The Apple family and Fluttershy sat around the kitchen table enjoying breakfast. Applejack was thinking about what happened to Princess Celestia, there was no reason for Twilight not to have told her, or at least given her a reason why she couldn't tell her. The rest of her family seemed to go on as though there wasn't an alien sleeping upstairs, the excitement must be gone now that they know he'll live. She thought.
“Thank you for the eggs Granny Smith.” Fluttershy said as she broke up her toast. “Apple Bloom what are you drawing? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“It’s a picture for Mr. Conagher.” Apple Bloom answered.
“Apple Bloom, stop that and eat yer breakfast, I don’t want you late fer school.” Granny Smith said.
“The way he was actin', mighty rude.” Applejack said. “I still can’t believe he and Mumphy were friends, can you Big McIntosh?” He remained silent. They heard the Engineer come down the stairs. He cleared his throat.
“Fluttershy, I’m sorry fer what I said, I, uh, didn’t mean fer it to sound like it did, I wasn’t insulting you.”
“It’s okay.” She said quietly.
“And I’m sorry to you and yers Applejack, I didn’t mean t’ offend anybody err pony.”
“Well, alright mister, seein’ as how you apologized and all, come over here and join us fer breakfast.” Applejack said with a smile. The Engineer walked slowly to the table. “Ya can sit next t’ Apple Bloom, that’s Granny Smith over there. Make yerself at home and I’ll take ya t’ see Twilight afterwards.” The Engineer pulled out the chair; Granny Smith put a plate of eggs in front of him before he even sat down.
“You eat up mister, all we been givin’ ya for the last week was water and apple sauce. Do ya know how hard it was t’ feed you? Not t’ mention cleaning you …” Granny Smith began to ramble; Apple Bloom tugged on the Engineer’s sleeve.
“Mr. Conagher, I heard you playing guitar, I really liked it.”
“I hope it didn't bother anyone..” He answered; I hope these eggs aren’t poisonous He thought as he took a bite.
“No sir, not at all.” She answered. “Here, look I drew this for you.” She showed him her drawing. “See, that’s you, and me, and Applejack, and Big Macintosh, but it’s not finished yet.”
“It’s lovely darling, thank ya.” He handed it back to her. “Um, Applejack, what is this place called?” He asked.
“It was like when Big McIntosh had the runs and we kept jamming…” Granny Smith continued.
“Sweet Apple Acres.” Applejack answered, grabbing a piece of toast.
“And where is Sweet Apple Acres?”
“In Ponyville.”
Not very creative he thought. “Where is Ponyville then?”
“Shoot, you sure do ask a lot of questions, but I guess that's natural, being from beyond the stars and all. Center of Equestria.” She answered as she finished her plate. “You finish yer food, then we’ll go.”
“That’s fine, we can go now.” He said getting up.
“Not so fast mister,” Granny Smith told the Engineer putting her hoof in front of him. “Yer gonna waste away, you eat all that food or yer gonna have to answer to me.” He sat back down and started eating. “That’s better.”
She reminds me of my granny He thought.
----
“What?! What do you mean you can’t build it?” Mr. Bidwell asked the lead scientist in charge of Research and Development at Mann Co.
“I didn’t say can’t, I said won’t. We had to steal, I mean borrow, a lot of technology from that American military base in New Mexico. A lot of alien technology. Those were one of a kind resources; it’s not even possible to build the casing with just any kind of refined metal, not to mention all of its internal components.”
“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, f@*k! I told Mr. Hale it would be ready before his evening hunt.”
“When, tomorrow?”
“A week ago tomorrow.”
“But he hunts every day ... why are you just coming to me now? He’ll destroy us! No, he’ll challenge us to duels and then he’ll destroy us.”
“He forgot all about it when I delivered a new set of phones to his office a week ago. But the administrator called today, asking when it would be ready and it’s only a matter of time before she calls Mr. Hale directly to check on it.
“Why don’t you call her back and tell her it’s not possible?”
“What?! Are you stupid? Even Hale is afraid of her, I ---
“Bidwell! Get over here!”
“Oh no, oh no, oh no, crap.” Mr. Bidwell left the lab and started running across the street to Mann Co’s headquarters. He took the elevator to Saxton Hale’s office. He saw Saxton with a yeti sitting next to him. “Hello sir,” He gulped “Did the Administrator call?”
“What? No. Why would she call?” Bidwell began to answer. “Shut up, I don’t care. I sensed you say my name and the word afraid in the same sentence, you’ll explain to me while I wrestle Chimp-Chimp here, the winner gets to challenge you to a duel. Talk!” He yelled as he began to grapple with the Yeti.
