Cover art by Bonaxor of deviantART.
What makes somepony evil? How bad can you be before you're too far gone? ... Then again, what makes a hero?
Follow the villains of Equestria in a story of light and darkness that spans a thousand years, in this seemingly unconnected series of events. Seemingly.
Flim and Flam: Past. Welcome, one and all! This, comrads, is an oppertunity! See the famed Flim Flam Brothers as lovable scamps selling their wares and learning the biz.
Trixie: Future. Given an invitation to the Golden Oaks Library, the Great and Powerful Trixie must once again face her biggest and most fearsome rival. Only this time, over tea.
The Shadowbolts: Present. After their celebratory flight show for the Summer Sun Celebration, the Wonderbolts were ready for a good night's sleep. Unfortunately, we know something they don't. This is the night Nightmare Moon was fated to return.
The Diamond Dogs: Past. These mines once contained a proud and fruitful society. Once, that is. These days, a few gems in the wall won't get you too far. The bold and noble leaders of this great mine, Fido, Rover, and Spot, have some explaining to do if they don't want a revolution on their paws.
Ahuitzotl: Past. Every nemesis is only as good as his hero. A.K. Yearling writes a prequel to the Quest for the Sapphire Stone about how she first met the dreaded Ahuitzotl and how they both became who they are today.
Iron Will: Past. Iron Will wasn't always the legendary self-help guru. Once, he was just a little minotaur lost in a maze, trying to find his little brother.
Diamond Tiara: Note: Written before Crusaders of the Lost Mark, it doesn't match up with canon. Past. Once upon a time there lived the King of low, low prices and his daughter, the princess. Also, Randolph, the butler.
Gilda: Present. Griffonstone needs a leader. That much is clear. When the leader of the griffons is called to an international war summit, Gilda, of all griffons finds herself getting invited.
Never liked these two. Until now.
2266308
Thanks for commenting, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Haven't read the Flim-Flam one yet, but the trixie one was GREAT.
2451424
Thanks, man, good to hear
2451912
Oh my ... thank you. Thank you so much. I want you to know that however long you took out of your day to write that is so very appreciated.
If you thought the prose was clear, you can thank my editor Delta. He's fantastic. Diction and syntax were some of my biggest problems when writing this story.
Oh, and trust me, Flim and Flam are too fun to write. Try it sometime! Their so hammy and sleazy, the possibilities are endless with these two.
Also, I agree with you about pacing being a vital yet subtle story element. You know, I think a story like this, being only 2,000 words, is easier to pace then longer stories, which later chapters are. I'm glad you found the pacing to your liking here, I just hope I'll be any good with a longer run
But, most of all, I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my hear for dat moustache. Dat stache, man. That's what I live for. For realsies.
I love this bit so much:
“Then, of course, Dash … well, Scootaloo doesn’t want it, but Rainbow keeps throwing it at her. Her actual Element amulet, I mean. Scootaloo has bruises on the sides of her head. She’s going to give that young mare a concussion.”
Excellent writing, you really captured the emotions of the characters.
I don't think I've ever seen that twist before. Well, that does explain her being at a party with Blueblood and Cadence but not what that thing she was staring at in the past was.
2452367
)
Thank you! I can't take all the credit, though. After all, you're the one who wrote everything.
(My ego, however, appreciates the compliment greatly
Funny thing? I was actually looking for BAD stories to riff, something that featured all four villains just to see whether or not I'd fuck them up as participants. Or, failing that, something that AT LEAST featured Discord and Chrysalis together.
Finding this instead is a pleasant surprise. I'd say my one major gripe is that the tags don't represent the cast of characters as it exists at present in the story, but hell, if you didn't tag it as you did, I wouldn't have found it.
Who knows? Maybe I WILL get up the motivation to riff this someday. I don't riff good stories often enough.
Congratulations, Spike. You're the new Rarity.
Brilliant touch.
This is very good indeed. Your dialogue is excellent. Both fun and and is used to full effect in characterisation. Your wit is great -- I had a few laugh out loud moment during Trixie's chapter -- but never makes the story seem trivial.
There's so much implied by each chapter, but it never feels awkward or exposition-y.
And, best of all, you're using a technique I really like. At least, I think you are. Revealing a story bit by bit through the implications of a number of superficially independent tales? Wonderful.
