Standing By Herself
Twilight the Triumphant
Pain. Pure, unmistakable pain. Twilight had taken some hits in the past few years, but pain strong enough to make her want to vomit was a new experience, one she could have done without.
She felt dizzy, her mind a jumbled mess of colors and half-remembered utterances. There had been…a demon? Yes, a demon. Four of them. Celestia had requested her to come at once, and then they had flown to a spot to meet the demons. She remembered Luna taking off after the first one, and then she had gone after the second.
A guttural noise nearby made her crack one eye open. She winced, even the reflected light of the moon harsh against her blown pupil. As her eye struggled to adjust, she saw the muddied outline of the demon she’d been trying to stop. He was sitting casually nearby, staring in her general direction. It didn’t take clear vision to guess at his expression.
She closed her eye again, trying to marshal her thoughts. She’d been chasing the demon, intending to either herd him back to the portal, or get him to a place where he could be locked up until one of her fellow princesses could deal with him. The chase – and her plan – had lasted until they’d reached a small village outside Baltimare, where things had quickly escalated. The demon had blasted open several homes, killing multiple ponies in his initial attack. Twilight had been too shocked to immediately react, which had cost her dearly.
His next attack had gone straight for her left wing, his magic punching a hole through the feathers and skin. The pain had been intense, blood spraying out like a firework, but she’d barely had time to process it before she was back on the defensive, trying to land with one bad wing while avoiding further attacks.
She sent a grateful thought in Rainbow Dash’s direction for all the forced flying lessons. The landing hadn’t exactly been worthy of a Wonderbolt, but the fact that she’d landed on her hooves at all was only thanks to considerable practice.
Hopefully I live long enough to thank her in person.
Twilight had done her best to try and stop the demon after that, but his methods were as precise as they were cruel. He’d taken out her other wing, then slashed at one of her legs, leaving her struggling to merely stand.
The local Reserve Guard had shown up then, prepared to throw away their own lives to buy Twilight time to recover. She felt hot tears forming in her eyes as she recalled how brave those ponies had been, and how quickly they’d been cut down by the demon, who had laughed as he’d butchered them, doing things she knew would give her nightmares for years…assuming she made it out of here. From the way she currently felt, that didn’t seem likely.
Twilight had let her rage sweep her up after that, and she’d blasted the demon with some of her strongest magic, but it hadn’t been enough. Between the rage and the pain, she’d been unable to focus, making her attacks easy for the demon to deflect and avoid. He had waited patiently for Twilight to tire herself out, toying with her until striking once more. She remembered flying backward, instinctually flaring her damaged wings to no effect. His magic had lifted her up, and then thrown her down, violently and at a dizzying rate of speed. Mercifully, she’d passed out on impact.
As her mind cleared a little more, she opened both eyes, trying to look down at herself and assess the damage. She felt the vertebrae in her neck grind and pop as she tried to lift her neck, and upon seeing her body, immediately regretted her curiosity.
Twilight wasn’t a medical expert, but you didn’t need to be one to know that the current position of her hips was not natural nor possible, not without major damage of some sort.
She cautiously tried to move her back legs, but nothing south of her chest seemed to be responding. That sparked a fresh wave of fear to join the pain, the thought that she might be crippled one more piece on the teetering pile of anxiety that weighed down her mind.
“It’s been too long since I’ve been able to savor breaking someone.”
Gingerly, for her neck protested vigorously with each motion, she turned back toward the demon, her left eye clear enough to let her get a good look at him.
“Really,” he continued, standing up and giving his tail a gentle flick, “you have no idea how much this excites me. And doing it to a princess?” The demon licked his lips. “It’s a shame it had to be the most useless of you four.”
“I…am not…useless,” she said, gritting her teeth. Even speaking hurt, several of her cracked ribs twinging with each breath. She felt a wave of nausea rise up, hot bile filling her throat, and closed her eyes again while she waited for it to pass.
The demon chuckled. “Oh please, Princess, you’re a mess. A walking disaster. That you’re considered royalty is just one more sign of how sentimentality has weakened that foolish old mare you call Celestia.”
“I do my part.” Twilight tried to use her forelegs to pull herself forward. The pain was excruciating, and she couldn’t help gasping, which drew another spasm from her ribs. Maybe not the best idea, Twilight.
