Like 2nd-person sensual and cute fun? Well, there's about five or six other authors you should probably go to first. If you've read all their works, however, then I'm your go-to guy. Also, watersports
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(2nd-Person School-colt "you") Ever since meeting Sweetie Belle, you've been trying to avoid the filly because of the weird feelings she stirs up inside you. However, when a crusade leaves you two rather messy, will you be able to keep these feelings secret while you're forced to do the unthinkable and take a bath with her?
*With thanks to Eights and The Gentleman Creeper for editing*
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Bravo! A very nice read sir, but if I may make a suggestion, would you happen to be planning a sequel? I know it's far-fetched, but I was curious of a sequel of maybe them in the future as teens coming together at one point, throughout the time they know each other Sweetie becomes his best friend. Anyways, great read, looking forward to more of your work.
I really like your style of writing.
And I like how you potrayed Sweetie Belle's personality.
DAT MANE
unrealitymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/jizz-in-my-pants-andy-samberg1.jpg
82546
Hmm, I don't have a sequel planned at the moment. However, that doesn't mean one won't get made eventually. I usually only write when I feel inspired enough to write about something. For all I know, the idea for a sequel will hit tomorrow or maybe a few months from now. Probably won't be of them when they're teenagers, though. Not particularly comfortable with that approach.
82555
Thanks. I wanted to portray Sweetie in a more positive light than normally seen in fanfiction. Personally, I think other fics tend to overblow her dumb side while forgetting that she's a genuinely well-meaning character (as evidenced by "Sisterhooves Social"). Then again, I'm just the type of author that has a compulsive need to bring the best out in everyone.
82581
I know, right?
Wet ha- er, mane. Mmmmmm..,
Hey! It's great to see you on this site now! I've been a fan of yours for a while now, and think that this is probably one of your best stories.
“It’ll be okay,” she smiles. “We just have to be real quiet. Besides, I hear it’s really really fun if you do it just right and if you really like the pony you’re doing it with.”
“…uh, okay…if you say so…" you slowly and nervously reply. You have no idea what’s going on, but you’re scared, and maybe a little excited, to find out.
“Soooo…can you close your eyes?” Sweetie coyly suggests.
“M-my eyes? What for?”
“Um, you’ll see,” is all that Sweetie replies.
You shut your eyes and wait for her to do whatever it is she’s going to do. The seconds pass by like minutes as you sit there with no idea of what’s going to happen to next. You hear and feel the lovely warm water swish around you as the other pony occupying the tub shifts about. For a second, you have the strange feeling that she is now only inches away from you-
*SPLASH!*
Splash? Wait wut?
5/5
"Spike ball X" doesn't happen to be the ponyville version of "sonic X" does it?
A great read. Not many people can pull off second person, but you hit the nail right on the head... so to speak.
Anyway, the childlike innocence of the youths is a constant source of laughs and fun. I would definitely like to see more of your work.
i thought they were going to kiss or somthin
wow, really hoping this doesnt become a clopfic......it wouldnt be the 1st "innocent enough" fanfic to take that turn.......and oh god, could you imagine putting yourself in the place of the pony "behind" sweetie at the time? expecially in this? A 2nd person pov? blech
oh you dirty scootaloo.....you dirty dirty filly
82835 Kudos for the Cupcake reference my good sir
However i must say that is is rather.... disturbing to Dashie..
)
(But not me
82830
I'm thinking it's a reference to "Dragon Ball Z" considering Spike is a dragon.
Very cute story and well written, though second person will always feel weird to me no matter how well written.
... Yes... Just... Yes... Cool story, bro. Seriously. Not trolling here, cool story bro. At first I was all like
because I know that feeling, then I was all like 
Love it.
well written, and it turned out NOT to be a filly clopfic..im pleasantly surprised at how it turned out. 5 stars my good mare!
This story gave me diabetes.
So much awesome! Though, since I'm an editor in The Sweetie Chronicles, I've HAD a... 'thing' for Sweetie, though in the sense that she is the best crusader, not anything more. (If you don't read it, you should! We also try to capture a better Sweetie.)
ANYHOOF, thanks for an awesome fic! I shall wait patiently and eagerly for the next one!
