• Member Since 2nd Nov, 2012
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Admiral Biscuit


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Comments ( 55 )

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Admiral Biscuit's Fleet (group)
Cracfics (folder)

:twilightoops:

11866404
Don't make me have to move this to the
Stories Unlikely To Be Completed Soon folder

:pinkiehappy:

11866668
Don't worry, it'll be done by next April 1 at the latest

11866905
Because I don't want anybody to make the mistake of assuming that this is a well-crafted fic by an experienced author that they should read.

Ok real talk, it is pretty messed up that violence is more normalized in our culture from a young age than sex is, given that most people will hopefully be encountering the latter more frequently over the course of their lives.

Oh, this promises to be delightfully ridiculous. Looking forward to more.

11867100
I dunno if you've ever seen the movie Kick Ass. There was some controversy over it because the young female lead cursed like a sailor.

She also killed dozens and dozens of people but apparently that was perfectly fine.

We have very weird morals here in the US.

11867586
WHY DID YOU CLICK THIS?

IT'S ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE

11867732
Heh, thanks! The combo of Amethyst and KitKat is one that I never fully realized last year, but this year it's gonna be . . . something. I think I'll stick with that.

> "Eh, let’s make this more PG. Some ponies (and other creatures) created and used various adult toys for when they were"

> "What do you mean that’s less PG?"

11867974

> "I dunno if you've ever seen the movie Kick Ass. There was some controversy over it because the young female lead cursed like a sailor."

> "She also killed dozens and dozens of people but apparently that was perfectly fine."

> "We have very weird morals here in the US."

When the MPAA (MotionPictureAssociation of America) decided to dump the HayesCode (A very PonyName), It gathered together parents to to help developed the rating system, the executives found some random parents. The rumor is that a weird mother with strange ideas is responsible for the rating system:

The rumor is that she was prudish and hated profanity, but believed that violence, blood, and gore toughen children up for the wars they will fight. She did not believe that any explanation beyond the rating was necessary. Most importantly of all, she insisted that she get her way.

A much more sensible system is like FiMFiction with E for Everypony, T for Teen, M for Mature and explanations about why the story is rated, such as for profanity, gore, et cetera. This is what pretty much all other rating systems in the world do except the MPAA.

This is definitely a thing, but I do not know what thing it is.

Well, at least she doesn’t need a motorcycle.

Also, I assume that the in-story ads were suggested by AI and/or will have future plot significance.

11868237
That's okay, I also have no idea what it is. An appropriate fic for the first day of April (and some number of days after), and that's probably all I should say.

11868472

Well, at least she doesn’t need a motorcycle.

Who says she (for at least one of the two 'shes') doesn't want or need a motorcycle? Who says that the next chapter or maybe the one after that doesn't feature an anthro pony on a motorcycle?

If Arnie got one, so should Amethyst.

Also, I assume that the in-story ads were suggested by AI and/or will have future plot significance.

Oh boy, you're giving both the author and Bing AI way more credit than they deserve. Suffice to say that AI had nothing to do with the ads, and if they have future plot significance it'll be a miracle.

Although this story is not in accordance with reality, it seems internally consistent

Now I want to see a Rito band performing at the Mos Eisley cantina, for maximum jizz.
I know what I said.

Also, I appreciate everyone clapping when the Karen was exorcised, along with the faultlessly faulty logic of the bazaar. Shades of The Phantom Tollbooth there, and Rhyme and Reason clearly want nothing to do with this story.

Riding a nonuplifted horse. Interesting.

11868972

Although this story is not in accordance with reality, it seems internally consistent

Oh boy, some of that is going to change in the next chapter

...although it is consistent for what it is, so I guess that does keep it internally consistent. And I did warn about what's about to happen on the title card.

11869268

Now I want to see a Rito band performing at the Mos Eisley cantina, for maximum jizz.
I know what I said.

:heart:

Also, I appreciate everyone clapping when the Karen was exorcised,

I feel like everybody would applaud when a Karen was vanquished.

along with the faultlessly faulty logic of the bazaar. Shades of The Phantom Tollbooth there, and Rhyme and Reason clearly want nothing to do with this story.

I've read a few stories that involve math and math logic as plot elements. Never really thought I'd write something where it factored in, but here we are.

Also I can't remember if I've ever read The Phantom Tollbooth or not, but I do remember having read some really weird books with a math focus way back in the day.

11868211

The rumor is that she was prudish and hated profanity, but believed that violence, blood, and gore toughen children up for the wars they will fight. She did not believe that any explanation beyond the rating was necessary. Most importantly of all, she insisted that she get her way.

On the one hand, that sounds very much like a post-facto rumor. On the other hand, it also sounds completely plausible. Even if there wasn't a prudish woman who loved violence and hated nudity, it's very much a fact that American culture is very pro-gun and heavily anti-nudity.

