- Member Since 22nd Sep, 2012
- offline last seen 10 hours ago
StormHoof32
A writer who enjoys putting a smile on peoples faces. If a story makes you smile, I've done my job. :)
StormHoof32
Joined 22nd Sep, 2012 ·
Offline
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Hmm.
Let's see where this goes.
Oh, this gonna be something. In a good way.
Usually these sorts of plain, everyday wake-up openings tend to bore me, but somehow this one manages to stay interesting; probably because there are already hints of what is to come.
I'd love to see where this goes.
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The next ch will be done by tomorrow morning. For any of u who r interested. :)
Not a bad start, but you need to work on your narration skills a little bit.
8637788
i appreciate the feedback :) anything specific in narration? or just narration in general. All help is welcome, After all how is a writer to improve without criticism.
8638415
thank you so much for the feedback. It always helps with getting better at writing. I tried to do a little better with narrative and description in the second chapter, though I still feel it needs work.
8638457
At least your willing to take constructive criticism at all. Some people don't. I can't really offer much other than pointing out spelling errors myself. Like "perceptive," which you spelled "perseptive."
8638664
thx :) criticism is always welcome :)
8638664
any chance u could help me find it lol. I forgot where i used perspective
This looks like a fun story to read, can't wait to see what will happen next.
I love the way you put the story together.
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Yeah. Celestia compliments Aero on being very perceptive. I couldn't tell you exactly where, but that's how it's used.
8639474
awesome ty
I still really like it. Keep going.
From the pic on the front, I thought this was gonna be a Pegasus Oc x Celestia fic. Might wanna change that. Or is this gonna be a harem type of story? Other then that this story is awesome and has great potential.
8642146
it is harem style and involves more than the normal amount of characters
8642432
Okay.
Just the right amount of detail to set the scene without going overboard. The set up is a little different from what I expected, almost refreshing, even. Not to mention it'll be different for the focus to be on the culture shock princess. I'm especially curious how everyone else will respond, including Aero's mom.
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the site wont let me put all the characters in the story. So i only did 3. the rest r a surprise though ;)
That was adorable actually!
Ha
Is there a prequel story to this ? How daybreaker and nightmare moon are helping their counterparts suggest that there is a backstory in which they have reformed but the how has not been discussed.
This is really getting into a fun story. I wonder if the nobles will try to meddle in their affairs, if anything they would try to influence his mother by showing her with gifts, to become like them and get other their noble teens to get their Aero to get along with him to cement their hold on them.
I really liked Aero's mom's response. Really sets the mood that this is a casual, easy going world that likely won't have all the problems that would realistically come with such a scenario. Everyone's just chill and the focus is on having a good time, both for the characters and readers.
Also, neat bit of lore adding the "evil" alter egos. Looking forward to seeing them explained.
However, my inner grammar nazi compels me to inform you that there's a bit of a problem with punctuation. Simply put, you're missing a lot of commas. Like here
There should be a comma after Sighing. Read the sentence out loud and listen for pauses. Those are good indicators of punctuation. Also, when doing a 'he said' thing, most of the time you'll want to close out the sentence before with a comma, then closing quotes, then lower cased he said. And while it's not a strict rule, it just looks better if you avoid closing a line with a comma before opening a quotation. Better to end said line with a period instead.
in her voice. "I only
8646817
thx, punctuation is something ive been working on. :)
8646406
the how will come later :)
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sounds like a fun idea tbh
8646817
were these the only examples u found? is there any others i can fix?
Huh, interesting take on the AU of the serie.
when is the next chapter
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This week is my prep week so to say. I mentioned in my last chapter that On jan 11 I'm leaving for iowa for training with the army national guard. I'll be working on chapters on my downtime, but I will not have access to internet until I come back. Which means the new chapters won't be up until anywhere between Jan 29th and Feb 2nd.
8656447
Alright
Honestly, I love the idea of a prank war. Keep it going.
8658417
then u will love whats in store for later. :D
that was a really fun chap
I think he died of something
8715733
who?
8718872
i think he was talking about you as you havent made a single new chapter in ages
So... When's the next chapter? It's way past Feb 2nd.
Where are you, OP?
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Sorry family is going through a big divorce and a lot of stuff is happening. I won't be posting for a while. Sorry
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Just so u guys know, my family is going through a lot of stuff right now. So this story is in hiatus.
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We'll wait. I know I'm putting this in my favourites and bookmarking it
I'm really looking forward to seeing more, but there's no rush.
Nice to see you back at this story, I can't wait to see what will happen next with Aero encounter with Luna, I wonder how things will go between the two sisters.
>Aero at this point had fallen pray to his instincts
'Pray' should be 'prey'. Keep up the good work.
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Ty :)
Damn, Aero is the luckiest on that bloody planet! Good to have ya back!