“You really shouldn’t be moving, not in your condition.” He took several steps toward her, bending down to leer in her face. “But really, Princess, have you ever stopped to consider how miniscule your part really is? The other three at least govern. You do ‘research’ on concepts like ‘friendship’. Celestia drags you out just often enough to make you feel included, but not enough to actually cause any damage. Not that I blame her. Truth be told, with as much as she has to manage you, I’m shocked she bothers at all.”
“She doesn’t have to manage me,” Twilight shot back, not fully believing what she was saying.
The demon chuckled again, straightening back up. “Doesn’t have to manage you? Princess, she has five ponies more or less assigned to keep you under control. You might have a different idea of it, but I call that foalsitting.”
“They’re my friends!” she protested. “I help them as much as they help me!”
“Caretakers,” he corrected. “Privately, they’re all just sticking around because they feel sorry for you. Poor little Twilight Sparkle, the pony that can barely manage to get through one day without having some kind of a meltdown. I imagine Spike must dream of the day he’ll be free of you.”
The demon hid his smile, watching the effects his words were having on the crumpled form below him. Some demons preferred to simply blast, kill, maim. Not Fanatus. The Demon of Dread fed off the fears and anxieties of others, and the alicorn at his feet was chock full of those, more so than even Luna, who had been his original target.
Oh, how I’m going to enjoy breaking you, Princess, he thought.
Twilight had been caught in a vicious cycle for longer than she cared to admit. For as long as she could remember, she had always desired to do everything as well as she could – which for a pony as gifted as she was, generally meant perfection. Since that was impossible, not being perfect wore on her.
In the time since she’d come to Ponyville, she had steadily made progress on better coping with those instincts, but they weren’t something that could be ‘cured’, no matter how hard she tried. The events of the past few years hadn’t exactly been conducive to living in peace, either.
She had defeated Nightmare Moon, and restored Princess Luna to her rightful place at Celestia’s side. She had defeated, then helped in reforming Discord. She had stopped a changeling invasion, helped save the Crystal Empire, saved Celestia and Luna yet again, and had defeated Tirek. Each test had been hard fought…but she still had the nagging feeling that she hadn’t been good enough. In her mind, each of those successes had only come about because of her friends, and not due to any virtue on her part.
If it hadn’t been for those friends, she would have given up long ago. They were the ones that helped her tamp down her anxiety, gave her somepony else to focus on. She had grown to rely on them, and they on her.
But what they couldn’t do was rid her of the doubts that clawed at her belly on the nights she was unable to sleep, when her mind took pleasure in tormenting her. Her deepest fear was that eventually, her friends would grow tired of her, and leave. Her anxiety whispered to her that she was a drag on them, that they only put up with her out of pity.
Fanatus’s words fed into those fears, tearing down her spirit. It was one thing to hear lies coming from your own mind. It was quite another to hear another pony, demon or no, saying the exact same things, things you had told nopony else.
The demon had power to influence the feelings of others, but when Twilight already half-believed the things he was telling her, it wasn’t necessary to expend the effort. He watched as the glassy hope in her eyes faded, though she bravely tried to keep her head up and her face calm.
“Don’t worry, Princess,” he said, deciding it was time to drive the knife in just a little deeper. “At least Celestia will no longer have to worry about being embarrassed by the mistake she made in choosing a damaged pony like you.”
He scanned her body, tutting. “It seems in my generosity I’ve given you a body that matches your mind. Broken, useful to nopony, merely taking up space.” He sniffed, exaggeratedly waving one hoof in front of his nose. “Judging from the smell, it seems you even soiled yourself.”
Her bruised cheeks flared brighter with embarrassment.
“Oh, not to worry, Princess. That does tend to happen when one suffers an injury like yours. I’m told breaking your back is very painful…but then again, it’s not like you can really feel most of the pain anyway.”
She watched as his horn light up, a rock floating into view. His intent clear, she tried to move to stop him, but the pain was too great for her to do more than twitch where she lay. As the rock crashed into her head, she saw stars…and then nothing at all.
Fanatus stared at her for several seconds, still smiling. “I’ll be back for you later,” he said, climbing out of the ditch her body was lying in.
He had other ponies to attend to.
“Twilight. Twilight!”
Twilight felt something gingerly poking her neck. “Go away, Spike,” she groaned, trying to grab her pillow with magic to bring it over her head.
“Twilight, if you don’t wake up, the Great and Powerful Trixie will be forced to get upset!”
