Ponyville Swingers
“Let's get a move on, there, dear.” Early evening in Ponyville. At the lakefront house of Magnum and Pearl, parents of Sweetie Belle and Rarity. At that moment, Rarity was in her own home, cheerfully engaged with Fluttershy, while Sweetie Belle was at a sleepover with Scootaloo. Magnum was at the bottom of the stairs, hollering up to his wife. “Ya don't wanna be late, do ya?”
“Hold yer water! Jeepers, it's like ya go no patience.” Pearl was up in the bathroom, applying a last bit of mascara and a dash of rouge. “Ya know we gotta make a good impression.”
“They see us every week there, hon. Not like they're gonna be all up and bothered because ya didn't add enough-a that eyeshadow.”
Pearl appeared at the top of the stairs, properly made up, in her usual stretch pants and blouse. “I was addin' some rouge and mascara. Honestly, after all this time ya think ya wouldda learned about makeup. I sure wear enough-a it.”
“Ya always looked good ta me, babe.” Magnum gave his wife a kiss when she had come down the stairs, careful not to mess up her makeup. “Let's got a move on, then. Can't keep the rest-a the swingers waitin'.”
“We sure can't. We been in it for a long time. Let's keep up our good reputation.” With a counter-peck that did not mess up her lipstick Pearl walked on out the door, followed closely by her husband.
“Now are you sure you girls can take care of everything?” Mrs. Cake gave a nervous smile that was meant to try and look confident and trusting. She hated to imply she did not trust anypony but...
“You know me, Mrs. Cake! I'm the best foalsitter there ever was!” Pinkie Pie saluted grandly, a baby bottle diapered to her hoof. Oddly enough, it seemed to be intentional. She was also wearing a huge diaper bag packed with stuffed toys, bottles, diapers, musical instruments and books.
“No need to worry, Mrs. Cake. This time Pinkie didn't turn down my help.” Twilight gently fluffed Pinkie's cotton candy mane and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “And having been foalsat by Princess Cadence, another pony in the running for greatest foalsitter, I know plenty of techniques for taking good care of little ones. Especially unicorns.”
“Come on, Cup, you know we can trust Pinkie. And with Twilight here, well... oh...” Mr. Cake considered that and looked down with an 'angry father' glare.
Twilight withered beneath the intense glare, smiling nervously and fanning herself with a hoof. “Oh my... and I thought Goodman Pie could glare. D-don't worry, Mr. Cake. We'll focus on taking care of Pumpkin and Pound in case anything happens. I promise we'll be very chaste...”
“Oh but I don't wanna chase you. You never run that fast and I always catch you...” Pinkie casually spoke until Twilight practically stuffed her hoof into the earth pony's mouth.
“What I mean is, we will abstain from intimacy and focus completely on the foals. Promise.”
“Pinkie Promise!” Pinkie pulled back from Twilight's hoof and set herself beside the unicorn.
Both mares went through the motions and spoke the words as one. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
Both Cakes gave soft chuckles, Mrs. Cake giving a relieved sigh and a nod. “Alright, now I feel relieved. You girls can go ahead a raid the fridge... within reason.”
“No need to worry. We'll play a quiet game of Catacombs and Creatures.” Twilight laid out a collection of books, folders and bags that clattered as if filled with rocks.
“Thanks again, girls. Come on, sweetie.” Mr. Cake nudged gently against his wife and smiled at the girls.
“Yes, of course. Bye, girls!” Mrs. Cake snuggled up with her husband and both of them headed out the front door.
“Bye!” Pinkie waved her bottle-holding hoof as the two adults walked down the street.
“Pinkie... I know the Cakes are a married couple and do need their private time, but... do you know where they go on their date nights?” Twilight was at the table, setting up her screen and laying out dice from the pouches.
“I dunno. It must be fun, though, they always come home happy!” Pinkie set down the diaper bag and sat down at the table, flipping through one of the folders. “Do you have my Sorceress in here?”
“She's in there but you'll need to spend a lot of your exploits to get out of the palace of the Blood Prince. Why did you make her an earth pony? Spells require higher successes.”
“Well duh, because then she can rescue the unicorn Archmagus and learn all the super-rare earth pony spells! And the Archmagus held by the Blood Prince is a cute mare...” Pinkie winked a bit and giggled.
