Where the Sun is Silent

by Cynewulf

In Strange Eons

In the realm of Nyarlothep, He Who Wore Many Faces, there was a gnashing of teeth and howls of anger. The chosen Handmaid had betrayed her master! She had not killed the Sun’s beloved student! She had not done her part as the wedge in the cracks of the Elements!

But the complaints of the slithering darkness were silenced by the realm’s master. He set himself down on the outcropping at the heart of his courtyard and shed his pony disguise.

There was no need to be upset, he informed the air and the watchdog Naur who prowled his holding. No, to lose a minor skirmish against a foe like Celestia—even in her diminished state—was not a tragedy. The opening volley had not laid them low. So what? The next might, or the next. There would always be opportunity in some distant age. The Handmaid had failed, but she was a weak creature, afraid to act and do what she wished so ardently to do. The lesser, almost parasitic things that crawled on the surfaces of the planets were such contradictory creatures. He liked that about them sometimes. This time annoyed him.

No matter.

Nyarlothep could wait for another chance.

Comments

[502-Alekusu]

What happened to all the views ;_;

[Cynewulf]

2573639 Sadly, when I reformatted I lost all the views! :c

[502-Alekusu]

2573653
Oh mai... hope it doesn't take too long to get them back...

[BrackMadar]

i liked it as a single chapter but lets see what has changed , and i just realized my poetic comment about the injures that each friend bestow in the other is gone great story one of my favorites, and the universe sure is interesting the way you handled Fluttershy injuring Twilight and Twilight doing the same but in a more "cruel" way by "forgiving" her, one of my top favorites

[Cynewulf]

2573747 I sincerely apologize. I didn't think about the comments until it was too late because I'm dumb. :c Cry your pardon

[BrackMadar]

2574025 its cool man don't worry i was being over dramatic but i think i forgot to put a Rarity emoticon to emphasize that

i hope you get featured on EqD so you can get more views that you deserve and more people enjoy this story and this universe

[q97randomguy]

2584044

fim.413chan.net/fim/src/132727056311-Hahaha_no.gif

The seven coordinating conjunctions used as connecting words at the beginning of an independent clause are and, but, for, or, nor, so, and yet. When the second independent clause in a sentence begins with a coordinating conjunction, a comma is needed before the coordinating conjunction[.]

Let's take a look at some of them.

The night was quiet and the streets of this part of the residential area were all but abandoned.

Comma.

We can rewrite this, using the exact same words — except "and" — to this...

The night was quiet. The streets of this part of the residential area were all but abandoned.

Both of which are complete sentences and, consequently, independent clauses.

From another chapter...

It’s been three years and we’re both fairly sure.

Comma.

Can become...

It's been three years. We're both fairly sure.

Again, they're independent clauses.

Yes, maybe it feels odd to have so many commas, but that is only because so many people don't use them as often as they should. You can't just use because-it-feels-right-it-must-be-right grammar, as that isn't really grammar at all.

[Cynewulf]

2602679 Hey now. That's not nice.

[Lhmac]

2587723
*shrug*
You prompted me to research, and it's actually a debatable issue these days. I was always taught the comma is only necessary for ambiguity and when there's a pause. Which is, I guess, why the addition of so many commas that I (rightly or wrongly) see as unnecessary stood out to me.

[EDIT] I should also point out I finally found an Australian site on the issue. It's because I use Australian English. (Important to note for you too, 2602679)

[Seattle_Lite]

Good show, author. Well done and congrats.

[Cynewulf]

2643895 Thank you!

[Cold in Gardez]

Nice EqD feature, there. Marked this one for later consumption!

[Cynewulf]

2645226 Yay! Thankya.

2645115 Thank you! Heh, who could he be?

[Alondro]

*yawns* Hmm? Oh, yet another indestructible elder asshat. Whelp, time ta work...

*enters realm with a flick of his wrist and rips Nyarlothept horizontally transverse saggitally oblique through an obfuscating priapism of nebulous dichotomies, thus obliterating the damnable thing forevers!*

*smirks* Nobody out god-modes the Deux Ex Insert.

[Scootarious]

Im going to give this a read, also i love that its named from an album from one of my favorite bands!

[Jake The Army Guy]

Hey, there! Got sent here by EqD. Congrats on that, by the way. Very much deserved based on what I just read.

I had doubts at first. Fluttershy jealous and bitter? But you played it very cool. Her emotions never felt over the top or OoC. Hell, I found myself more doubtful of the RariDash than anything else!

