Chapter 1
"C'mon Twilight! Everypony's waiting for you at Sugar Cube Corner!" Spike had had to half-drag Twilight from the library, where she had spent the evening reading and drinking – mostly drinking. He'd found her curled up on the couch nursing a bottle of vanilla-lemon vodka, the floor a pile of crumpled books and empty bottles, and she'd resisted every effort of his to get her to come with him. He'd tried to pull her by her tail at first, and when that hadn't worked he'd pushed on her rump as she dug her hooves in stubbornly, but now she had finally given up and was walking alongside him, swaying as she went.
"At what… where? Sugar Cube Corner?" she slurred. After half a bottle of vodka, Twilight was three sheets to the wind, and she found it difficult to put one hoof in front of the other. In fact, they threatened to tangle up underneath her at any moment, and she was glad of Spike's help in keeping her upright. "Why d'we have to go THERE?"
"It's a surprise!" explained Spike.
"A surprise?" Twilight crinkled her brow. The little purple dragon guy wasn't making any sense. "You mean a surprise party, right? For me?" Twilight was unsure. She really wished she had that bottle of vodka right now – but maybe there'd be some liquor at the party! She broke away from Spike, and into a trot, and the little dragon struggled to catch up with her as she zigzagged along the street.
He shook his head. "Oh Twilight. You make me so worried when you do this to yourself!"
**********************
The door to Sugar Cube Corner opened and light spilled into the dark street. Pinkie was there waiting for them.
"SURPRISE!" she cried, leading a blinking Twilight into the bakery. The unicorn pony looked about the room blearily. Where were the decorations? Where were the party snacks? And most importantly, where was the booze?
The room was stark and empty except for those five ponies that always hung around with her. They were standing in a semi-circle, smiling at her with suspiciously bright and friendly smiles – the insane pink pony that had opened the door, the one with the hat, that snooty unicorn, the boring one with the pink mane, and the other Pegasus that was probably a lesbian.
"Welcome to your intervention, Twilight!" they all said in unison, rushing up and mobbing her.
"Welcome to my… what now?" she asked. The nuzzling of their muzzles and the touch of their hooves made her feel suddenly queasy.
"Your intervention!" replied Pinkie Pie. "You see, all your friends have been SUPER worried about you and your little drinky-winky-problem recently, so we're here to help you!"
"What the hell is all this?" Twilight looked up. So this WASN'T a surprise party? She finally noticed the huge banner hanging there, with "Welcome to Your Intervention, Twilight!" painted on it. "Oh look! – you made me a banner and everything. I'm so touched! Here, let me sit down a minute…" The room had started to spin around, and she felt her stomach lurch, but sitting on the chair that Applejack pushed up for her made her feel a bit better.
"Ya see, sugarcube," said Applejack once a healthy colour had returned to the unicorn pony's face, "We've all bin noticin' lately just how much yer've been drinkin'…"
"Drinking? Is that all this about?" Twilight shook her head. "You dragged me away from my science for THIS?" She started to get up, but Rainbow Dash gently stopped her.
"You have a problem, Twilight," Dash said, helping her back down onto the chair. "And we want you help you with it."
"We just want you to know that we all love you, Twilight!" said Fluttershy.
"We're here for you darling," added Rarity.
"That's fer darn sure!" agreed Applejack.
"We can all get through this together!" said Spike.
Twilight looked from one pony to the next. What the hell were they talking about? So she had a few drinks now and again. Who could blame her? After a hard day of scientific inquiry and writing reports on friendship to Princess Celestia, she deserved to be able to relax. What business did this bunch of multi-coloured little ponies have with what she did in her spare time? It wasn't like she drank to excess or anything…
Her friends looked at each other. Finally Pinkie hopped over to her and put her beaming pink face right next to Twilight's. "Oh Twilight," she said jauntily, "Don't you know?
The pink pony began to bounce up and down, and music, piped in from Celestia knew where, started to play.
Pinkie sang:
It's alright to have a snifter or two,
No one will blame you. It's what you do!
But when you drink a mite too much…!
Twilight was out of her chair in a flash and she leapt onto the pink pony mid-bounce and pinned her to the ground.
"IF YOU KEEP SINGING, PINKIE PIE, I SWEAR I WILL PUT MY HORN THROUGH THAT SMILING FACE OF YOURS!"
