- Member Since 3rd Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Yesterday
Noble Cause
she/her they/them, reader more than writer these days.
Noble Cause
Joined 3rd Jan, 2012 ·
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It lives! Excellent!
>a Noble Cause story
>all_of_my_yes.jpg
This certainly has caught my eye, looking forward to where this goes
I'm trying to figure out whether you've shown me this or not, because I've been waiting for it forever. You had better continue writing this or I will find you!
2031399
This is the story I've been working at for... a couple months now. Working on chapter 3 as I type. You think it's better?
2031332
You flatter me!
I thought Andrew opted to go pony. Do you mean Jason and or Jenna?
2031490
Only as much as is due
And how you been man? haven't seen you in a while
2031510
Damn, thanks! Missed that in editing! Fixed!
2031566
Life's been rough, to tell the truth. Eating ramen for a few weeks at this point, but... we'll manage.
2031602
*pats* Well, you need help, just gimme a shout
2031605
*blushes* Thanks, my friend... but unless you have some good finances stashed away that you're willing to part with...
... frankly, it all comes down to finances. Depressing, in that regard.
2031622
Well, none right now, bills made this last paycheck vanish, but I'll see what I can pencil out of the next. Won't be much though
2031628
You don't have to give me anything, man... I wouldn't want to be a bother. I just need to tighten my saddle straps, as it were...
2031638
No worries about it, would be more of a bother knowing a friend needs help and I could, but don't
2031648
I... well... I... *gapes a bit, then shuts his beak* fine... guess I can't say no, can I? Thank you, my friend... if there's anything I can do to repay you, let me know?
I swear I thought the top bird was Falco.
Alright, I was wondering when this was going to be posted, and now I look forward to it. Has everything I loved in Option Gamma from the looks of it.
2031670
If you can find someone good at drawing diamond dogs, I would love to chat with them for a commission
2031672
I have better aim than Falco could dream of.
2031741
I hope you like what you see!
2031748
I'll see what I can do!
2031762
Since I'm enjoying writing diamond dogs more and more, figure I'd want one for an avatar 
Thank you much!
Oh yes, i must read
Just got time to read it. Very much looking forward to more!
While I can't speak directly for Guardian_Gryphon, I can say that, as a member of his editing team, so far so good. Although I will hold my personal final judgement for the interview and afterwards.
I'm liking what I'm seeing so far. I like your own personal spin on the interaction between Gryphons. I can't really make any critiques or comparisons between your story and GG's so far since even I don't have as complete a grasp on gryphons as GG does. The only issue I keep seeing is the occasional missing end punctuation marks on a few sentences. If you are interested in having an editor, feel free to PM me for details.
I echo the sentiments of this gryphon:
- you always need punctuation inside speech marks if it's conversation and not quotes. It should be written
So go do that.
2035893
Drat it... I know that and grammar are my weak points, but I thought I'd fixed that. Thanks, Midsy.
I don't usually track stories that are marked 'mature,' but I am in this case. Heck, I usually leave the 'view mature' tag off. But in this case... Yeah, let's see where you go with the ideas.
2036753
The only reason it's marked as such is because there's a few bloody sections within the tale. Not a lot, but enough to make some wince.
2036791
Yeaaaah, I may skim those parts. I'm not interested in most bloody horror or clop stories, and keeping the 'view mature' button off means I don't have to scroll past them.
2036820
It's mostly... hm... losing a limb, and getting shot. Nothing you wouldn't see in a standard action movie.
2036856
So long as it isn't too detailed, I don't see why that can't be rated "Teen." Just be careful how you aim the 'camera' to not focus on the bloody bits.
2037341
Well, the first bloody bit is going to be probably in chapter four, so... we'll see how that shakes out.
Hehehehe. Definitely looking forward to watching this one play out.
It would seem dear Thomas shares a number of similarities with one of my own characters. The chef bit was amusing. I'm looking forward to the archery lessons.
However, the "suddenly, piano" was a bit jarring, but then, Thomas is distracted, I can see him not noticing a piano being brought into the bureau.
I have to agree with the author's note. This chapter *did* feel off. The fact that Tom was a stone-cold killer was glossed over far to quickly. Get a pony in there to witness, that way you have a foil to bounce off of Thomas' behaviour. Another thing that could have been done was to have the gryphons discuss the matter a bit closer, for pursposes of characterization, and possibly to *show* that they would have done the same thing.
2611806
I was intending to get into the 'cold killer mentality' and the reasons why further in the following chapter, and probably somewhat in chapter six. That this is based off of Option Gamma should give you an indication of how the Gryphons would act already.
