Chapter 7
“Ladies and gentlemen the Rumble Down Under is about to commence.” Mr. Reddy announced in the middle of the boxing ring. “In the red corner weighing 560 kilograms, or 1234 pounds for you Americans, he’s the beast from the east, the brute from Bhutan, The liberated link: Mr. Chimp-Chimp. The men in audience went wild. Buzz Aldrin and the president high fived.
“Go get him monkey, win me back America's pride!” The president of the United States yelled. “Take your time though. Six seconds should be enough.” He said laughing.
“Let’s go Chimp-Chimp! Bananas as far as the eyes can see if you finish him quick!” Saxton yelled laughing. Mr. Chimp-Chimp began to slap his palms on the mat causing the ring to shake, Mr. Bidwell lost his balance.
“Sacrebleu! Just get this fight started, I have somewhere to be!” Francis yelled from his TV set.
“And in the blue corner,” Reddy continued, “Customer service, the loudmouth, bid farwell to: Mr. Bidwell.” The stands were near silent, Miss Pauling lightly clapped.
“Reddy, what the hell was that?” Mr. Bidwell asked sweating profusely.
“Sorry old man, Hale wrote that piece.” Reddy walked to the blue corner and patted Mr. Bidwell’s back. “Good luck.” He hurried to his seat and rung the bell to begin the fight.
Mr. Chimp-Chimp roared and ran at Mr. Bidwell, he tried to run away. He couldn’t. Mr. Chimp-Chimp struck him across the chest, sending Bidwell flying into the ropes and ricocheting onto the mat. His body was limp, Reddy rung the bell. “After 2 seconds, the winner by technical manslaughter, Mr. -” Bidwell groaned and got back up. Chimp-Chimp grabbed him and threw him into the mat. The audience heard a terrible cracking noise, Bidwell’s body contorted in a disgusting shape. Chimp-Chimp put his arms up and paraded around the ring. Mr. Reddy cleared his throat and rung the bell, “After 6 seconds the winner by bone fractures, Mr. Chimp-Chimp.”
“That’s right you hairy sumb*tch, America on top!” The president yelled from the stands. Bidwell got back up. Chimp-Chimp punched him back down. “After 8-” Bidwell got back up. Chimp-Chimp began pounding him with both his fist, repeatedly, making sure his opponent couldn’t get back up. “After 15-” …After 25-… 42 … 4 minutes … 15 … Half-an-…”
“Hale what the hell is going on?” The president asked loudly, “That boy should have been dead after I won.” Chimp-Chimp got annoyed. He jumped from the top rope and landed on Bidwell. He climbed it once again and threw himself off. Mr. Bidwell rolled out of the way and stood up. Chimp-Chimp growled, charged, and tried to grab him. The contenders locked hands and tried to over-power one another.
“Gentlemen, now you may actually get see a fight instead of being accessories to murder.” The Administrator said smiling.
“’Let’s see how you like it you damn, dirty ape.” Bidwell yelled as head-butted Mr. Chimp-Chimp. The ape-cryptid stumbled back dazed. He bared his teeth and charged. Bidwell met him with a fist to his mouth; a fang broke off. Mr Bidwell picked it up and moved towards Mr. Chimp-Chimp.
“Hale, it looks like your boy there is going to kill that chimp.” The President said to Hale.
“It looks like Bidwell really wants his job.” Hale responded. “Good for him, there’s a reason humans are on top of the food chain.”
“That’s not what I meant, you know those hippies like to snoop around your dumpsters, they find an ape full of holes in there, it won’t be good for business.”
“Right,” Hale said, he jumped from the stands and into the ring, separating the two. “Reddy! Ring the bell.”
“And winner by Mr. Saxton’s decree, Mr. Bidwell.” Reddy announced. Bidwell dropped the fang. Hale lifted his arm. The men in the audience groaned.
“Well Saxton, thank you for a very entertaining …” She looked at Miss Pauling, she whispered in her ear. “45 minutes. We’ll be leaving.” The administrator said as she Miss Puling rose from their seats.”
“Wait a minute Helen,” The President shouted, “that match was crookeder than a bed spring on a fat woman’s bed, if you think that you’re just gonna waltz out of here with-” The Administrator looked at him with a furrowed brow. “with, with, without your prizes, you got another thing coming.” He smiled nervously. The men sitting down watched as their friend sat back down on his seat.