Twilight jerked awake, her eyes immediately locking onto the familiar face that was close to hers. In a change from the usual, Trixie almost looked sad for Twilight, rather than angry or bitter.
“Trixie?" she asked, surprised. "What are you doing here?!”
“Trixie apologizes for the rude manner in which she woke you, but right now there’s a demon pony in town that’s making a big mess of things. Trixie was running away when she saw you lying here, and she came to see if she could help.” She held up a small first aid kit, looking rueful. “Trixie is afraid she doesn’t have much for Twilight.”
Twilight wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. Of all the ponies to come help her, why did it have to be Trixie? But she knew there was no use complaining about it - Trixie would have to do.
“Trixie, we’ll talk about that later. I need you to run for help. You can’t teleport long distance, correct?”
“Trixie has not been able to perform any serious magic since Twilight tricked her into giving up her Alicorn Amulet –“
“Sorry I asked,” Twilight said, cutting her off. “Trixie, I wasn’t strong enough to defeat the demon. Somehow, we need to get a message to Luna or Celestia, so they can come help.”
A mighty crash echoed through the air, accompanied by cries of terror. The two ponies exchanged glances.
“Trixie does not think there is time to get help, Twilight."
Twilight slammed a hoof down in anger. “Trixie, I can’t even walk! I gave everything, and it wasn’t enough! What more do you want me to do?!”
She immediately regretted the outburst. Trixie’s bottom lip quivered for several seconds before she said, “Trixie would rather not die. But Trixie would never be able to live with herself if she left you here. So Trixie will stay, as though she were Twilight’s friend.”
“You…consider me a friend?” She had always expected Trixie to hate her. After all, she had ruined Trixie’s business, and then embarrassed her again in their rematch.
“Trixie…I never hated you, Twilight. I was jealous of you, especially after our first meeting. You were so popular, and had so many friends, and I had nothing.” Trixie looked down at her hooves, kicking at a small pebble. “Trixie tried to hate Twilight, but she couldn’t. Even after everything Trixie did to you, you still took the time to try and save her, when you could have done far worse.”
Twilight felt a shiver in her ruined spine as Trixie locked eyes with her. “Trixie knows this likely makes her a poor friend, but she hopes that Twilight will be willing to save her again.”
Things crystalized for Twilight in that moment. She had long thought that focusing on her friends as a way to avoid dwelling too much on herself was a crutch…but perhaps it was what she should have been doing all along.
She wasn’t sure she fully liked Trixie. The other pony had a bit of a mean streak in her, and she had caused Twilight no end of trouble…but Twilight didn’t see how she could be the Princess of Friendship if she turned down a pony that had come to her in humility.
“Okay, Trixie. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I’m exhausted, and I can’t even move, let alone walk or fly.” She flashed a wry grin at the other pony. “You’re not getting me at my best today.”
“Trixie would hardly be a good friend if she only wanted to see you at your best,” the other pony replied. “Does…Trixie can lift you with magic, but she does not want to injure you more.”
Twilight snorted. “My hips are currently about ninety degrees off where they should be, both my wings are shot, I’ve got at least a few broken ribs, I’m not sure there’s a spot on me that isn’t cut or bruised, and my hair is soaked with an especially fragrant mix of blood and other things I’d rather not talk about. I don’t think I can be hurt any worse, Trixie. Just…go slow, okay?”
Trixie’s face bent into a mask of concentration, and her horn lit as she extended her magic to surround Twilight. Carefully, with more tenderness than she had ever shown, she lifted the alicorn’s ruined body out of the ditch, setting her down on the road. She saw Twilight was clenching her teeth, a few tears running down her face.
“Did Trixie go too quickly? She is sorry if she hurt you!”
Twilight was touched by Trixie’s concern. “No, Trixie, it wasn’t your fault,” she replied. “I know you didn’t mean it. You’re my friend, remember?”
Despite the situation, Trixie flashed a genuine smile, and Twilight felt a spark in her chest. She initially thought it was happiness, but the spark began to intensify, even becoming painful.
“Twilight? Are you okay? You’re starting to glow.”
“You might want to step back,” Twilight warned, realizing it was magic at work. “I’m…I’m not sure what’s happening!”
Twilight might have been the Princess of Friendship, having studied it for years, but she still had much to learn. In being willing to forgive a former foe to the point of being willing to die for them, she had opened herself to a new level of power.