Pinkie giggled. "Oh Twilight!" she tapped her on the chin with a hoof. "You're such a kidder!"
The other ponies had been momentarily stunned by Twilight's leap, but then Applejack and Dash galloped over and, snatching up Twilight's tail in their mouths, they pulled her off Pinkie. She struggled, but then resigned herself to being dragged away.
"OK, alright. Sorry. Sorry. That was a bit of an overreaction…" apologised Twilight.
"D'ya promise to quieten down, Twi?" asked Applejack.
Twilight nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Yes. Just please, Pinkie Pie – no singing!"
The pink pony seemed disappointed and started to protest, but Rainbow Dash glared at her and she zipped her mouth shut.
After Applejack and Dash let her go, Twilight dusted herself off and sat back down on the chair.
Fluttershy came forward first. "I just want you know that I love you Twilight Sparkle..."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Oh please…"
Fluttershy continued undaunted. "…but I hate it when you drink. You become a totally different pony when you do." Tears welled in the Pegasus pony's eyes. "I just want to have the old Twilight Sparkle back!"
"I don't have a problem!" Twilight shouted, and she railed against the other ponies. "You're all just overreacting! The whole lot of you!" She indicated all of them with the sweep of a hoof – but in doing so she fell off the chair and banged her head on the floor. The other ponies gasped, and Twilight struggled onto her feet.
"I'm alright! I'm alright everypony!" Twilight said. She raised a hoof to her temple and touched it gingerly. "Uh…. blood."
"Oh d-dear, oh dear," said Fluttershy in alarm. "I'll just go get the first aid kit and clean that up…"
Twilight turned on the pink-maned Pegasus pony, her face black with rage. "Of course you will, won't you! Little-miss-I'm-the-Element-of-Kindness, I'm so kind and nice and gentle and…. YOU MAKE ME PHYSICALLY SICK!" As Fluttershy jumped back, shivering at Twilight's violent outburst, the unicorn pony continued her harangue, stumbling towards the others. "YOU ALL MAKE ME SICK!" She pointed at each of the horrified ponies in turn. "You, Rainbow Dash!" she cried. "I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time. I KNOW it's YOU who's been spying on me while I'm in the shower…."
Dash stepped back from the livid unicorn pony, a guilty smile on her blushing face. "Ah…um… You've got that all wrong, Twilight Sparkle…. It's not like that at… uh…"
"I saw you hovering outside my window!" Twilight snarled. "Who else is it going to be? FLUTTERSHY?"
The others looked at Fluttershy, whose ears were folded back in fear.
"And you, Pinkie Pie," Twilight lunged over to where Pinkie was still smiling cluelessly. "YOU have the gall to say I have a drinking problem? You, a pony with an obvious eating disorder who is clearly on DRUGS!"
Pinkie tilted her head quizzically. "Bugs?"
"DRUGS!" screamed Twilight.
Applejack approached her tentatively, a nervous smile on her face. "Now, Twi, I know yer a might annoyed at the mome-"
Twilight glared at her. "Oh, thanks for your concern, AJ!" she said in a voice dripping with irony. "Are we going to be treated to some of your trade-mark HONESTY? I can't wait!"
Applejack looked hurt. "Look Twi, ya can't keep lyin' to yerself about yer drinkin'…"
"ME? I'm the ONE lying to myself?" Twilight started laughing. "With you and Miss Vogue here, you have the guts to say that I'M lying to myself? We ALL know what you guys get up to on those camping trips in the Swayback Mountains!"
Rarity and Applejack looked at each other, and Rarity blushed deeply. Fluttershy gasped in horror.
"Oh shut up, Fluttershy!" spat Twilight. "YOU've got nothing to worry about. Nopony's going to touch you – 'cause you're so Celestia-damned BORING!"
Rainbow Dash started to approach her, but Twilight backed away into a corner of the room.
"Twilight, you've got to calm down!" said Dash, but Twilight shook her head.
"Don't you come near me, Rainbow Dash! I've got a horn here, and I know how to use it!"
Twilight stabbed at the air with her horn, and Rainbow Dash jumped back. The ponies stood and watched, too terrified to come close, as she continued to stab in their direction with her horn. But then Spike ran up to her, and dodging her vicious jabs, he threw his arms around her neck and shouted "Twilight! Don't do this! Please Twilight! Twiiiiilight!"
