1. Member Since 23rd Apr, 2012
  2. offline for 135w, 6d

The selfish desire of humanity causes wars and hatred is born on it, and that it's how my hate for humanity was birth.

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Rainbow Dash is preparing to confess her love to the farm pony she loves and she seeks advice from her friend, Twilight. But will Applejack reject her love?

Author's Note: There are a lot of grammar and spelling errors on it, not need to remind me of it!

First Published
22nd Jun 2012
Last Modified
2nd Jul 2012
#1 · 257w, 14h ago · · ·

Damn.....this was despressing...but not all around uncommon, it seemed rushed though and you have some errors here and there but all in all, I really enjoyed it, poor Dash....don't you hate it when your heart is broken?

#2 · 257w, 13h ago · · ·

A nice little sad/romance piece. The grammar errors in it doesn't really disturb the flow or anything like that, but you should get an editor to fix the grammar for you to make it a solid read.

By the way, in the description;

Rainbow Dash is preparing to confess his love to the farm pony she loves and she seeks at advice of her friend, Twilight but is Applejack will reject her love?

This is how it should be to make it better;

Rainbow Dash is preparing to confess her love to the farm pony she loves and she seeks advice from her friend, Twilight. But will Applejack reject her love?

#3 · 257w, 13h ago · · 4 ·

Y THIS STORY HAS SO MANY DISLIKES?:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

#4 · 257w, 12h ago · · ·

Poor Rainbow, getting rejected in a fic with poor grammar

If oooonly this could be rectified in a second chapter with good grammar:trixieshiftleft:

Let me know if you'd like me to take this fic, correct the grammar and supply you with the result

#5 · 257w, 10h ago · · 1 ·

>>793115  Please read the author note :ajbemused:

#6 · 257w, 10h ago · · ·

>>792653  And I not care about it :trixieshiftleft:

#7 · 257w, 10h ago · · 5 ·

>>793428 oh okay. I just wish I could click the thumbs up moar than once:ajbemused:

#8 · 257w, 10h ago · · 4 ·

All the Dislikes DID ANYPONY READ THE AUTHORS NOTE?

its time like this were I think like >>793459

#9 · 257w, 9h ago · 6 · ·

>>793534>>792653

Well, I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't like or dislike, but since you all seem so confused. . .

Every ship fic gets dislikes from people who don't even read them. (In this case they would have figured out that it wasn't a ship fic.) This fic probably also got dislikes from shippers disappointed that AJ was straight. The descriptions were simplistic, like something out of a kids book, and there was little description of what was going on in the characters heads. On top of that there are the character voices. The author uses poor wording for the dialogue so that (when combined with the grammar that we're NOT TALKING ABOUT) it sounds like nothing the characters would ever say.

Like I said, I didn't dislike, but there are some NON-GRAMMAR reasons other people did. :applejackunsure:

#10 · 257w, 9h ago · · 8 ·

>>793877 then buck them. this was good.:ajbemused:

#11 · 257w, 8h ago · · ·

>>793932

If that's your opinion then I'm glad you found something you like. That's no reason to be rude to people who disagree. They have some valid points.

#12 · 257w, 8h ago · · 1 ·

>>793978 agreed, but still, I don't like it when people thumbs down on a good fic.

#13 · 257w, 8h ago · · 1 ·

>>793877   Romance for Rainbow Dash feelings what better category you think so be in the fic?

"......................"  characters speech

Not all the fic will follow others fic style for the characters speech and a kid book what you talking about? XD

Disappointed that AJ was straight XD

#14 · 257w, 8h ago · 4 · ·

>>793988

Sorry, but this fic had some serious problems. If the author was interested in fixing those problems, and not getting as many thumbs down, he should talk to dbzordie up there who offered to help. Otherwise, you should get used to a lot of thumbs down on his fics.

>>794000

I'm so glad you asked! I wasn't going to go into it unless you asked, because I know how you feel about unsolicited advice.

Now, I completely agree with you that romance is fine. I think a sad tag might have been a good addition if you wanted to avoid disappointed shippers.

