Seaside Memories
A regal purple alicorn walked down to the rugged ocean along an old, yet still stunning scenic road that descended through the late autumn trees. The scene before her was one of raw beauty. Windswept sand, dotted with driftwood and other natural castaways.
The road before her looked ancient. Bedraggled and unloved, its once proud covering of trees had long since become a mess of vines, tangled to the point where little else could live. In the wind passages between the mighty boughs, leaves swirled slowly, small tornadoes of loneliness, lit by rays from the pristine late day sun. She remembered the days when her pathway of peace had been in perfect condition, filled with fun, laughter and beauty.
But to the royal figure, she found it more than fitting. It was a rare place to find in Equestria, a place where her inside feelings where mirrored by the wild outside world.
There was no other creatures in sight.
This was a place for one to be alone.
The waves washed against the dark slivery brown sand like the calm heartbeat from an eternal guardian, ever watchful, ever present. At peace with all of Equestria. The alicorn before it wished for a slice of that peace.
Twilight walked with the walk of a pony who had lost everything. Wings loosely folded at her sides, rocking gently in time to her meandering stride. She flaunted no hint of her power, no nothing, except the garb she wore to suggest that she was the one who had ruled Equestria for almost 850 years. Her royal dress flowed in the soft idilic breeze, fluttering it this way and that. If it could think, it would have been carefree, loving the playful breeze, wishing it could fly higher. Unlike its owner. The winged sovereign who wore it felt anything but.
As Twilight trudged along, a slow song escaped as she allowed herself to remember once more the days gone by;
“So many years, so many hardships,
So many laughs, so many tears.
So many things to remember,
Cause we had 60 years.”
She remembered the pink bundle of joy who had been her rock. The one who could make her laugh when the day was grey. The one with whom she had magically conceived three foals. Her one and only true love and soulmate. Pinkamena Diane Pie.
“Now our kids, have their own kids,
and their own kids have grown.
She told me not to worry,
Said I’d be fine, when she was gone.”
She plodded down toward the ocean, the ancient mare enjoyed the harsh play of the spray on her muzzle as she paced closer and closer to the never ending expanse of dark blue and green waves. She strolled the beach alone, shut up inside as muscle memory guided her along the path she had taken each and every year since her lover passed.
Purple hooves were met by her first wave only for the water to pull away as soon as the two met. It sent a chill up her forelegs, yet she continued as if ignorant of the temperature. She remembered those words, once more. Those words that had come easily from her lover, all those years ago.
“She told me not to worry,
Said I’d be fine, when she was gone.
Yet here I am alone,
nopony to share our beach with,”
A sigh escaped the regal purple mare more waves lapped against her hooves. She took a moment to steady herself, prepare herself. As the tip of the sea hit her, she remembered her mentor, the mare who had brought her up, taught her magic and made her a Princess. Celestia.
“Now our kids, they want my throne from me...
My dear teacher, you always told me I was the one,
That I would be ready,
But I don’t feel ready anymore.”
With a few more strides, she completed her path into the water. Now half way up her legs and still freezing, she found it soothed her sadness just that little bit. She almost felt like she could just lie down and float away on its current, never to return. But she knew that now was not the time for such actions. She would still have her domain to rule over when she got back home. With a heavy heart, the purple alicorn bent to touch the water, allowing it to wash over her muzzle like her own waves of sadness.
Salty tears leaked from the proud mare. They mingled with the cold water, released from the pent up pony and into the endless sea. She knelt down and allowed more of the raw ocean waves to wash over her. As the sea continued to take her continual stream of tears away, she allowed memories of her past to encapsulate her. This was the time, now she could unlock what was hidden, reveal memories that were too painful for everyday life. Now she could remember Pinkie Pie and all her other dear friends who had taught her just how magical friendship and love could be.
---
“Come on Twilight! It’s easy!” Called out the proud cyan pegasus as she looped around and around in front of the new alicorn, a playful tease with her aerial acrobatics.
“See, it is!” A large colourful balloon rose into the sky above the cheeky polychromatic maned mare, its solo occupant eagerly waving a pink hoof.
“Pinkie, you’re not doing tricks.” The cyan mare paused her showing off to stare at the random pony.
“Ohhh! Can I watch?” Ever eager, it was hard for her friends to say no to such a smile.
“Sure.” Twilight nodded, before flicking her wings in preparation for flight.
