Lil Fabio was abandoned as a child, and lived on his own until he met Bon-Bon. He now spends his days trying to hit on all the older mares, but none of them takes him seriously because he is too adorable. He decides that this Hearts and Hooves day he will find somepony, though when he uses a certain spell to help with this plan he gets far more than he bargained for...
Join him on his journey of self-discovery as he searches for his one true special somepony
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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*when I saw the cover-art*
One ticket for the NOPE train, to fuckthatshitville please.
2113452 Well, I'm sorry you feel way...
whenI posted this story, I didn't have anything else so I used this...
2113487
yea I think you should change it, people hate OC ponies for the cover-art
2113493 Deleted the cover art, until I find something better...
I don't see why people downvote this.
I like it.
2113493 you must not know who Fabio is. I thought the cover art was quite funny.
2113629 According to Riften Private Guard it was the cover art...I decided it might be better to remove it, though I am planning to create a new one to replace it.
2114302 After searching I have found two pictures that could serve as new cover art for this story, and I was wondering which one you guys would prefer...
1)fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/293/7/1/dumb_fabio_by_rocketknightgeek-d4ddu1v.png
or
2)images.ponyaday.com/2008W/2008-01-30-fabio-pony.jpg
Oh, dear God!
It's all in italics!
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
On a more serious note, congrats on your first finished story.
I enjoyed it very much.
2131344 There we go...fixed that annoying little problem
It seems one of the italics markers was messed up and didn't close properly...
2131387
And now the chapter title is funnier.
Me: Ah! Italics!
You: Don't worry, I'm on it!
LATER
You: Alright, it's fixed.
Me: I guess you could say you were...
Together: SETTING THINGS RIGHT!
Haha.
I'll shut up now.
Shouldn’t Fabio be the 5th Cutie Mark Crusader, not the 4th?
I will put my full thoughts on this, as well as your other story, in the review for the group. I’m not sure when Rip will put it up though.
For the most part I liked it.
Hmm. It's kind of an odd story. Do little boys ever actually go after women for romance? Slightly creepy. You've got some really cute story points but it's all very straightforward narrative without enough atmosphere and so the it appears quite stilted: You need to read back over to tidy up your run-on sentences into punchier ones, run-on only works well for slow-paced poetic description and in very carefully prescribed doses. When your dialogue scene is only introduced with the basic narrative "one day I asked him" style, it makes complex conversations awkward to read and rather boring. Perhaps turn narrative questions and answers into statements with depth of feeling implied, and slip your descriptions into dialogue for narrative flow and drama:
'Handing him his change one morning I asked him where he lived in the town, as I hadn't seen him around the orphanage. Turning at the door, his flowing locks catching the morning sun, the little colt mumbled back through the chocolate box in his teeth: "Between Sugarcube Corner and Hoofton Street." It took me a while to realise that there was nothing between the two but an alleyway.'
2114716 The second one. That's a hilariously fabulous-looking horse.