Magic had been called, and it had chosen its instrument. But that instrument, willing as it was, could not serve in its current state, and so the magic stood ready to serve.
As Trixie watched, Twilight’s broken body was slowly lifted into the air, disappearing in a ball of light. She brought up one hoof to shield her eyes, but didn’t dare look away.
Inside the light, Twilight felt her every hair on her body stand up from the energy surrounding her. With a series of crunches and cracks, her hips and back twisted back into place. The feeling in her legs returned as her body continued to heal, with her wings flaring outward as the magic repaired the damage done to them. The pressure she’d felt in her chest eased as her ribs and organs were restored to their proper order. Her various cuts and bruises were healed, and as she was lowered back to the ground, she took a deep breath, savoring the feeling of being whole and clean again.
Trixie was staring in shock. “How…how is that possible? You were hurt, and now you’re not, and...Trixie is very happy, but also very confused.”
Having dealt with all sorts of weird things in her life, Twilight could only shrug. “At this point, I’ve learned to just go with it.“ Flaring her wings, just to confirm that she still could, she trotted over to Trixie. “Any ideas for fighting him?”
Surprised that she was being included, Trixie smiled. “Trixie has a few ideas, yes.”
Fanatus had been looking forward to this day for years. He’d dreamed of what he would do when he was finally loosed back into the world. Spreading terror, seeing spirits break, driving ponies to madness, all the things he craved were before him…and yet he wasn’t quite satisfied. Blowing up houses and maiming and killing innocent ponies was not without its charms, but he still felt hollow inside.
The only thing he’d truly enjoyed was the pain he’d inflicted on that pathetic princess.
“Well,” he said, a twisted smile on his face as he looked at the ponies cowering before him, “you’re in luck. I’m bored, so if you can entertain me, I’ll consider letting you go.”
The three fillies exchanged glances. “En..entertain you?”
He laughed. “Yes! Entertain me. Dance, sing, do something to show you aren’t all pathetic, quivering, useless ponies.”
“Come one, come all, and see magic that defies all understanding!” Loud music began to play as firecrackers were set off, lending a happy air to the scene that felt very out of place.
Fanatus turned, looking for the source of the commotion. In the clear moonlight, he spotted a small wagon parked at the end of a street, with a blue pony trotting back and forth as she performed for…nopony.
“Entertainment,” he said, smirking. “Finally, somepony who understands what I want.”
His erstwhile victims forgotten, he lifted his head and proceeded down the street, feeling all the world a conqueror. As he drew closer, he saw the performer was a blue-hued young mare, with a white mane, wearing a coordinating robe and hat.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie has come to surprise and astound anypony brave enough to face her!” Trixie shouted, twirling a baton in the air. “Are you brave enough, my dear pony?”
Fanatus realized she was talking to him. He grinned. “I shall enjoy seeing you try.”
“Great!” Trixie’s enthusiasm wasn’t dimmed in the slightest. If Fanatus had looked more closely, he would have seen that her legs were trembling as she walked to the edge of the curtain, but he was far too arrogant to concern himself with such minor details.
“Trixie is proud to present her latest magic trick.” She paused, smiling for the non-existent crowd, ever the consummate showpony. “Presenting…the Princess Surprise!”
Trixie pulled on the rope, and the curtain sprang open, followed by a veritable shower of fireworks and sparklers going off at once.
Fanatus raised one eyebrow. “That’s it?” he said, annoyed. “Fireworks?”
“Oh, that’s just for my introduction,” a voice said from behind him. “You know how royalty is, all about the big entrance.”
Before he could react, Twilight blasted him with a beam of magic, and the battle was on.
The second battle between Fantatus, Demon of Dread, and Twilight Sparkle, Master of Magic, was over before it began. Backed as she was by the power of friendship, and with a friend to protect, it was impossible for her to lose.
Fanatus was smart enough to realize that after her first attack.
He was also stubborn enough to try and prove otherwise.
“I see now I should have killed you earlier,” he said, staggering to his feet. Her attack had slammed him against a house, and he felt a little dizzy. “I won’t make the mistake of leaving you alive this time, Princess.”
He fired his own magic back at her, but she was prepared this time, and blocked it with a shield. Before he could move, she was on the attack again.
