tailsopony
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Generic Rapist #17 greatest performance yet. Even better than Rainbow Dash Gets the Alright End.
Huh. About what I expected.
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I'm gonna admit, he's not exactly a break-out character. But he's good at what he does!
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Good. I tried not to mis-represent this. Did not want it to be a surprise.
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Good for you.
Now what's next?? Autumn blaze x spike??
this isn't mind control, it's just body control
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It's a little bit of both! Or rather a lot of bit. Don't worry, she likes it. They all do.
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There's needs to be more of body control, its super under utilized. Honestly think the site has enough mind control for now.
Will it be stories that will explain them up to this point
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Be it will not stories are can be should irrelevant explain before. Set for finishing, but it will not be due to. For this point, this is the end.
Yay, more content!
Generic Rapist #17 put on a great show for us today. His actions are those of a villain, but it feels like his heart just isn’t into it. He’s going through the motions like an employee who knows exactly how to do his job well but has long lost the passion for it. I don’t mean he’s badly written or poorly thought out, the opposite: In his disinterest I'm finding a small extra bit of story about him, which makes him more interesting to me. From the scene at the end, I can guess he comes from breaking in all the other mane 6 and just wants this last one to be over with. He probably already had his favourites first, and now he has to also deal with the one he likes least. He has already achieved “power” and has already had his fun with it. Now it’s time for the leftovers.
Rainbow captures desperation wonderfully. Her evolution is perfectly on pace through the story. From trying to escape, to trying to hurt her captor, to wishing for her own end, to finally losing herself to a handful of emotions devoid of meaning. All the steps of the psychological degeneration perfectly match the growing intensity of the physical humiliation, and the mind control asserts itself in amplifying already existing, natural and expected reactions. The best part for me was when she’s commanded ”you’re going to think about how good it’s going to feel when I fuck you”. This is the first command that directly attacks her thoughts, definitively impairing it beyond salvation. It’s unclear whether #17 is even aware of that, or the impact this order has. Here Rainbow spirals down the hardest, this part alone is worth a read. Also noteworthy, as Rainbow is going into heat, the line “Finally, she would have him. Maybe she’d kill him. Maybe he’d cum inside of her” feels like Rainbow’s last conscious thought before orgasm. It has a sort of solemn finality that really drives in the nail of ineluctability of this control.
+1 for body control, that’s a new thing for me. This comes across as a great fic in this regard, with trapping the victim in her own mind. Some parts were a little bit hard to accept, like commanding heat and commanding successful impregnation, but thinking about it for a moment, this is exactly the fic in which nature and biology don’t matter and suspension of disbelief allows everything
Quite excellent. You really captured Dash's helplessness. It really feels more like body-control than mind-control, and we need more of that, the victim puppeteered and their mind trapped within.
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Glad you liked it! You put more thought into his motivations than I did, NGL. I was shooting for cliche, lazy, and pissed off she kept evading him all day. Your interpretation is now canon. As for your second point, you're pretty close! The first command is that she's going to like it, but she fights that one hard. She's pretty distraught by the time the second one "Think about me." comes along, so she really can't/doesn't fight it much at all. And yeah, you nailed the coffin. It's not her last free thought, but it's the last of her struggling. This started out as a bad end story where he was going to turn her into something ludicrous, like a literal cock-ring or something, but make her keep her mind. Then that seemed too silly, so I ran it back to "permanent slave". Then I figured "What's a lazy, overconfident, evil rapist want? Pregnancy and to humiliate people that thought they could stop him." So the story built from there. As far as the heat thing, I figured it's complete actual control. I was actually going to make him a necromancer for a hot minute, and that moment where her heart stopped she technically died, so he asserted control. I dropped that fact because the source of his power is irrelevant. He could probably command her to heal, and she would. Like, his orders can go well beyond what's normal, and she's now basically just a magical golem that's completely under his control. She's just starting to realize it. But yeah, have some word salad. Thanks for the comment, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! There was a side story I was going to do about how Luna actually fell to the cauldron once before, and it took a few hundred years after the owner died before she started to regain her senses. When she did, she had a completely different personality. Basically, this is a death sentence for the girls except for Twilight. But I never added that bit. It was going to be Celestia and Luna trying to figure out how to solve this, and it too was going to have a bad end. But I'm not sure I like writing this one, so I don't think that's ever going to be added. Anyways, enjoy the word salad. Thanks again!
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It's definitely body control, but most normies wouldn't distinguish that from mind control. It also has some serious mind control included, so I don't feel bad about tagging that. It's actually interestingly hard to get across what she's going through. I rely a lot on physical actions "She leans forward" "She huffs in disgust" etc. to describe emotions and scenes. Can't do that for this, and there's only so many times I could write "She wanted to scream, but nothing came out." or some variation thereof. It was an interesting challenge, and I honestly don't think I did it well here. I'd like to try again, and I probably will. At a later time... Thanks for the comment! Glad you liked it.
I enjoy a good, smutty fic with some forcey fun-time~
Hymens don't work like that. Really tired of "first time is always bleeding" stuff. If he's too big for her and is rough, he'll rip the sides, but there is no first time flesh barrier to break. This myth has got to die, because even though you just imply it I can't ignore what you obviously meant and that took me out of the story. It's also kind of annoying that he's so extremely overpowered. The idea of Rainbow, the cocky, losing to a Tuesday villain gave me the impression of RD getting screwed hard for her hubris and taking an L to a low-level baddie who'd presumably be stopped by Twilight the next day. 100% thought and body control, only limited by what he chooses to do or not do, is a little absurd, as is him beating everyone else before now.
But it isn't bad. You explored the concept of his absolute control fairly well. It just feels like "Sombra, but stronger and he wins because I said so." Retread of your Sombra piece. Definitely a red and black OC and not a villain of the week. False advertising is killing ya on this one. If I'd known by the summary what this really was, I'd probably have skipped it.
Since I didn't, I'll just repeat: hymens don't work that way. Please don't write about a "barrier being breached" or "something breaking painfully inside" again with the forced, "wow, lots of blood. First time?" dialogue.
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Um.... I'm not sure what to make of this. I'm 95% sure I never wrote anything about a hymen or even implied anything about one here. Usually when I write about something like that, I'm implying internal damage from lack of lubrication (since I probably have too many non-con stories, and that specifically is something I've experienced first hand), but that didn't happen here. I did try to show the sensation of her body making internal changes far too quickly to be natural, (there are internal physical changes during estrus, but I figure it usually happens over a few days and/or weeks, not a few seconds) but that all happens before penetration?
My point about the villain is that I literally put close to zero thought into him. He's supposed to be "generic bad guy" of some kind. If giving him cliche colors was too much detail, then I'll shoot for even more bland next time I want a nameless villain to do bad things to one of the mane six.
Sorry I misrepresented it. It's about as bad an end as I could come up with (in multiple senses of the word!) So I'm not really sure how I could write a better summary/warning section for you. What could I have added/changed in the warnings/description to make it more clear? I don't want people reading my bad stuff if they don't want to read it, I'd rather it was clear to everybody.
I will take that it's similar to "the sombra one" which I'm assuming means "This is not a love story", except I put about 10x more effort into that one. That one was about a different kind of mind messing, though, and I'd like to think it was far more clever.
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Oh, please don't get me wrong. I'm not "triggered" by the content, nor do I think it needs a stricter warning. I think my expectations were too high. I read the summary and thought it would be interesting, but hearing you say here that you really didn't put much effort into the bad guy at all and that This is not a Love Story had 10x more effort... IDK, just ignore my critiques if you don't care about this piece.