“Come on horn head! Get up here! Even Fluttershy could do this!” The egotistical athlete zoomed a tight circuit around several clouds before presenting herself to the flyer.
“Right... You have seen her fly right?” The purple alicorn could not believe that the shy pegasus had been taught how to perform any of Rainbow Dash’s repertoire of tricks.
“Of course I have.” A highly satisfied grin covered the smug pegasus’s mug. “ And I know how get her to really fly!”
“Ohh! How about a race, Dashie! Me and Twilight here versus you and Fluttershy!” Streamers flew into the sky as the party pony clapped her hooves together ready to take up the challenge.
The scholar sighed, maybe she should have stuck with her books on this, instead of allowing her speedy friend teach her more on the basics on flight. So far, they had completely missed the basics as Dash appeared to be more interested in teaching her tricks and how to fly faster than anypony else. It was like she wanted another pony to race against. Typical Rainbow Dash.
“You!? In that thing?” The cyan pegasus began to crack up laughing in the sky, starting a slow decent hysterics took over.
“Nopsies!” With a extravagant leap, the skybound earth pony flew out of the ballon, only to land upon her strange flying contraption which she began to franticly peddle around the sky upon.
“Well, Rainbow Dash... I guess that if you can find Fluttershy, I guess we can have a race. But I would have liked a lesson first.” Twilight conceded, a first ever race would be worth it, provided she could also wrangle a lesson out of the speedy mare.
“You don’t need those.” The enthusiastic cyan pegasus waved her off before she took off at top speed to find her friend, leaving the remaining two mares to each other for the moment.
‘Good thing I brought these...’ From out of her saddlebag she summoned her books, glowing faintly in her magical grip.
She opened the first and began to skim read though, searching for any last minute tips and instructions she could find before her first ariel race.
A loud, explosive giggle caused the focused mare to jump as she realized her companion was hovering just above her, flying contraption barely borne aloft as Pinkie tried to read the same text upside down. The crazy mare was forgetting that her own hooves powered the device and so was on a slow collision course with her companion.
“It’s alright silly. Just me!” With a delighted giggle, a pink hoof covered the speaker’s mouth in an attempt to shut her own mirth up.
“You know it is rude to read over somepony else’s shoulder.” Twilight was not impressed by her random companion, but then again, Pinkie Pie was about as close to the definition of random as you could get.
“Would you like me to teach you then?” The offer came out of nowhere from Pinkie Pie, accompanied by a hopeful grin. “Pinkie, you can’t fly.” “Yes I can.” A large cheeky grin covered the earth pony’s muzzle as she continued to hover just above her annoyed companion.
Placing her book down beside her, Twilight settled down upon the soft green grass. “Okay. Then how would you?”
With a carefree bound, Pinkie was off her flying contraption and at her side. “Well we start with the wings.” The surprisingly soft touch of the pink mare’s hoof, lifting a wing. “You’ve seen Dashie fly lots right?”
“I’m sure everypony has seen her fly Pinkie.” Twilight allowed a smile to light up her face as her eyes met her companion’s clear blue ones.
"Yep! They sure have!" Pinkie beamed with a wide smile. "Now how many times has Dashie crashed?" This question caught Twilight by surprise. It was not so much the question itself, but rather how the party pony had asked.
"Well," the young Alicorn began, Shrugging her shoulders as her mind wandered attempted to answer the question with an exact answer. "A lot, I guess."
"Bingo!" Pinkie shouted as she pointed at her friend. "Okay so how many times have YOU crashed?" Silence. This was beginning to confuse the lavender pony.
"Well, I haven't been flying for very long so...none, I suppose." Twilight was somewhat reluctant in her answer as she was trying to see where this was going. "But Pinkie Pie I don't see-"
With a wave of the pink hoof, her instructor cut her off. "Well that's okay! I'll see for you," the cotton candy-like maned pony started up, "You're three times as special as everypony else! You've got two wings AND and horn. Three."
After looking like she was about to explode, her facial expression softened to a gentle smile. "If not, I will see. Think silly; have I ever not loved to help you? Seriously, though Twilight," her smile beamed back with full force, "We're BFF, forever!"
