Cutie Mark Crusaders Equal Opportunity Employers.

by overlord-flinx

Code of the Crusader

Honor.

It is a rare chance that anyone is gifted with high honors. To have your parents trust you with watching the home? This is an honor. To have your employer promote you to assistant? This is an honor. To have the royalty of the kingdom personally knight you and mark you a trusted member of the court? This is an honor. There is very few honors that could possibly overshadow the honor of knighting. But there is one... There is one honor that makes a knighting look like the bronze medal at the Equestria Games. An honor that would make a lesser pony be reduced to mere ashes at just the offer.

The tremendous, omnipotent, cosmic honor of being dubbed a Cutie Mark Crusader. That honor alone has only been able to be held by four ponies with the pure strength of will to handle the blaze that was the initiation. But, this honor can be amplified. Blasphemy, perhaps. Though the honor can be greater when you add a first along with the title...

---

"Ya' wanna be a Cutie Mark Crusader?" Apple Bloom looked down baffled by the implication she was being fed.

Within the safety of their impregnable fortress, Cutie Mark HQ, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom looked out of their main window to the small creature that came waving a white flag. At the foot of their mighty tree was a young colt, Pipsqueak, holding a flag in his mouth and wavering it from one side to the other. "M's! Ah m'nn'm me m'a M'dd'e M'rk Mooma'mer!" Pipsqueak called back to the trio, the flagpole in his mouth making his words far from understandable.

The three pulled back into their sanctuary, preparing to deduce this code. "...Any ya'll understood what 'e said?" Apple Bloom whispered.

"I think he said something about being a moody moo maimer..." Scootaloo guessed.

"Really? Thought he said somethin' 'bout his ma makin' moles..." Apple Bloom added as well.

"No! He said he wanted to be A Cutie Mark Crusader," said Sweetie Belle. When Scootaloo and Apple Bloom gave Sweetie Belle a strange look, she shrugged, "My sister talks with cloths in her mouth all the time."

"Well... Even still... He said he wanted ta' join us before he was wavin' that flag. But... Why?" Apple Bloom posed another question to the think tank.

The gears started to whirl between the three. A spy sent by Diamond Tiara? No, too cliche. A changeling in disguise trying to get to their close ones? No, changelings aren't that stupid. An infiltrator sent by the boys in class? No; why would boys want to see what girls were doing?

"You notice that all our ideas go right to spies?" Scootaloo asked.

"If I didn' know better, I'd call that there spy talk. But we got more importan' things to figure out..." Apple Bloom went back to thinking, tapping a hoof against her head.

As they thought, Sweetie Belle fell upon a revolutionary idea. It was so brilliant... So complex... So outlandish... It had to be true. She sprang to her hooves and looked out the window to see Pipsqueak; who had put his flag down and was just seeming to be checking himself over a bit. "Pip!" She called.

Pipsqueak sprang to attention and hit his head with his front hoof in a hurried salute, trying not to show a tear go down his face as the quick hit brought a shock of pain to him. "Yes?"

"...Did you want to join because you don't have a cutie mark?"

By Celestia's crown... Pipsqueak, Apple Bloom, and even Scootaloo looked at Sweetie Belle as if she had come upon some great revelation. The groups needn't exchange any more words as the green sloped walkway leading up to the clubhouse fell to the floor, welcoming Pipsqueak to his final steps towards the fortress.

---

Pipsqueak stood at the doorway, greeted by the three fillies garbed in dark red capes tied around their necks and draped over their backs. With each step he took into the sacred Cutie Mark Crusader Head Quarters, he saw Scootaloo thump a hoof against the a pair of drums alternately. For whatever reason, the young pegasi's playing seemed a bit halted at times as she received odd, controlling looks from Apple Bloom on the other side of the room. Regardless, Pipsqueak moved on until he stopped in the near middle of the room. With a final thump of the drums from Scootaloo, she withdrew, looking a bit dejected as if she wanted to do something. Finally, Sweetie Belle began to speak from behind a podium before Pipsqueak.

"We, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, elect Pipsqueak to join us as a sis--" Sweetie Belle suddenly came to a halt and looked down to Scootaloo, who only gave her an embarrassed look in return. "--Join us as a... b-brother?" Sweetie Belle said with a slight hold on her words before seeming to find a better set, "Friend--Skip a few lines... And a fellow Cutie Mark Crusader!"

"Your first duty is to revise the oath..." Scootaloo groaned before letting Sweetie Belle continue.

"You are solemnly sworn in, here this day, in witness of your fellow..." Sweetie Belle paused a moment, considering if she had to reword the next part.

As if picking up on that, and seeing that this was awkward enough, Apple Bloom grabbed one of their spare capes and put it on Pipsqueak in a hurry. "Congrats!" She gave Pipsqueak a quick swat to the back before returning to her friends.

Pipsqueak studied his new duds for a moment, a red tint stretching across his face. "So... Ah'm a Crusade'ah now?"

"Yes indeedy!" Sweetie Belle chimed in a sweet, joyful tone.

"Not only that..." Scootaloo suddenly realized something as she zipped over to Pipsqueak and draped one of her front legs around his neck. "You're our first boy member!"

"Really!?" Pipsqueak gasped with a great joy himself. With a hurried look, he checked his flank, though frowned soon after. "No Cutie Mark yet..."

"By Joe, I think he's got it!" Scootaloo nudged the colt once as the two other crusaders started to laugh.

---

A knighting by royalty is a great honor... But the honor of being a Cutie Mark Crusader is much greater.

Because there is no greater honor than to have loyal friends... Loyal friends that hopefully will help fend off parents saying that they're excluding ponies from their club. But, loyal friends all the same.