They continued their back and forth for some time, with Fanatus slowly being worn down by Twilight. This time, the thousand cuts were being inflicted on him, not her. As his inevitable defeat grew closer, he decided it was time to change tactics. If he couldn’t beat her in a straight match of power, he would have to win in a far less savory manner.
“Let’s have a little fun, Princess,” he said, doing a short teleport back to Trixie’s wagon, where the other pony had taken cover. With a blast from his horn he split the wagon in two, causing Trixie to scurry out, looking for some place else to hide.
He teleported again before Twilight could stop him, and seized Trixie in his magic, locking her in place next to him, holding her so tightly that they were practically melded together.
“Looks like you have a choice to make, Princess!” He grinned, blood dripping from his open mouth. “You can blast me, and kill your little friend here.”
Trixie whimpered, looking at Twilight with desperation in her eyes.
“Or,” he continued, “you can cut a deal.”
“Let her go, demon,” Twilight replied, her tone cold. She analyzed the situation carefully, looking for some way to stop the demon without hurting Trixie. None of the usual attacks would work.
“I will, I will,” he said, laughing at how easy she was to manipulate. “I’ll let her go if you agree to give yourself up.”
Twilight hesitated.
“I’ll make it quick,” he added, lying through his broken teeth. “You’ve earned that much.”
She didn’t trust the demon for a second. His eyes told the true story of what he planned to do to her, and it was no stretch to imagine him doing the same to Trixie. She looked over at her newest friend, her heart aching at how much fear was in the other pony’s eyes.
“D…don’t do it, Twilight!” Trixie stammered. “You can beat him! Trixie only asks…” she paused, gulping, "asks that you make it quick.”
“It’s going to be okay, Trixie,” Twilight promised, hoping her voice sounded calmer to Trixie than it did in her own ears.
Fanatus laughed. “Of course it will be. The Princess of Friendship could never sacrifice one of her friends.” He spat, the reddish blob splattering against the stones on the ground. “You’ve learned too late that friends exist solely to make you weak. They do nothing but drag you down.”
Twilight started to feel a tingling in her hooves, and she took a breath, readying her attack. “You were right about me earlier,” she said. “My role in governing is mostly ceremonial. Mentally, I am a mess. I have my meltdowns, and I do stupid things. I overreact, and I make mistakes, and I might very well be broken.”
Fanatus grinned, and looked like he was about to say something, but Twilight cut him off. “But what I will never do is abandon one of my friends, even if they were to abandon me. There’s magic in friendship, and it’s magic you’ll never understand.”
“Weakness is not magic!” he shouted, his anger rising. This was taking too long in his estimation. “And friendship is weakness!”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Fanatus,” she replied, using his name for the first time, and that’s when he knew that somehow, he’d been beaten. “Friendship means opening your heart, something you’ve never done. And now you’ll never get the chance.”
The demon felt himself seized by an overwhelming force. Every inch of his being began to tremble, and for the first time he felt the same fear all his victims had felt. He tried to open his mouth, but the magic would not allow it.
“Close your eyes, Trixie,” Twilight ordered, bracing herself for what she had to do.
There were certain spells that Celestia had ordered Luna to teach to Twilight, old magic that Twilight had sworn she would never use. But she’d learned them anyway, and regardless of her proclamations, the time had come to use one of them.
She could feel her magic surrounding the demon, feel him struggling against it. She took a breath…and forced the magic inside his form.
Some of the spells Luna had showed her were designed to be as visible and violent as possible, with the intent to demoralize an enemy army on the battlefield. Others were much more subtle, and it was one of the latter that Twilight had chosen. Carefully, she directed her magic to surround Fanatus’s beating heart. Each pulse was rapid and rhythmic, accelerating more as he began to realize what she was preparing to do.
His eyes locked onto hers, and in that instant, he fully accepted that he was going to die.
Twilight was many things, but a gleeful killer was not one of them. She saw no reason to drag things out, so she proceeded onward. Using her magic to constrict around his heart, she stopped it from beating, cutting off his circulation.
His lungs continued to breathe, but she didn’t have the fine control she needed to stop them as well. Remembering what Luna had said about not allowing herself to become jaded to such things, she forced herself to watch as her enemy slowly died where he stood. His eyes, so filled with hate, slowly glazed over as his body began to shut down.
Inevitably, he finally succumbed, crumpling to the ground next to the now-freed Trixie, who galloped away and rushed to Twilight’s side.
