Twilight Turns Totally Evil

by TotallyNotAnyone

The Chapter Where Twilight Is Evil

It was a dark day in Ponyville, but it was shrouded in no mere ordinary darkness, for this was the darkness of evil! The darkness of corruption! A former force of good and justice and friendship had fallen into the clutches of terribleness itself and was now squeezing the very life from the land of Equestria with her sinister, armor-clad hooves!

"Mwahahahaha!" Said Twilight Sparkle, who was practicing her evil laughter, "Bwahahahahah!" She continued, for her lessons were planned to continue for another fifteen minutes according to her checklist, and she did love a good checklist. She was an evil overlord now, which meant she had to wear spooky scary spikey armor, she had to have minions, and she had to fight heroes. Heroes like her former friends, and her former assistant(Spike had joined the rest of the Elements of Harmony after Rarity said she was never going to date someone who worked for an evil overlord).

Things looked dire for Equestria, from Twilight's black and spiky new perch above Ponyville, it was smoke, oppression and fire until the volcano-studded horizon. So far the volcanoes were just papier-mâché and red lava lamps, but soon enough Twilight would figure out how to make REAL volcanoes with her alicorn magic, and then they'd all rue the day! She wasn't quite sure which day they'd rue, but she was thinking that it would be Tuesdays, her schedule for Tuesdays was looking pretty empty and if there was anything she hated, it was a day that was left over to pointless, unplanned dilly-dallying.

With evil laughter practice over, Twilight decided to get started on writing her autobiography, starting from the day where she decided to be evil, because that was the first day from which she was truly Twilight Sparkle, the day where she had truly found her calling in life. As the years had passed prior to her alicornhood, she had grown ever more dissatisfied with Princess Celestia. She was so disorderly, so unpredictable, never used a checklist, played pranks, never solved any of Equestria's problems herself and generally the whole place could be run in a far more organized fashion! About the only good decision Celestia had ever made, in Twilight's mind, was the decision to make Twilight an alicorn.

It had been an epic magical battle that had unthroned Celestia, after which the white alicorn had been banished to the sun and Twilight had found herself congratulated by all of Celestia's old opponents, like Discord and Chrysalis. But those two were just as bad as Celestia, if not worse, and Twilight effortlessly had them booted out of Equestria. Being an alicorn, after all, she had no problem defeating everything by her own.

She'd offered to let Luna stay around after she imprisoned Celestia in her own dungeons, but the moon princess had run away to the world of dreams, and these days Twilight was extremely wary of sleeping since that usually meant Luna harassing her with nightmares about low grades and showing up for evil regentship naked. This was not doing anything good for her sanity. She was pondering whether she could magic up a strong enough coffee to stave off sleep for weeks at a time when a terrifying explosion was heard from the doors of her fortress!

"Zip bop yeehaw h'yuckitty apples!" Came Applejack's battlecry, and Twilight grinned. Here was something to keep her awake. Her former 'friends' had finally decided to charge her bastion and stop her evil! Well, she was going to show them! She'd made a checklist! And a plan! And there was no way they were going to get past her plans!

Two hours later, in her throne room, it turned out that they were, in fact, going to get past her plans. Mostly because she'd distributed copies of it to all of her guards so they'd know the steps. Damn those guards, it was clearly their fault for allowing themselves to be caught.

"Dang'ol banjo tractors Ah tell yew what!" Swore Applejack at Twilight Sparkle. She was the leader of the Elements of Harmony now, and each of the five were decked out with their specific element, clearly ready to zap her.

"Hah!" Said Twilight Sparkle, "Er, wait, I mean. Bwahahahahaha!" She laughed, "You can't do anything to me, there's only five of you, you're missing the element of M-"

"Oh are they now?" Said Trixie, as she leapt from a balcony above and landed besides the other five, wearing Twilight's former element, "It appears the tables have been turned, TWILIGHT SPARKLE, now Trixie shall be the strongest magic-user in all of Equestria once she defeats you in battle!"

"Zim zammity doodle cousins." Applejack corrected Trixie.

