Alright I’m here to say something. The year is 2855, and a lot has changed in those years. People live longer stuff like that. Anyway, you all know those Fan-Fictions that have the portal through MineCraft into Equestria right? Yea I’m here to tell you it doesn’t work like that, nothing happens just like that. You see, nothing is ever simple and I had to learn that the hard way. I got pulled here to defeat a great evil and protect something important. I am the Server Admin. And this is my story
Written & edited by- Venful
Cover found at Planet Minecraft just search up how to be a great Admin and there it is.
Chapters one till five have been edited now. Chapter 7 part 1 till (Chapter 7 part 8) is an Arc, this will wrap up part one of this story and will continue on in part two!
P.S- Give me good criticism on this one guys, I mean it. I'm trying something new here for me and I want to know if I do something wrong.
Chapter Written by: Venful
I'm sad to say that Alchemo will no longer be editing this story and I am looking for pre-readers to look over chapters before they go up.
Pre-Readers: The Grim Raper.
2284758 Its only in the begining stages of its life right now, but if later its still not looking good by readers standards I can go over it chapter for chapter and rework it.
what happened to his castle? was it his castle?
other than that it was pretty good please do more.
2286614 That will be mentioned at a later date. I don't want to hand out spoilers. And yes I reply quick.
and thank you for the positive feedback
Stuff. Can't really give you anything from this, need more
Interesting ^^
May started unspectacular but have quite some potential ^^ *fave+thump up+follow*
2288048 well thank you for that
2287567 Well I might want to wait for future chapters untill I look at previous chapters for any problems....
Like I said "Its only in the begining stages of its life right now, but if later its still not looking good by readers standards I can go over it chapter for chapter and rework it."
P.S.- You may want to go to my page to see when there are new chapters coming out.
Alright, you've asked for an honest review of your work. I shall give one.
Grammar isn't too bad, but I do see mistakes here and there. The lead is pretty terrible though. You start out with introducing yourself, which is BORING. There's no suspense, no drama, no tension, no action, no hook, and no reason why to keep reading.
But the biggest problem I see is Wish Fufillment. You're sacrificing character, plot, pacing, all to achieve what you want. You made yourself a God, a Gary Sue. You've given yourself millions of mods to play with in your own world. He has infinite knowledge, and impresses both Steve and Twilight. You made a 900 GB RAM computer (which would be completely pointless by the way, seeing that most applications including Minecraft remain under 6 GB, even while running a mere 12-person server)...
I do know the main character's a server admin, which would be extremely OP. But this isn't interesting. Mainly because the main character's totally and utterly boring. No backstory, no drama, no weakness, nothing.
I hope this helps. If you want to work with me further, shoot a PM over to me, and I'll see what I can do to edit.
Interesting start I will read the next chapters.
2288709 hmmmm..... I think i was just murdered
Thanks for pointing all that out. and dont worry as the story progresses I will change it more. because everone knows Minecraft always changes.
And I was planning on putting background in later not sooner, so I can't really do anything more than what I'm doing right now.
But I will work on the errors here and there. maybe even change something there. but thats all I can do without making the story seem boring to me.
Few spelling mistakes, but nice overall. I like the Herobrine twist there.
2338360 Well thank you. I thought it was a good Twist as well,
I'm getting faster writing now though. Might start on the next Chapter, expect some more intresting plot twists to get thrown into the story.
And Happy Easter!
-Venful
fun fun fun ^^
If Herobrine was on one of my worlds and he de-OPed me and threw me off a tree, he'd quickly learn why there's a distinct lack of sand and creepers. The moon's a bomb. And so is everything else.
oh... thats cool, sad he lost a friend to the curse. well done just keep on going
My.God.HEROBRINE IS FOLLOWING ME IN THESE STORIES I READ
oh you have a troll in this story now hah? i hope this will have 20% more comedy.
.
and i bestow to you this
use her well with all the trolling i hope to see in the future.
2344900 I hope to do so in the future, and thank you I will use this gift well.
2344201 He is everywhere O.O
There is no escape........
2338556 Nice to know someone agrees with me!
P.S.- to all of you, if you cheak my blog you will notice something that explains the quick chapter updates
Dis gunna be gud!
2361694 Indeed, Also thanks for favouriting and following the story and myself. Also just for future notice I may be thinking of extending the Marathon Updates, I kind of like doing this story. Hmmmmm...... What to do next though? Also If ANY and I mean ANY of you want to add a Minecraft Character to the story that has a original background, or if you want to see your own character in the story. then please Message me and I'll take a gander, but it must synchronize with the story so far. as said in the blog post. I'll message anyone who's character I'm going to use in the story.
ugh.... Sorry for the long comment. 
This promises to be quite good. The earlier chapters need a tad bit of reworking in terms of explanations and character interactions, but beyond that There aren't many issues. And the premise is very original. I would use some of the nice extra emoticons I normally have to express my feeling towards this story, but the undoing of the temporary gold member thing seems to have broken the Fimfiction Enhancements addon.