“Don’t worry Mr. President, I own them all anyway.” She smiled as she walked away.
“Reddy! Make sure Bidwell isn’t psychotic by the time he delivers my morning steak!” Hale yelled.
“Miss Pauling, that was, what I’d think you would call entertaining, right?”
“Yes Administrator.”
“I feel like we forgot something?” The Administrator said slowing her pace. Miss Pauling looked through her clipboard. They exited the building. The Australian heat was incredible, but the Administrator barely noticed.
“No, everything on the agenda for today has been accomplished; you decided to no longer kill Hale." A black limo stopped in front of them, the driver hurried to open the door for the two.
“Right, that’s it. Well then Miss Pauling, back to work.” She said as a black limousine drove for the airport.
----
“What the heck is all that?” The Engineer asked as the ponies reached Ponyville.
“That building? That’s our town hall.” Applejack answered.
“Not that, all the junk that’s surrounding it.” The ponies walked up to the wall of random junk.
“Hey, that’s Granny’s rocking chair and that’s Big Mac’s plow.” Applejack said. Rarity screamed and ran toward the wall.
“Is this the door to my boutique, my sewing machine …” She gasped. “My dress forms! Who did this?! I'll end them!” She said angrily.
“Halt! Who goes there?” Pinkie said, pointing her party cannon at the group of ponies and the Engineer.
“Pinkie Pie, did you take my things?!” Rarity said, bared her teeth,
“Oh,” she giggled, “yeah sorry about … wait a minute, how do I know you’re the real Rarity.” Pinkie said pointing her party cannon back at them.
“Come here and I’ll show you the real Rarity.”
“Fluttershy load the party cannon!” Pinkie yelled. The yellow pegasus appeared quickly and filled the cannon with apples. “Now what’s my favorite color.”
“Pink.” Twilight said. “Pinkie what’s going on?”
“Lucky guess Twilight, there’s a swarm of Changlings heading this way, we built this wall to help defend Ponyville, but I bet you all already knew that.” She said making sure her party cannon was ready to fire at the possible imposters.
“Pinkie we just escaped from a Changling dungeon and if they are coming, we don’t have time for this.” Rainbow said as she flew over the wall.
“Big Mac!” Pinkie yelled, a barrel of apples flew at blue pegasus. She narrowly avoided them, and floated down next to her friends.
“Now, what color is my hair?”
“Pink, now let us in Pinkie!” Rainbow yelled, Pinkie pointed her party cannon at her.
“It’s raspberry!” Twilight yelled, Pinkie Pie raised an eyebrow.
“Brilliant raspberry!” Rarity added.
“It is you!” Pinkie yelled and jumped onto her friends. She hugged them all. "Girls, I missed you all so much, there were changelings here and they were mean to Fluttershy, but it's okay I kicked their plots out of town with Big Mac's help, I was so worried, I wanted to go and look for you, but we had to deal with the attack on Ponyville, we saw a large dark cloud, except it wasn't really a cloud, it was a herd of changelings, it looked just like that dark cloud, but it was smaller because they were farther away." She took a deep breathe. “You’re Dell right? I’m Pinkie, I was Mumphy’s best friend here, nice to meet ya.” She looked at the wall that surrounded town hall and giggled. “Whoops, Fluttershy can you let the ladder down?” A ladder flew from the top of the pile of debris. “Hurry, you guys need to get ready if you're going to help me.” She said as she climbed the ladder, her friends following her.
“Big Mac,” Applejack said happily, “what’s goin’ on?”
“Pinkie Pie said Changlings are comin’, whatever the hay those are, she kicked out a couple already, but she and Fluttershy say more’ll be coming pretty soon. I brought the apples so we can fight them off.”
“Where’s Apple Bloom?”
“She and all the kids we could find are up at the farm with Granny.”
“I have made enough now,” Zecora said as she exited Town Hall, “To bring many changlings down.”
“Girls, get ready we don’t have much time left, they’ll be here any minute; Twilight, you organize. Spike come on. I need you to help me with my party cannon.”
“What does she mean get ready?” Rarity asked.