She was about to shake him off with a toss of her neck, but as she tried, her violet eyes met his green ones. And she saw herself reflect in them, her face as twisted and hate-filled as Nightmare Moon's had been when all of them had fought her to free Princess Celestia and Equestria from eternal night. And there was no fear or anger in Spike's, just love and forgiveness.
As suddenly as all the alcohol-fuel rage had swelled up in her, it drained away, and she fell to her knees, Spike's arms still around her neck. She started to cry, and she lay her head in the little dragon's lap.
"Shhhh…shhhh… It's OK Twilight. Nopony's angry," said Spike softly, stroking her mane. The other ponies came forward. Twilight lifted her head and looked at them, but turned away, filled with guilt and remorse.
"You all HATE me!" she wept.
"Aw sug', none of us hate ya!" said Applejack. "We just… we just wanna do the right thing by ya."
"There's no shame in asking for help, darling!" added Rarity. "Even the best of us needs help at some time or other."
"That's right," nodded Fluttershy. "It's what friends are for."
"Why, without you, Twilight," piped up Pinkie cheerily, "The rest of us are like, are like… well, like a party without balloons. Or streamers. Or those little cocktail weenies nopony likes!"
Rainbow Dash nodded. "Pinkie is so totally right. Without your magic, we got nothing!"
Twilight sniffed, looking at the smiling faces of each of her friends in turn, and then she burst into tears again… but this time they were tears of joy.
"You guys are the best friends ever!" she laughed.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learnt that your friends are always there for you, and that although sometimes you might not appreciate their help at first, it's important to trust them, because your friends can often see things in you that you can't – or don't want to - see yourself. And you need them to tell it to you straight, even though it might hurt at first, because what they're telling you is from the heart.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
And from that day forth Twilight Sparkle stopped drinking alone, and became a strictly social drinker, except after Winter Wrap up, when she sometimes sneaked three extra shots of brandy into her egg-nog. She did however become addicted to the special muffins that Pinkie Pie baked especially for Derpy the mail-pony – "The secret ingredient," Pinkie told her with a wink, "Are the funny little leaves from these plants I find growing everywhere in the Ever-free Forest!" – but that's a story for another time.
THE END
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Drunkard Twilight is so canon. She deals with soooo much stress~ Self-inflicted, usually, but still. >.>
Wow... a not-clopfic from Butterscotch?
Impossible!
... Oh. It's an anti-drinking PSA type thing? Ha! It's better than Twi-Dye Sparkle, that's for sure...
Cocks shotgun, no one yells at fluttershy, good story though, lol at the ending
Lol?
Twilight sighed, standing up from her computer. "And this is why I drink..." she muttered, heading in the direction of the fridge and, hopefully, some form of alchol.
Good fic.
Also, cheese.
Taran, AWAY!
Ah, a Swayback Mountains reference? Nice! That story was really good...marred with mistakes, but overall a great story. And...ugh, FINALLY! About time someone says that Fluttershy is drop-dead boring! It's SO true. Pinkie on drugs? Makes sense. Applejack and her annoying honesty? Yup, ain't that the truth. Rainbow Dash being a perverted little lesbian and spying on Twilight? Again, ain't that the truth. Drinking itself is no laughing matter, but...well, this is just a story, so it's alright to laugh. I think we're all smart enough to know that, in real life, this isn't funny. All the same, though, seeing Twilight like that is rather humorous and cute. I love the unicorn. Nice little story by you, as most of your stories are...I think.
Funny little leaves huh? Just remember...
img3.lsistatic.com/members/739146/drugs_are_bad_mmkay.jpg
hahaha, very funny! Thanks for writing it!
hahaha, very funny! Thanks for writing it!
177628 Whatever do you mean?
This was clearly a clo... ehm, I mean... NICE STORY BUTTERSCOTCH! 
*runs off*
-Glassed
177629 Cocking your shotgun after something bad happens to Fluttershy? Pff. I cock my shotgun and activate all my turrets when I see Fluttershy's in a fic, just on the off chance somepony does something I detest of.