Twilight gave a deadpan look to Pinkie, then flipped through one of her folders. “Pull out your Petromancer, we'll get her through the desert of glass.”
“Oh right, Pinkie Promise. Got her right here.” Pinkie pulled a few sheets out of the folder and set them on the table with a small blush.
“I know this is something of an imposition, but we're at a bit of an impasse.” Carrot Top lightly blushed and nervously rubbed the back of her head, under the fluffy orange mane. She was standing on the threshold of Lyra and Bon-Bon's house, accompanied by her wife Ditzy, their daughter Dinky, and family friends Colgate, Berry Punch and Pinchy. “Our regular foalsitter canceled very suddenly and we needed a replacement right away. You've always been such good friends... I know it's sudden but could you..?”
Lyra looked down at the two foals, who were giving their best, brightest smiles, backs almost bending under large knapsacks. “It's not such a bad idea. We need practice before we have our own foals. And these two are older. Not like we're taking care of Pumpkin and Pound or anything.”
“I don't know... you know we're not really foalsitters, right?” Bon-Bon did her best to look friendly, but there was clear strain on her face.
“Hey, Bonnie...” Lyra nuzzled against Bon-Bon and gave her flank a bump. “We can manage...”
“I know you're not foalsitters, but you're friends and we trust you.” Berry gingerly nudged Pinchy forward. “They've got big bags worth of stuff to keep them entertained. It's really a no-brainer.”
“Be a good girl for Lyra and Bon-Bon. And don't clean out their fridge. That's bad manners.” Ditzy grabbed up Dinky in a big hug, soon finding herself joined by Carrot Top.
“Behave, squirt. Make a good impression.” Berry kissed her daughter on the top of the head, Colgate coming in to kiss her afterward. “Ya know mom needs all the good press she can get.” Both Berry and Colgate laughed at that, while Pinchy rolled her eyes.
“Alright...” Bon-Bon laughed, a genuine and casual laugh. “Come on in. Make yourselves at home. And don't mind the way Lyra sits. That's just her.”
“Oh sure, make fun of the sitting. You never seem to mind. I don't make cracks about your snacking, and then the five hours on the treadmill.” Lyra shook her head, gave a 'what are ya gonna do?' to the four mares outside, and casually shut the door.
Colgate checked on her watch and nodded to the three other mares. “Glad that worked out. We've gotta go. The others will be gathering.”
Ace looked at himself in the mirror, regarding his mustache carefully, lightly tapping it with a hoof to ensure it was in proper shape. He adjusted his sweatband a touch and gave a very confident pose. “Alright, Pokey, we've gotta go. I'm as ready as I'll get.”
“Don't sound so enthusiastic.” Pokey swept into the room and wrapped Ace up in an embrace from behind and to the right, rubbing cheeks and looking in the mirror. “I thought you said it was fun.”
“I mean... I enjoyed all those times. It's new and exciting and I never even knew... but it's just so weird. You know I'm... well...” Ace blushed a bit and turned to kiss Pokey. “You really can talk me into anything.”
“Just one of the many special powers I have.” Pokey laughed softly and kissed Ace back. “Come on, you love it. You know all of them, we're friends, it's all in good fun.”
“But swinging... it's very unusual. I never expected that out of somepony like Mr. Cake or Colgate. Maybe Berry or Ditzy, sure but... I guess you just learn new stuff.” Ace patted at his mustache again. “Think it looks alright?”
“Oh honey... nopony is going to be looking at your face.” Pokey laughed again, gave Ace a squeeze and disentangled himself.
“Is everypony here?” Carrot Top looked around at the assembly, who were all gathered around a basement entrance.
“Not yet. I invited a new couple.” Colgate spoke up, all eyes turning to her.
“What? That's a bit sudden there.” Magnum rubbed his chin a little.
“No, it's fine. They promised me they could be very discreet. And on explaining what this entailed they were quite excited.” Colgate blushed a bit and rubbed the back of her head. “Well... she was fairly excited. He was less so, but she convinced him.”
“There's always one.” Ace looked aside at Pokey, who was grinning up a storm.
“Here they come now.” Colgate pointed down the road to two figured approaching slowly.