I haven't read Lovecraft in years, and I only read The Shadow Over Innsmoth( and to be honest... I only read that because of The Thing That Should Not Be by Metallica), but I think I may have to pick him back up. Very well done, brother!

[Cynewulf]

2647395 it's a wonderful album.

2647797 Yay! Thank you. I highly recommend Lovecraft. I like Dunwich and At the Mountains of Madness, but he has a ton of good ones.

[Silver Tail]

Such an incredibly well written story, makes me wish I had this kind of talent.

[Cynewulf]

2652895 thankya! That's kind of you

[Cynewulf]

2686885 Every time I see your name I'm like

I know that name

and I have to go on a quest to find out why I do

[lol1759]

That was supremely anticlimactic.

The story, rocked. However, the climax (chapters 8-9) was the very definition of rushed. This could have easily been a 25 chapter fic, but alas, the story ends at 10.

[Cynewulf]

2741082 While maybe rushed... 25 chapters? That would have been quite a stretch. To be honest, the pacing is the problem, as the material in this story kind of was spent, really. To go deeper into the Lovecraftian elements and the stuff around it would detract from the romantic conflict that is kind of the main point. Though yes, perhaps there is some rush. In that she makes a decision rather quickly, doesn't she?

But does she really? I was thinking about this. If anything, I would say the decision is perhaps never in doubt. Depends on how much you believe in Flutters, maybe. She always says Twilight is her friend.

But I dunno.

(Also thank you! That's really awesome! Not what I had pictured but not that far off! Consider yourself Tumblr followed!)

[Cynewulf]

2753477 to be frank with you, I love my sister to death and we have a wonderful relationship, and she does not figure into the counting of my inner circle of friends. Spike also seems to be in this way not in the innermost circle. Not to say that he isn't loved, for he plainly is that much is evident, but there wasn't really a need for him? For one thing, ALL of the males were back at their own place that night, and he is indeed male. Also, someone has to watch the library. Furthermore, he doesn't have to be everywhere in stories.

She ends up with Soarin', if you must know.

[Swashbucklist]

I've never had much interest in Lovecraftian literature, but I do love how you used it here, and how the romantic conflict ran its profound course through it; that confrontation between Twi and Shy was really something. They're both dear friends with strong bonds, which makes the resulting pain from the experience that much deeper: Twilight's feelings of betrayal and the subsequent guilt that Fluttershy has burdened herself with. Makes me wish I could read those missing comments to understand it a little better.

I also found some fixes you can make in chapter 7:

We’re being herded towards something.

Thoughts should be italicized. The plain text threw me off a little.

The first thing Twilight did was capture them both in a tight embrace.

They're running toward her, then they're suddenly there. I would work a “as soon as she saw them” in there to close the gap, but this story is probably too old for you to care.

2754290

I'm pretty sure neither of us thought this through very far. To be just as frank, your sister probably has her own friends who she spends time with. Spike doesn't. No one can say with conviction that he's excluded from Twilight's inner circle when he was her friend long before the mane six, and the mane six are the only friends he seems to have. If his only friends don't actually think of him as part of their group, who does that leave him with? His big sister's tagalong, who doesn't have any friends of his own? That would cause me to lose a lot of faith in those characters. I wouldn't be so quick to liken their situation to anyone's life, because in Equestria, there are fewer and weaker psychological barriers that would prevent them all from being a group of seven.

[Jake The Army Guy]

Read this a long time ago.

Faved because you reminded me of how much I liked it.

[defunct321]

This was good.

[Cynewulf]

7217349 "VII" is seven, but I don't think the seventh circle is actually the sins of the lion. The titles are from an album by the band Alesana.

[Ice Star]

7217389

Seven? Well that is one of the circles I remember: wrath. So, yes that would be sins of the lion.

[Cynewulf]

7217392 huh, what do you know! Been too long since I read Dante.

[Ice Star]

7217395

Is guilty and has never read Dante even though I want to soooo much.

[Cynewulf]

7637877 technically yes. This was when I officially string them together. That one is second. Lilies of the Field is first. This is thirdish.

[Yami Vizzini]

All right then... interesting character study. It somehow felt like it wrapped up a bit suddenly, but I suppose Fluttershy said what she needed to say and that's the important thing.

[Zenith Sparkle]

This looks nice. I came here after some...research...on a different story of yours. I will assume that you know which one.