A much more sensible system is like FiMFiction with E for Everypony, T for Teen, M for Mature and explanations about why the story is rated, such as for profanity, gore, et cetera. This is what pretty much all other rating systems in the world do except the MPAA.

I sometimes disagree with FimFiction's rating system (one of my stories has a M-rating that I don't believe it requires), but it is more informative than the MPAA's system, I'll give them credit for that.

Oh, hey, I didn’t see you there. Are you an adventurer at heart, vicariously living the experience of adventure from your chair? We can’t help you with that, we’re just a candy company. Maybe you’re hungry, and you’re not you when you’re hungry, and we can help you with that. Do you want to taste the Rainbow Dash? Would you like not one, not two, but Three Musketeers in your mouth? Has your pillow been lacking an Andes Thin Mint two York peppermint flame-grilled all-beef patties, special sauce, Fire Sauce, Oshkosh b’gosh packed with peanuts and a fresh never frozen chocolate drizzle over an actual almond soft squeezable mounds in your mouth a hot throbbing vein of caramel bursting with flavor and Kraft Singles—do you remember when you were single? Pepperidge Farms remembers. †

Ouch, right in the early ‘90s.

> "For all her skills at identifying distant enemies and dispatching them with ruthless efficiency, a collection of creatures who burrowed hadn’t yet crossed her sights (both in the metaphorical sense and the literal sense). They boiled up out of the ground like so much bad molasses and molepiled the duo.

I prefer distance. It is very dangerous to fight an enemy. If one can kill the enemy far away, that seems the better strategy. It is also tactically simpler.

“That smells like electricity,” Amethyst observed.

With her mother, it's a familiar aroma.

In any case, that worked better than it had any right to, as is the case for many great dungeon bypasses. On to the lair of the beast. Maybe they'll get lucky and it'll turn out CodeSlyther collects motorcycle debris.

Labyrinths do not branch because they are MeditationTools; just follow the path. Mazes do.

Most mazes as a way of letting ponies very bad at navigation, have continuous walls; so now, if one places one's tale on a wall and walk, one will eventually find the exist. The best mazes have blocks of walls with crinkly interlocking edges between the blocks so that just following a wall leads back to the entrance, rather than to the center of the maze or the the exist. I have an anecdote:

Every year, a farmer grows a CornMaze every year, on the outskirts of town and charges to run the maze. Originally, the farmer cut the maze into 3 blocks (entrance, center with a prize for reaching the center, and exist. After CellPhones became common, about 1 person called emergency services daily for rescue.

The city told the farmer to either make the next maze next year have a continuous wall so that lost people could just follow the wall and end up either back at the entrance or the exist. The farmer complied:

Next year, about 1 person daily still called for rescue. ¡Some claustrophobic people, who are bad at navigating, will panic after a few minutes and call EmergencyServices, even if the walls are continuous!

Fun fact! This is now the longest April Fool's fic I've ever published, and it's still not done!

¡Riding bareback! ¡This story certainly is mature!

"Some scorpions for the road?"
"Ponies don't like the taste."
"Oh, right. More for me!"

11871174

I prefer distance. It is very dangerous to fight an enemy. If one can kill the enemy far away, that seems the better strategy. It is also tactically simpler.

Agreed, that's why range weapons were developed in the first place. It's a lot less risky to pick someone off from yards or miles away rather than be right up in his (or her) face with a pointy weapon.

> "After they’d tossed a coin to decide who got which side, and after they’d both tried to fall asleep on their side—separated by a gulf that was almost as wide as the Panamare Canal, eventually the two ponies had come together in the middle, and it’s here that we leave them for the night, spooning platonically to share in each other’s warmth."

¡Oh my! ¡You write about canals!

Speaking about canals, love canals, Love-Canal has a racy name. Unfortunately, rather than treating toxic waste, it companies used it as a toxic-waste dump. After filling, the owners sold it to developers.

For avoiding liability,the dumpers disclosed the toxic waste. That should have limited the site to above-ground storage with lots on ventilation (maybe warehouses with lots of windows, but no glass in the window-frames). Unfortunately, the developers build a suburb.:

Toxic waste came to the surface, poisoning the residents and forcing an evacuation.

Still, Love-Canal is a very racy name.

By mutual silent agreement, the duo took opposite sides of the tub, both preventing any lingering awkwardness from the shower and more importantly to cover each other’s backs if the need arose.

Two adventurers sitting in a hot tub, five feet apart 'cause they don't want to get ambushed.

the myth of Imperial Stormtroopers being bad shots goes back to when Grand Moff Tarkin ordered Imperial Stormtroopers to miss RebelScum because he put a tracker on their ship so that he could find the RebelBase. In situations where Imperial Stormtroopers are not hamstrung by orders to deliberately miss, they are at least as accurate as RebelSoldiers.