Also, the new Rarity:
i.imgur.com/9Un2W.gif
When I saw that you posted a new story, I was like:
29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm4y3xAs6j1qdoghio1_400.gif
Then I started to read it and when Twilight was telling everypony off, it reminded me of the episode of The Simpsons when Ned Flanders loses it and tells everyone off. Appropriate gif is appropriate.
This is why I love you Butters, you have great range and this story shows it. Honestly it says "comedy" but this story is more heartwarming than funny, it' more about close friendships than laughs.
Love the callback reference to Swayback Mountain
I want to hear more about Derpy's "special" muffins... I am sure it would make for a hilarious, antic filled adventure.
images.wikia.com/how-i-met-your-mother/de/images/3/3f/Intervention.png
NOPONY GOT THE REFERENCE/ALLUSION, WHATEVER? I AM FUCKING DISAPPOINTED!
"and the other Pegasus that was probably a lesbian."
OH GOD YOU GOT ME XD
So 3 of the mane 6 are definitely lesbian. Or Rainbow was just curious. I shall now do an emoticon version of my favourite bit of the play.
That was easy.
Oh, and
This had me laughing quite a bit!
"Oh shut up, Fluttershy!" spat Twilight. "YOU've got nothing to worry about. Nopony's going to touch you – 'cause you're so Celestia-damned BORING!"
Oh even I felt that one.
Another drunken Twiolight fic... I'll probably read it and I'll also look for more drunken ponies fics.
Edit: Ah read it. Not funny but still a good read.
I have the strangest urge to ask some unnamed pony help me bake cupcakes...
177628
'Twi-Dye Sparkle'?
179550 Yes. read the MST here: Mystery-Pinkie-Pie-Theatre-3000 Twi-Dye-Sparkle The fic is bloody brilliant. READ IT.
178584
Heheh. This story is a rough little one, since it was one of the first drunken Twilight stories, if not the very first. (It was first posted in February of last year on /co/ and then DA. I'm really interested if people can find an earlier one.) Twi had been described as a drunk back since October of 2011, though, when I first started watching the show... so I might have missed some.
well at least she didn't die this time like most of the other drunken twilight fics that I have seen
Wow... I can see why the other ponies wanted an intervention... Twilight was cold and hateful towards her friends.
Me? Boring? *thumbs the trigger of her magnum absent-mindedly while nodding her head as if in agreement* Maybe we should all take it down a few notches before somepony has to apologize for all the bullet holes up in this bee-yatch...
Rainbow stop clopping! We are always naked!
Do-ho-ho-ho. I started singing the song to a tune as well.
Thank you for the story
well 5/6, that darn Fluttershy keeps giving it to Big Mac. I need more shipping, but good distraction. Anyway, Ty butterscotch. Yah, and "Rainbow" Dash, Puleeeease, she's the only one not hidding herself. Twidash is best shipping!
xD that is all.... ok maby this
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2388-000836c1.gif
Confound these ponys and my taste for wine xD
Was this supposed to make me laugh or cry.
I can't tell.
ROTFL Pinkie DID use drugs
Derpys a stoner mystery solved
This is interesting, amusing and sad. Drunk Twilight is great, especially with the comments about the other ponies lesbian activities.
178365 Calm yourself down or I'll need to hold an intervention for your holding too many interventions.
I don't really understand why it's labelled as comedy. Being a drunkard is hardly a laughing matter.
If there's one kind of people I absolutely detest, it's drunkards. Sorry, there's no mercy for them in my book.
Dash spying on Twilight in the shower?
Funny story
So thats why derpy is like that! Now that just explains everything.
First things first: DERPY!!!!!!!!!!!! Second, this has from me a 10/10 perfect in every way, shape and form, loved it, seriously and poor Flutter's everyone always picks on her, feel really bad for her and ha, Rarity/Applejack for the win! Am,amazing story, onto the next one!
Reading this in some dry law reading was NOT a good idea. Twilights drunk rage was hilarious, good job
derpy
wait Apple Jack and Rarity
and OO Twilight and stoner
Twilight uses alcoo.
Rainbow Dash uses evade.
Twilight uses horn.
Spike uses love.
Attack Spike super effetive.
You got Twilight Sparkle.
362050
I'd love to see you try, heretic. Nopony expects the Equestrian Intervention!
6127782 Three. Years. Ago.
6128191
Wat.
big meh