• Member Since 23rd Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 18th, 2014

FelixDawn


The selfish desire of humanity causes wars and hatred is born on it, and that it's how my hate for humanity was birth.

E

A Rainbow Dash x Spike fanfic.

For some time Rainbow Dash had been attracted by Spike but she did not care she just thought it was the typical affection between best friends and followed with her normal routine but one day.


Author's Note: I'm not own My Little Pony Friendship is Magic and I know that the fic have some mistakes and I accept criticism as long it say in a friendly mane way but do not expect me to take it seriously.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 54 )

WHOOP WHOOP!!! RAINBOWxSPIKE IS AWESOME!!!!!!!

I'll try and give friendly advice.

You missed some dots and capital letters in the description. You have it as one long sentence right now.

Haven't seen any of your post in a long time. Okay, so my intention is going to be this: I am going to read the story, and I will give you my review as nicely as I can put it. In return, you don't delete my comment. This way, we both get what we want, okay? Now, I will begin with the story.cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-dwinning.png

EDIT: Also, I won't add this to TWE because I don't feel like dealing with them leaving you a long line of comments, and vice versa. That is too much for me to handle and settle down, so I will keep it off TWE so that I, personally, can give you the review.

EDIT EDIT: Also, don't worry about anyone else's comment. Just let them comment. (sorry for all the edits.)

To be honest, I liked the idea behind the story. Also, your grammar and everything has improved since your last story. It still kind of was missing some stuff though, but it was really good, nonetheless, because I really didn't have to try to interpret what you were saying. The pacing really isn't bad, it was moving at a nice speed, but you did introduce there relationship a little too soon. I also happened to see people are talking about the RarityxSpike canon, so my suggestion for that is to make a whole separate chapter explaining why Spike had a change of mind. So, all I have to say about this: try making a chapter about why Spike fell in love with Rainbow, and keep up the good work on improving your grammar and stuff. I think I gave you more comments than criticism that time, but it's okay, I still gave my review.cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-dlaugh.png

Before hand, if there is anything you don't like in there, just let me know, and I am sorry ahead of time for the misunderstanding. Also, don't worry too much about the canon thing. I actually would rather ship Spike with Sweetie Belle instead, but that is just my opinion. Even though some of the stories don't have the ship that I want, I will read it for the experience and reasoning. Anyways, I am done rambling... again (man, I need to stop doing that and leave when I intended on leaving). Keep up the good work, and try to take care of those ideas of mine if you want to.cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-ddealwith.png

From hell, to you, and back again,
Soto Konoha, TWE Admin

EDIT: Apparently, I am supposed to add "TWE Admin to my name, or something like that now."

Okay, I am going to stop monitoring the story now for any of our members who are silly enough to post certain things without a review. As for those that refuse to review, I am fine with that. I prefer it that way: you review it or you don't. So, Felix, if there is anyone that decides to post a train.png or CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKERS or anything like that, don't delete the comment. Send me a comment, and I will deal with the person myself.

From hell, to you, and back again,
Soto Konoha, TWE Admin

1323164

people are talking about the RarityxSpike canon

I'm not a fan of Sparity and I will not make any explanation use the imagination.

So, all I have to say about this: try making a chapter about why Spike fell in love with Rainbow

I will not make a chapter sorry but I will not.

Eh I don't know why there's so many dislikes. The grammar's just...lacking, and the puncuation is kinda bad, no offense. If you got an editor to revise it, maybe add some more chapters about it, it'd be pretty good. I like it cuz Rainbow Dash and Spike are both proud of themselves in one aspect, hotheaded, kinda arrogant, but it works for them. :moustache::heart::rainbowkiss:
Just wait till RD sees Spike with a mustache XD

Alright, alright. This isn't an error, this is just a typo. So don't go on one of your 'I hate criticism because people who are better than me are stupidzzzz' rants.

She pointed out while looking into the purple ddragon green eyes.

You accidentally made dragon have two d's.

1324340

So don't go on one of your 'I hate criticism because people who are better than me are stupidzzzz' rants.

Really? :rainbowhuh: who make you think I will said that? :rainbowlaugh:

1324068 Okay, that's fine with me. It's your story, your choice.

1324584 Read that quote again. I said it was a similar style. The focus on characters rather than descriptions. Well, except my prologue, which I needed to set up Chrysalis's motivation, but the real meat of the story is her talking to the Elements of Harmony. Just like yours focus on your characters talking to each other about their problems and their loves.

Beautiful man. Just beautiful. It was short and sweet, and I can't believe these mother fucking idiots. Who gives a fuck about grammar anyways?

No offence but... almost none of your sentences were correct. I couldnt understand a single thing you were talking about. The concept of the story is good and everything els is well played out. You just need more grammer. Im looking forward to more.

1328764

Then sorry learn to read because every setence is correct :ajsmug:

1324569
Maybe you should listen to Felix.

Wow... i guess i learned to read differently. But seriously you need to make more.

I actually like this-
Bad grammer aside, everything is nice.
:moustache:

1328781 You my friend. I've heard some things....

I'm going to give one of your stories a review, so stay tuned. :pinkiehappy:

1697777

Yep you have not life troll :rainbowlaugh: Hey kid stop wasting my time and come back to school :rainbowlaugh:

That was fucking amazing, myself and Fubblywinkle nearly died with laughter. Particularly the part where they fell onto, and laid on the British punk rock band; The Crass.

