Learning to Fly

by Aldrigold

Dive!

“Alright Twilight, you’re doing great.” Twilight weaved around clouds, keeping her wings spread and using the movements of her body to change direction without changing altitude. It was difficult, and more than once Twilight clipped the edge of a cloud with her wings. It was hard getting used to the fact they were solid to her now. Below her, Ponyville bustled in its usual morning routine.

Rainbow kept pace with her, flying backwards, which was probably a stunt in itself. “You’re amazing, Twilight! For an egghead, you’re pretty athletic in the air!”

Twilight grinned. Takeoff and landing was still difficult, but she was getting used to flying. She didn’t have to flap her wings quite so often, the long feathers and shape of the wings giving her the lift she needed to stay in the air. Of course, they had been cloud weaving for hours, so she figured it was only natural that she had learned something.

“Okay, Twilight, land on that cloud there. Let’s try something a little more fun!” Rainbow pointed, then zipped up ahead, landing on a cloud that they had passed several times in their circuits around the town.

Okay. She could do this. Twilight flexed her wings, then beat them powerfully, throwing her body forward like Rainbow Dash always seemed to do. The burst of speed didn’t last long, but it was enough to prevent her from having to spiral up to gain altitude. However, it didn’t prevent her from having to beat her wings frantically to gain altitude when she fell short, and she grabbed the cloud with her hooves at the last second, pulling herself up with kicks of her hind legs and beats of her wings.

"Uh, Twilight..." Rainbow began.

“Made it!” Twilight said between quick breaths, nearly falling on her face onto the cloud. She would never quite get used to how clouds felt. They weren’t quite like pillows, though they were soft. But somehow she thought she could sense the water molecules underneath her hooves, forming a lattice that felt secure one second and intangible the next. “Okay, what’s next?”

“That.” Rainbow pointed into the distance. Twilight leaned forward, blinking, then nearly stumbled on the cloud.

“No. That!” Rainbow grabbed Twilight’s head, pointing her in the right direction.

“The clock tower?”

“No!” Rainbow sighed. “Those! That circle of clouds! I set them up, and I want to see you dive through them! See if you can do it anywhere near as fast as me!” She jumped onto all fours. “Ready to try and follow me?”

Twilight’s first thought was to refuse. A dive? She studied the clouds. There were 11 of them, set up in a loose circle, all waiting to knock her out of the sky if she messed up.

But no. She had to at least try. Be fearless, like Rainbow!

“Okay,” Twilight said. “Let’s try it.”

“Good. Try and keep up!” Wind rushed, blowing Twilight’s mane into her face as Rainbow took off.

“Okay Twilight,” she said to herself. “You can do this!”

With a kick of her back legs, she launched herself off the cloud, remembering to keep her head up as she leapt. With a flare of her wings the sky took her, her speed immediately halved. Rainbow Dash was a streak of color ahead of her.

“C’mon, Twilight!” the pegasus called. “Follow my lead!”

Twilight narrowed her eyes, her shoulders burning as she flapped her wings and headed into what was quickly becoming a very fast dive, following Rainbow’s trail toward the ring of clouds. The wind whistled in her ears, her eyes watering, and her heart began to beat double. This was the fastest she had ever gone.

Her heart beating quickly became anxiety, and then panic as the rushing wind deafened her and made her blink tears and sweat from her eyes, the image of the ground below her a blurry mess that was quickly getting bigger. The ring was close, and to her left! She was going to miss it, and she was going too fast. Too fast too fast too fast!

At the last second, the blue and rainbow motley ahead of her swerved, and Twilight forced one thing into her mind—wings, now! She threw them forward, muscles straining, and turned, wrenching her shoulder with the force as she followed Rainbow through the ring. Another stray cloud puffed into nothingness ahead of her as Rainbow broke it.

“That was great, Twilight!” Rainbow bellowed over her shoulder. “A lot of pegasi would be way too scared to try a dive like that, but you did it!”

“Yeah,” Twilight said shakily, wincing as she flapped her wings and her muscles twinged. “That was great.” She eased into a circling spiral, too tired to try and hover by flapping her wings like Rainbow did.

