Twilight has seen her friends less and less since she became the newest princess of Equestria. So what happens when they make new friends? Twilight thinks the new pony is her replacement. Is she? Find out in a story where Twilight and Tie Die (the new pony) alternate narrating and telling their sides of the story. And if Twilight and her friends drift apart, will they still be able to use the Elements of Harmony? What happens if they have to?
(Cover Art made on Paint.)
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Please give me advice to make the story better!
2600985
It was my first story, future chapters will be better.
2585547
I Understand That This Is Your First Story But You Atleast Have Some More Description. Tell Us What The Characters Are Doing, Give Us Some Action. For Now I'm A Dislike But Once (IF) You Make It Better I Will Change
2813771
Yeah, right now I'm editing it.
This chapter is now a lot better! You could still change A LOT though. Maybe describe Tie-Die's character a bit more? We know a little bit about how she looks, but where did she live before? Any family? Does she have any strengths or weaknesses that could affect the plot? It's getting there, but it still needs a little some thing more!
A bit better! Try and make the chapters longer, with A LOT more detail. We know the basic facts with this, but now you need to add the details to make it more descriptive. Maybe you should get and editor. I'd be willing to do it!
2819619
The next chapter is Tie Dye's. I'll give more information about her in the next chapter, and of will be longer, too!
2819627
No thanks, if you look at my other stories you'll see how much I've improved. Thanks anyway!
2833036 Thanks!
2819627
Rewriting it now.
Edit: Or not.
This story has officially been graded a Flawed Quartz by The Gem Hunters.
You need to work on your pacing and descriptions. For all we know, Tie-Dye could be a Timberwolf. There isn't much description. Also, you need to make your chapters longer, each one should be at least 1K words.
3728520
Right. I will be (maybe) rewriting the story, and the chapters will definitely be longer, and I will add more detail. Thanks!
I'd say that you should change your cover picture, it's a little odd looking with just two ponies floating in a white void. You could probably use a screencap from the show of Twilight Sparkle looking sad or something. It's just a suggestion, the art is still fine as it is.
4246498
Yeah, I know. I need to go fix that at some point.