• Member Since 17th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen 23 hours ago

Sir Barton


T

Big McIntosh: quiet, calm, reserved, hard working, and strong. A pony of few words dedicated to his family. Everyone in Ponyville knows the huge red stallion and his massive green apple cutie mark on sight. Just don't ask him how he got it.

This is the tale of Big McIntosh's cutie mark and the tragedy that surrounds it as seen from the present.

Completed, sequel currently undergoing severe editing.
Edited by: Corwin Freiss

Comments and feedback appreciated.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 17 )

Ok ... so There says there are 3 comments. Yet I can't see them, and I can't see what your comment to me was. Well while you ending it where you did was a mighty cliff hanger ending. I'll be willing to see the sequel when you get it up.

Now :eeyup: will have the chance to avenge his parents, protect the innocents............OMG :eeyup: it´s BATMAN

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I agree :eeyup:, most odd, they were here earlier, :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:could an edit have accidentally removed them?:unsuresweetie:

Aside from that, I fixed the dialectic issues in the first two chapters and lay the blame on Season 1 episode 8 'Look Before you Sleep.' :eeyup: AJ is prolific in that episode with the use of "y'all", mostly when she's speaking to Rarity. The other episodes I scanned show her to use different pronoun usage specifically around her family unless pluralized (y'all).

Thanks again for the dialect check.

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Didn't have that in mind as I prefer to look at 'hidden histories' so don't look for Mayor Mare to get a big green light to shine in the sky. Wait a sec big green lamp ... that's somebody else's gag isn't it?:eeyup:

Actually on of my proofists thought it was more like John Milius's Conan the Barbarian (1982) in motif. :rainbowhuh:

2863065

You're welcome. And I can't wait to see the sequel.

Well good sir.... You have my attention..... how bout you give us some moar, and in exchange i give you a moustache?:moustache:

Excellent, absolutely beautiful writing and incredibly intense pacing. I love it!:pinkiegasp:

Ooh, still intense! :pinkiegasp: I wanna read more now, but it's way late and I've got a SAC tomorrow. I'll be finishing this later!:twilightsmile:

Oh. My. GOD. This is brilliant! That last line---damn, I was going to bed, but now I have to read on!

Ookay I'd sort of forgotten what happened in the first few chapters when I got back to this but it's good, I'll go your other one now.:twilightsmile:

Story's pretty good so far. The only thing that bothers me so far is the accent.

An’ d’ y’ think

"And do ya think... " would be a little better.
It's not necessary to replace do with d' or you with y'. It gets a little distracting.

Yes, I can still read it, but I have to admit, sometimes, the accents gets a little hard to read that I have to go back just to understand it.

But, nice story.

The amount of feels in this chapter is too damn high :(

Hmmm. This chapter was enough to have me curious on what exactly happened all those years ago. The mystery is paramount.

huh, I'm wondering if the dream will have a connection with the rest of the story.

And jeez AJ, you didnt have to buck your brother like that. :ajbemused:

Jeez, this was.............heart-wrenching to read. And the son of a bitch got away too. *sigh* Poor Mac.

:rainbowderp::rainbowderp::rainbowderp:...........................

...............................things are gonna get real bad in the sequel. I pray that the Apple family will be victorious this time.

This is a very nice read... suspenseful, and beautifully written. Some extremely small phrases could use some grammatical editing, but otherwise, I enjoyed it to pieces!

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