Do I have criticisms? I think so. Some things seemed a little off, but I couldn't put my finger on them. I think I'll have another read through after the story has been polished and see if I can find anything I take issue with.
All in all, though, I look forward to seeing where you're going with this.
Hm... Decent number of errors this time.
Here are two
That should be "private".
"snaggle-toothed"
Interesting story and world building for the Diamond Dogs, excellent and evocative descriptions as well. ,
I took a gander briefly at the first chapter. I don't read too much FanFiction anymore, but this certainly seems like it's worth the time. I love the wording and complex though, smooth pace you have. Just by reading the first chapter alone I've already added four words to my vocabulary. Very good job, I'll have to read the rest later.
You have wonderful pacing, and an excellent choice of words. The fluidity of your prose is so mesmerizing it baffles me. As I mentioned before, I don't read FanFiction anymore. This, however, was definitely worth reading. The one criticism I would have is that not much happens, but when one considers that this is not meant to have too much happen then a new light begins to shine of the overall work.
I must agree with theycallmejub, you achieved the interesting personalities of Flim and Flam perfectly. I'm considering following you -- which never happens with me nowadays. I'm surprised this doesn't have more attention drawn toward it. Did you edit this yourself? If so, you are incredibly good at it.
- Noakwolf
Also, that one dislike is from someone who is, indeed, full of hateful jelly.
5357322
You, my friend, are awesome. Taking the time to leave me such thoughtful comments? Especially when you hardly read fanfiction at all? Seriously, thank you, it means a lot. It also means a lot to hear you've enjoyed the story so far! I'm so glad!
Oh, and I didn't edit it all myself! Delta93 was my editor (and a really, really swell guy, I might add) for the chapters that you see here!
As it happens, right now I'm trying to revise the entire story- you know, really think everything through with character arcs and the plot as a whole- and you most definitely will hopefully like the end result, since I plan to have much more going on in each chapter. I wish I could say it's nearing completion (because by now it really should be), but I can't really put a time estimate on how long all the changes will take
I'll do my best, work on it as much as I can, but that's unfortunately all I can promise right now. In the end, though, I think it's going to be a much better story for it. Or, you know, at least I hope so
Again, thank you so much for the comments
5360224
For some reason, you're comment didn't reply to me. Strange... Anywho, just finished this chapter and it was just as wonderful to read as the others. There is one error however, one I wanted to point out so you could patch it up real quick.
Right at this part you'll notice the center bit I've highlighted in bold:
Just letting you know. If you need an editor, I'm free, and I'd love to read more of your work.
5361177
Thanks for catching that! Just made the fix!
Would you really want to be my editor? That's so cool! Like I said, right now I'm really focusing on thinking everything through conceptually, and really trying to construct the plot. If you're willing, maybe I could bounce some of the basic ideas off you to see if you can poke holes in my logic
5361271
Left you a message on editing. =)
Typos in the description are never a good sign...
6556216 Whoa, thanks for the save, don't I look stupid?
Though I'm not really on the site anymore, I did see the updates to the story. I remember reading through these chapters. It's very nice to see them up for the public to view. The only thing I'd touch up, real quick, would be the formatting of both new chapters. One is none-spaced paragraphs, while the other is indented paragraphs. It looks rather inconsistent, but it's not a major issue should you choose to ignore it.
Just thought I'd point that out. =)
6559240 Saving my hide yet again I see! It'll take me a while to actually get around to it unfortunately since things are so hectic, but thanks for letting me know!
I'd just put some of the three asterisk marks often used to show scene changes where you have the annoying parenthetical questions about page breaks.
6606455 Whoops, leftover editor notes
So sorry about that. I've barely had time to check these over properly since my editor want over them. Thanks for poitning that out!
bear.
6627841 You've always got my back, Spite. Sorry the chapters coming out now aren't as properly formatted as the older chapters. I really just want to get this stuff out there since it's done, but my schedule's so hectic.
6628619
That's fine. This Gilda one felt like less of a standalone than most of the others. Are you going to be working a larger plot into this?
6628935 Yeah, that was the original idea. Use elements of all the standalone stories to lead into a big finale with the more big-name villains. I don't know how well it turned out, but you can judge for yourself as they come out.
UPDATE ALREADY