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
Hah, what a (YAY), dollearz biatch $ £ €
"Hair" Correction: Mane.
But still. I REALLY LIKE HER MANE!
Aw.. I totally expected a smooch when he closed his eyes.
But I guess that'd be kind of weird.
This story cured my cancer.
And gave me diabetes instead.
5/5!
MOAR! MOAR! MOAR! MOAR! MMMOOOOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRR!
A second-person story? Check. Cutie Mark Crusaders? Check. The Gentlemen Creeper helped? Check.
My body is ready!
I demand more good sir!
I wonder why people keep saying 2nd person narration is a bad thing, I haven't seen one bad 2nd person fanfiction since I've been here.
Holy smokes, I'm on the top banner! GREAT SUCCESS!
82830
Actually, it's the equivalent of "Dragon Ball Z". Spike also happens to be a fan of that show because the main character shares his name by coincidence.
82973
Heh heh, sorry about that.
83135
Actually, they have said "hair" in place of "mane" in the show before (See: Rarity in "Hearth's Warming Eve"), so it's not completely inaccurate. Also, I motion for this site to have a "wet-hair Rarity" emoticon, who's with me?
83198
That's what I was going for: A bit of a cute joke on the reader and the "you" character.
83269
Hmm, perhaps scientists should research my fic and the properties of Sweetie Belle to discover a cure of cancer. It'd cause diabetes, sure, but that's still better than cancer, right?
OH AUTHOR
OH YOU
God... Such a cute fic but it REALLY needs a sequel...
Nice! But theres only one word good enough for it: CUTE!!!!!
why did it have to end? it was so great!
82546
AGREED.SEQUEL
"For a second, you have the strange feeling that she is now only inches away from you-"
Sweetie Belle no! You're children!
“Splash fight!”
Oh thank god.
Oh and by the way, thanks for the Diasweeties.
This is so c word.
I will have to repeat what most ponies are saying to this... SEQUEL!!!!!!
83514
83602
84520
Like I said a few comments up, I only write something if I have a strong enough idea for it. I can't just write something if I don't have anything concrete for it, I'm afraid. Doesn't mean one won't happen eventually, but it could be quite some time before it does happen.
However, if I'm not feeling lazy, I might have something else up my sleeve that pertains to this...
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Oh, I get it! It's a Soap Opera joke!! AHAHAHA!... Ahaa... ha... *Sigh*
Great story. It's nice to see Sweetie Belle, and I like how well you pulled off the second-person perspective. I really felt like Sweetie was giving me her sad-eyes. All the character were really well-portray-- Oh no, Rarity is a SILF!
> 
Wonderful! I've never read any 2nd person stories before that weren't CYOA, but I know (or at least, I can guess) how tricky it is to get these right. You did amazing on that, and I applaud you for it. I really felt like I was the colt! Besides that, the story is amazing, the characters are in character, and it's all around well written. I can't wait for more, if there will be!
82830
no, its the equestrian version :3
84568 Well,as i tell all my favorite authors, no rush, when something comes along, well, it comes along at it's own pace. This was some damn good writing and we all seem to love it. It was a great way to start a young shipping kinda fic, and as you put, it does make me like Sweetie Belle a bit more
younglings? like from star wars?
I have to say, fantastic job on this.
Second person fics are terrible 95% of the time, but this one is amazing. The fact that this is 2nd person shipping makes this even more impressive.
It is extremely cute, and it is now one of my favorite fics.
Great great job.
Name made me come in expecting disaster, got a suprise splashfight instead.
This story is far to adorable I havta say.
Wish there were more second person fics, favorite kind
Congrats on getting it featured brony, let the SFG be known across the land (of ponynet)!
It's really too bad that so few people are going to et the reference to It Never Hurts to Ask.
'Grats on the feature!
This is a great read. I'm really liking these 2nd person POVs that have been popping up here and there.
5/5
I like how the young colt is general enough for pretty much anyone to get into the story while still having at least some personality of his own. I had no problem putting myself in the place of the colt and imagining the scenes unravel before me. Good job I would say.
I dunno what you guys are talking about, but I masturbated furiously to this chapter.
Dawwwwww lol
HA! Owned. Great story mate.