The two figures resolved themselves into brown bodies, long-eared and knob-kneed. Matilda and Cranky. Matilda was still wearing her lacy collar, while Cranky had on his Dreamboat Special. “I still don't know about this, Matilda. We're not exactly young folks. Do we belong here?”
“Oh don't worry, Cranky. They seem like friendly folks. They're all so nice during the day. This should continue that friendliness.” Matilda leaned against her lover and gave him a kiss. “Now smile, Cranky. I know that Pinkie Pie taught you how.”
Cranky gave a sincere smile, chuckling softly as he reached the group. “I'm surprised Pinkie Pie isn't here.”
“She's foalsitting for us, along with Twilight,” Mr. Cake noted. He then held out a hoof. “Cranky, good to see you. Glad you decided to join us.”
Cranky shook the offered hoof and sheepishly nodded. “Well, Matilda convinced me. She can really talk me into anything.”
“Do I ever know your situation. Pokey know how to make me do anything.” Ace threw a leg around Cranky and laughed loudly.
“See, you're making more friends already. Pinkie really did rub off on you.” Matilda laughed softly behind a hoof and nodded towards the basement entrance. “Is this the place?”
Berry nodded and took a key from her mane, opening the lock on the wooden double doors. “I lease the space down here. It's separate from the house so we have total privacy. Soundproof and all.”
“We all pay up a portion of the lease price. It's cheaper that way,” Colgate said. “It's like dues. Seems strange for a group like ours but, I'm a practical professional and I thought it made sense. Defraying costs means I don't have to worry about Pinchy.”
“I understand completely. We donkeys are well known for our practicality. We'll have dues next time.” Matilda nudged Cranky, who had been hanging back.
“This time, you can trust a 'first one's free' offer,” Berry said, apropos of nothing. With that comment hanging in the air they all set forth down into the basement.
As they went down Ditzy began to recite. “For entertainment purposes only. Come together, leave together. It's all in good fun. Keep track of all personal items.”
All of the rest, save Cranky and Matilda, joined in on the last line, “And the children must never know.”
“What was all that?” Cranky tilted his head curiously.
“It's our little code of conduct. It keeps things organized.” Berry pulled out another key for the door found at the bottom of the stairs. She unlocked and opened the door, revealing a room in complete darkness. “Are you ready?”
“As we'll ever be.” Cranky adjusted his hairpiece with a wry look.
“You'll be enthusiastic about this...” Colgate used her magic to turn on the lights in the room. The tasteful recessed lights and single strip of trendy track lighting threw soft white light across the inside of the room. The room was plushly carpeted, in a lovely cream shade. The walls were painted eggshell white and had a decent semi-gloss tone. It looked like a large, nicely made living room. Fresh air was being provided by several ceiling vents that hummed with an electrothaumatic fan system that started when the lights had come on. All around the room were numerous types of swings. Some standard chain swings hanging from the ceilings, a large four-pony porch swing type, a rigid-frame two-double-seat garden swing, and even a few adult-sized harness swings. “What do you think?”
“Well that's not what I expected at all! I thought it would just be some playground swings...” Cranky nodded his head and took a slow step inside.
“We've got those! They're good for a bit of crazy swinging if yer inta that.” Magnum ran in and hopped up into one of the playground swings, immediately starting to swing rapidly, legs kicking hard.
“Makes for a good competition.” Mr. Cake leaped into the swing beside Magnum, kicking out his long, gangly legs and using his earth pony strength to push against the ground.
“Colts will be colts I suppose.” Mrs. Cake shook her head with a smile and sat down on the extreme right side of the two-couple porch swing. “He'll tire himself out sooner or later.”
“Oh yea, they always do, there. Jeepers they're just like little foals.” Pearl took the far left side of the swing, slowly rocking back and forth along with Cup.
“It's a good way to reconnect and just be romantic. For some of us.” Carrot Top threw a joking glare to the two stallions then flopped down into one side of the garden swing, snuggling up with Ditzy.
“No refreshments this week. We usually bring sodas and juice and some treats from the shop but there was no way to arrange it without Pinkie asking questions.” Mrs. Cake leaned back a little and poked her belly. “Perhaps it's for the best.”