“Thank you Pinkie.” Twilight smiled, feeling a warm glow light her up inside. There certainly was something special about her spastic friend that made her feel...special. “BFF forever. Just don’t let Rainbow Dash catch you saying that or she might-”
“You know Dashie is dating Fluttershy right?” The grinning party pony pointed out, cutting Twilight off. “And so therefore she and Flutters are BFF which is fine because Rarity’s writing a novel about two mare’s that sound a lot like herself and AJ and that you’re the third most powerful pony in all of Equestria.” With a grin, the crazy party pony offered a quick nuzzle, her ramble at an end for now.
With a light hearted smile on her face, Twilight returned the gesture, a warm glow inside. As nice as her start to their little ‘lesson’ was, she hoped that the rest of Pinkie Pie’s quick tutelage would be more helpful for her hopes of winning the impending race.
----
The much older Twilight stood slowly, a thankful smile at her memory of her talkative lover. The sound of her voice, her laughter, her ever bubbly presence. Those were the days she missed and no matter how much she would wish for them to return, they never did. Of course the rest of the lesson had made about as much sense as the first part, but it had been fun. Pinkie had always been smarter than she had looked and that rule of three had taken her too long to figure out.
She joined in the laughter with her memory Pinkie, It always feels good to laugh Twi-twi.
A sudden cry from on high alerted her and she gazed up. Seagulls circled above, a sudden other presence in the otherwise aloneness of the beach. Her eyes followed them as they turned slowly inside the serene bay. She wished she could just drop all her concerns and fears and join the creatures who appeared to have not a care in all of Equestria.
After a moment of peace between the loud seagulls and herself, the ruler of Equestria put the noisy animals from her mind. She strode purposefully away from the waterline, slowly, with as much purpose as she could put into each hoofsteps. The wind was chilly upon her wet coat, but it didn’t matter. She had allowed herself to remember in a special way, the once per year colossal wash of memory.
Even today, after what felt like forever after her lovers passing, it still might as well have been yesterday that Pinkie died. That pain, the aloneness and the loss of hope that all would be okay. So fresh, here this place of magic and memory.
“there is an emptiness inside
That never goes away.”
With all the care in Equestria, the purple mare took a gnarled piece of driftwood in her mouth and began to carve something into the sand. The harsh surrounds began to dull into nothingness, the wind faded in her ears as she worked away, dedicated to the task at hoof. Sure she could have used her magic. But that would cause this task to loose much of it’s value. Pinkie had been everything to her and she was not about to allow herself to trivialize anything that could help herself to remember the most wonderful mare she had ever met.
She stared out across the peaceful beach, her near unseeing eyes gazing beyond the sight of the wind picking up lose sand and carrying it like a swarm through the breeze. Her wings began to clog with the fine grains. With a flick of her wings her mind returned to her body and she gripped the driftwood harder, before eyeing up the next stretch of beach she was due to consume with her work.
The salty taste of wind dried wood seeped into her mouth as she dragged her chosen item along. She left a slow precise line of work, it curved through the sand behind her, it stretched out as an untouchable line of symbols before the impending doom of the waterline. With a pang, her stick pushed against her grip, causing her mind to snap back to the present as pain shot through her system. Hitting submerged rocks was never a good idea.
The warm tangy taste of her own blood touched her tongue. Twilight did her best to ignore it, swallowing the mixture of woody salt and blood, unwilling to drop her chosen drawing stick quite yet. She was determined to finish her task, hopefully that no further injuries would impede her progress.
After a small eternity of jaw numbing work, the sandy alicorn stood back to admire her labours. A light glow settled upon her horn, a mirror to the shimmer in the tiny trenches before her.
A few moments of nothing but the whistle of the chill wind later and she released the magic.
With a mighty beat of her wings, the ancient pony ascended into the clouds. Oh how wonderful it felt to fly.
As her eyes beheld the sight below her, the ancient mind of hers began to wander back to happier days once again.
-----
“And were back!” Declared Rainbow Dash, touching down with her chosen flight partner by her side.
“Hi Dashie! Twilight and me were just thinking of ways to beat you two lovebirds!” Pinkie Pie sprung from her companion’s side, suddenly done with secretly convening with her.
“Wait...what...? Lovebirds?” The speedster’s brain kicked into overdrive for a moment before her cheeks began to heat.
“It’s okay Rainbow.” Soothed her fillyfriend as she nuzzled up her champion.
This did nothing to help the blush and Rainbow Dash instead stubbled away, a hoofstep out of her mare’s reach. “Wow there Fluttershy... Can we save it for when we’re alone?”
