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Four friends get separated in a car accident. Meanwhile, purist Unicorns are attempting a fatal spell that results in their soul being overtaken by those pesky humans!
Three of the friends end up in Canterlot, while the last one ends up in Ponyville. Can they find their way back to each other? Do they even know who they're looking for? Do they even know if he's still alive?
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I'm really liking all of the formerly human characters thus far especially Andrew and I can't wait to see what happens to them as the story progresses.
Is it just me, or is Celestia uncharacteristically casual and careless in this chapter? I know she's not the most strict ruler ever, but it's jarring to see her talk like a valley girl. Same with the part where she's all like "Whoops! i guess you're all legally minors now (even though I know you all have the minds and memories of adults and also I write all the laws anyways)! Sorry~!"
The exact errors that Celestia makes also kinda don't make sense. If by Celestia's calculations Abigail was 55, but in reality she was 54, then why is Celestia so sure that Abigail is 17 and not 18?
In general, I've enjoyed the concept of this fic and all of the first four chapters. It's neat to see a story that features both a single-human-in-Equestria plot and a multiple-humans-in-Equestria plot side-by-side, and I do still look forward for what comes next. But I don't quite think this last one was thought all the way through. Don't even get me started on the ramifications of a de-aging spell that seemingly any old pony could ask for, obliterating theoretically obliterating the concept of being elderly and dying of old age, while requiring an overhaul of fundamental aspects of society that rely upon a strictly linear route that every citizen's age must follow as time passes.
11307819
Uhh- that’s a lot to take in. Sure. Alright, make you a deal. When I get home from work, I’ll edit celestia’s dialogue to make her seem more princess-like. The reason I made her so casual was because she’s behind closed doors with ponies she trusts. And the age-spell thing, I just hated the idea that these people were suddenly old and had no control. So I invented an age-spell. I’ll go into more detail when I re-edit this chapter, how about that? Come back tomorrow and it’ll be more well thought out I promise.
11307925
All sounds good. Celestia being laid-back in private can make sense, when it's established through narration or even one of the characters noticing it. But in this case, Celestia was talking pretty much normally before the Age Spell was brought up, and I can see how there's not really much of any room for the characters to react to that over the prospect of the Age Spell.
And I can see why you might want to avoid writing characters that have been thrust into 50+ year old bodies (even if it's actually pretty funny to see the formerly same-aged humans suddenly becoming a husband, wife, and child). But yeah, some more detail will be nice.
Thanks in advance.
11308069
Fixed! Read it if you want. I made it so the spell was wildly innacurate, and also involved Black magic. That's how she messed up the ages, and that's also why nobody uses it. If nobody wants to use it, just make it super taboo and dangerous!
11308100
Yup! Everything looks good now. Thumbs up.
Interesting so far great job
That was awesome great job can't wait 4 more
11309832
workin' on it right now, don't you worry :)
is the Pegasus missing his front Legs ?
11336922
Nope. Still functioning. It’s funny you mention that, because in earlier drafts of that chapter, Andrew was paralyzed waist down until shenanigans involving Princess Luna and the ghost of the body’s previous inhabitant healed him. But he’s still gonna have a hell of a time figuring out how to walk. In the next portion that I’m working on, that’s a reoccurring thing involving body dysmorphia as he gets angry he cannot walk.
11337205
So.. .does he... ?
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/212290/handicapped-disabled-bronies-ponies-unite/folders
11337304
No, this story doesn’t belong there.
loving this story so far
Oh, this should be interesting.
Unique characterisation of Maud Pie.
So the character Mustang is named after a car? But the car is actually named after a horse, since Mustang is a breed of horse.
11467076
eyup.
Ouch that message from mom really hurts
That poor woman, it sucks to loose 1 son let alone both.
You know it makes complete sense that Maud would be at least a little bit like Pinkie.
I feel like this is calling out Totallynotabrony for Plymouth Valiant and Sentra
11307925
I feel like mentioning that age spells are canonical. We see them. They’re just so profoundly difficult that not even twilight could pull one off, pre-alicorn twilight anyway- no idea about post
starting a rewrite?
Saw this story tracked and favourited, but the first chapter is new. The car scene was great at building tension and the whole chapter was very well written. I think I might have a vague recollection of which story this used to be and I don't remember it going far, but it was quite promising.
Good to see this story revived and looking forward to where it goes.
I can see where this follows similarly to the previous version, but the writing is much improved. The chapters are coming out quite fast, did you write ahead on this?
There's definitely some external meddling going on this time around. Interesting.