“You still look perfect to me, Cup, dear.” Mr. Cake popped his eyebrows and smiled a big smile.
“Oh this does seem wonderful, don't you think, Cranky?” Matilda settled herself on the other seat of the garden swing, pulling Cranky up with her.
Cranky placidly settled against Matilda and smiled blissfully. “It's really nice... and I understand the rules. But why not tell the children? I may not like them but what could it hurt?”
Before anypony could answer Magnuum slipped a hoof from one of the chains by accident and went flying off to the ground, rolling and thumping until he hit the wall. “Oh! Great day in the mornin'! Oh that's gonna be a bruise there. Honey, I'm gonna need the massage ointment. Again.”
“See, that's why we don't have kids here.” Ace shook his head and snuggled warmly with Pokey on the same playground swing. “It's bad enough with adults that act like them.” Everyone in the room shared a hearty laugh.
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goodman. Goodman
abstain for intimacy. from
Yay, more D&D, this time with fun references. So does Pinkie's petromancer summon golems to do her bidding, preferably shaped, and possibly voiced by, Rocky? Does she grow mineral spires to attack her enemies Fullmetal Alchemist style? I kind of want more of this now.
For the rest of the story, I have to give you credit. I was expecting the dancing kind of swinging and you threw me a curveball out of left field insert more baseball idioms. Definitely unexpected.
2164388
I picture her Petromancer as doing both at different times. When stone is available it can be of the spike variety, as well as the ability to shape things. At higher levels, the golem thing. Plus other effects like finding gems. And yes, like Rocky
I wanted plenty of misdirection, glad it worked.
2164437
Combo reply. You know how I like things being neat and tidy in time, just have to keep it straight.
I'm tempted to start writing up the class right now. The real question is it a prestige class or more of a specialized base class?
2164679
I actually put thought into this later on. It's a specialized base class. Start with an Elementalist, spec Geomancy, then focus as a Petromancer. It's specifically the magical manipulation of rocks and stones, no gems or metal. At low levels this means only natural stone, soil, sand and such, but later it can include worked stone and glass. It has some technical effects on metal and gems, by identifying ore veins and gem inclusions as "impurities" in the rock, and can clear out shafts to them, leaving cubes of the material to be hauled away.
You didn't ask, but the other one involves the cruel and possibly insane Blood Prince capturing a generous and well-loved Arch-Magus for the "crime" of teaching magic to non-unicorns, especially earth ponies. He plans to kill her in horrible ways for her heresy. Meanwhile, a former student who has a severe crush, Pied the Pink, is there to rescue her. She's also known as the Magical Mishap, she rolls fumbles on three numbers rather than two, BUT because of the way her character was done she can turn fumbles into special chaotic feats if she succeeds at another roll.
2188335
By fumbles you mean crit fails?
2188897
Yea. I'm from way back when. 2nd Ed revised, with THAC0 and Saving throws and all, with critical fails on 1 and 2. She crit fails on 1, 2 and... either 3 or a number that gets randomly selected before each session.
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I started in 3.0, but did go back to cover AD&D, what with Baldur's Gate and all. You have no idea how many hours I've put into Icewind Dale.
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But that's why. The characters explain their relationships IN THEIR UNIVERSE. Everyone has reasons they love the ones they do, and if circumstances were different they would have different partners and different explanations with equal validity and passion. It was like putting a Twixie shipper in a world where Twinkie is the reality (And Gildixie too) and watching what happens as he tries to understand.
It was also following the general thread of "Contra" which is to do a piss-take on popular conceptions of ponies. I've seen a LOT of Twixie folks who only want them to have... let's call it "imaginative" futa sex with magical BDSM D/s mistress/slave overtones. Note the mirror doppelgangers talking about glorious sex. Plus I often question the basis for their relationships. Twilight stated outright (in the story, so it's an interpretation, but...) they pretty much hated one another and forgiveness after the Alicorn Amulet incident should involve a bit of tempering with conditions. So it was mostly me poking on the rather... fanatical nature of a lot of Twixie fans, while also trying to craft these observations of little scenes inside of two very kind and loving relationships being ripped apart because someone didn't think they should be loving the ones they love.