“Check it out, Applejack’s down there.” Rainbow pointed, and Twilight spotted the red and orange forms of Big Mac and Applejack pulling carts toward Sugar Cube Corner.

“Alright, let’s take a break. Then we’ll try something even more fun!” Rainbow rocketed down toward the ground, Twilight shaking in her wake. Flapping ungainly, Twilight turned and started circling lower, toward where Rainbow was now talking with Applejack.

She had a long time to go before she could match Rainbow’s speed. She would have to try harder.

“Well, howdy there, Twilight!” Applejack tipped her hat as Twilight landed heavily on all four hooves at once, the alicorn trying to hide a wince as soreness arced up her shoulder. She would need ice tonight. “I hear Rainbow is teaching you to fly, just like Celestia said!”

“Yep!” Rainbow puffed out her chest. “She’ll be flying rings around Ponyville in no time!”

Applejack lifted her hat up. “Rings around Ponyville? Why would you want do that?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Rainbow returned, and Applejack shook her head with a smile.

“We’re just headed into Sugar Cube Corner to pick up some supplies for Granny’s apple pies. Why not come in with us? I’m sure you could use a snack after all that learnin’ to fly, right Twi?”

“Sure! And I can grab some cupcakes for Spike!” Twilight said with a grin.

“And then you can practice balancing cupcakes during flight for Spike,” Rainbow added. Twilight blinked, but didn’t argue. She didn’t want to risk dropping Spike’s cupcakes, but if balance training was what she needed to be a good flying partner for Rainbow, then she’d do it. Surely after a meal her tired wings would recover.

“Greetings!” Mr. Cake called from behind the counter as the group of ponies entered the shop. “What can I get for you today?” He stood up, and his eyes widened as he caught sight of Twilight. “What can I get for you today, Princess?” he added.

Twilight’s face heated. “It’s okay, you don’t have to-“

“Princess?!” Mrs. Cake poked her head out of the hallway, Pound and Pumpkin cake in her arms. “Princess Twilight! Good to see you. Whatever you’d like, it’s on the house!”

Applejack turned to Twilight, raising an eyebrow. Twilight wished she could sink into the floor. It had only been a few days since returning to Ponyville after the coronation, and she hadn’t anticipated… well, this. Her friends certainly didn’t see her any differently!

“TWIIIILIIIIIGHT!” A pink blur leapt from out of nowhere, wrapping its hooves around her neck. “I haven’t seen you in forever!”

Mr. and Mrs. Cake just stared, Mr. Cake’s eye twitching.

“Pinkie,” Twilight said with a small laugh. “It’s only been a few days.” Behind the excitable pony, Mr and Mrs. Cake smiled, the tension gone from their faces. Pound cake laughed, drool leaking from his snout.

Thank goodness for Pinkie.

“I know Twilight, but the coronation was sooooo amazing and I couldn't stop thinking about it and so I thought about you but you weren’t here so it felt like I hadn’t seen you in forever! Do you want a muffin?” On the last word Pinkie leapt into the air, all four hooves off the ground.

“Uh, Pinkie? The flour?” Applejack motioned to her cart.

“Omigosh, you’re right!” Pinkie squealed. “Lemme get it!” She braced herself on two hooves, as though she was going to start aiming to be the winner of the running and the leaves, and then all momentum left her as she started hopping normally toward the back of the shop.

“Wow,” Rainbow Dash said. “I should probably help her get the bags.” The pegasus flapped along after Pinkie.

“So, how’s it going with Rainbow?” Applejack asked. Big Mac walked up to the glass display case behind her, shoving his face toward it and licking his lips. Mr. Cake watched the other stallion nervously.

“Oh, it’s alright.” Twilight tossed her mane. “I’ve got the hang of staying in the air, at least.”

“She’s not pushing you too hard, is she? You know Rainbow.” Applejack shook her head with a rueful smile.

Twilight thought to the panicky dive, the fear rising in her gut again and her folded wings twinging in memory of the wrenching twist. “It’s… it’s nothing. I can do it.”

