Tailor Made
Twilight pushed open the door to Carousel Boutique, ringing the little bell on top. She smiled as she saw Rarity’s younger sister run downstairs. “Hello, Sweetie Belle! Do you know where Rarity is?”
Sweetie Belle looked less than motivated to tell her. “She’s in her ‘inspiration room,’ and she’s not accepting visitors.” She straightened up. “But, I can take you to her anyway!”
“Oh… okay,” Twilght said. She followed the filly upstairs to the workroom, the door to which was ajar.
Inside, a white unicorn with frizzled violet hair and earmuffs was standing in the middle of the room, bracing herself as her horn glowed brightly. Fabric and scissors were flying about four dress forms by the window. Although it seemed chaotic, Twilight was impressed with the orchestration. It all seemed to have an order to it.
“She needs to focus right now,” Sweetie Belle whispered. “This is the first time she’s working on four dresses at once.”
“Ah, I see,” Twilight whispered back. “Why does she need to do all of them at once?”
“You know about the big convention, right?”
“Definitely.”
“Well, they asked Rarity to do a bunch of dresses for the opening ceremony, and she wants them to all be done at the same time, so they ‘complete the ensemble,’ or something.”
Rarity, out of the corner of her eye, spotted the conversing. The materials floated gently down to the ground, and the unicorn that formerly controlled them turned to her friend, smiling warmly. “Why, Twilight, hello!” she said as she pulled her earmuffs down. “It’s so good to see you on this fine morning!”
“Afternoon,” Sweetie Belle corrected.
“…Afternoon,” she said, and rubbed her sore eyes. “Can I get you anything? Tea? Water?”
“No, that’s fine,” Twilight answered. “I won’t be here for long.”
“Suit yourself.” Rarity levitated out her own cup of tea and took a sip. Her sister cleared her throat. Rarity paused, and then nodded. “Yes, Sweetie, you can get your cape now.”
“Yay! Thanks! Bye!” She zipped across and was out of the room in the blink of an eye.
Rarity rubbed the back of her neck. “You don’t need me to return that book on multitasking, do you?” She chuckled and looked at the text, lying open in the corner. “As you can see, I’m still working with it.”
Twilight shook her head. “No, that’s fine. I came to talk about the convention.”
“Ah, yes. Don’t you worry, I’ll have those dresses ready before tomorrow morning, I promise. I understand how stressful it must be to coordinate things like this.”
“Oh, I trust you’ll have the dresses done on time,” Twilight said reassuringly. “I came to talk to you about something else. One of the designers entered in the young designer’s competition needs a place to stay for the weekend, and requested to stay with you.”
“Oh, did she?” Rarity asked casually as she took a sip of her tea.
“Yes, she says she’s a fan of yours, so I thought it would work out great! After all, I don’t have enough beds for Princess Cadence and her cousin at the library.”
At this, Rarity choked on her tea, refraining from sputtering in an unladylike manner. After recovering, she asked, “Are you saying that Princess Cadence’s cousin wants to stay here? Right here? In my shop?”
“Yes, I a-”
“Oh, Twilight, this is wonderful! Thank you so very much!” She leaped forward for a hug, and lost herself in imagination. “Oh, to think that I, Rarity, will not only get to meet royalty, but a royal designer!”
Her friend smiled. “I thought you’d be excited. She’ll be arriving this afternoon at around four o’clock. She also wants to work in your shop to touch up some of her designs, and will reimburse you fully for-”
“Oh, I would practically sell the shop for royalty!” She sighed, but, catching herself, added, “Of course, if she is offering reimbursement, I suppose it would be rude to decline…”
~ ~ ~
The clock struck four as Sweetie Belle jumped up to see through the window. “Rarity! She’s here! The carriage just pulled up!” she called out.
Rarity rushed downstairs and towards the door. “Be on your best behaviour, now, Sweetie; it isn’t every day that royalty visits!”
She opened the door to a mint green mare with a short yellow mane and tail. Rarity was initially surprised with how unkempt her mane was, but, from the smoothness and sharp tips of it, realized that it was styled that way. “Quick Stitch?” Rarity began. She wasn’t expecting Cadence’s cousin to be an earth pony, but, ever since the Cakes’ twins, she had learned not to question genealogy.
“Rarity!” The green mare eagerly shook her hostess’s hoof. “It’s so great to meet you!”