“Sure, my Dashie...” Cooed Fluttershy, a giggle escaped as she enjoyed the moment of one sided embarrassment.
“Totally called it...” Giggled Pinkie Pie, nudging her purple friend.
“Anyway... Race time?” It was clear that the cyan speedster was eager to break away from the unwanted topic of love at hoof.
“Sure!” With a comical zip, Pinkie pulled up her chosen aerial racer, her hoof powered flyer.
With her magic, Twilight made a marker in the ground before them all that shimmered lightly in the glorious noon day sun. “There everypony. Now we have a start line. But where’s the finish?”
“Oh! Oh! Oh! I know, I know!” The spastic pink pony couldn’t help herself as she jumped up and down, hoof waggling in the air.
“Yes Pinkie?” Twilight could barely contain her giggles at the comical sight.
“How about Sugarcube Corner?” With a happy bounce, Pinkie landed on her flying contraption, ready to take off.
“You do realize that its right in the middle of town?” Twilight wasn’t sure about having a daring, crazy race that could get somepony hurt as her first one ever.
“That will make it fun. How about...everypony has to fly below the buildings...” A grin lit the cyan speedster’s mug as she entertained the idea.
“I-I don’t know... isn’t that dangerous?” Questioned Fluttershy. Despite her near silent impact, everypony paused for a moment, some happier with the thought than others.
“Awww... Come on... I can keep us safe.” Grinned Rainbow, still hopeful for a free show for her fellow townsfolk.
“I know Rainbow Dash... But what if somepony did get hurt?” The shy yet determined look upon Fluttershy’s muzzle made her dear companion's eyes meet the ground in thoughtful submission.
“How about to Rainbow’s house? That way, she will still get to show off as we fly over Ponyville and I won’t hurt somepony else when I crash.” Twilight took a step forward, confident in her better plan of action.
“Ohh! Yes!” Agreed Pinkie Pie, eager to get underway.
“I can do that...” Rainbow Dash grinned, already filled with crazy thoughts on how best to attract the attention of the town. “Come on then everypony.” She strode to the start line and bent low, ready for take off.
With a sense of apprehension, Twilight strode up to the line she had summoned and took her place alongside Pinkie.
“Three!” With a delighted cry, the party pony started the countdown.
“I’m the fastest flyer... I’ll do the countdown.” Reprimanded Rainbow Dash, before she winked casually at her fellow competitor and continued the countdown. “Two... One. Go!”
With the hardest flap of her wings that she could manage, Twilight took off, closing her eyes for a few moments until she was sure the ground was well and truly far below. Her dark purple eyes opened to a sight that forced her feathered appendages to pump faster. Before her, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were fighting for first place while Fluttershy pursued the pair as best she could. ‘I can’t be beaten by Fluttershy!’ Determined to at least catch the supposedly slow pegasus, she powered onwards. A sense of pure enjoyment filled her as purple feathers slipped easily through the breeze. Being caught up in a race might not be her thing, but this was certainly a lot of fun. Maybe she would have to spend a little more time flying and a tiny bit less reading sometimes...
Her mane and coat felt wonderful as she forced herself onto greater speeds. Each incremental boost amazed her. She had never thought that she would ever fly properly, let alone at speed.
In what felt like no time at all, she reached Ponyville only to see Rainbow Dash soar out of the opposite side of town and up toward her cloudy home up ahead.
Unwilling to risk herself by flying right through town, Twilight instead settled for hiking up and up, further into the sky to pass over the top.
As she flew over, the new alicorn could feel the eyes of many a surprised pony follow her. It felt odd to be the center of attention, in a cloudbound race though the air.
Up ahead, Pinkie careened up and away from the rooftops of Ponyville. With grim determination, Twilight fought through the sky, determined to at least catch her team mate up.
She continued to power along through the sky, allowing tunnel vision to take over until all she could see was the pink mare up ahead. Closer and closer she came, trying with all her newfound flying skill to at least beat the spastic pony without wings.
Pinkie turned and winked at her as she came up behind and then called something out. The wind stole the words but it was clear that one of them was her name.
Before she could pull up alongside and question the crazy pony, the flying machine put on a burst of speed as pink limbs went nuts in the last minute dash to the finish line.
Up ahead rose the majestic cloud home of the most egotistical mare in Ponyville. Twilight placed her sense of immense enjoyment aside for a moment and forced her tired wings beyond all limits she had ever imagined. She had to at least beat Pinkie!
