events above, and from personal experience, moving homes, even a short distance, consumes all your "spare" time for months.
i doubt its useful, but id suggest looking for a new job. your coworkers are perverts, you should be the one complaining to HR about them projecting that onto you, weather it counts as harassment or not, you should not have to take that.
and don't let them put you down, just know that if they see pony pics and jump to 'suggestive' then there is really only one way they could have made that connection isn't there?
someone in your office wacks off to children's cartoons. and anonymously announced it to everyone, via you.