“Why, thank you, darling.” After noticing the pile of suitcases stacked up in the back of the carriage, Rarity turned to her sister. “Sweetie Belle, could you bring Quick Stitch’s luggage to the guest room?”
“Guest room? But, that’s my room!”
“That’s the guest room,” Rarity corrected. “I’ll make arrangements for your room tonight.”
Sweetie Belle picked up the first load of luggage and started upstairs. “Guess that means I’ll sleep on the couch tonight,” she grumbled through a suitcase handle.
“It's a chaise longue, and the most comfortable one they had in the store!” Rarity insisted. She turned back to Quick Stitch and invited her towards the kitchen. “Would you like anything to drink? I have many teas, but also milk or water, if you prefer.”
“Water is fine,” Quick Stitch replied as she followed the white unicorn. Rarity brought out two glasses from a cupboard and filled each one with water. As she floated them onto the table, both of them helped themselves to a seat.
“So, darling, I hear you’re into fashion design, yes?” Rarity began. If she had learned anything from her time in Canterlot, it was that royalty liked to be humoured.
“Oh, yes,” she said before taking a sip of water. “And I’m a big fan of yours. I’ve read all about you in Cosmoponytan, and how you got the attention of Hoity Toity himself! Although, you probably already know that, but I’m just so excited to meet someone so famous!”
Rarity blushed. Maybe her guest had learned the same thing…
From the saddlebag on her back, Quick Stitch produced a thin, ring-bound book and laid it on the table. She smiled giddily. “I was hoping you could look at my portfolio, and tell me what you think?”
Rarity nodded, excited to see a royal designer’s work. “Aboslutely!” She picked it up and opened it to the first page.
What she saw came as a bit of a shock to her. The first design… wasn’t great. There wasn’t anything particularly special about it, so she continued to the next page. Well, this one wasn’t any better. She could already name two fundamental principles that that design overlooked…
“Quick Stitch, have you had any formal fashion design education?” Rarity inquired.
“No, I haven’t. I’ve been making dresses since I was a filly, though.”
“But, no education? Just curious…” Rarity was leafing through the book, trying to find a good dress among its pages. Too plain, too pointy, too simple, too extravagant… Eventually, though, she reached the end. She decided to take another look through, in case she had missed something.
“Well? What do you think so far?” asked Quick Stitch, leaning forward in anticipation.
Was there a polite way to put this? Nothing came to Rarity’s mind immediately. She didn’t want to hurt Cadence’s cousin’s feelings… “They, um… I like them,” Rarity concluded half-heartedly, handing her the book back.
“That’s wonderful! I’m so happy that you do.” She reopened the book to a certain page and showed it to Rarity. “I wanted to make this one, actually, for my cousin to wear for the opening ceremony tomorrow. I know you’re making all the dresses, but could you let me make just one?”
Rarity looked down at the page in question. It was the pointy one. Well, it was more… blocky, and especially so along the back. The headdress was jagged in a strange, asymmetrical way. The dress was beyond avant-garde: it was just plain ugly.
“Since she’s the Crystal Princess – I mean, you already know that – I wanted the dress to emulate crystals, you know?”
Rarity looked over the notes Quick Stitch had made on the color choices, and inwardly frowned. This design was simply horrendous. There had to be something visually pleasing about it, but she was having trouble finding it…
The green mare turned the glass of water on the table. “I just want to impress my cousin, you know? To see the look on her face when she sees my dress for her…”
Rarity looked up. She knew firsthoof how important it was to make good impressions, especially on the big names. But, this wouldn’t quite garner the kind of impression that Quick Stitch was looking for. She shifted uncomfortably. “Well, I suppose I see where you’re coming from, but…”
“But what? Is it bad?”
“No, it’s just…” Rarity flipped to the back of the book, finding a blank page. “Do you mind?”
Quick Stitch shook her head, and pulled a piece of drawing charcoal out of her saddlebag. “Not at all, go ahead.”
The white unicorn picked it up with her magic and began to draw. “It’s true that Cadence is the Crystal Princess, but that magic only works within the bounds of the crystal kingdom. So, you see, the ensemble has to fit with normal Cadence instead…”
After about ten minutes of sketching and condensed fashion theory, Rarity had outlined a beautiful dress. She handed the book back to its owner. “…and the neckline really complements her mane, as you can see.”
“Wow…” Quick Stitch marveled, as she studied the drawing, along with Rarity’s notes. “I hadn’t thought about it like that.”
