- Member Since 22nd Sep, 2012
- offline last seen 10 hours ago
StormHoof32
A writer who enjoys putting a smile on peoples faces. If a story makes you smile, I've done my job. :)
StormHoof32
Joined 22nd Sep, 2012 ·
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seems like a good start
This is a very different take on Octavia - one where she actually likes Vinyl's music, from the beginning at least. I like it. Upboted, favorited, subscribed/
Descrition has been modified. enjoy.
1473922>>1473835>>1473818 gud news, new ch on the way!
New chapter is finally here. Enjoy all you Vinyltavia fans!
I enjoyed it. My one critique is that I don't think a lot of people, or ponies, even Miss Scratch here, would say "btw" in real life. Might want make that the full statement. Just food for thought.
1494603 Ok, thx for pointing that out. I fixed it, and by the way. My little sis says btw all the time, instead of saying by the way.
1497099 Thanks, I am in the process of writing the next chapter. It will be as good as the rest. And btw, I'll be starting a Pinkie/Derpy fic soon. I got some ideas from coctamus. Hope ya'll enjoy it!
1503037 That would suck. lol.
1503042 Maybe, but i like the way it played out. I dont write the fics. they sort of write themselves.
1503042 Have u read any of my other fics?
1503074 Read the completed ones, and tell me what u think. I enjoy very constructive criticism. lol. I can take it.
A little fast paced, imo, but still good. I like this one.
1554410 Lol, thx, my comp has an auto correct, so no matter what i do to change it, it keeps returning back to Mrs. sorry. lol
Oh snap.
Great story so far and whilst I like the happiness feel of it I kinda liked the slight conflict that had developed when octavia had contacted vinyl's parents more and was wanting more of it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the conflicts that do occur feel kinda rushed and short, but I still love the story because it's octascratch, and the wub each other!
1633798 Thanks for the comment Lix, and as to how i will continue it? well thats gonna be a little surprise.
Pretty good start
I gotta agree, the fact that 'Tavi likes Vinyl's music to begin with is extremely different from a lot of stories I've read.
Seemed like you kinda rushed a little at the end though.
I'm guessing Vinyl is saying both of these lines you could just make it one line like so.
"What do you wa-" she said but stopped as soon as she saw that it was her. "Uh...Hi." she said suddenly blushing again.
Overall, pretty interesting story
will read more.
Pretty good
You may want to indent at the beginning of each paragraph but it's a minor detail. Feels a little rushed but still has a pretty good pace.
I was a little surprised that Vinyl was willing to pay 100 bits, I would have expected her to attempt to get it at a lower price, but the different Vinyl is very interesting.
The other thing I was curious about was why the pony selling the ticket would hold the ticket for Vinyl. Wouldn't he sell it to the first person to come up with the amount?
Again, pretty fast-paced. Going from complete strangers to lovers in 3 short chapters is a bit. . . um, ridiculous? Would prefer if they moved a bit slower, maybe have them go out on a date or two first. Or even over the course of a few weeks of practicing together or listening to each other's music they fall in love.
I'm not sure, but if Tavi couldn't exactly see straight/well, wouldn't that mean it'd be pretty difficult for her to dance?
The bit with getting rid of the hangovers was a nice touch. Considering that ponies drink a lot in vinyl/tavi fics, you would think somepony would have thought up a spell to get rid of/dampen the effects of a hangover.
Finally, 'Tavi is a ninja cleaner
There were quite a few lower case i's in there but that's extremely minor
.
It was a little sudden that Vinyl's parents disowned her
, made me sad.
Attempting to kiss a girl at such a young age doesn't exactly mean that 'Tavi is a fillyfooler, just that she wanted to experiment. But, at least her parents were understanding and kind
.
not bad, still a little quick but manageable.
To be completely honest, I don't know a single mother who would just stand aside while their husband beat their child. Even if she was threatened the mother would gladly take the beatings to protect their child (in this case foal).
The last couple of paragraphs seemed extremely rushed. Not only did you throw them into the same home together in a couple sentences, you also immediately had them playing music together without any practice. Even if Octy had the music written to include both of their brands of music, she would need to practice it with Vinyl to make sure it sounded good.
Again a little rushed but good.
1633798
Sweet OC insert ftw
nice.
Anyway onto comments: Vinyl may have been jealous, but according to your Vinyl, she might have punched Orange, but I don't think she would have knocked her clear across the room. Let alone actually go to keep beating her up.
Anywho, interesting little twist at the end there, not sure how Octy will react though.
1640670 I highly apreciate, ur comments, but i like this fic the way it is. it just kind of wrote itself. lol
1642638
fair enough
1642745 Btw, tell ur bro i said, thanks for the edit and proof-read. I have subitted the fic, and i expect it to be up by tomorrow afternoon. I added a bit more to the end to give it a higher word count as well. Basically show him this comment.
1642841
done heh.
Pretty good so far, feels slightly rushed/forced at the end though. Onto the next chapter(s).
Still feels rushed, but the details are nice.
Still waiting to see how this goes, considering you are running through the stages.
For once Octavia's parents are accepting of her sexuality. This is only the second time I've read a story like that.
Ah fuck, you didn't do a detailed shower scene! I love those! D:
1650503 I can change that. if you'd like. i can make it quite detailed.
I am enjoying the story thus far. I do hope that you keep going until the end.
1800363 I will But it will be a while, I have things at home right now that i need to straighten out.
1807802
I can understand, I would never ask you to rush your work. A rushed work is a crushed work.
1807824 Agreed, Btw, Im thinking of changing the rating, cuz i might add some clop, it will be between vortex, tavi, and vinyl will jump in eventually out of jeliousy.
1807900
Hehehehe I can not wait to read it ^^
You did wonderful, first time of clop or not, that does not matter. If you are happy with your work that is what should matter. That being said great work, just the right amount of clop to move onto the story once more. I can not wait for the next chapter
Sure it wasn't the best clop I've ever read (and I've read a ton of it), but I generally use my imagination to fill in the gaps anyway. Good chapter.
it mat not have been the best clop I've read but it was the first threesome I've read so bonus points for that
damn I was not expecting a harem type deal with this good work
Can't wait to see where this goes.
Well, with scratchie I think starting out with a few drinks at home, to get a nice buzz going, head to a club maybe get a private booth and enjoy the night, along with a few more drinks ending with a private jam session on Scratch's personal turntables at home.
Orange well thats a lot harder, not much on her back ground is given, but seeing how hyper active she seems I would think that some high activity events are called for like hitting the arcade, hitting the middle ground for a movie, and winding down with maybe a nice take out dinner at home