"...what did she say?" Twilight asked.

"She said we're not going to fight you," Rainbow Dash translated, "We just wanted to get the two of you together."

Trixie and Twilight stared at the group of ponies with a confused expression as Rarity explained, "Look, Twilight, darling. We figured you were just doing this for attention because you weren't getting laid." Twilight sputtered and Trixie laughed, "And then we thought... now who would ever be desperate enough, no offense but your flank has gotten QUITE large and wings with horns? Major fashion no-no, to bang you, and, well..." They all looked towards Trixie, who stopped laughing.

Twilight considered this for a moment, then banished her friends, but not Trixie, to the moon.

And then they had the sex. All of it.

But Rarity had the last laugh as her statement about Twilight's butt was one that the purple alicorn could not easily forget. Eventually Twilight became bulimic and spent the next five years of her regency binging-and-purging before Trixie finally convinced her to see a therapist.

The ponies on the moon lived happily ever after.

Author's Note:

Partially I wrote this thing to mock /mlp/'s tendency to fawn over anything and everything grimdark, for the other part, it was to poke fun at the people insisting that Twilight becoming an alicorn would lead her to become an unchallengeable godlike being that would make the rest of the Elements of Harmony irrelevant.

Comments

[Getting Crunk is My Job]

It was a dark day in Ponyville, but it was shrouded in no mere ordinary darkness, for this was the darkness of evil!

[Hexxen354]

I don't even know, but I like it, so what the hell.

[Rainbooms]

What the fuck did I just read?

[GameKnut]

After the paragraph about Luna, I honestly thought Twilight would turn out to just be completely out of her gourd from sleep deprivation.

Boomhauerjack was unexpected.

I liked it, but it probably deserves a random tag.

[DerpedRainbow]

I feel the need to add this to my group... I am not sure why.

[stinker mcpinkerton]

Great job dude, I'm tempted to do a dramatic reading of this.

[TotallyNotAnyone]

2344085

Frankly I was expecting to get 15 downvotes and 0 upvotes on this. It's the laziest thing I've ever done, literally just something I wrote to mess with people on /mlp/ and then with a few more paragraphs grafted on to get it over the 1000-word limit. And instead it's the first thing I've written that has no downvotes.

I think we all know that you only have yourselves to blame for encouraging me.

[Hot Blooded Hero]

2343188 Then that would ruin the surprise. I was pleasantly surprised myself.

[kingtiger666]

Well, I came.

[Asa_harris]

fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/060/c/7/commission____dafuq___twilicorn_by_zutheskunk-d5wm1r9.png
fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/186/3/c/what_is_this_i_don__t_even_03_by_zutheskunk-d4p6osm.png

[archonix]

I have no idea what I read, I have no idea why I gave it a thumbs up and I have n idea why it's on my favourite's list.

Who are you and what did you do to gain this god-like power that renders all other writers pointless?

[Discorded Lullaby]

I just sort of stumbled upon this randomly and I... uh... I don't really know what I read, but I was entertained and for that, it deserves at least a thumbs up.

[Whitespace Only]

2345100
And that is exactly why this gets thumbs-up. The world needs more things like this.

[TracTix]

This is one of those stories that's so random and nonsensical, it's brilliant.

You made me laugh, so consider your mission accomplished

[Nia Moone 0]

ookay... somehow that felt good...

[Chloe The Great]

Lol? you should make more stories

[cleverpun]

You forgot the Random tag. Your dialogue punctuation is a bit wonky.

Otherwise I have no problems whatsoever with this turn of events.

[Jahoosaphat]

Strange.
Twilight either reminds me of Deloris Umbridge, (the grumpy lady off of harry potter), or that one Sgt. Frog episode, when Tamama was appointed platoon leader.
This is some jacked up shit.
...
...
...
UPVOTE!

[Rest]

And then they had the sex. All of it.

[Super Trampoline]

I liked this very much. Probably should have the "Random" tag, though.

[PixelMoon]

Oh, um..... Oh my....

....