Spelling errors everywhere. Get a proof reader, please.

2450341 its hard to do so many things at once... Cut him some slack. Did you enjoy it or not?

The Presidents speech from Independance Day would fit well here.

2450417
It is Wonderfull,and thats not just because i am from Germany

Very nice. Loved this chapter. My only complaint is the bad grammar/spelling. If you need a proofreader, I would be happy to help.

Pretty enjoyable story. Too bad what I'm doing is making things worse for myself. Well the Trixie and Stephen history made some sense and the new weapons and everything.

Nice. Must have took a lot of time and patience to write.
Bonus points for including my country in the speech.

2451208 I will get to it myself. I have been really busy lately, bit now I got free time

2451208
Thank you, I will remember that.

2451682
Heh. You have no idea.

2453092
...wow. Heh. Uuh, thank you for your comment.

HOT DANM THAT WAS AWESOME

2455643
Glad you like it.

Well written and it shows not all of pony kind believes the anti-human propaganda and will fight to stop the horror that is the conversion bureau and that humanity will unite against a common threat to not just them but to the entire human race/ you need to make a sequel to this because I hunger for more of this story I like the fact that they used reverse engineering to create a pretty badass suit of armor good job

I wounded what the U.S has come up with the enchantments probably something epic

3001135
Well, the sequel is technically the main story from redskin. I still help him from time to time when he have to work with my OC Stephan and others.
3001243
And yes, they have. You just need to wait for the next chapters from redskin.

My problems with the story, and solutions to these problems, are thus:
First: the broken-as-hell Engrish is terrible, it shatters any sense of immersion I had, and seriously disrupts the flow of the story. Dozens of words per paragraph are either incorrect or appear to have been run through Google Translate from another language, with no actual proofreading. There are literally too many spelling and grammatical mistakes to list in a single, or even several, comments, and the entire story is thrown off as a result.
Solution: Get a Proofreader and an Editor. Or, get a degree in English at a college, and then look over your work.

Second: You are overly wordy with some segments, and your dialogue is wooden at best. Past tense words are mangled or non-existent, and future-tense words are entirely absent. You need to say each sentence out loud to ensure that it actually makes sense. If English is not your first language, find a friend for whom it is, and have them check it.
Solution: We're back at the 'get a Proofreader and Editor' thing, so that still sticks.

Third: Your story is presented as an ungainly wall-of-text. It is cumbersome and tiring to read, and needs to be fixed.
Solution: Indent at the beginning of your paragraphs. Every paragraph.

Fourth: The way your story is structured and required as part of another story is a tad ridiculous given its current state. It is in no condition to be a standalone, let alone 'required reading' for anything. As well, the prose of the story is so heavily reliant the main storyline, that it really should, with its length, simply be a part of the main story, or at least summarized in the main story, rather than needing to come here to read it. That should be optional. It's a side-story, not a sequel or prequel.
Solution: Actually complete your story before demanding others read it just so they can read someone else's story. And yes, that's what you're doing. Or, at least, the other author is forcing others to read your story if they want to finish his. Either way, this is a bad advertising tactic.

I am not saying that your story is bad, nor that I hate it. I am stating that this story is being presented in its rough draft format, and needs to be edited, proofread, and finished before you publish it. I am providing a harsh critique of the story, because I believe it could be great if you put a bit more effort into it, rather than merely 'okay'.

Dude, you have to get an editor. Hell, reading this causes me so much pain, I'll pay you money to let me edit this.

I hope you enjoy this story and who knows...

Maybe I do another one.

Now. Pwease.

2450806
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought that.

2450417>>2454838
You two have actually made me feel sad over the fate of ol` Cheese Legs. I am impressed. "The Queen is dead, long live the (drama) Queen!"

I seriously hope that Blue Spy gets to have a long, drawn out "chat" with Equestria Prime's Chrysalis. Because I don't think anypony else would have a Snowflake's chance in Tartarus of keeping her from backstabbing Good Celestia while her entire planet's attention was turned towards Earth and the Solar Tyrant.

purple clouds and not the good kind

I... see what I can do.

*I'll

You are not as alone as you think! We have soldiers and officers from Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, Cyprus, the Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany,(...)

lol

What is the ANA?

4190118
Afghan National Army.

4190551 Thanks

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The description is a total lie. Nice job for fooling me to bother to read this.

He have to life with that for the rest of his life.

I'm laughing so hard at this, and I feel terrible about doing so.

But oh my lawd, you need an editor.

Skipped 2/3's of it because of glaring errors, I'll manage. Should not be prescribed as 'mandatory'.

Stephan took the toothbrush and the toothpaste tube. He put some toothpaste on the toothbrush and began to clean his teeth. ‘Brush, brush, brush’ he sang in his head. For some reason, the Inspector Gadget theme fit pretty well with this.