Applejack’s eyes widened slightly. “Well, if you have any problems, be sure to tell her. She takes things pretty intense sometimes.” Applejack chuckled. “But if you just told her to slow down a bit, she’d understand for sure.”

Twilight nodded, but she wasn’t going to tell Rainbow anything of the sort. Twilight had never failed a test, and she wasn’t going to let Rainbow down.

Comments

[Seether00]

Here we go. The slow or fast descent into trouble. Will Twilight's pride cause her to injury herself or will it be Rainbow's obliviousness?

[Shadowed Rainbow]

2046764 Don't worry, the writers have assured that Twilight's personality won't change, and she and the rest of the Mane 6 will still be the central characters.

[Ese Wey]

oh boy lets hope she dosen't get hurt for trying to hard. Anyways exelent chapter everything is just perfect. Have a spike

[applejack2357]

Great chapter. Can't wait for the next one!

[Shokinaw]

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Of course it's also brought to you by me, and it's my first attempt to critique with one of these, so please take with a grain of salt.

Name of Story: Learning to Fly

Grammar score: 9/10
I was brought up in a classroom surrounded by Newfies, so grammar is far from my specialty. I can say that your story is an easy read, and everyone sounded very natural. I only take a mark off for this line:

"With a flare of her wings the sky took her, her speed immediately halved."

It could just be me but I always try to rewrite sentences where you put the same word down twice in a row, even if there is a comma between. I'm finicky like that.

Pros:

I could practically hear the voices of the show come out of their mouths, your style of speech changes with each pony that well.

I also love the premise, Rainbow Dash teaching Twilight Sparkle to put those new wings to use seems like it could even be an episode in the next season, assuming they stick with the alicorn thing, and I hope they do.

I like the pacing of the story telling. Nothing seems rushed, the girls are taking it at their own pace. There's a lot of show rather than tell, and I appreciated the gestures and actions the ponies go through between the dialogue. It's attention to nuances and details like these that make the difference for me.

Cons:

While I like the premise I have a hard time believing that Rainbow Dash wouldn't notice Twilight struggling to get by like she is. She was very wary of taking risks and the welfare of others while flying in the Wonderbolt Acadamy episode you make reference to, especially so when it came to her friends. I can see her taking these steps to keep showing Twilight she's capable of more than she thinks, but outright putting her in danger would probably go too far for my suspension of disbelief, and that 'feels' like where this is leading.

The chapters are a little too short for my taste. They end at good ending points of course, like I said, it's well paced, but all three chapters put together felt like barely half of an episode. If it's going to be a multiple chapter story, it seems to me that the chapters should be long enough to require it.

Notes Section:

I'm impressed at your whole-hearted acceptance of Twilight's new wings, and I agree with the many other comments in that the dislikes seem to be stemming not so much from the story but from your acceptance of this.
It's a light and fun little tale of two friends trying to put their best step forward for one another. Just try not to get too one-sided with the character flaws as the story seems to be leaning towards.
'Rainbow Dash does everything wrong she possibly could do as a teacher and coach' is likely not the tale I expect you want to tell.

I hope you enjoyed your review! I know I did enjoy the story thus far.
Also while I know the whole golden rule is fairly important to the group, it doesn't seem fair to review a fic with less than 4,000 words and force you to review one with just less than 40,000. So rather than any such thing, I'll just request you have a read of Our Time to Fly IF you can spare the time. Our character roles are different but the premise is similar enough I thought you might be interested. In the mean time I'm looking forward to reading more!

[Shokinaw]

2043076
Uh... Has not Princess Celestia been taking her on as her personal student been leading to that this entire time? I mean... I always thought this was the intended purpose of doing so. I didn't know it required her to be an Alicorn, but we all knew she was going to be the boss of something after all this, right? So, yeah, I think she's princess material, at the very least as much princess material as her brother is prince...
I'm not even sure why so many have hate for this concept considering how much foreshadowing it had. I'm more upset by the episode before it where Twilight seems to have gotten a handle on her panic attacks... I so loved her panic attacks! It frightens me she might just take a deep breath for now on...