“I think we’re about to fight for Ponyville.” Twilight answered. “But I don’t know how to organize a fight like this, I don’t know, I don’t know-” Twilight began shaking her head.
“Don’t worry Twilight, I do.” The Engineer said stepping in front of the ponies. “Okay now, who’s the fastest?”
“
I am.” Rainbow Dash proudly announced proudly announced.
“Fast and strong?” The Engineer asked, handing her an empty sack.
“I can carry everyone here and still beat anyone in race.”
“Great, fill’er up with apples and throw’em at the changers or whatever, be fast, don’t get hurt, just think annoying.”
“Um, right.” Rainbow responded, she fastened the sack around her back and went to stock up on apples.
“Who has the stronger the magic?” The Engineer asked Twilight and Rarity. Both looked uncomfortable with the question. The Engineer rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, who’s the stealthiest, then?”
“I have four left hooves.” Twilight responded quickly.
“Well alright, Rarity can ya turn yourself invisible?”
“Twilight’s has been teaching me, but I can only maintain it for a few seconds, I get shorted out easily but if I rest I can stay that way forever.”
“Great, try to get behind ‘em. If you see any of those things alone, try to knock ‘em out, don’t get cocky or you’ll get caught and if you do get caught, run away.”
“I have no intentions to run away from those ruffians, but don’t worry about me, I have just the spell to take care of them.”
“I reckon you have the stronger magic.” He asked Twilight. She lowered her gaze and nodded. “Ain’t nothin’ to be ashamed of, at least your modest. “Get to high ground; try to take ‘em out from a distance.”
“Yes sir, I know just the place.” She said she went inside town hall.
“What about me Engie?” A.J asked. He pulled out his PDA and then a toolbox.
“Take this and set up somewhere everyone can get to it.” He said, he walked over to Big Mac. “What are you doing?”
“Pinkie set up these catapults; I stomp on one and send apples flying.”
“How are you gonna reload?”
“Fill up a barrel, load it, send it flying.” McIntosh responded.
“Too slow,” he looked at the wall of junk. “What’s that, a treadmill?”
“That’s the press we use to make cider.”
“Right, bring that press and that tuba here, I’ll make ya something.” McIntosh went to grab the objects.
“Hi, err, zebra, can I ask what yer doin’?”
“It is Zecora kind sir and your question I will answer. I have made this special brew, when it hits a changling, it will go kaboom.”
“What if doesn’t hit a changling?”
“Explode it will do just the same, anything else would be rather lame.”
“Seems like ya know what yer doin’.” He saw Fluttershy huddled in the corner. “Fluttershy what are you up to?”
“Well, I made sandwiches in case anyone got hungry, but you made a sandwich making machine, you guys won’t need me.” She said sadly.
“Sandwich maker?” She pointed to his dispenser; the trays that would normally hold needles and pills were filled with sandwiches and apples.
“Mighty good sammiches, you got here Engie.” Applejack said holding a half-eaten one up. “What’s this crispy pink stuff with the tomato and lettuce?”
“Fluttershy don’t worry, I’m sure yours are much better than mine and you can move around, that hunk of scrap can’t help anyone who can’t reach it, we’ll still need you.”
“Really?”
“Really, now I gotta check up on the rest of ponies here, I’m counting on you to help me, help them.”
“Yes Mr. Conagher.” She said.
“Call me Dell.” He walked over to the wall. “Pinkie Pie what are you doing?”
“Me and Spike are going to throw fire apples at them, let’s show him Spike. The two positioned themselves near the party cannon. “3, 2, 1, Boom!” Spike blew a stream of fire near the opening. Pinkie shot her party cannon into air. Apples engulfed in fire peppered the sky before disintegrating.
“And check out what I can do,” Spike placed an apple in his mouth and belched. The apple zoomed quickly into the sky.
“Conagher, here are the things you wanted.” McIntosh called out to the Engineer.”
“Good job, you two,” he walked over the stallion. “You any good at running?”
“I’m good at anything if it protects my family.”
“Good man, pony, okay now put this here, and take this faucet out.” The Engineer began dismantling the press and banging on it with McIntosh’s wrench. He took the tuba apart, leaving only the bell. After a few whacks he finished. “Here ya go, run on this.” Big Mac got on the treadmill and began running; the bell shook for a few seconds and shot apples quicker than anyone could count. “It takes a second to get going, but this’ll be quicker than the catapult, just add apples here and turn the bell t’ aim. Everybody Ready!” The Engineer called out.