Suddenly, her horned head hit soft cloud and the alicorn came to a sudden, sliding stop in front of two panting pegasi.
“Twilie came third!” Cried the jubilant Pinkie Pie from atop her flying vessel.
Before she could react, Twilight found pink forehooves wrapped around her middle in a jubilant hug. Although earth ponies couldn’t walk atop clouds, there was never any mention of them not being able to hug a cloudbound pony and fall.
“Wait...” Dark purple eyes moved between the two pegasi before her. “H-how did Fluttershy...beat me? I thought she was...well...a little slower...” The surprised alicorn fell into silence, hopeful that the shy mare wouldn’t take it the wrong way.
“I know she can fly when she wants to.” Grinned a proud cyan mare. She used a wing to playfully ruffle her lover’s mane.
“I guess...” Nodded Twilight, a certain pegasus tornado came to mind. Not only had Fluttershy proved that she could fly, but that she could fly fast when she really wanted to. So it was more than just plausible that she could beat a first time racer like herself.
“It’s okay Twilight. At least you beat me. You make a good number three...” Giggled the pink pony atop her back.
It was a strange sensation, Twilight didn’t expect to feel pink hooves working their way along her back, as the pony on top stroked her gently. Despite a slight jerk of surprise, she quickly found herself to be putty in the easy going mare’s hooves.
-----
A freezing cold cloud impacted with the eternally sharp horn upon the royal daydreamer’s head. She found herself showered in moisture and rudely reawakened her from her wonderful daydream of special days gone by.
Pinkie’s touch was always special. As was her Pinkie sense. The one strange thing that she did that Twilight had never quite worked out. She still loved it, missed it, wished to see the odd twitchy twitch in action once again.
With a sigh of resignation, the lonesome purple alicorn pulled herself back into the present to stare downward at the beach below. She hovered above her creation, a slow, sad smile upon her face. She beheld the words Pinkamena Diane Pie, I love you glowing in the late day sun. As much as it broke it, her heart filled with warmth to see the name of her long gone love. With her magic, the reminder would hold for anypony else to see for at least a few months. Maybe even one of her children would spot the massive words from above on one of their trips from Canterlot. They would be sure to know who had wrote them.
‘I wish I could finally be with you my dear.’ “I wish... I wish...” Somehow, the last part escaped her muzzle, instantly ripped away by the wild winds.
“I wrote your name...
In the sand,
The waves can’t wash it away.”
The descent was slow, filled with pangs of unrepressed sorrow as she continued to allow herself to remember. Her underused wings were tired from the unknown amount of time spent in the sky and made steady decent a tough task.
With a poof, she landed. Her hooves unsteady upon the soft sand as she slowly regained her self composure.
“So many years, so many hardships,
So many laughs, so many tears.
She told me not to worry,
Said I’d be fine when she was gone.
Now our kids, they got their own kids,
And their own foals have grown,
Today is my day of remembrance,
Cause we had 60 years.”
Her sad song was accepted by the wind and born aloft, up, up, up, into the sky. All four hooves meshed with the soft sand as she took a final moment to gaze out across the rugged expanse before her. Now she could accept its beauty. At long last she had opened herself again to the wider world. To her, it was as regal and magical as the day her mare had surprised her on this beach.
For the rest of the year she knew she had to hold the pain inside, bottle it all away. It was always almost like it had never happened, except that it had.
As much as she wished to be one with her lover, now was not the time. Today was not the day she could disappear, she had ponies to return to, subjects to rule, grandchildren to wrangle. With a wriggle of her wings, Twilight slowly extracted herself from her position. She shed another tear into the wind as she turned away from the sea.
This was the time of year she could remember...
This was the time the mighty ruler could mourn,
This was the day, 800 years ago, her ever smiling love had died.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- butboifranko · 1k words · 82 2 · 3.4k views
- flutterdashforever · 3.3k words · 32 0 · 1.7k views
- Flutterguy89 · 12k words · 46 1 · 1.3k views
- Don Pony · 21k words · 49 5 · 1.8k views
- Fort Impression · 3.1k words · 49 2 · 1.8k views
- MageTrollpatrol · 13k words · 44 6 · 1.2k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.288 seconds
Total duration
1,029 users online
79,692 hits today, 2,205,040 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I see no FlutterDash. You lied to me.