Comments

[BBJBS]

Dis gon b gud.

Lulz were had.

[Thunderbird Resurrection]

Another story by overlord?! This is going to be badass!

[Dubs Rewatcher]

"No! He said he wanted to be A Cutie Mark Crusader," when Scootaloo and Apple Bloom gave Sweetie Belle a strange look, she shrugged, "My sister talks with cloths in her mouth all the time."

I think you're missing a "Sweetie Belle said" in there. As it is right now, it's kinda awkward.

[Sirius_Face]

Oh my god Pip asking if he was a crusader made me go hnnnnnng!! Your got his form of speech just right.
This is really good writing. There's a freshness in the tone that not only makes each character sound unique in their dialog, but their mannerisms as well. And the length is just perfect. This is really a good piece and rather inspirational. You show quite a lot with very little. Very good job here.

Also a minor error:

There is very few honors that could possibly

Should be there are very few honors.

[Your Antagonist]

*Raises a finger, opens mouth.*
*Thinks for a moment, closes mouth, drops finger.*
*Scratches chin, raises finger and opens mouth with much more conviction*

The fuck? Now, don't get me wrong, that was well written, rather nice actually, I enjoyed my read. But that would leave my "The fuck" without purpose now wouldn't it? As I said before, this is very nice, I even gave you an upvote, but come on. This was like ordering a three course meal and only receiving a scrumptious appetizer and maybe a glass of red wine. Where's the steak? Where's the dessert? This is at best a top-shelf introduction, a prologue even. Where's the meat? 1,100+ words of story ending on an open note? That's criminal is what it is! I feel like I've been horribly blue-balled, by a high class escort that I paid in full. It was sweet, but the equivalent of eating an M&M that someone broke off of an M&M cookie. How can this be so good yet piss me off so badly? I don't understand! ... but good show.

Loathe,
Your Antagonist

[overlord-flinx]

2006511 The one-shots are more or less back drops. If any of them do really well, I'll feed a chapter or two into them later.

[theRedBrony]

2006511 I have to agree with Antagonist.

Kinda like... you were building up for something that never happens. I expected something... sort of... uh... more? Like... um... what's the word for it? It's on the tip of my tongue... ah yes! A plot. That's it. Why couldn't it have been, the cmc wont let Pip join, but then their parents / legal guardians hassle them about it, and they give it an let Pip join. A small but decent plot.

Not bad for a quick read though. Thumb'd.

[oberon]

2006840>>2006511
My plot hunger approves.

[A Brandom Brony]

I want another, this is great.

[Sneaks]

2006245

Actually, I have seen it written like that many a' times. It can be done using a "*character name here* said" but also after doing an action during a beginning line of text. SweetieBelle shrugged when she was interrupted by Scootaloo and AppleBloom, thus making it so you don't need to say that she continued to say something.

Now, to my review of this one-shot. I absolutely loved this, I always(haven't seen one I hate at this time) have loved your stories, and although I loved this, I do believe this could be continued and more elaboration could be put upon it. I understand this is a one-shot, but "Of Challenges and Kisses"(http://derpy.me/kfHS2) was as well, and with more elaboration made it more popular and people loved it. So, while this one-shot could remain a one-shot, I think it can be developed into more then what it is.

-Sneaks

[Incredible Blunderbolt]

2006245

"No! He said he wanted to be A Cutie Mark Crusader," when Scootaloo and Apple Bloom gave Sweetie Belle a strange look, she shrugged, "My sister talks with cloths in her mouth all the time."

Grammatically speaking, the proper punctuation using this phrasing would be: "No! He said he wanted to be A Cutie Mark Crusader." When Scootaloo and Apple Bloom gave Sweetie Belle a strange look, she shrugged. "My sister talks with cloths in her mouth all the time."

When interruptions of dialogue are used to communicate who's speaking, a comma (or comma fill-in ei: and exclamation point or question mark,) is only used to attach the phrase to a dialogue tag:

"No! He said he wanted to be A Cutie Mark Crusader," Sweetie groaned. When Scootaloo and Apple Bloom gave her a strange look, she shrugged. "My sister talks with cloths in her mouth all the time."

The break of the dialogue is still part of the greater sentence because there is no dialogue tag (ie: said, snorted, growled.) However, if there is no dialogue tag, the dialogue must stand by itself with a period (or proper punctuation) and the interruption would be capitalized:

"No! He said he wanted to be A Cutie Mark Crusader." When Scootaloo and Apple Bloom gave her a strange look, she shrugged. "My sister talks with clothes in her mouth all the time."

Also, as a side note: "clothes" is spelled with an "e" between the "h" and "s," unless, of course, you mean that Rarity often speaks with towels in her mouth.

But I still must agree with the other readers; while skillfully written, this vignette was rather anticlimactic. Just exploring why being a CMC is such an honor would be a great story! Or even the hardships that Pipsqueak would endure at school, being the only colt in a club full of fillies. Why does he want to be a CMC in the first place (aside from the obvious.)

Never be afraid to add depth to your stories; if we didn't want to read something decently long and compelling, we wouldn't be on this site (aside from a choice few, but you don't really want those readers anyway.)

[Juria]

Very adorable. I'd love to see an episode like this.

[CMC4TW]

Short and sweet, and easily expandable. AWESOME! Seriously, we don't get much of this, regardless of the author or story. I'd like to see more of this.

[Wise Cracker]

It's short, sweet and cute, and it had a lot of great oneliners in it. I particularly liked the ending. Faved to keep track of any sequels or blogs regarding expanding this thread of thinking.

[kyttypony]

2011234
Could be clothes. Could be cloths without meaning towels. She is a seamstress, after all - working with fabrics is what she does for a living.