“Let’s get ‘em.” Rainbow Dash said whizzing around the sky.
“Ready.” Spike said with thumbs up.
“Hudda hudda huh!” Pinkie yelled. The rest had no idea why.
“If they think they’re going to best me, they’re gonna have another thing coming.” Zecora said next to a pile of glowing orbs.
“Yep!” McIntosh said stretching. He sneezed.
“Gesundheit.” Fluttershy said, running over to with a handkerchief.
“Ok up here!” Twilight yelled from the top of town hall.
“After you, darlings.” Rarity said as she practice disappearing.
The Engineer out brought his PDA and set down his sentry gun on the wall. I wonder what this is gonna do. It looked normal He upgraded it to a level 3, the sentry moved left to right and beep as it normally. I hope I can help these ponies out.
----
“Did ya hear, Hale’s assistant almost killed his pet yeti.” The Demoman drank deep from his bottle of foul-smelling liquid. Good thing I’m not a gambling man, some poor fool could’ve lost it all. Got any three’s?”
“Negatory, go fish. Yes I did, lost a bundle, damn monkey. That’s the one we should blasted off into space. Got any four’s?”
“Nein. Didn’t Miss Pauling visit that vizard you live with before the fight? Any Jacks, Spy?”
“No, but I did make out like a thief; in a battle between man over beast, always bet on man. Sniper give me your fives.” Spy said reaching for the cards.
“How the hell do you always know?” The Sniper asked, handing over two cards.
“I’m a man of many talents. Scout your Sixes.”
“Well that’s it I’m out. What was she doing, with Mesmarus?” He asked nervously.
“What do you think boy?” The Spy responded grinning. “Heavy, your twos.”
“Don’t matter what I think, I want to know.”
“My sources told me that she picked up certain pills, ones that would guarantee victory for Mr. Bidwell. Degroot, any sevens?”
“Nah,go fish. What pills? And where’s Pyro? Soldier, any eights?
“Affirmative. Kill Me, Come Back Stronger Pills.” Soldier responded handing over a card.
“Did’ja know mate? Medic any fours?”
“Nein, go fish. Vell Soldier did ja know?”
“Of course I knew, I have an alarm that goes off every time he scratches his ass.”
“Vhat! You knew he had those pills and you still didn’t bet on him.? Spy any queens?”
“How the hell was I supposed to know he was going to use them to win.” The Soldier responded.
“No. Leave him alone medic, we will never understand his logic. Tens.” The Sniper threw two cards at him.
“You think the Administrator is ever gonna get back to us?” The Scout asked.
“Doubtful. Any Sevens?” The Spy asked the Heavy, already knowing the answer.
“Go fish.”
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Ha. Sandviches.
How did I not see all the ponyfort coming?
Oh my god....engie is remaking the team! Through improvisation!
It's ba~ack
Team Fortress 2, Pony Style!
fim.413chan.net/art/src/130060185209-194181_1958343704511.jpg
sooo ... this is going to be MvM mode style or what?
This story may not have the best writing, but I love it! The team playing Go Fish was hilarious!
One error I found.
“Did ya here, Hale’s assistant.."
1947158 I'm betting it is
on a side note, that sentry is going to tear up those changelings faster than the apples can
1947964 i´d more like say "spy sapped my sentry" but meeh.
...Did Applejack eat bacon?
Needs a bigger turret I think. Here, have one of mine.
media.pcgamer.com/files/2011/03/Deus-Ex-Human-Revolution-Jensen-throws-a-turret-627x246.jpg
1947964
Considering that the dispenser gives out food instead of medicine, I'd say the sentry won't be the same as usual. It's probably going to shoot apples or something.
1946738
Dafuq did I just watch?
1946738 if you look closely it says at the bottom 'my dick died'
1950160 No.....she ate ham.
Best use of medic battle cry ever
are you going to update?
update plz
when will come the next chapter
Upddate? Also PONY TEAM FORT PvC IZ A GO~~
Please update new chapters.
I am 100% certain that the author forgot about this fic ever existed.
this died.
Oh :c
Story is ded. Story is sorry. Is sad. Is not surprise.