Wow... this is beautifully written. It has that bitter sweet feeling to it. I like it
2429107 Fluttershy and RD in the race.. a hint of Flutterdash to start. A lot more to come. Don't jump the gun and don't worry. I don't lie.
I do hope you at least read it...
2429184 Thanks. Great to know that at least a few do
2429199 Twas only a joke.
And yes, I may eventually get around to reading it.
2429240 eventually... ouch... theres a vote against my writing skills.
Add to Read Later,
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_leoswyja5u1qangpe.gif
2429352 Nah, I just have a crap-load of other stories in my read later list and not much time to read any of them.
Oh, them feels. Also, how in Equestria did Pinkie and Twilight have foals?
2429710
I think the answer to that question is pretty obvious...
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2240-because_ponies.png
2430151 Oh, right. Screw physics, she's Pinkie Pie.
Here is my short review of the first chapter.
Wow, this was amazingly written. I could actually see the pain Twilight was going through and it actually had me almost in tears. Please continue writing this at any pace you want cause this was beautiful.
The only misspelled word I think I saw was in the first sentence of the first memory section.
“Come on Twilight! It’s easy!” Called out the proud cyan pegasus as she looped around and around in front of the new alicorn, a playful tease with her areal acrobatics.
With some searching I think you meant aerial
With that said that is a very small mistake and the rest of the words seem to be spelled correctly. I may not be a hard case on grammar, but on spelling its a different story.
Sorry to seem like a jerk
, but I just want the story to be as good as I known your other stories have been. The premise of the first chapter is wonderful. And if your other stories are any indication I am ready for the feels and the cuteness. Your description of the entire chapter gave me cuteness overload and sad feelings. (That is not a bad thing, it means that you have gotten great at writing what you write.)
Oh and congrats of getting into the feature box (the non-mature one) you definitely deserve it.
2430172 Your not a jerk, I like constructive feedback. Thanks for pointing it out.
I got into the feature box?? with this?
Well i can feel my heartbreaking.
after seeing that pinks has been dead for eight hundred years made me feel the pain Twi is going through. i dont ever want to outlive my lover i hope to see more from this story i like it.
2430652
To be honest, it's actually pretty good (It's up there in the B+ to A zone, mostly because my A+ score is based on a near-perfect story that I read so long ago.). I'd take this any day over some of the stories I see in the story box...
Also, at the end:
Shouldn't it be "mourn" instead of "morn"?
omg the feels
I liked it a lot. My only complaint, (though it's a very minor one) is that the main characters are gay... again.
It's not a big deal, I just get annoyed that it seems to be the trend.
The presentation was good, and it left plenty of possible future events for us to imagine. (I'm already excited)
There were some minor spelling errors like...
Descent, unless you were referring to death, you chose poorly.
That would be ascent.
Anyways, I'm looking forward to more.
2453249 Thanks for pointing those two out.
I also ship Twilight with Big Macintosh (and Luna), but I chose pinkie as I felt she fitted the story the most.
2453334
I have to admit, their personalities clash in a very interesting way. I'd say it's an "opposites attract" kind of situation.
Please, do go on. Whet my appetite for literature.
I like the moral questions this story brings up.
If you have the power to keep someone alive forever, do you use it?
One of the saddest things in life is death, and seperation of good friends. So if you could do it, should you?
On one hand (Hoof) if you made your friends immortal, you would only feel obligated to make their friends immortal, and so on. Eventually there would be so many immortals, reproduction would be illegal because they wouldn't be able to support a population growth.
That would be unfair because you don't give new people (Ponies) a chance at life.
I think Twilight would be justified in making the Mane 6 immortal. (They only saved the world a lot of times)
Life is unfair, and someone would be left with the short end of the stick, and so there is no right answer.
Both sides have equal merit.
This was long winded, I hope I got my views across correctly.
Cry your tears Twilight! They only make you stronger!
I came to this story, not even reading the description ('cause I do that too often) and I almost burst into tears after the initial shock. And oh my Celestia, this is completely worth my emotional unrest! The writing is absolutely beautiful, the emotion of Twilight is perfect, albeit depressing as buck
, and it's my most favorite ship ever! You made me a very happy pony with this 
. Please, update often!
Keep up the good work, kiddo!