Rarity leaned back and set the charcoal down on the table. “You had the right idea, you know. You simply have to find the… soul of your composition, in a sense.”
She nodded. “Say, would it be okay if I made a dress from this? I mean, I don’t want to steal your idea or anything, but… Do you mind?”
Rarity waved it off. “Oh, absolutely not! It’s in your portfolio, after all.”
“Oh, thank you!” Quick Stitch’s face lit up in excitement. “May I use your workroom? And, do you have all the fabric and stuff?”
“Oh, yes, but please excuse me a moment,” Rarity said as she stood up. “I have to… sort out the room, first; it’s a tad messy from this afternoon. But, not to worry! I have everything you’ll need.”
Exactly everything you need, she thought as she set her glass on the counter.
~ ~ ~
“Mmm, this apple salad is fantastic!” Hoity Toity insisted. “Who, again, did you say made this fabulous appetizer?”
“My friend Applejack,” Rarity replied. “She and her family can do culinary wonders - as long as apples are involved, of course.”
They were seated in an outdoor cafe, which was hosting the VIP luncheon. Joining them in their meals were Cadence and her cousin, the former of which nodded in agreement with Rarity’s statement.
“She catered for our wedding, you know. Her hors d’eouvers are the best I’ve ever had!”
Hoity Toity nodded. “I simply must have her cater for my expo up in Fillydelphia next month. The Wonderbolts are sponsoring, and if there’s one delicacy Soarin’ adores, it’s anything and everything to do with apples!” He cleared his throat. “Of course, he’s not the only one, mind you.”
Cadence swallowed another bite and added, “By the way, Rarity, thank you so much for the dress! I really hope it didn’t take you too long.”
Rarity brought her hoof up to her chest. “Oh, darling, thank you, but I didn’t make your dress.” She looked at the green mare across from herself, who was quietly eating her salad. “Your very own cousin insisted on making that dress for you herself!”
Quick Stitch looked up, shifting a little. “Well, I didn’t quite make it all by myself…”
“Oh, don’t be so modest. You had the vision and did all the sewing; I merely provided a little guidance.”
Cadence laid a hoof on her cousin’s shoulder. “Thank you so much, cuz. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever worn.”
Her cousin smiled, and gave Rarity a thankful expression. Hoity Toity looked at Rarity as well. “I thought you designed all of the outfits.”
Rarity nodded. “Yes, all but Cadence’s. Quick Stitch couldn’t do all of them; she needed some time for her own line. She’s entered in the Next in Line competition, you know.”
“Is she now?” He pulled his glasses down to inspect the young designer. “With an eye for fashion like that, you’ll be one to watch out for.”
She blushed. “Thank you, Mr. Toity.”
“Oh, Hoity Toity is just fine, young filly.” He looked at his wrist and back to her. “Now, Miss Stitch, there are some ponies that I believe are just dying to meet you. This way,” he beckoned with a hoof gesture.
Quick Stitch’s eyes shimmered. She looked at her cousin, who gave her a warm smile and encouraged her to go. She left to join Hoity Toity, who led her away and into the town hall, where most of the activity was.
Rarity supported her head with a hoof and sighed. She was the one who had looked forward to getting to know more of Hoity Toity’s connections, meeting the big names in the business. But, this was Quick Stitch’s chance to shine. Hoity Toity had discovered her in a similar way, and how selfish would she have to be to hog all the attention to herself? She could always busy herself elsewhere; there were plenty of events going on that weekend. From what she heard, the Cakes were putting up some bags of luster dust at this afternoon’s charity auction…
“She was always destined for fashion, you know.”
Rarity disembarked her train of thought to respond to Cadence. “Was she?”
“Oh, yes. Did you hear about how she got her cutie mark?”
Rarity shook her head. She had been curious, but hadn’t said anything about Quick Stitch’s needle-and-thread cutie mark.
Cadence continued. “One day, she was fitting a dress she had made for my aunt, who said she loved it. Her cutie mark appeared, and, next thing you know, she gets dreams of becoming the best fashion designer in all of Equestria! She’s gone through plenty of sketch notebooks, from what I hear.” She looked at Rarity and smiled. “I suppose you more than anyone can see her talent.”
Rarity nodded. “Ah, yes, her talent…”
~ ~ ~
“Sweetie Belle, please. I don’t have time for any games right now,” Rarity insisted as she hung her hat on the coat rack.
“But, Rarity!”
