Where the Sun is Silent

by Cynewulf

Hoof in Hoof With the Damned

All the way home, Fluttershy’s chest had felt heavy. Knowing something of disease from her work with animals, she’d felt her forehead and noticed no fever. This had disappointed her—it would’ve been an excellent excuse to avoid Twilight’s bachelorette nonsense and the events of the next day.

The heaviness came with sluggish thought. Fluttershy felt like she’d only just woken up, though it had been hours since breakfast. Her legs felt weak, but somehow she managed not to stumble.

Maybe I’m just dehydrated. That must be it. I’ll excuse myself and sleep, just for good measure. And that way not have to see Twilight happy down below. All would be well. She would survive this.

The closer she got to the house, the heavier the invisible weight felt, and the darker her mood became. Today had been easier—Big Mac was trying his best not to see Twilight the night before the wedding—but the proximity of their joining still hurt her. She imagined that strange weight in her chest was her heart trying to express how hard it was to accept the inevitable.

The inevitable. As the four of them left the market, her thoughts had begun turning around the thought of the inevitable like a wheel.

What was she going to do? Fluttershy wasn’t a foal; she knew what the others were thinking about her. She knew what she was acting like. Even when she didn’t regret it, Fluttershy knew exactly what her stony silences and her longing looks were doing to the others. She sighed.

Is it really Big Mac I’m pining for? He did tell me no. Twilight doesn’t know he actually did, no, but she did talk to me about it before she dated him.

She shook her head. No! That’s... that’s wrong. Big Macintosh is everything to me.

It had been a confusing time. She had finally “made her move” so long ago, and Big Mac had looked at her with those eyes full of pity, and something in her snapped and stayed broken. He’d been so kind about it. Less than a month later, Twilight was wanting to talk to her, and the conversation hovered around the stallion who’d rejected her. Fluttershy hadn’t known what to say. At the mention of his name, she’d felt like running. But she stayed and had of course given Twilight the wrong impression.

And then Twilight had confessed her interest, and Fluttershy had sat there and rubber-stamped it, unwilling to speak the truth.

But what would you have said, Fluttershy? That you still loved him? She wanted to respond with a resounding "yes,” but something held her back. Maybe you did, but you definitely didn’t feel quite the same way after that. It wasn’t like you had a chance. You knew it. Nopony who lets you down with the kind of pitying gentleness is going to give you a chance.

A chance at what, anyhow? She’d been so wrapped up in sulking and contemplating her own wounds that she’d almost forgotten the time when she’d confessed her love. What was this she had now? Regret? If it was love then it came in a different guise than it had before. She thought more of them together than she thought of him alone. When she thought of only him, it was different. Where before her dreams had been full of his kind voice and long walks in the orchards, he was now unreachable and silent. In her dreams, Macintosh was beautiful, on top of a mountain. She tried to fly up to him, somehow feeling that this was it—that if she could just make it, he would deem her a worthy mate. So she would try and try.

But Fluttershy had never been as good a flier as her peers. Her wings would carry her halfway on sheer will power, then they would begin to slow and cramp. She’d pull at the air with them, flounder, fall. Sometimes, she’d have to build a house to prove the strength of her love for this stallion, who’d once been a comfort and now stood as a mute colossus. In his great shadow she would struggle, cobbling together a flimsy frame. Twilight was always beside her, her magic holding the plans up with ease as tools and materials spun in a creative whirlwind of magic and careful planning. It was never a real contest. Twilight won every time.

When Twilight won she was so happy. There wasn’t any malice in that smile. She would turn to Fluttershy, and Fluttershy would look over. Always, Twilight jumped for joy. She shouted. Sometimes Fluttershy swore that she sang. Every single time, her smile was so blissfully happy. It was complete, just like the mansion that she would stand before as Macintosh chose her with a kiss. And then she would wave to Fluttershy in oblivion, as if to say, come in and dine with me and my love. Are we not friends?

Fluttershy wasn’t sure what she knew or felt anymore. Twilight was her friend. She’d told Twilight to do this, more or less. Hadn’t she smiled and said that she wished Twilight the best? But it had been a lie. Fluttershy had opened up her mouth and spoken false.

And now it was too late.

Too late for what? She’s always been better than you. Intelligent, beautiful, cheerful, open to others and the world. You hid behind a curtain of hair, and he passed you by.

It was midday, but it felt like nighttime.