I actually cut out a kind of concluding "After-Action Report" from the Office of the Cult-Finder General talking about the disposition of the Serpent Crown and how the stallion had been fixated on fixing relationships he thought were wrong.
Oh, those wild, crazy swingers!
2223815
Don't discard that entirely; you could use it to kick off any number of other stories...
2229002
Wild and crazy swingers indeed. Those darn kids would not be as sedate and relaxed. And that's the story they're sticking too
I have retained that idea. I haven't said it yet, but there are more than three Discordian arch-artifacts. I might not get to them all in a timely manner, but i know what they are and what they do.
These stories have been good and interesting so far, and I've enjoyed this a fair bit, but I'll admit I'm a tad dissapointed with some of it.
Your first story about Berry Punch was easily my favourite. It was a real fairly heavy drama piece about an alcoholic trying to be a good parent but just unable to, and it had a decent resolution to it as well as some strong character interaction between its three main characters.
The second story wasn't as good. I was hoping the focus would be on Twilight and Pinkie standing against Pinkie's parents, and have messages about 'new wave love' in the face tradition and hostility, but instead it dropped the potentially interesting drama for a less interesting plot about a Dicordain mirror. Not that the Discordian mirror was bad or un-interesting, it just wasn't what I was hoping this story would bring to the table.
Then Twixinkilda was also pretty darn great, but it also pulled back before it got to the place I wanted it to. I was interested in seeing you tackle infidelity and weighty ideas about trust forgiveness and the like, but in the end you just pulled a power-of-love explosion and that fixed everything.
And then that last chapter was... I mean, what the heck was that?
I dunno what your intent for this story is, but after the first chapter I was under the impression it was going to be a series of real-world serious family issues, just about ponies and such. But you haven't done that, and I'm kinda disappointed. I see some potential here for some real weighty and interesting stuff, and that stuff just never happens.
2412694
Allow me to clarify a bit: while a more realistic slice-of-life would be good this was made for a different purpose. It is a direct repudiation of certain common pony tropes, from an internal perspective and with the rules of cause-and-effect in play. As if the audience was trying to reach through the proscenium arch and the actors were reacting.
The first takes on the idea of Berry as a fulfilled alcoholic who abuses her daughter and is funny. This shows that in a real examination Berry would be miserable and hurt her family. To laugh at that is cruel.
The second was actually a grab bag meant to show the common tropes of the Mane Six and show how much it is hideous. Biggest attention being given to Molestia (she is seen twice, in Twilight's and Celestia's.) I really should show Twilight and Pinkie dealing with Goodman and Goodie Pie.
The third was about the zany ubiquity of Twixie. And this takes aim at that idea when Twilight and Trixie have other relationships and react in a more real fashion (They aren't friends but they promise to be civil.) And it shows what external interference does to a relationship, especially when it is something akin to forced psychological torture. The wave of love is 1) Canon and 2) A representation that they have an actual love, greater than the "NOW KISS" mania of the Twixie shipper in the Serpent Crown.
The last one was a generic stand against the (sometimes creepy and very often inappropriate) crazy hypersexuality attributed to background characters. Foremost are the Cakes who are depicted as adulterous beasts most of the time or at least with one as an adulterer, either Mr. Cake screwing Pinkie because he's a dick or Mrs. Cake cuckolding Mr. Cake for no reason, usually the "hilarious" go-to explanation for Pound and Pumpkin. The others are there for appearances, including another married couple, and a gay couple. The real humor comes from the big reveal of the secondary definition of 'swinging.' The rules Derpy rattles off make it sound like the other sort, which was a fun little addition.
Sorry it wasn't as good as you hoped but I am very glad you liked the first story. Berry Punch as a contrite individual getting off the sauce because she loves her family is far too rare. I am most proud of it out of all the ones here.
Eheheheh, I like this!
I've often thought that it's a shame swings are generally only made for kids. My legs are too long to comfortably go on those.
4149481
Swings are just so much fun. I wish I could have a swing, a porch one or a regular one.
9126780
I know. It sucks. Folks in AA can laugh and joke about it, but that's just part of dealing with the disease. Others who don't understand joke about it, but they don't know the pain alcoholics and their families have to deal with.
Ponyville Swingers. I fell out laughing and had to tell my husband about it. I like swings too.