BTW, if you need any assistance with proofreading or editing I'm open to help.
2362225 AHHHH!!!
SOMEONE OFFERS TO FINALLY HELP ME :D THANK YOU!!
Sorry for all caps there. I'm on my 8th cup of coffee this morning
I'm a little loopy right now. I'll pm you my skype later or when I get back from my Appointment at 9:30 am. I should be out by 12:00 pm or earlier.
Thank you Alchemo Arrow for offering to help!
Side Note: I'm currently working on chapter six right now so we can start going over the chapters later this day.... or night..... or whenever ya feel up to it. I'm not really here most of the day. Work keeps me away from home till..... 4:20? maybe later into the day depending on after work activities.
2363614 Yah my scheduled is a bit weird this week since I'm on spring break. I'll probably be available around 7:00pm my time. I''m in California btw. And I'm glad to help
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/525/176/14d.png
2381828
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/195/a/1/no__rage_face_by_rix_rhea-d578t05.jpg
2381860 i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/525/052/b11.jpg
2381877
alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/annoyed-im-watching-u-l.png
2381898 dat ant chocolit milk
2381912
I know.
It's just I don't own any chocolate milk.
2381921 no im saying the thing pinky is looking at is not chocolit milk
2381944
Ah.... It does kinda look like it. just need to look closely.
2381958 im not even going to reply to that not so obvius bowls joke
2381984
I'm going to be honest here and say this.
I have no clue what you are talking about.
Edit: Oh nevermind..... My brother just filled me in on the joke....
haha...... its not that funny....
2383277
I have no idea what you are trying to imply there Killer007, but it looks like you are enjoying the stories.
I just hope that the story is making sense to you guys. I really don't want to have to go through the entire story trying to re-edit it all again. that would be most stressful on my part.
Plus, I'm going to be busy tomorrow doing some work on other.... things.
Anywho.... I've got a song to write... actually. no I finished that one..... Ok I've got another song to write then
Here's to hoping my Girlfriend enjoys her anniversary present in the form of a love song
Heeeeeeyy! Fellow Bronies!
Venful here!
just wanted to share this with you all.
Blog Update
For TSA. Details are in the blogy blog blog...
Anywho~!
Look forward to new chapters~!
Don't worry, nothing matters~!
Let's just keeeeep ooooon reading~!
No matter what happens~!
Look forward to add in's~!
Moooore Characters sooon~!
Oh! I got to go now~!
Mother want's to borrow my Trowl~!
So Byyeeeee byyeeee my friends~!
haha little song for ya there
Lol, a screech from your computer and you yell at someone to get off a server.... What sense does that make? It would be your computer perhaps having a hard-drive failure or a fan motor failing, nothing software wise going wrong... I just find that hilariously nonsensical.
Oh, and you seem to know nothing at all about computers. 900 gigs of ram? Sure, It would be a room full of server blades then. 900 gigabytes of processing power? That not how you measure that. Its gigaHERTZ or gigaFLOPS and 900 is ....... again, a large room worth of server racks. Even then no windows based application is built to be able to use even a fraction of that besides compliers and some programs made for research. In other words, remake that section of the story, It makes you look clueless.
Fascinating, captain.
farm4.staticflickr.com/3338/3589716749_f978a6a44d.jpg
I've added this story to the remaining Minecraft collection. Welcome to the family.
2603000
OHMYGOSH
You really did that for me?
I'm so Happy I could....! I could......!
yay!
Btw I'm keeping that picture. I like it
2603013
Well, I am one of the moderators. It's kinda my job.
2603017
YOUR A MODERATOR!!!!
Awesome Sauce!
Must be kinda hard though just roaming around the site looking for Minecraft stories
Wow.... Just realized I sure like my Emoticons
Oh yea! Do you mind linking me the page you moderate please?
2603026
You're story is linked to the group. There's a bar to the right of your story. Look under the group section, and you'll see the Minecraft group.
2603133
Oh
I see
Instead of saying "code" all the time use plugin -refearing to bukkit, and console- the magic window that do stuff when not in game
2603205
ahhhhh.....
When I say code.... Its more of a nickname for Codelord. You know Shortened. Unless you mean at the beginning then sure I can change it in a bit
Way to go Mojang! Murdering real lifes with your updates!
2603248
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
Made my day
Profile Pic even adds to the lols
Um... I have a tiny little complaint for you...
It seems that at certain points, your formatting is difficult to follow. When a new character speaks, you must separate their quotes to a new paragraph. When I read the conversation between Discord, Sombra, and Chrissy, I couldn't tell who was speaking. Perhaps you could fix that so we readers can more easily understand the story. :3
<3 DarqFox
2603369
Why didn't someone say something sooner!
Now I can go fix it!