As she warred with herself, the party found its way back to the street where Twilight lived. Fluttershy wondered if the unicorn would be back from whatever it was she and Rarity had been doing. Part of her hoped not, but another part began to hope that she would be.

It’ll be a while before they let Pinkie loose to start the partying for Twilight’s bachelorette party. I’d like for us to talk. Not about Mac… it’s too late for that, and I don’t want to think about the three of us. But I can’t just lose Twilight, because that means losing all of my closest friends. Twilight is still my friend, after all. Perhaps having a nice, friendly talk will remind me of that.

She looked down at her chest, noting that the weight had become serious now. Breathing was difficult, and it scared her.

I might want to ask her about this too. Twilight’s my friend; she’ll help me out. She’s always willing to help.

Why was it so hard to believe that?

She walked through Twilight’s door in a haze, sweat pouring down her brow. It took all of her effort just to keep her breathing in check so that the others wouldn’t notice. Suddenly, she felt that it was very important that they not notice. The thought of them noticing made the weight on her chest grow. Was she ashamed of further signs of weakness? Her mind reached for flimsy rationalizations.

She had to find Twilight. It felt suddenly important. Twilight was her friend, still. Yes, same question and same answer, slower than the time before like always. She felt so tired, as if something was sapping her strength. But Twilight could help. With every beat of her heart, the weight grew and grew, and the thought of Twilight loomed larger and larger in her mind.

“I’ll go put this stuff up. Heya, Twilight!” Applejack called out as Twilight came down the stairs with Rarity.

Twilight Twilight Twilight Twilight Twilight. Fluttershy’s mind was blank. She had no room for anything but her goal. There was a slinking, crawling fear somewhere but it was pushed down by need that she could not describe.

“Oh, good. I was starting to miss you girls!”

She had to talk to Twilight. Had to find Twilight. It had already become a mantra in her mind, crowding out everything else as her hooves began to feel numb and her pace became sluggish. The weight seemed almost like a tangible object now, hanging from her neck like a necklace, and in that delirium, she imagined that it was pulsing in time with her own heart.

Was it delusion? She didn’t know. As she opened her mouth to greet Twilight, the weight blossomed into pain beyond description.

Twilight stood before her, framed on either side by Rainbow and Rarity. All three stared in absolute horror. Pinkie, who’d bounced before them, was shouting something that Fluttershy couldn’t hear. Twilight opened her mouth to no avail, and in her eyes Fluttershy saw it.

In a flash she remembered it all: the strange pony in the market, the amulet, his strange eyes and the weird sense of calm. She looked down in horror.

The amulet had become something else entirely. From it had been born something she could only describe as a tear, a pit in the middle of the air made of night and shadow. Around her, a wind howled and pulled at her mane. She tried to scream for help, but nothing would come. The thing below her stole her breath.

The wind tore at the carpet and the furniture. A picture frame flew past her face, ripping the skin right below her eye. Fluttershy lost her balance, and as she fell, it was as if the hole swallowed her up. It’s so cold. It’s so cold. Where are the stars? I can’t feel my hooves? Where am I? Where is Twilight? Big Macintosh? Rainbow Dash? Rainbow, please! Somepony! It’s cold—

She hit the floor.

Comments

[q97randomguy]

came with sluggish thought.

Double space.

hurt her. She imagined

Double space.

to do? Fluttershy wasn’t

Double space.

But she stayed, and of course given Twilight the wrong impression.

No comma. Aside.

If it was love then it came in a different guise than it had before.

Comma.

When Twilight won she was so happy.

Comma.

She would turn to Fluttershy and Fluttershy would look over.

Comma.

Sometimes Fluttershy swore that she sang.

Comma.

You hid behind a curtain of hair and he passed you by.

Comma.

It’ll be awhile

My reaction, a mix of this and this.

Suddenly she felt that it was very important that they not notice.

Comma. Also, you know my feelings on this particular word.

suddenly important. Twilight was

Double space.

slower than the time before like always.

Comma.

With every beat of her heart, the weight grew and grew and the thought of Twilight loomed larger and larger in her mind.

Comma.

There was a slinking, crawling fear somewhere but it was pushed down by need that she could not describe.

Comma.

her hooves began to

Double space.

and in that delirium she imagined that it was pulsing in time with her own heart.

Comma.

didn’t know. As she

Double space.

and in her eyes Fluttershy saw it.

Comma.

and shadow. Around her

Double space.

and as she fell it was as if the hole swallowed her up.

Comma.

[-Brutus]

This is getting good, reading on!