Letting her own magic drop, Twilight embraced the other pony in a hug. Trixie was shaking and crying, and Twilight spent several minutes calming her down, reassuring her that everything would be all right.
The mayor and several other ponies came forward then, trying to take charge of the situation. Things were made easier when Celestia arrived, having seen the fires from overhead.
“Twilight!” her mentor called, landing close to her former student. “You’re unhurt?”
“No,” Twilight admitted. “But I’m okay. In no small part due to my new friend Trixie.”
Celestia eyed Trixie, who she’d heard more than a little about from various sources. Then she smiled. “I am pleased that you have found a new friend,” she said. She turned back to Twilight. “Are you well enough to fly? I fear for the others, and I think it would be best if we left immediately.”
Twilight nodded. “I’m ready to go anywhere, as long as it’s away from here.”
“Allow me a minute to speak with the mayor, and we shall go.”
She walked away, leaving Twilight alone with Trixie again.
“You’re sure that you’re all right?” Twilight asked again. Trixie had been extraordinarily quiet, even before Celestia had arrived.
“No, Trixie is not all right,” Trixie admitted. “But Trixie is glad she helped you, even if she didn’t do very much.”
Twilight felt a wave of compassion, knowing exactly how Trixie felt. “You did more than you realize,” she replied, draping one foreleg across Trixie’s back. “If you hadn’t shown up to help me, I’d probably be dead right now. I owe you my life.”
Trixie nodded, still looking a bit dazed. “Trixie knows this may be a bit soon to ask, but seeing as Trixie was trying to help defend a princess when her wagon was destroyed…can Trixie expect the Crown to pay for a new one?”
The question was so unmistakably Trixie that Twilight couldn’t help it. She started to laugh, loudly and fully, not caring if everypony thought she’d finally cracked. She embraced her new friend around the neck.
“Twilight will personally pay for Trixie to have a shiny new wagon,” she promised. “But I think Princess Celestia won’t mind picking up the tab in this case.”
With things settled, Twilight and Celestia flew off, heading north to find Luna.
Against all odds, the Princess of Friendship had triumphed again.
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Let's all be 100% honest. Every princess is completely and utterly useless in some way. Mostly in holding back what they can do. Being nice all the time is what lead them to getting their asses kicked so far here.
If Twilight really cut loose? Her friends wouldn't be able to stop her. Not even slow her down, if she wasn't holding back. Celestia is a fool if she thinks regular ponies could honestly stop her in a fight.
Same with the other alicorns when they stop playing nice. Luckily, it's the bad guys who get the brunt of it. For now.
Twilight doesn't fight for herself but put someone else in danger...
btw
dripping.
10675918
Whoops, missed that. Fixed.
As for the rest, Twilight knew she needed help, and Trixie was willing. It’s not like the show doesn’t end up putting the Mane 6 in danger with regularity.
Twilights mastery over Teleportation would make her way more scary, if she was to use it to deal with opponents.
Can't fly? Teleport up a mile. Let go. Done.
Can't be hurt from the outside due to impenetrable skin?
How about this here nice little rock right where your spine meets your skull?
Can fly? Teleport DOWN a mile and simply forget about it.
I can't put my finger on why, but the magical healing from being on death's door to feeling perfectly fine feels too forced to me. It sort of feels like the magnitude of the interaction between Trixie and Twilight wasn't nearly as high as the injuries Twilight sustained. I feel like if the injuries were less severe, on the level of four broken legs and two useless wings, the degree of healing required is closer to the significance of the interaction between Twilight and Trixie.
The implications for the story, Twilight not being able to continue the fight and being largely helpless, would have remained the same.
The reversal of such a dramatic spinal injury is what makes me feel this way, I guess.
Faustus mistake, he tried to mentally break someone who was already messed up in the head. Basically by trying to break her he made Twilight focus on the source of her power, and we'll we saw what happened. Of course Mistake one was attacking the land of Weaponized friendship and Love at all, when your enemy can smack you down by just haveing an intense emoution psychological attacks will back fire.
10676168
Did he. . . fall victim to one of the classic blunders?
10676028
This is probably down to the dialogue, and its uncommon stiltedness here is likely down to 1) the author trying to capture Trixie's speech patterns and not really getting them down and 2) having Twilight act really blase about her injuries. She should barely be able to talk, and yet she's effusive, bordering on witty.