2611845 The gryphons would have done the exact same, then removed the head, and delivered it to the HLF, but Thomas is not a gryphon, and all the others know that.
Secondly, you should aim to make your fiction approachable, even if someone hasn't read Option Gamma. But honestly, spoon-feeding details is immensely preferable to info-dumping.
2611866
Yeah, I'm trying to (heh) strike a balance between little tidbits and "here's all this information!"
... which is why I was saving a chunk of the heavy stuff for next chapter. Quite a bit of openness, at long last. There's gonna be a sit-down, believe me.
2611806
It also felt 'off' to me, and kind of rushed as well...
One way to fixed the 'rushed' would be to describe in more detail the HLF mook as Tom is examining him in the interrogation room. Physical appearance, details of his clothing, etc. Maybe even speculations to his motivations and/or what Tom knows about the guy's background This could make it more impactful when Tom shoots him.
But the thing that really felt 'off' for me... well, where was the Bureau's HUMAN security force? Why is a civilian, one with ties to a terrorist group, being allowed to run this interrogation? (Maybe add a bit about the gryphons running interference, simple enough to add that to this chapter.)
Then, in a future chapter, have Tom face some official displeasure for his actions. A stern talking to by a human officer who doesn't approve of shooting unarmed people in the back, maybe losing some privileges (no weapons outside of training sessions, confinement to quarters in free time). Seeing how Tom reacts to this (does he accept it? or does he try and weasel out of it?) could go a long way to shaping how his new gryphon friends view him.
This could also be a chance to show how human and gryphon ethics differ; given that gryphons all have similar ethics, they are much more likely to accept 'they needed killing' as valid than a human would. Humans created things like 'due process' to keep their agents of justice from slipping over into agents of blind vengeance.
2615709
As I've discussed with Guardian about this, Bureaus are sovereign soil. They hold to Equestrian mandates. Draconic edicts. Gryphic laws. Unless the security is JRSF (and they ain't), human laws do not apply. Thomas got to 'run' the interrogation because of his history with the HLF. The fact that they're holding his best friend somewhere, and cutting off parts to coerce him back through the use of force upon a third party. You know what that is? that's a hostage negotiation. And Gryphons don't take kindly to the use of 'human shields'. They would have likely taken Jack out themselves, if Thomas hadn't done it.
As for the repercussions? I'm getting into that next chapter. Tommy boy's due for a talk with Merkus... and the old soldier is going to be as blunt as you might imagine.
Really curious to see what happens with Thomas once he finally takes the plunge.
3026098
That'll be a few chapters yet...
Wait wait....Did he just murder somebody?! Like in cold blood?! and he's not going to JAIL?! Even if the bureaus are sovereign soil, they got to have laws against killings, I mean come on, he shot a guy right, literally right outside a conversion bureau and poof no problems!!! What happened to the rule of law, or civilization for that matter! No wonder the hlf does whatever they want, apparently you can shoot people in broad daylight and nothing happens......
3042824
Heh... someone didn't get the memo about Gammaverse. In this sub-verse, the HLF *will* commit indiscriminate slaughter of all Equestrian-based life and any sympathizers when they can get away with it. Same with the PER forcibly converting any humans through whatever means necessary. Both organizations are labeled as violent terrorists on both sides of the Barrier.
Do you *really* think they'd just let him walk? To go back to the HLF, inform them of where Thomas is, and return with a force, intending to kill everybody there? Of course not. Thomas knows how the HLF, particularly his father, works. Ergo, nipping the problem in the bud. And he's legally able to do so.
I like this universe... it is a good universe.
love the story. option gamma with Fyrenn was and is awesome, and it is nice to see a different perspective.
3503047
Aw! that's flattering! and hey, thanks for the fave, too! I hope I don't disappoint! I should have chapter 6 up by Hearth's Warming, if you really like my writing.
a new chapter? Awesome!
MOAR!
Also, your image links are busted. You forgot the "[img]" tags.
Ah, good to see a pony get angry every so often. It makes them cuter in most cases.
4126540
Thanks for the catch! I just got back from a trip, so I couldn't message until now to say thank you.
God. I'm enjoying this, till i seen the 4 years without an update. :/
8929519
Actually, I've been looking at re-working things... making it a bit more... heh, 'balanced'. I'm still pondering things, but... I've been feeling my writing mojo come back for this. Will have to see how things go, but it's looking a lot more feasible than it did.