“Is that the same ---”
“I don’t hear an explanation.” He said as Chimp-Chimp put his foot on Saxton’s neck.
“Well sir, I, you see …” Saxton put the Yeti in a headlock and started counting.
“Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten.” The Yeti tapped on Saxton’s back. “Good job Chimp-Chimp, almost broke a sweat that time, a barrel of bananas will be waiting for you in your office. The Yeti walked out of the office “No-holds barred next time.” He yelled out. “Bidwell, send a barrel of bananas to PR.”
“Yes sir, I’ll ---”
“No. Not you. Reddy! Send a barrel of bananas to PR’s head office! There, taken care of. Explain.” Saxton demanded as he sat behind his desk.
“Well you see the administrator ---”
“Wait, hold that thought, I was supposed to do something.”
“Yes sir, we were ---”
“Shut up Bidwell! Oh yes, call the administrator and tell her we have built that Universe destroying sapper she wanted and that if she wants it she can pry from my muscular, magnificent, cold, dead, fingers.” Hale stood on his desk and flexed his muscles.
“But sir ---”
“Bidwell, at this company people can only get replaced by dueling to the death with their successor. Do you want to have to kill someone to keep your job?”
“No sir, I ---”
“Wrong answer, now hurry up before I call Chimp-Chimp back in here to do your job, he’s been gunning for it since we liberated him from those hippies.”
“Sir, how about I tell her we destroyed it and that it’s impossible to build another one as well?”
“Ha, I like it, and when you call her, tell her that I crushed it in my hand.”
“Yes sir, I will contact her immediately.”
“Good.” Mr. Bidwell left the room. Saxton dialed his phone “Hello Mr. President, my assistant is going to fight a yeti. Right, Mr. Chimp-Chimp. I’m betting the Alamo. No not good enough. The Statue of Liberty and … lets see, Rushmore. Deal? Ha ha, it will be held in my office, get here as soon as you can.
----
“Spike, someone’s at the door, get it.” Twilight told her assistant.
“Just because I look... You’re right here, I don’t see why you can’t …” Spike said. He opened the door and saw Applejack and the Engineer with a worried look on his face.
There are dragons here too? The Engineer thought.
“Twilight, it’s Applejack and the guy from the shooting star!” Spike yelled.
“I’m right here Spike, you don’t have to yell. Hello sir, I see you’re looking well now. I’m Twilight Sparkle.” She said offering her hoof.
“Hello Ms. Sparkle, I’m Dell Conagher.”
“Oh Twilight is fine, um, Applejack can you excuse us for a moment.”
“Fine sugarcube, mind if ah help myself to a book?” Applejack asked
“Go ahead.” She led the Engineer to her kitchen. “So I guess you’re wondering about the Pyro?”
“Yeah, ‘cept I heard A.J call ‘im Mumphy.”
“Oh well to make a long story short. My friend, Pinkie Pie, found him and guessed his name was Mumphy, and he just went along with it.”
“Then how do you know he’s the Pyro?”
“He wrote this letter.” She said passing the scroll to him. He looked at intently.
“I can't read this." He said, handed it back. "Anyways, to tell ya the truth, I already knew he was sent home and if it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to be sent there too, I heard your Princess was the one t’ see.”
“Oh, um, yes she would be.” Twilight rubbed the back of her neck and coughed. “You see, I’m sorry, this is really difficult to explain, but Princess Celestia can’t help you right now.”
“I’ve heard that too, can I ask why?” He said calmly, but he felt his anger building up again.
“Um, no.” She answered.
“What? Listen critter, I’ve been real patient all I want is t’ get back home and I just want some answers about what's going on.” Applejack walk back into the room.
“What’s gonna on here? Are you causing problems again?” She asked getting between him and Twilight.
“No, no, I’m not.” He said slowly. “Listen ponies, all I want are answers. Is that too much t’ ask.”
“Yes, thank you Applejack, don’t worry I can understand why he’s annoyed.” Twilight put her horn on the Engineers chest. “Listen Mr. Conagher, I’m sorry about your predicament, but please don’t raise your voice to me like that at me again.”
“Okay ma’am, put that thing away.” Applejack looked at her friend in disbelief, she had never seen her threaten someone like that before. “What can you tell me then?”
“Well, I can give you two some information?”
“Excuse me Twilight, why do ah need to know?” Applejack asked
“Applejack you’re going to have to help him get back home.”
“What, why? Why me?” She asked flabbergasted.
“Yeah, why her?” The Engineer asked.
“Trust me; we need, I mean you're going to want to have this pony at your side. And I’m going to have to ask you to step into the other room while I speak with Applejack, Mr. Conagher.”
“Mr. Conagher is my father; call me Dell if you want.” She nodded, the Engineer left the room.