Comment posted by Heartless deleted Jan 3rd, 2013

1896251

Yes I get want you mean... that you are a idiot and a troll


Get a life asshole

Comment posted by Heartless deleted Jan 3rd, 2013

1899268

Bla bla and bla all I could see is people like you whining about grammar and spelling like is the end of the world :rainbowlaugh:


images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/31200000/Bitch-please-loki-thor-2011-31210513-1920-1330.jpg

Comment posted by Heartless deleted Jan 3rd, 2013
Comment posted by Sparknanator deleted Jan 10th, 2013

1935748

You put 2 d's in dragon

I'm already fix that if still there then the edit program have a problem.


No thanks I not need help.

Comment posted by Emerald Flight deleted Feb 23rd, 2013

Overall, I enjoyed the concept, even if some parts of it were hard to read. Almost all stories involving Spike and romance are just shipping Spike with Rarity or Sweetie Belle, this is a refreshing change from those.

Some things to think about:

Some explanation of why Rainbow Dash suddenly had feelings for Spike would be nice. In the description, you said that Rainbow Dash had feelings for Spike for a long time. In the actual story, Rainbow Dash just flies down and confesses to Spike. It's kind of abrupt. Even a few paragraphs at the beginning detailing Rainbow Dash's feelings would be nice.

Not going to whine about the grammar, even though changing a few things would make it a bit more readable than it is right now.

Just wondering, did Spike still have a crush on Rarity as shown in the show? If so, you might want to put in something about that.

2178773

Some explanation of why Rainbow Dash suddenly had feelings for Spike would be nice. In the description, you said that Rainbow Dash had feelings for Spike for a long time. In the actual story, Rainbow Dash just flies down and confesses to Spike. It's kind of abrupt. Even a few paragraphs at the beginning detailing Rainbow Dash's feelings would be nice.

Is a oneshot story, use the imagination if you want to know why.

I only got into a few paragraphs before I stopped reading.

1899294 Dude, there's a level of spelling and grammar that needs to be maintained to make a good story. I down voted "My Mortal Big Brother" despite having a very good concept and story... When you break 100 downvotes you're doing something wrong, when everyone starts saying "OMGZ YER SPLING N GAMMER SUX" you know you have a problem.

2454857

OMG you people have a high level of immaturity, my god you people panic about a stupid shit like grammar and spelling :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh:

This is hilarious people in FimFiction are that immature :rainbowlaugh: Gooood lord :rainbowlaugh:

when everyone starts saying "OMGZ YER SPLING N GAMMER SUX" you know you have a problem.

Yeah and everyone can kiss my ass right now.

2462369 oh no, it isn't panic. I read for enjoyment. I'm one of the easier critics out there. I don't nitpic over spelling and grammer... but when I come to a sudden halt having to figure out what you were trying to say, it's a sign you need to either pay more attention when writing or get someone to edit for you... or get a new editor.

I know you've received offers from some pretty good editors only to turn them down. Which is why I haven't offered my assistance, if you've turned down the best you aren't about to accept help from a second (or third) tier editor like myself.

Lastly I'm glad you enjoyed that little comment enough to quote it, especially because it's kind of making a point. Would you like to read an entire story with spelling like that? It's slightly extreme but you get the point.

2462590

but when I come to a sudden halt having to figure out what you were trying to say, it's a sign you need to either pay more attention when writing or get someone to edit for you... or get a new editor.

I pay attention in what I do it and I don't see anything wrong on it and I don't need a editor :trixieshiftleft:

I know you've received offers from some pretty good editors only to turn them down. Which is why I haven't offered my assistance, if you've turned down the best you aren't about to accept help from a second (or third) tier editor like myself.

Like I don't need one in the first place, and I don't like anyone to force me to do something that I not want.

Lastly I'm glad you enjoyed that little comment enough to quote it, especially because it's kind of making a point. Would you like to read an entire story with spelling like that? It's slightly extreme but you get the point.

My spelling are fine is the readers who are wrong :rainbowwild:

2462715

I pay attention in what I do it and I don't see anything wrong on it and I don't need a editor

Atleast 117 people disagree... or you're telling a shitty story, I think it's the former but if you're enjoying yourself and don't what your readers think, it doesn't matter anyways.

keep on writing

2462950

Atleast 117 people disagree

Yeah and 117 people can kiss my ass right now :rainbowwild:

or you're telling a shitty story

I never do shifty stuff :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by Sinful Pickle deleted Nov 12th, 2013

3479085 This is ancient and Felix Dawn has taken his permanent leave 2 months ago about.
Why have we not archived this yet?

Comment posted by FamousLastWords deleted Nov 21st, 2013

2462999

Felix, it's your account, and you can do what you want with it, but in all honesty, I think you should listen to these people. It'll really help balance out the like-dislike ratio a lot, if you just fix up the grammar, because I think that under this story, lies a hidden gem.

3482735

Fix fix fix that is the only thing I keep see on you people when my grammar are fine in the first place. So I'm don't going to bother to listen to anyone anymore since you people believe that you all can tell me what to do.

3519423

Felix, you don't have to do what I'm telling you. It's merely a suggestion. Just remember, no fic (not even the best) is perfect, and if you want to improve, I think you should try to learn from your mistakes, which is okay, because everybody makes them.

Comment posted by 1234 deleted Nov 25th, 2013

Oh man, this was beautiful.

So beautiful my eyes are bleeding right now, seriously dude, this was so majestical, there's no way I could ever write anything close to as good as this.

You and your fics are clearly perfection, and I am unworthy to be anywhere near you, forgive me, for I am a sinner when bathed in your glorious light of truth and amazingness.

10/10 so sweet, so good

SEND HELP

1899294
Trust me, sir, spelling and grammar are just the tip of the iceberg.

3927109

No my problem if you people take it seriously. So, if you trying to convince me it not going to work :moustache: Since it not hurting anyone :ajsmug:

So, since I mature enough I'm don't going to wasted my time on this nonsense :moustache:

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