“Ah!” she halted. “I have things to prepare for, Sweetie. The boutique hasn’t caught fire, so, whatever it is, it can wait until later.”
Sweetie Belle sat down as she watched her sister trot upstairs. “You sure about that?” she mumbled to herself.
Rarity tried the door to her inspiration room, but it wouldn’t open. How odd, she thought, I didn’t think there was a lock on this door. The knob was free, but something was keeping the door closed. She pushed on it with as much magic as she was comfortable using, and, slowly, it gave way. When she saw what was inside, she stopped.
The room had become a disaster zone. Cloth, scarves, footwear, spools, and everything else that had once been on a shelf were scattered around the floor, with an open trench in front of a row of ponnequins.
Quick Stitch was frantically running back and forth. Sometimes, she’d stop, stand back, tilt her head, and make a hasty adjustment. She’d toss a headdress from one ponnequin to the top of another, or dig for a fabric patch and hold it up for a comparison. She was too engrossed in her work to notice the white unicorn, who was attempting to wade into the room.
“Stitch, darling, are you alright?” Rarity asked.
The earth pony whirled around to meet her. “Rarity! Please, help me. I just… I don’t know if they look okay. Do they look okay?”
She surveyed the line. What she saw were three pieces, not only terribly ugly, but terribly mismatched. The least she could have done was make them all horrid in the same way.
Such a remark was not tasteful for this situation, though. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Cadence’s cousin’s feelings. She withheld her true thoughts and said, “Oh, they’re perfectly-”
Quick Stitch’s face lit up. “They’re perfect?!”
“No, not quite-”
Her ears drooped, and her exasperated expression returned. “No, they’re not perfect?”
“No, I was about to say that-”
“They’re not not perfect?”
Rarity grabbed the young designer by the shoulders. “Please, dear, slow down. No need to make mountains out of mole hills, now.”
She shrunk back apologetically, and began to adjust the pin cushion on her arm nervously. “I’m sorry, but I just wanted to know what you really thought.”
Nodding, Rarity approached the dresses and inspected them carefully, trying to find something good about them. This time, she couldn’t dodge the truth, but she had to say something truthful. It was going to be hard to say, however; the colours clashed, the patterns were dreadful, and she had to keep herself from gagging at some of the accessories.
However, something caught her eye. She looked closely at the seams of the fabric, and the stitchwork on a pair of flats. “Your stitching is marvelous.” It really was; it was barely noticeable, and only subtly noticeable where it was intended to accent the piece. She pulled at a piece of fabric, impressed by the form of it. “And, it fits exceptionally well.”
“Oh, thank you,” Quick Stitch said, blushing.
That was enough, Rarity determined. She didn’t want to dive further into her honest opinions. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to prepare for tonight’s big event, and I see that you do too. Just remember, dear.” She looked Quick Stitch in the eyes with a serious look. “Don’t. Be. Nervous. The worst thing you can do is panic. Calm yourself, and be confident in your work.”
After giving her a reassuring smile, Rarity floated her evening gown out from the corner and trotted out of the room. She didn't want to be late for judging.
~ ~ ~
“A strong showing, I’d say,” Hoity Toity commented, “but it needs more work. I’m just not getting… that feeling.”
“Oh, I completely understand,” Rarity said. “They’re all wonderful standalone pieces, but, as a whole, they conflict a little with one another.”
Cadence nodded. “I like the one on the far right the most. It’s just… so smooth, like cake icing.”
Hoity Toity nodded, and the three judges shuffled out cards from behind their panel. Once they were done, he gave a signal to Spike, who announced to the audience, “The judges have made their decision!”
They each held up their cards, and Spike called out the total score. “Twenty-one, fillies and gentlecolts!” The crowd stomped their hooves in applause.
The purple dragon waited patiently, and continued his announcing. “Up next is the last contestant of the night, contestant number 14!”
Rarity leaned back and stretched a little, worn out from the long day. Her gut told her the day was about to get even longer. She already knew who the last contestant was by which line she had not seen yet. She willed for a miracle, that, against her intuition, the dresses might actually be received well.
“The last one!” Cadence declared, and smiled at Rarity. “Let’s hope they saved the best for last.”
The anxious unicorn gave a slight nod. “Yes, do let’s…” she said quietly.
The princess turned to her with a caring look. “Are you alright, Rarity? You haven’t been as cheery as you were earlier this afternoon.”