[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPR5v3_tPCs]

5677517
HAH! My god, already wondered if anyone will comment on that one. XD

An epic tale of awesomery! :D

Nicely done.

How in the hell has this not been proofread it was published over a year ago I mean I understand that some people aren't good at English but since this is mandatory for another (better written) story you should have had the common sense to get this fixed by now

Wow okay I'm astonished that somehow even after editing it still is impossible to enjoy reading this I mean seriously dude how do you not just ask one of the many groups that are created to provide editors because clearly you can't do this yourself because it really sucks due to me wanting to know what is going on in a different story and I'm being forced to Decipher my way through something that looks like it was written by a first grader

"Like he was opening his eyes slowly", Or the world was. The simile seems off.
"He swallowed, or he thought he did.." I'll give you the eyes thing but swallowing?
You seem to jump between tenses a fair bit. Be one guard for that.
The convo with the Filly is creepy and I like the dialogue but I think the description could have used tightening up.
You may want to go over this with a comb for grammar. I don't normally touch on it but it seems to pop up and somewhat damage the flow.
"Almost six in the morning in the year 2023..." Does he often make note of the year when he wakes up?
Who removed the bodies? I admit, that was very nice of them but did they have time? Was Stephan just sat there while they were doing it?
Not sure we needed a line describing the steps in brushing his teeth.
I will be honest, that was as far as I got in this chapter. I just couldn't read on with all the errors. Is English your first language? If not, I think maybe you should ask other members of the Spectrum crew to help you out on it.

Sorry mate, this is still an error ridden mess, I'd advise actually getting a proofreader to go through this who has english as his/her first language, I can overlook the other three chapters, but the fourth is still atrocious.

Then he saw (light. Like he was opening his eyes slowly). He didn’t notice that he had (close) them at all.

Then he saw light, dim at first but getting brighter, like he was opening his eyes slowly. He didn’t notice that he had closed them at all.

(Not even cars where to see.) Stephan should be telling the readers what he is seeing, not some disembodied narrator.

Stephan didn’t see any civilian vehicles on the streets. Those vehicles that could move on their own power were used in the evacuations, while the disabled vehicles were sent to foundries to be remade into things useful to fight the war.

(Which is odd, because there were always cars on or at the side of the streets.) This description fits better in a Busytown book written by Richard Scarry.

He remembered his childhood home, his bedroom window overlooking the street that always had a few civilian vehicles being driven on them, or parked alongside them. Now, on this street, even the driveways, parking lots, and an abandoned petrol station were empty of vehicles.

No, it wasn’t smart to follow some random shadow in (a) alley.

No, it wasn’t smart to follow some random shadow in an alley.

(That there was something he need to see.)

There was something he needed to see.

Not like the darkness he saw in the beginning, (but darker as the rest of the street.) The alley is not part of the street.

Not like the darkness he saw in the beginning, but that alley was darker than the street in branched off from. He looked up and saw nothing shading that alley. There were no clouds or anything else over that alley that he could see. So why was that alley darker than the street he was standing on?

He (approach) the figure and looked down at it.

He approached the figure and looked down at it.

He couldn’t see the wound, but there (have) to be one.

He couldn’t see the wound, but there had to be one.

Wings and horns (are ripped off,) and the (other half of the body) was gone by some of (them). Subjects and verbs must AGREE with one another in number (singular or plural). Thus, if a subject is singular, its verb must also be singular; if a subject is plural, its verb must also be plural.

Wings and horns were blasted off, and some of them had their hindquarters of the bodies blasted off.

“You still could have (join) us... (the great herd)...” And, please tell me and Stephan the audience surrogate why going ponyis such a good thing for him to do?

“You still could have joined us... we could have given you everything you ever wanted as part of the great herd...”

‘I had to protect others... others who (wasn’t) turned... I had... to protect them... from you.’

‘I had to protect others... others who weren’t turned... I had... to protect them... from you.’

(He don’t want to listen to those foals anymore.)

Stephan whispered to himself, “I don’t want to listen to you foals anymore.”

Or

He doesn’t want to listen to those foals anymore.

(Tears running down.) An incomplete sentence

Tears ran down his facial cheeks and the palms of his hands.

He is replaced by (a) almost 30 years old men and his face aged because of the war even faster. (Some of the younger soldiers calling him and some of his friends, the old guard.)

He is replaced by an almost 30 years old men and his face aged because of the war even faster. Some of the younger soldiers calling him and some of his friends now were calling him the old guard.

Peter wants to help too, but he (don’t) have time for everyone.

Peter wants to help too, but he doesn’t have time for everyone.

(Tables and chairs are broken, the blackboard) is only hanging on one screw at the wall. Most modern schools now use whiteboards.

Bits of broken tables and chairs lay scattered across the room; while the whiteboard is only hanging on one screw at the wall.