-Silver Quill
2589624 Thank you for such a great comment
due to work and focusing on getting chapters out on my main 3 stories, (of which this is one.. but three stories at once makes for a lot of writing, especialy since I am used to writing a much happier TwiPie than this) There will not be any new chapters here for a little while, but you can be sure there will be a lot more to come in time as this is going to be a fairly long, epic story.
2591666 Oh please, take as long as you need! I'm not rushing you. I'm just really looking forward to seeing what you have planned. I can already tell this is going to be a very interesting ride.
-Silver Quill
2592866 yep. Especialy once i introduce all her and pinkies kids... as well as Celestias daughter
2592984
Celestia's WHAT?! OhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygosh!! You're trying to kill me, aren't you?
2593008 yes her daughter. I'm going to introduce her in another new story first, as her much much younger self. before this is updated.
plus... there is a very good reason I have Luna taged as one of the main characters
First, I apologize for the length. I tend to be long-winded, because I like to make sure everything I said makes sense.
So, I read your story! I’m not the biggest fan of TwiPie, but I’ve enjoyed it in stories in the past, and I’m not a fan of FlutterDash at all, but I have actually read a story with background FlutterDash that I enjoyed! So while your battle was uphill, it wasn’t Mount Everest.
This... didn’t quite make it for me. Not this first chapter at least. I’m going to go into why, incase there are things in upcoming chapters that might change my opinion, or incase you want to add things in upcoming chapters.
Plot: Okay, the framing story is what I call a “crying on graves” story. I know there’s no literal crying on graves in this one, but it’s the same idea: despite having lived a long time, the last of the mane six is so distraught about losing their friends/lover that they can’t take the pain.
This isn’t my favorite kind of story. I work as a caretaker for my grandmother, so I interact with a lot of elderly people, many of whom are widowed, and all of whom have lost lifelong friends, siblings, or at least their parents. They don’t spend a lot of time crying on graves; they make new friends, spend time with their children and grandchildren, watch movies, go shopping. Sometimes they even date again! And that’s just within a normal, human lifespan. You put Twilight as being 800 years old, which means that in Earth-terms Pinkie and the mane six died... around the time of the crusades. (It also means that her "grandchildren" would have been dead around 700 years or so, unless they're alicorns.) I find it very hard to believe that in that time she hasn’t made lots of new friends, fallen in love several times, and developed special relationships with Celestia, Luna, or Cadance. Or even Discord. I’m not saying that she wouldn’t look on Pinkie with a special fondness, but I would hope she would be more well-adjusted after most of a millennium.
Next, you have the race plot. It doesn’t function as a very interesting plot (there’s little time or effort building up suspense during the race itself; Twilight learns nothing from the process) or as a romance plot (once again, there’s no suspense to the plot, the love between Twilight and Pinkie receives no development.) I assume that you wanted to focus more on the romance than the race itself, so that’s where I’ll focus.
This is your chance to, as I’ve put it before in blog posts, develop the romance as a character I want to root for (or in this case, one I want to feel sad because it’s gone.) Despite Pinkie’s speech, I don’t get that. Other than that, there’s very little interaction between Twilight and Pinkie, and most of it seems like the normal friendship you see on the show. I get no real indication that either of them feel more deeply about it.
Prose: You have a distinctive voice, which is rare on this website, and you write beautiful description. That’s something I don’t do well, so I always need to compliment when I see it.
However, I think you lean a little heavily on your descriptions so that it sometimes comes across as purple prose. I think if you used them more sparingly, they’d have more impact and really be a place where you could shine. Along with that, you have a little bit of lavender unicorn syndrome- where you’re hesitant to use character’s names repeatedly. Character names tend to fade into the background, you don’t need to worry about them being repetitive unless you’re using them more than once a sentence, and then usually a pronoun will work. Trust your readers.
Also, while I said I was pleased with your voice, sometimes you make mistakes in the formal language you’re using, and that makes it feel like you’re trying a bit too hard. You might want to relax that a little, to avoid redundancies (like “inner feelings”- inner feelings are just “feelings”) or mistakes like where you split the infinitive “upon which” (usually, splitting infinitives isn’t a big deal. But with such formal language it sticks out like a sore thumb.) You may want to be more careful proofreading, or relax the formality so that these things don’t seem as blatant.
Characters:
Twilight: Other than my personal experience with widows, and a hope that an alicorn could be better adjusted, I don’t have much complaint with 800-year-old Twilight.
