Failure is acceptable, giving up is not. My YouTube : https://youtube.com/@MLPDymosX?si=6GI8YVUEL1plGADj
After all magic in Equestria is lost, the entire world falls apart. As enterprising ponies like Twilight Sparkle find new ways to make life livable again, creatures like Chrysalis seek only power. In this dystopian future who will come out on top? And who will be left alive when all the dust settles?
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Hahahah! Nice. I've enjoyed it.
Not much of villainous, despicable Chrysalis out there, isn't it?
Good read.
11589582
Not enough lol. With this story I want to make her despicable.
Thanks for the comment!
A relatively open ending and a character known to Chrysalis but unknown to the reader.....do I suspect the chances of a sequel?
11589852
A big one yes. Thanks for reading and commenting!
dude, this fic looks sick as hell. can't wait for the sequel
11599568
Thanks for the comment! It's gonna be a big one.
While I feel this fic did a great job in showing how malicious and animalistic Chrysalis has become, her overpowered nature drains some of the tension. As a prequel it's also obviously doing set up for other work, but it feels a tad loose at times. You've a good eye for villains though, just needs to be tempered a bit. Perhaps give Chrysalis a moment of reflection on her transformation from a queen of love-eaters to this wandering monster.
11618637
Thanks for the analysis. Some responses...
1. There is no tension for Chrys here. She is quite literally a monster that cannot be threatened by nonfactors like Blueblood or his ilk. Perhaps when she faces some of the Main cast she'll be tested but like you said this is to establish her.
2. It's definitely loose. This was never meant to be. I wrote the actual story and realized I liked it enough to not keep it to one chapter. This one shot was written purely to enter as a competitor simply because I said I was going to.
3. You adapt to your world. While there is very little world building here (that's all in the actual fic) Chrys obviously is quite adaptable. I don't really know how I'd convey reflection. It's too one step. Magic gone. Chrys can't feed like she always has. She tries something new. It works.
Again thanks for the analysis and reading!
Should add a random tag.
11631359
Can you explain why?
11631369
Firstly, remove any biases before reading the story, forget about the contest and judge it by itself.
Then evaluated this story by its merits alone.
No magic>Chysalis is lone wanderer>now she is madmax/fallout wanderer>now she eat flesh> called herself monster(why)>get stronger from eating flesh somehow(no magic?)>catcalled by random pony>random pony is sad slave>meet big boss directly>big boss got into combat>killed big boss because the boss… is not good at combat(?)>takeover>slave pony happy
Like… it didn’t make much coherent sense when looking at it as a whole, it felt like a plot of an Isekai webnovel without planned ending, a random things that came into author’s mind, stitched together.
11631487
It's a prequel. It's not going to make much sense, especially when it isn't meant to exist. I entered the contest simply so I wouldn't be a liar and had said I would.
Putting a random now and then taking it off later when the actual story comes out seems pointless. There'll be context then and I don't want to be flipping tags ad nauseam.
I suppose it's a fair assessment from the perspective, but no one else who read it recommended it.
I guess the best way I could put it is, not understanding what's going on yet doesn't mean it's random.