Fallout Equestria: Mona Lisa Overdrive

Sir Mediocre #1 · February 15th · 5 · 1 · Prologue - Course of Nature ·

They told me the balefire bombs burned green and bright, but all I see is a giant purple thesaurus looming over the landscape

AndyHunter

AndyHunter #2 · February 15th · 1 · 4 · Prologue - Course of Nature ·

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11825843
The only people who have the right to make these types of comments are my friends, we insult each other, we say ugly things to each other, but all for fun. But the thing here is that I have no idea who the hell you are, so how should I interpret your comment? Put yourself in my shoes for a few seconds. Of course, you were bored, you only read the description and that joke came to your head to try to be a clown. So, do that with other people, because with me, I won't tolerate it from someone I don't know.

Sir Mediocre

Sir Mediocre #3 · February 15th · 5 · 2 · Prologue - Course of Nature ·

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11825904
I read the intro and prologue, and my first impression of it as a writer is that you need to drop the exceedingly flowery language and try to tell your story more concisely. It’s okay to occasionally throw in words that your readers may need to look up in a dictionary, but you’ve gone far beyond that level.

If you accept criticism only from friends, and those friends aren’t willing to offer sincere critique, or themselves do not know enough about writing to do so, then you will never learn anything valuable from them. What you really need is to consult a style guide or two and learn by example of professionally edited works.

AndyHunter

AndyHunter #4 · February 15th · 1 · 4 · Prologue - Course of Nature ·

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11825992
Well, I've been writing this way since last year, I think since November, and no one told me anything about my style of narration being too flowery, it's the first time I've received a comment like this. I'll see what I do, since it is difficult to satisfy everyone, since there may be people who like it, people who don't like it.

That's not what I mean, your comment cannot be taken as criticism, you were just trying to be funny, if you really want to give criticism, be serious and point out point by point what is wrong with the story.

Comment posted by Salted Pingas deleted February 17th

AndyHunter

AndyHunter #6 · February 17th · 1 · 4 · Prologue - Course of Nature ·

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11827273
Sorry dude, but I'll have to delete your comment.

Original comment: Seriously, though. Bro(ny)'s writing like the Star Wars screen crawl.

Not to mention the cover art looks like it's got ads on it. Aspect ratio making it look like a cheap clickbait ad for malware-infused mobile games.

Reason: Being disrespectful towards my art.

And making the covers takes hours of effort and sweat, so you come here and say those bullshit about mobile games and malware. Because, of course, everyone can pay a commission or draw digitally overnight, according in the alternative world you live in.

Salted Pingas

Salted Pingas #7 · February 19th · 4 · 1 · Prologue - Course of Nature ·

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11827418 Deletes comment, then reposts comment in the reply

sxcbeast

sxcbeast #8 · February 21st · 1 · 4 · Prologue - Course of Nature ·

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Looks good to me.
11825992
So what you're saying is the words are too much for you to understand? Maybe, idk, get a broader vocabulary?

Sir Mediocre

Sir Mediocre #9 · February 21st · 4 · · Prologue - Course of Nature ·

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11831356
If you put one-tenth the effort into reading comprehension and understanding narrative construction as you put into attempted wit, you might grasp what I meant in about ten years.

Comment posted by sxcbeast deleted February 22nd

sxcbeast

sxcbeast #11 · February 22nd · 2 · 3 · Prologue - Course of Nature ·

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11831430
I don't think someone with a story that barely cleared double digits should be giving anyone advice about anything to do with writing.
11828963
You do know the ads are part of the site, right? You're probably too new to the internet to know that everyone already knows most ads shouldn't be clicked. Even legitimate sites will have bad malware ads, simply bc they pay to have the ad. That's capitalism.

Sir Mediocre

Sir Mediocre #12 · February 22nd · 4 · · Prologue - Course of Nature ·

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11831525
I’d invite you to read To Bellenast, because you might be able to learn something from it... but I wouldn’t want to be a massive waste of your time.

Starlight Nova