“Applejack, I need you to promise me you won’t tell any other pony what I’m about to tell you. And don’t tell Dell until he needs to know.”
“I'm not entirely sure what you mean, but I promise sugarcube. What's with all the mystery?” She asked. The Engineer stood by the doorway and tried to easedrop, it was hard to hear their whispers, too much time surrounded by explosions.
“What are you doing?” Spike asked walking by him.
“They’re talking about me in there, I want to know why.” He answered.
“Dell, right? It really doesn't matter, Twilight wants you back home, probably even more than you do. Want to see what the Pyro taught me?” The Engineer nodded. Spiked clasped his palms together, when he released them a small green fireball appeared.
“Idio- I mean Spike! I've told you already, we're staying in a giant tree, don’t do that in here.” Spike walked away grumbling.
“Mr. Conagh- err, Dell, I’ve told Applejack what she needs to know and she’ll be telling you on your journey.”
“Journey? Where are we going?”
“Just outside of town, to the, um, Everfree forest.” She said quietly.
“Forest, that all? Alright.” He said with smirk. “Fine with me. You ready to go Applejack?” She nodded.
“Move ‘em out then.” The Engineer said, the two walked out of the door.
Twilight saw them off, Spike stood next to her. "Do they suspect?" Spike asked.
"Apart from you, ponies are the stupidest creatures on this planet. But, I think you should go and tell the herd to prepare themselves, it's time for the queen's plan to come to fruition.
First. Now that I have fully enjoyed the honor of being first to comment on the new chapter I'll leave an actual review. This review boils down to a simple question.
Where the hell are all of Engineers toys? No turrets, teleports, dispensers, etc...
At least Pyro kept his flamethrower/ bubble blower. Engy.... nothing. Not even his shotgun. I'll keep reading, but I EXPECT to see some badass tools of destruction. Or, at the very least something equally amazing.
If I have just a bit of criticism, it's a little difficult to understand who is talking and the Engineer can seem a bit out of character sometimes. However, Saxton is perfectly in character!
Pony mods + tf2 = this.. Pony up boys!
1311885
Yeah, I read it like 10 times before I posted it and each time I found something new to correct. Then I read it again after I published it and I found even more things that I wanted to correct and change. Plus I bet in a day, I'll find more things wrong with it and edit it again. Sorry 'bout that.
12:07 at night
Has to wake up at 6:00
Sees One new chapter....I hate you so much.
1311963
I know that feel bro
...Is it just me does twilight seem a bit out of character?
1312016
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ She is, isn't she
one grammar error i noticed "eternal parts" should be "internal parts." also needs more gun.
Oh, a grammatical error I noticed:
They are dragons here too? That doesn't sound right, does it?
By the hairy balls of the Gods, this chapter needs work! Transitions are practically none existent here, characters are incredibly out of character, and rather important details are left out.
Twilight finishes up her conversation with Applejack, deactivates her spell and walks out the door Dell was standing by just in time to see Spike perform his stunt. This however should be told to the reader rather them having to back up and piecemeal it back together.
Both Twilight and Engie are really OOC in this chapter. Twilight is excessively secretive and resorts to using her magic on someone with very little provocation while Engie, the most laid-back and stable of the mercenaries, is acting incredibly impatient and headstrong. Um, that's the Scout's characterization, not the Engineer.
Also Twilight's reasoning for not telling the Engineer why he can't be sent back home is and must be told on the journey by Applejack is fucking weaksauce. Why not simply tell them both at the same time? Delaying it makes no sense and if she can cast that bubble of silence, why would she be worried about keeping it a secret? Engineer is an alien, ponies would run in fear of him due to their xenophobia. Noone is going to ask him why their leader hasn't sent them home.
Finally, the trip into the Everfree forest is probably the most contrived thing I've read. the reasoning behind it is incredibly weak. There's no way in Hell the ponies would take him there lightly, especially considering the dangers there. They don't know he fights on a regular basis yet, so as far as they know he's as peaceful as they are. That said, they are making it sound like a simple walk through the woods, completely forgetting that they're all scared of the place due to being filled with dragons, manticores, cockatrices, timber wolves, hydras, and magical plants that play jokes on you. That's on top of the fact that they haven't even told him why his has to go there just to get home.
Naturally, Engineer immediately accepts without a second thought. Sorry, but no. This needs to be fleshed out more. It feels incredibly rushed and the plot feels like it's on railroad tracks instead of flowing smoothly and naturally.
Here's an example of how something like this should go:
Engie: Ms. Sparkle, I simply want to go home, I have friends there that need me and their lives might be in danger (keep in mind he has a team depending on him)
Twilight: I'm sorry, but that just isn't possible at this moment.