Rarity nodded, not wanting to burden Cadence. “I’m fine.”
She put a hoof on the unicorn’s shoulder. “Rarity, don’t hold back if there’s something bothering you. Feel free to tell me whatever’s on your mind.”
Trust me, you don’t want to know what’s on my mind. “Thank you, dear, but I’m fine, really. It’s just been a long day, and I’m a tad worn out.”
Cadence frowned, but tried to comfort her friend. “Don’t worry, it’ll all be over soon.”
Rarity faked a smile, and leaned back in her seat. She had a bad feeling that Cadence was right…
One by one, the models stepped out onto the stage, and the crowd fell silent. The only sound that could be heard was the clop-clop of the hooves on the runway and the music from the DJ’s speakers. As they stopped on their marks and posed, murmurs rippled through the crowd.
Rarity could feel sweat begin to form on her forehead. She looked to Hoity Toity, whose jaw had dropped. Please say that they’re magnificent, she willed. Say how surprisingly-
“Ugh, these dresses are horrendous! It hurts my eyes just to look at them!” Hoity Toity declared, turning his head away.
Cadence cringed. “That… just… doesn’t look very good. At all,” she admitted softly.
Rarity shrank back in her seat, biting her lip. She looked at Cadence worriedly, who, of course, didn’t know whose dresses they were. If she found out, though…
Rarity looked to Hoity Toity. She had to say something to justify a higher score than the minimum. Too far away to get away with a comment on the stitching, she anxiously searched the line, top to bottom. Something, anything-
“I… The coat colours! They matched the dresses to the models’ coat colours.” She smiled weakly at Hoity Toity. “You have to give the designer credit for that, at least.”
He rubbed his chin. “I suppose you’re right… Hmph. It’s enough to bump them up from a one, but only barely.”
Rarity swallowed hard, looking between the judges to her left and right. She didn’t want to forego her standing in fashion, but she couldn’t abandon Cadence’s cousin, either…
She looked at the cards. Holding her breath, she picked one and nodded to Hoity Toity, who, in turn, nodded to Spike. Reluctantly, she held up her card. She hoped it was enough to break the fall.
The fall… Oh, Quick Stitch was going to feel terrible.
“Six, fillies and gentlecolts!" Spike called out, but Rarity had already excused herself. She was trying to weave through the thick crowd, while simultaneously trying not to accidentally step on her dress.
In general, other ponies weren’t as sensitive in their opinions on things. The fashion industry had not only high standards, but specific ones, and she had learned that in Canterlot’s designing school. It wasn’t just the designer’s taste that mattered; in fact, that mattered the least. It was all about the trends, and what ponies wanted to see. That was when she was just a filly, though; to experience negative opinions for the first time at Quick Stitch’s age…
She dashed backstage and found herself surrounded by designers and models, but Quick Stitch was not among them. She asked, where was contestant number 14? Had anypony seen her?
Nopony seemed to either know or care. The other contestants were cleaning up, except for those being awarded. She found the event coordinator eventually, who pointed her to the green room.
The door was locked, but she could hear a sobbing coming from inside. Already, Rarity felt horrible, feeling overwhelmingly responsible. She knocked on the door. “Hello, is anypony in there?”
“Who… who is it?” the voice inside asked.
“It’s Rarity, dear, and I-”
“Go away! Just… go away!”
She didn’t leave the door, however. She had been in a similar situation to this. “Please, we can talk this out.”
“You saw how I did out there! Everybody hated them! This is the worst night of my life…”
“Now, now, it wasn’t that-”
“Oh, but it was! I got the lowest score of the night!”
“It was not the lowest score,” Rarity insisted. “Somepony got a 5, you know.”
“But you saw Cadence’s score. A one. A one! The lowest possible score. And, she was the one pony out there I was trying to impress…” The sobbing continued.
Rarity’s heart sunk. It was true; Quick Stitch was, above all, interested in one pony’s opinion, and that one pony seemed to think the worst of it. “Darling, I apologize for-”
“You lied to me! You said you liked them.”
“I… I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
She unlocked the door and opened it. Rarity stood back a little at the sight. Tears had been streaming down her face, and her hair was an utter mess. “It’s a little late for that, Rarity. You could’ve just told me the truth; I’m a horrible fashion designer.”
About to object, Rarity stopped short and hung her head. Maybe it was time to tell her the truth. “Yes, your designs… leave a lot to be desired.”