(A red colour covers most of the place.)

Liquids cover most surfaces, staining everything it touches red.

Peter steps closer and was now only (a arm) length away from him.

Peter steps closer and was now only an arm’s length away from him.

“Hey, Peter...” he said with (a) emotionless voice.

“Hey, Peter...” he said with an emotionless voice.

“I... I heard voice in here while we (rescue) the children

“I... I heard voice in here while we were rescuing the children

He (have to life) with that for the rest of his life.

He will live with that for the rest of his life.

It helped a lot that he didn’t (had) to carry that alone.

It helped a lot that he didn’t have to carry that alone.

(The war in Europe was the devastating ever fought.)

The war against the Solar Tyrant was Europe’s most devastating war.

(Everyone began to wonder, where they could send the civilians and luckily Russia and China showed quite a fight and took many of the fleeing people who were running to the east.)

Members of the European Parliament debated where they could send millions of European civilians. It was fortunate that Russia and many Asian nations such as China realized the danger that the Solar Tyrant was to all of humanity. Thus, these nations took many of the fleeing people who were taking all types of transportation, including bicycles and walking, to the east.

He smiled as he considered that factories from Germany to Western Russia were shipped east of the Ural Mountains, to make the weapons and other equipment needed to fight the Solar Tyrant’s armies.

Everyone who could (fled) to Denmark and to other countries in the north and west.

Everyone who could flee had fled already north and west to the Scandinavian nations or Russia.

And somewhere behind (a) edge was a blue unicorn, listening to his words.

And somewhere behind an edge was a blue unicorn, listening to his words.

He is (a) avowed metal fan, much to Trixie’s dislike.

He is an avowed metal fan, much to Trixie’s dislike.

Still, she is not a big fan of it, but she began to (tolerates) it over the time.

Still, she is not a big fan of it, but she began to tolerate it over the time.

It became more or less her new home while he was sent (of) to missions in Europe. He worked together with many (special forces), even with some he never heard about before, like the KARHU CTU Valmiusyksikkö from Finland.

It became more or less her new home while he was sent to missions in Europe. He worked together with many Special Forces, even with some he never heard about before, like the KARHU CTU Valmiusyksikkö from Finland.

They don’t have enough vehicles and helicopters to pull of such an operation, (thus Germany), Sweden and Norway (have send everything) they could spare.

They don’t have enough vehicles and helicopters to pull of such an operation, thus Germany, Sweden and Norway sent every air vehicle they could spare.

He had field maneuvers in (Finland,) days were he cursed the harsh weather and the terrain.

He had field maneuvers in Finland; days were he cursed the harsh weather and the terrain.

If you are alone and don’t have the stamina and experience, (you can forget to survive in the wild here instantly).

If you are alone and don’t have the stamina and experience, you have almost no chance to survive in the wilds here.

He (know) that he need to recover, but he can’t leave his men behind.

He knows that he need to recover, but he can’t leave his men behind.

(At least they go down with a fight.)

At least, they go down fighting, giving as much as they are getting.

Stephan leans forward, (got on his knees and leans) further until he can look under the helicopter.

Stephan leans forward, getting on his knees, and then leans further until he can look under the helicopter.

“How is it looking?” Stephan (ask).

“How is it looking?” Stephan asks.

He spits into the sink, cleaned it with a (bit water) and snatches a towel to dry his face.

He spits into the sink, cleaned it with a bit of water and snatches a towel to dry his face.

(He hit his little toe at something on the ground and he curse.)

His little toe hits at something on the ground and he curses.

(But had something else to do).

But, he had something else to do.

She will join other ponies (who) ran from Celestia and her madness, trying to start a new live on Earth.

She will join other ponies that ran from Celestia and her madness, trying to start a new live on Earth.

(For example, the stopped to talk about herself in third person. Most of the time at least.)

For example, Trixie has stopped to talk about herself in third person, well most of the time at least.

“(Leutnant Bauer from the German Armed Forces. I bring you a new refugee.)

“I’m Leutnant Bauer from the German Armed Forces, bringing to you a new refugee.

The younger MP nods and (signalize) Stephan and Trixie to follow him.

The younger MP nods and signalizes Stephan and Trixie to follow him.

(If you have to then talk with the next guard.)

If you have to leave the camp, then talk with the nearest officer.

(To put) it mildly, the refugee camp saw better days.

To put it mildly, the refugee camp saw better days.

The tents are (crowded, at) least ten ponies live in one tent with rationed water and food.

The tents are crowded; at least ten ponies live in one tent with rationed water and food.

Trixie asks without taking her eyes from two fillies (who) play with a little broken pony doll.

Trixie asks without taking her eyes from two fillies that play with a little broken pony doll.

It's still not (save) for the ponies around (other people. Especially) around those who just lost their homes.

It's still not safe for the ponies around some humans, especially around those who just lost their homes.