Flashback Twilight on the other hand... she’s missing something. I think it’s the analytical aspect of her personality. She doesn’t stop to wonder about her feelings, or ask for time to think about what Pinkie is saying. She just goes with it, which is OOC for Twilight. If part of your point is that she can do that with Pinkie, you need to make that more clear, because it’s something Twilight would notice and be amazed by. (Twilight’s analytical side would really help your shipping plot, too. It’s one of the wonderful things about shipping Twilight, she can just spell out what she’s thinking about a pony, because she thinks about things so much.)
Pinkie Pie: I think Pinkie was actually a little too random, here. Usually Pinkie’s rambles are either non-sequiturs that are connected to the original topic by some tenuous thread, or they actually do come back around to the original point. In Pinkie’s important talk with Twilight, she kind of just switches the subject, then continues to do that, never coming back to the point of the conversation. It kind of feels like you needed to wedge something romance related in there, and you forced it into Pinkie’s dialogue.
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy: Okay, this is about to get touchy. Rainbow Dash was fine by herself, but their interactions were waaaay OOC. I know what you’re thinking, so I’m going to talk in general here, then about the specific problems with this fic.
In shipping, there’s a tendency to have a headcanon about how the characters relationship would make them act with each other. When it’s the focus of a fic, and if the story is about them getting together, usually you try to start with their relationship as close to canon as possible, and move it towards your headcanon. If the fic starts with them already together (a style I’m fond of) then people reading assume that they’ve already been through that part.
But if you start with them already together and too close to canon, you have a problem. In that case, you can’t have them doing things for each other, emotionally, that we know from the show they don’t do.
The problem here is that you’re starting so close to canon. We’ve just seen how Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash act in Magical Mystery Cure, and the flashbacks in this fic can’t start more than a few weeks after that. There’s nowhere in canon that suggests that Rainbow Dash knows a way to make Fluttershy fly to the best of her ability; if there was it would have been useful in Hurricane Fluttershy, or in Wonderbolt Academy when she had to be rescued. There’s no indication that Fluttershy can make Rainbow Dash back down with a look (as opposed to The Stare), or she certainly would have used it in the beginning of DragonQuest, or all through Keep Calm and Flutter On.
I know Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are only in the background here, but the things they do play an important part in your plot so far (deciding how the race is flown and the outcome of it.) So it’s kind of a plot hole; this makes no sense given what we’ve seen in canon that takes place only a short time before. (If it had truly been in the background, like the implied RariJack, there’s not really an issue because it doesn’t affect the plot. I might not like the ship, but there’s no plot hole/OOC in the RariJack.)
Now, once again, I know this the the first chapter. Maybe you were planning on showing things that explain more in future chapters, or maybe you’ll think about some of these things and consider it. But as it is now, it didn’t catch my interest.
Still, no downvote. I don’t downvote things I don’t like unless they have no redeeming values. Just because a fic isn’t for me, doesn’t mean it’s not for other people, which is what ratings are for.
2715019 Thank you for your epic response. I dont normally get one of those and always enjoy them when I get them, even if they pull my story apart in all its weak areas... just like you have done there. You have given me a reason to rethink a few things as I see where you are coming from. The race scene especially isn't pulling its weight for me at the moment.
This story was more going for a remembrance sort of theme over crying over a grave and I have done my best to show that it is the time that twilight allows her more venerable side to open, even if only to herself. But even that I don't seem to have succeeded with too well.
I can tell you now that there is no point in you reading my other stories. If this is how you go on one of what I consider to be my best...then the rest don't stand a chance against you and your discerning eye.
The one story of yours I took a brief look at was incredibly well written (it completely slaughters my best efforts...) and I can see why I have next to no followers compared to you. I just didn't want to write a review as I didn't completely finish the chapter, so it would come up rather short and I really dont like AppleDash, especially when there is such a focus on it. When Im in a better state of mind I plan on giving it another go.
I literally almost cried
I am in tears. Thank you. I am truly not being sarcastic.
6638327 Thank you. Its great to know the story is still enjoyed.
And thank you for the watch. I should have something new coming out next month.
6638335
No prob, Bob! And while going through some comments, I saw a couple of times that some people were looking forwards to more. Was this story incomplete?
6638347 ... Bob?
Initially this was written to be a one shot. Then there was going to be more. But after a few months with nothing new actually progressing from the ideas stage, I called it off and listed this as complete as I feel it still can hold up well as a one shot.