“And you made me think they weren’t.”
“Yes, I did.”
“If you had told me all this before, I wouldn’t have embarrassed myself in front of the entire fashion industry!”
Rarity felt terrible. She had led her to believe that she really did have talent. Lying had turned out to be the worst option by far. “I’m sorry for that. I should’ve told you the truth from the start. It may have hurt you then, but I see now that it can hurt you even more later on. I do hope you forgive me.”
She nodded and sighed. “What do I do now?”
Rarity gave it some thought. Quick Stitch wasn’t quite cut out for the fashion world, but… “Maybe fashion isn’t your actual talent.”
“What do you mean?”
“Remember how you got your cutie mark when you were making a dress for your mother?” She remembered the neatness of the stitches, and how well the dress fit. “Well, maybe you’re more into making the dresses than designing them.”
Wiping her nose with a hoof, she asked, “You think so?”
“Absolutely! You’re the kind of pony who can take things in perfectly. I’d hire you as a tailor in a heartbeat!” She laid a hoof on her shoulder. “That is the truth.”
“Really?”
Rarity smiled. “Tell you what: if you try for a tailoring apprenticeship, I’ll write you a letter of recommendation. I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but my name carries a sizeable amount of weight around Canterlot.”
She paused for a moment. “Now that I think about, maybe you’re right.”
“Oh, and about your cousin…” Rarity made a zipping motion across her lips. “Mum’s the word. She’ll never hear which line was yours from me.”
Slowly, her lips turned up in a smile. “Thank you, Rarity.”
Rarity wrapped her hoof farther around in a hug, and led Quick Stitch out through the back. “I’ll have that letter ready for you tomorrow, and you can take it with you back to Canterlot.” She smiled to herself. “First, though, I think I should write a letter to the princess.”
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Cute story.
Two significant things I noticed, though: One is that Quick Stitch just doesn't seem 'alive' to me. Perhaps it's just me, but I found it difficult to actually relate to her difficulty. Not that I didn't get it, just that I didn't really feel too badly for her, maybe because she just didn't seem fleshed out enough as a character, didn't have enough to lose or didn't lose it in a dramatic enough way.
The other thing I noticed was that the story seemed to more or less fizzle out at the end. I understand that, because it's kind of hard to tell someone "Look I know you want to be an artist, but you suck at it. But here's this sheet metal press I just KNOW you'll operate like a pro!" She really didn't seem to have enough to gain at this point. You could certainly make the current solution to Quick Stitch's problem work, but making it a more meaningful solution to the reader (yeah, me) as well as to Quick Stitch would have worked better.
Anyway, these are only my opinions, and the story stands well enough without them! Like I said, it's a cute story.
2065431 Thank you very much! I definitely see what you're saying, and am glad you took the time to comment as you did. :)
Yeah, I think I could have built up Quick Stitch's side of the story a little more... And made the resolution a little more meaningful... And this is why I take pride in pretending to know what I'm doing. Don't worry, I've learned something here!
2065879 Hey thanks, I really appreciate your very nice response! I'm always reticent about criticizing other people's works when I haven't yet published anything myself. I totally understand what you mean - from a personal perspective - about pretending to know what the hell I'm doing, writing-wise. ;) You're doing great! Don't stop, because it can only get better and better.
FWIW: As family and friends can attest, I'm all about sharing good things with them (sometimes too much). Writing-wise, I would share this with anyone here: This fellow pony writer has some excellent advice about approaching writing, much of which has been a real help to me lately: Primarily the link to Kurt Vonnegut's "8 Basics of Creative Writing" and Cereal Velocity's "Pony Writing Guide" on EQD, both of which are awesome and relevant to just about any fiction writing (though of course the Pony Writing Guide is more specific in sections).
Ah, it's now after midnight and I can celebrate another successful orbit around the sun. Cheers!
you have written a rarity fic, this makes me happy
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Tailor Made
Grammar: 7/10
There are some poor word choices littered throughout the story, as well as some grammar issues. Here's a few of the more prominent ones that stuck out to me:
needs to be more like:
"This is the first time she's ever worked on four dresses at once!"
This is unquestionably a complete sentence, but if you say it out loud to yourself, you'd know no one would ever say it like this. Trying to tell the story like you would say it out loud to yourself will help nip this budding problem. Read it out loud and you'll probably catch most grammar issues easily.
I think you mean 'types of tea' here. Again, saying it out loud to yourself would have probably caught this one.
