errant
Joined 7th Feb, 2012 ·
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Rarity X Derpy? You got my attention there, going to favorites now.
This wasn't the most engaging story, but I like seeing Derpy, so yay for Derpy.
11627855
Thank you!
11627926
Is there something in particular that you felt the story was missing or could have been done better that would make it more engaging?
11628004
Well, it was just a bit repetitive with the dialogue in the beginning and overall it was rather one-note, and your spacing and overuse of ellipses was constantly irking, most simply use ... rather than . . . as it's very distracting, and using them too much leads to spacing out the dialogue unnecessarily. Mostly as for engagement, that's more a personal opinion. I'm sure there's others that like it, but it was so very barebones and straight into the sex with porn-tier dialogue which isn't really my cup of tea. I'm much more a plot with plot kinda person, so this lacked on that front.
Having said that I didn't dislike it, just didn't really like it all that much either.
Why ruin this with Ai nonsense???
11628020
I appreciate your feedback! I may have gotten a bit carried away with the ellipses, so that's fair. As far as everything else goes, well, all I really wanted to write was barebones, straight-to-the-porn clop, so I guess I succeeded at my goal! If that's not your preference, that's fine and I still appreciate you reading and taking the time to leave a comment.
11628069
What, the picture? Because I couldn't find a decent one on Derpibooru and I'm not about to commission an artist for a oneshot clopfic.
Rarity and Derpy? Interesting idea. Don't think I've seen them exclusively paired in any other fics. Wouldn't mind seeing them in a longer story where there is more of a relationship developed.
I didn't get far into the story. I liked the idea, but the start comes off a bit rapey. She's horny and uses that as an excuse to force herself on the unsuspecting mare. That really could have been handled better.
11628069
whats wrong with an A.I cover? better then most people could do tbh
Oh no, Rarity, what’d Derpy do to your eyes?!