Engie: Wait, Why not? How is it Pyro was sent home so easily, but now your ruler can't do it again?"
Twilight: *insert reason why Celestia cannot perform said task*
Engie: So you mean to say I can't get home to my buddies because *insert reason*? Aw, come on now. Surely there's something we can do to help speed things along
Twilight: Well maybe. There's *insert plot device, what it does, and why it's relevant*, but unfortunately it's located in the incredibly dangerous Everfree forest. There's all sorts of dangers there. It's full of dragons, hydras, etc. (this establishes a reason for the Engie to want to go into the Everfree, it allows him to take things into his own hands to a degree, so it also counts as a character choice)
Engie: Darlin, I've faced down demonic eyes, undead abominations, and an army of robotic duplicates of my teammates. I can handle a little danger.
Twilight: If you think you're up for it. But you'll need a guide. Maybe Zecora...
AJ: Ah got this, Twi. Ah've been in Everfree a few times myself, if yah recall. No need to bother Zecora for this little trip. Bet ah could guide him there blind folded.
Twilight: *insert sarcasm/snark*
Engie: Sounds like a plan to me. I'm pretty much ready to go.
AJ: Just need to grab somethin from home, and ah'll be ready as well!
Something like this allows characters to choose to go rather than simply be guided through the motions, not too mention it explains several things that need to be established early on. Hooks are fine and all, but your hook shouldn't be the explanation as to why Dell can't just be sent home by the Princess at this very moment. He needs to know as does the reader, to give the situation more credibility otherwise it feels like the reason he can't be sent home is because the plot said so.
So overall, transitions are needed, Twilight and Dell need to be brought more in line with their characterisations, and the reason why Dell can't just go home needs to be established to help lead into the journey into the Everfree.
1312310 I know. It a shame.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_sad.png
1311894 He doesn't even have his wrench!
1312226 Yes to all that. I felt the same about OoC and how Celestia couldn't send Dell back home. Same with the bubble (that part got me confused.)
"She reminds me of my granny He thought."
"He" shouldn't be capitalised.
"Forest, that all?"
I don't believe you need the comma but you need an question mark instead. I'm not sure on that one.
1312322 Did you time travel or something? You replied to a comment I didn't even post. You have a Spitfire emote on your post, could I get a link to whatever provides you with that?
1312226 Best. Critique. I've ever read.
Reminds me of Finding Nemo dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Colgate_beam.png
1312357 Did I time travel... perhaps.cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-aconceited.png
Read the steps first before clicking the link!
As for my emotes. Click Here
Step 1) Click the link and see where it takes you (after reading the rest of the steps)
2) Ignore the bright green download button on the page my link sends you to.
3) search the page until you find the word 'Tampermomkey' in blue lettering. This itself is a link.
4) click the tampermomkey link and download the software it provides (99% sure that it's safe)
5) Return to this page and click my link again.
6) Click the giant green download button. (yeah, now you click it)
7) Once downloaded figuring out the rest is as easy as 1....2...3.... error. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png
1312041
yea you probably need some one to edit for you
i would think Engie would be more sociable.
1311894 deep pockets? nuff said
TF2 ,ponies and secrets. What more could you want from a fic!
Is it just me or does everyone want to keep Engineer from knowing anything?
If he's ever going to be able to do anything, he needs information.
1311894
He kept his guitar!
This story needs to move a gear up!
Intriguing.
Okay, I don't really like being a critic. I dunno, I guess it just makes me look like an ass. But this kinda needs polishing, like fixing the personalities of Engie and Twi. Maybe get an editor?
1311894 so if youre never first you would never leave an actual review?
1314462 I never said anything about that. I just rarely find myself to be the first person to leave a comment. Whenever I get there I'm usually like 8th or 9th. And, even if I'm not first, I try to leave a comment anyways.
1313431 A guitar is a musical instrument. Not a weapon. Unless...
Excuse me, I need to go get a guitar real quick.
*jumps through window*
Oh god they're going to murder him in the forest where no one can hear him scream
SHIT IS GOING BADASS
1311894they took his shit, remember?
3rd chapter feels rushed and you apear to add S 's where they won't need to be on the end of words in all your work.
Otherwise nice job I've been steadily amused they whole way through this series so far keep it up.
also will you be doing this with more of the classes or is this it?
1312429
eeyup
still, after all of that, I can still enjoy it
S.H. part was hilarious, hes like Chuck Norris inside TF2
Saxton HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png
us13.memecdn.com/nope_o_419652.jpg
FUDGE Darnit dell ._. Must you blowup so easily -_-
1312226 Yeah I don't think i'll be reading any more of this fic, Folks are just feeling way too OOc to be enjoyable.