“
Is this how Rarity would greet the royalty she's so crazy over? It almost sounds like she's talking to a peer, inferior, or random stranger. I would have thought she'd be saying it was her honour or something similar.
It bothers me that he expects Quick Stitch to be casual with his name and then instantly goes back to being formal with hers.
Pros
Opened with a joke! Never a bad idea. I like the sense of humour behind the story playing out here. Most of it is subtle and played close to the chest. I think you'd do well to let it all out and put more of these types of scenes and dialogue in. I know it's slice of life, but it can be more than that! Especially in a story of this sort, it's just asking for some comedic displays. It is a cartoon after all.
I also like the different emotions playing out here. Rarity's hesitant criticism actually reminds me a lot of what I'm going through right here. It's against my nature to put down people's work for their own good so I can really relate to this. Finding topics that can relate to many isn't an easy thing to pull off, so well played!
Which brings me to the concept. It's a great idea honestly. A fic like this is the perfect type for delving into those contrasting and conflicting emotions in us all and exploring them. We're all familiar with them so it will probably keep a reader entertained throughout. You could wrap a real episode around the idea of Rarity trying to both compliment her guest while at the same time trying to subtly hint that their work is mediocre at best. (leaving the other character to be a little oblivious for missing the hint every time, but that's a good thing! Especially for OCs! Flaws make a character more interesting to read and write about! It's the flaws in your favoured ponies that made them as famous as they are.)
Cons
Details!
This story needs some. Greeting what Rarity considers royalty would probably be an absolute honour for her so "Why thank you darling' seems way too casual. Also, when serving royalty you wouldn't just take any old glass from a cupboard would you? You'd pull something out from your best dish set. You're trying to treat them with the utmost of courtesy, honour, and respect, making sure to note that's what she's doing during the story is vital to keeping the idea Rarity's trying to dress to impress her here and not the other way around.
Heck Rarity would probably pick something out of her wardrobe to greet her in if she knew when she was arriving. Terms of endearment like 'darling' should be more of a slip of a tongue than regularly used for addressing them. Remember to go the extra mile too! What kind of water? she didn't just grab some from the tap did she? She probably had a pitcher of ice water handy, but we don't know that.
Characterization
First impressions of a new and original character is a tough task. Again details are key. Pick a personality for them, a speech pattern, a description that is more than just the colour of their fur and hair. Their eyes take up 4/5 of their head on the show, and you didn't even give us a colour to work with. At least one full paragraph should be devoted to their first introduction into the story. This pony is a complete stranger to your readers, and we should have at least a rough idea of what we're getting into before conversation takes full priority in the story.
Example: Quick stitch, in spite of her royal beginnings seems like she is a little bit of Rarity's fangirl. There would be no shame in having her act it out or even exaggerating it a little. She's obviously excited to meet Rarity. She's carrying around her book, and wants all this advice, I know I'd be excited if I was about to get a helping hand from someone I admired. Probably a little nervous too. Make sure to leave that all important impression in word and deed for more than a paragraph or two.
Notes Section
I think I elaborated on my thoughts as much as I can above, but here's a minor continuity gripe.
Uh... she didn't say that, Princess Cadence is the one that told Rarity how Quick Stitch got her Cutie Mark.
I hope you enjoyed your review! And please don't feel Like I'm coning down on you like a ton of bricks here. You have room for improvement, but unlike Quick Stitch, you do have the talent to really shine if you just polish this up a bit.
I know the golden rule of the group is to review other stories back, but my story is friggin' huge, so don't feel the obligation in my case. It doesn't seem fair to ask that much time from you if you can't spare it. If you can spare it however, I'd appreciate it! Our Time to Fly
2169773 Well, thank you very much for your wonderfully thorough review! I'm actually quite similar, in that I try not to sound overly critical of other people's work, so don't feel bad about it. Speaking of which, I'm glad you caught the theme of the story, as well. ;)
If I can find the time to review your story, and if I have enough advice to offer, I most certainly will. I shall try to do that within the next week, and will get through as much as I can. :)
2173682
Phew~!
Twas only my second review of this sort, and I worried it was getting a bit too rough. Thanks for taking the punches like a champ, it's those punches that help us grow, so being able to roll with them is probably the best skill we can have when attempting any new thing at all.
This is almost feels like an episode from the show. I really thought this was a delightful piece, and excellent job!
2183467 Why, thank you very much! :D