11874451
Still makes the Minions worse than them :derpytongue2: Besides, it's such a meme, how could I not lean into it?

11869926
Legit that is one of the things that always seems weird in an anthro world. How does the author/creator decide what's uplifted and what isn't? It's implied in the story that all the anthro equines came from Equestria, which might imply that in this world equines didn't get uplifted (by default), but then what did? Is it just wolves/canines, or are there other species who are as well?

11871248

With her mother, it's a familiar aroma.

Yeah, Amethyst would know all about that. I suppose some days Derpy comes home reeking of stray electricity.

In any case, that worked better than it had any right to, as is the case for many great dungeon bypasses. On to the lair of the beast. Maybe they'll get lucky and it'll turn out CodeSlyther collects motorcycle debris.

Heh, that would be an amazing twist (and gives me more credit for planning this travesty than I really deserve).

Back in the day when I played semi-regular D&D or Pathfinder, our group had a habit of easily defeating the 'bosses,' much to the DM's chagrin. With a few lucky rolls, we beat one before she even noticed us.

On the flipside, we usually got brutalized by chance encounters. Our druid nearly got killed by a tree she offended. :rainbowalaugh:

11871592

Labyrinths do not branch because they are MeditationTools; just follow the path. Mazes do.

That is true, although I think in common parlance the word often means something that's tangled and confusing, even if that's not the intent of the thing.

And it's arguable in this case that since the pattern on the floor is a circuit diagram (I don't remember if I made that obvious in the text, or just hinted at it) there is only one path, and everything else is not a path. Granted, if they can't read circuit diagrams that's not clear to them.

I can read circuit diagrams to a degree, although typically the ones I use in my day-to-day don't bother explaining what happens inside computers, it just marks them as mystery boxes.

11872473

¡Riding bareback! ¡This story certainly is mature!

She and not-Epona are both bareback. Scandalous!

11872786
Some years ago while writing one of these I randomly came across the fact that skunks love eating scorpions. I don't know where I found that fact; Wikipedia certainly doesn't say so. (Other sources, maybe less credible, say that they not only eat scorpions, but they are immune to snake venom).

It's funny, a skunk is a super common animal but I never think about their diet. Another websource says that "skunks enjoy [eating] bees and wasps; [they] also eat scorpions and venomous spiders"' another source says that the majority of a skunk's diet is insects that are harmful to people.

Dunno if scorpions count as insects that are harmful to people.

11873484

Speaking about canals, love canals, Love-Canal has a racy name. Unfortunately, rather than treating toxic waste, it companies used it as a toxic-waste dump. After filling, the owners sold it to developers.

IIRC, not just developers, they gave the whole thing to a public school in exchange for not being liable for what they stored there.

Off the top of my head, I can't remember if that was the first Superfund site, but it was one of the early ones. We've got a few in my home state, too; several of them involving rivers that have rather toxic sediment due to chemical plants.

11873693

Two adventurers sitting in a hot tub, five feet apart 'cause they don't want to get ambushed.

If you were gonna try and ambush KitKat and Amethyst, a good place to try it might be while they were relaxing in a bath. And they know that, and they're prepared for it.

11875135

We need to not make toxic waste, recycle what we make despite our best efforts, and make certain that anything we cannot recycle, we dispose safely and eternally.

On a similar note, Amazon releases FallOut today —— ¡Amazon changed all of the characters from the great story Kkat wrote to humans! :scootangel: The story is about radiological, biological, and chemical waste from war, but this story is more on-topic for LoveCanal:

TThe Writing on the Wall
Beneath the earth rests something beyond equine understanding.
Horse Voice · 5.7k words  ·  1,750  28 · 59k views



¡Dumping of dangerous substances!

If this is like the Wizard of Oz (when I was younger, I read all 14 OzBooks, maybe they can kill the dragon by killing the Mainframes.

Poor Grace. Wrong kind of story for what she was hoping for.

As for our heroines, yeah, puzzle bosses can be a nuisance, but once you figure out the gimmick, it's smooth sailing from there... as long as you can actually perform the gimmick without getting interrupted by a bunch of bullcrap. Still, this looks like the beginning of the end. Looking forward to the glorious conclusion.

That was something. I like it.

11867974
Scarlett Johansson played Black Widow (Natasha Romanov) in some movies. She criticized the director for overly sexualizing the character instead of focusing on her competence. :fluttercry:

She has also posted nude pictures of herself on the internet. :pinkiegasp:

Call me "unduly picky" but I sense a bit of a contradiction here.

:twilightoops:

11876080

She could be trying to create 2 brands:

1 brand is "PinUps" and the other brandis "very good athletic stunt-acting". Focusing too much on sex leads to seens where she does not show off athletic stunt-acting. This could hurt her career:

She wants casting directors to hir her for the √2x rather than another actress and stuntwoman for 2 x where x is the pay for someone on screen (rather than pay an acress 1 million dollars and a stunt woman 1 million dollars, just hire me for 1.141 million dollars and pocket the rest). A good agent could get them to pay 3/2x or 1.5 million dollars.

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