(“ One) of the first?

“One of the first?

“Oh. (sorry), no offence.”

“Oh. Sorry, no offence.”

“Don’t (worry, she) is in good hooves here.”

“Don’t worry; she is in good hooves here.”

Stephan (crouch) down to be on eye level with Trixie.

Stephan crouched down to be on eye level with Trixie.

He stands (up and strokes his pants long again “Good bye, Trixie,” and walks a few steps as he heard Trixie’s voice.)

He stands up, strokes his long pants again, then said, “Good bye, Trixie,”. And then he walks a few steps before he heard Trixie’s pleading voice.

(“...yes. Yes, I come back.”)

“... Yes. Yes, unless I die I will come back.”

“Why are you talking about yourself (in third) person?”

“Why are you talking about yourself in the third person?”

She sunk her head and follows the path in the opposite direction and was now behind him, asking (an) pony.

She sunk her head and follows the path in the opposite direction and was now behind him, asking another pony.

Their parents [plural] send them (on) Earth to start (a new live) [singular] here, away from the Sun Tyrant.)

Their parents send them to Earth to start new lives here, away from the Sun Tyrant.”

In there, the ponies can come (together and) getting their next ration of food and water.

In there, the ponies can come together to socialize and get their next ration of food and water.

He (look) at Matheo and said,

He looked at Matheo and said,

She learned how the community spirit works, and that everyone (have) to take care of each other.

She learned how the community spirit works, and that everyone has to take care of each other.

The guards (catched) him later that night, but the damage was already done.

The guards caught him later that night, but the damage was already done.

Brawny told her that she is (save) by him and his family. But she still (wish) that Stephan will be back soon.

Brawny told her that she is safe by him and his family. But she still wishes that Stephan will be back soon.

After a few more days, Trixie (got unexpected) visit from some human volunteers

After a few more days, Trixie got an unexpected visit from some human volunteers

She did what they said and as (she was inside), her chin hit the ground.

She did what they said and as she walked inside, her chin hit the ground.

They even got a magical (had and table with a chair because) of the size (difference.) What is a magical had?

They even got a magical globe on a table with a chair because of the size difference between humans and ponies.

Stephan still (feel) uncomfortable around foals which he didn’t tell Trixie at this time.

Stephan still feels uncomfortable around foals which he didn’t tell Trixie at this time.

Trixie sat at the opposite of the table, her (fore hooves) on it.

Trixie sat at the opposite of the table, her forehooves on it.

Of course he hoped that the work in the camp is enough for her, but she already told him that she (want) to do more, and Stephan was willing to give her some more to do.

Of course he hoped that the work in the camp is enough for her, but she already told him that she wants to do more, and Stephan was willing to give her some more to do.

Trixie looks at him for (a before) she sunk back in the chair. Missing word

Trixie looks at him for a moment before she sunk back in the chair.

(Why do you had to do it? And... I understand now that you did it because you didn’t (had) a choice...”

Why you had to do what you did? And… I understand now that you did it because you didn’t have a choice...”

(To help stopping this war as fast as possible. And to end that bloodshed.)

To help you stop this war as fast as possible, and to end all that bloodshed.

I just hope that instructor (know) how to train you guys.

I just hope that instructor knows how to train you guys.

Stephan (keep) staring at her before he tips his chin with a finger.

Stephan keeps staring at her before he tips his chin with a finger.

(Trixie smiles and waves at him with her hove.) Hove is a town on the south coast of England

A happy Trixie smiles, while waving at him with her hoof.

Trixie did the next (days) what she have been told by Stephan

Trixie did the next day what she have been told by Stephan

“Seems like you made a lot of friends the (last weeks.” Stephan) said.

“Seems like you made a lot of friends the last few weeks,” Stephan said.

(He ask.)

He asked.

I mean, it wasn’t my fault that this Minor Ursa woke up and destroyed (half Ponyville).”

I mean, it wasn’t my fault that this Minor Ursa woke up and destroyed half of Ponyville.”

A shuttle bus is already waiting for them and the other ponies (who) stand at the side of the street.

A shuttle bus is already waiting for them and the other ponies that stand at the side of the street.

Continuing to run away. Hiding in the dirt

You can continue to run away, and then dig a hole to hide in the dirt.

And I feel like it is (worth) to be protected.

And I feel like it is worthy to be protected.

He stood up and (rose) his head in Stephan direction. And, his head became a flower!

He stood up and raised his head in Stephan direction.

With that, all the ponies walked into the shuttle bus and took their seats (in in) the prescribed order.

With that, all the ponies walked into the shuttle bus and took their seats in the prescribed order.

The ponies became vegetables

wait, what?!

7214234 I suppose he meant a vegetative state.

7236177

The ponies became vegetables with some rice and he goulash

7236592 ...oh