For character's speech, the best example I can find is "I mean I do not I love you as you love me". This example is interesting because it's one of the few sentences in the story that almost is grammatically correct. . . and it's Applejack. Applejack is almost never grammatically correct, and it's way too formal for her. It really sounds like something Rarity would say. AJ would say "I mean I don't love you like you love me." (if you don't want to mess with the accent) or, even better, "I mean to say I don't feel 'bout ya' like you feel 'bout me."

A good fic lets you hear what the characters are saying in your head. That's impossible if you use words or sentences that the characters wouldn't. You shouldn't try to write like other authors, but you should try to write like the show.

By "like a kids book" I mean that there's a lot more discription and emotion that you could go into. "Thanks... for the flowers!" Applejack take the flowers that, Rainbow Dash gave her with her tail and walk to her house. Grammar aside, there's much more information you could give that would tell me how AJ is saying that. Happily? Sadly? Sympathetically? I can't even tell you how I would write it because I don't know how you meant it.

And if a reader can't tell how you meant it, that's a reader you failed.

#15 · 257w, 8h ago · · 2 ·

>>794077  I do not care about being popular in the first place and I not good writing Applejack accent so everyone should use their imagination in her accent.

And for your reply FireFlash13231, I fix the damn fic but everyone just going to keep do in the same think so I will not waste my time on those things.

#16 · 257w, 8h ago · · ·

>>794127

Well some of your commenters seemed to care about you being popular, and I responded to them.

#17 · 257w, 8h ago · · ·

>>794157 And?

I am a respectful person and I respect them different from other :ajsmug:

#18 · 257w, 7h ago · · ·

>>794274

And. . . you responded to me responding to them. Then I responded to you, and you responded to me and here we are. I don't really care if you wanted to be popular or not. You can fix whatever you want to.

But if someone asks why you get dislikes, and I can see why you get dislikes, I will tell them. If you then ask what I'm talking about, I will tell you. I will answer any question you ask that I know the answer to, free of charge! I'm awesome like that.  :rainbowdetermined2:

And I STILL haven't disliked you.

#20 · 257w, 3h ago · · ·

i think you should make a sequal where rainbow dash meets a new pony or something and it actually works out welll but then applejack gets jealous or something? but like whatever just a suggestion

#21 · 256w, 6d ago · · ·

>>794301 Sir, You hold all that is respectible in this fandom in your hoofs... use it wizely

#22 · 243w, 2d ago · · 20 ·

The grammar is not that bad at all. I can read it, so I think it's fine. I actually enjoyed this story, it really had the atmosphere of a sad story. Keep it up good sir!

#23 · 147w, 2d ago · · ·

I'm curious... what's your native language?

#24 · 147w, 2d ago · · ·

>>4773970 Spanish. I know that for a fact.

#25 · 147w, 2d ago · 2 · ·

...and then, Rainbow Dash became a raging alcoholic, she was arrested for public indecency and hanged herself in prison! The End!

#26 · 118w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

I think I can safely say this is an enjoyably bad story. Yeah, go ahead and dislike this comment for saying something so preposterous! But hear me out...

I can find a miniscule amount of stories that were able to keep me laughing all the way through on how bad it was. Seriously! This thing can be classified as The Room of MLP.

This is by no means a good story, and if you're not into satirizing stuff, I don't recommend it. But, when you think about it, it is bearable. And if you like a good laugh, then by god, read this story. You'll get your laugh.

#27 · 118w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

>>5627409 But would Wiseau-senpai notice Felix-chan?

#28 · 118w, 1d ago · · ·

>>5644115

If he's lucky, my friend... Also, read this:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/247788/monster-hunter-mlp-ultimate

Be sure to like it as well! It helps me out a lot!

#29 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

Well, let's see here... you had an idea, and you put it to paper. Er, well, you put it to computer... Yeah, that's it.

So, there were some errors. Doesn't make it a bad story. In fact, even with the errors, you still managed to tell a pretty decent story about somebody not returning romantic love toward somebody else. I understood the characters' emotions, and that's integral to a story like this, when you're dealing with romance and feelings and love and sadness and sorrow.

The only gripe I have is that I couldn't help but read the story in a Roman Bellic-esque accent. Barring that, I'd say it's an above-average read.

#30 · 19w, 2d ago · · ·

atleast theres always fluttershy

:^)

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