AYYYYYY BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!
You threaten somebody's friend? You're threatening your own life.
Been waiting for this, and really enjoyed it when it came :)
10676168
They never learn do they?
Picked this up as a twi-twi fan. I'd seen the others in recommended, but never really felt like taking a look. After giving this a read, I'll be heading over to read the others now.
This one seems a bit different from the other two... I was expecting it to go more or less how it did for the 2nd half, but the first half caught me off guard I suppose
Is Luna going to turn out to be a demon all along?
This was a nice story and I like how Trixie played a role in this. The first part being so different from the first two stories was a surprise however.
This is a silly nitpick, but I am pretty sure stopping his heart would mean breathing wouldn't matter, since without a heartbeat the blood won't be fetching oxygen from the lungs. Basically if your heart stops you pass out in seconds because no heartbeat = blood stops flowing = you pass out super fast.
But otherwise, enjoyed it. Agree the magical healing felt a little...I mean it both worked and didn't work. Cliche, that might be it. But going to enjoy seeing entry #4 in this
Brave girl!
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Classic villian mistake, that love and friendship is weakness. Yes it is something you can take advantage of for sure, but it also inspires people to do just insane things! To make them focus, to try things they are unaware they can do, or become relentlessly vicious. Trying to break Twilight works, it's just when she breaks she gets angry and violent and should it be directed at you...
Discord broke her and it was directed away from him so he was "safe".
Terik unknowingly broke her by killing the Golden Oaks, and had he not used her friends as hostages she would have wrecked him.
On one end I want to call out the last minute magic buff...
... But on the other that's just so Twilight I can't help but feel that it fits.
Twilight is the girl that tries. She might be horrible unequipped, dangerously unprepared, and the worst possible pony for the job, but by golly does she try.
And she's usually pretty brilliant in the end. Almost unfair.
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Indeed. In all my years I've seen this blunder over and over again, and these fools, Just. Don't. Learn.
Like ever.
It's even comical sometimes with how obviously they've bucked up.
So I've apparently got a lot to say about this chapter, but I'm going to reserve the long opinionated ramble for after the line-break in case you just wanna skip that. Oh, and Spoilers, in case someone decided to read the comments before the 'fic I guess.
Firstly, I liked the use of Trixie. The relationship between Trixie and Twilight is one of the ones I wish the Show had explored more and so I like seeing different fanfic author's takes on it. And when it comes to bombastic, loud distractions, The Great And Powerful Trixie!TM just cannot be beat
Furthermore, I liked the way you did the exchange between them. Even if the dialogue does feel as bit clunky at points, it does a great job at showing that Trixie cares about Twilight, even before she outright says that she won't leave her behind, and how much she believes in her despite their previous animosity. There's hints of more complicated and conflicted emotions too (like when Trixie says "I never hated you") which I particularly liked, because it shows that you probably thought a bit more about how they felt towards one another beyond this one scene.
Additionally, the portrayal of Twilight's internal battle with her inner demons and how the real demon tipped the scale against her is very well illustrated. The shift from her determined, vehement denial of his accusations to the hope leaving her eyes and resigning herself to the blow, you really did a good job there.
Unfortunately there were also parts I didn't like so much and apparently I felt the need to write an essay about it, so be forewarned about the upcoming ramble.
Rambly part begins:
Honestly I think this one's gonna end up the weakest of the set. Even if the setup does sort of enforce it, this story(? Chapter?) falls prey to one of the most common issues writers have when trying to portray Twilight's strength: making her go it alone. I get that you try to address this with her interaction with Trixie, but it ended up feeling a bit too forced to me and in the end Twilight still had to do the majority of the heavy lifting.
In my opinion (which honestly isn't worth much but hey), it might have been a better idea to have the story start after the Reservists arrived and either have one of them fill in for Trixie or contrive a reason for Trixie to be with them. The scene where the demon breaks her will now happens just before the Reservists arrive, with their arrival serving as a counterpoint to his "they’re all just sticking around because they feel sorry for you" line (for extra points, replace the Reservists with her Personal Guard to create a deeper personal connection).
Twilight passes out again whilst she's being medevac'd and comes to a short while later (serving to replace the "getting konked out with a rock and waking up to Trixie" scene) to find out that most (but unlike in the current version, not all) of the Reservists/Guard died serving as a distraction for the medevac team (if you had the Personal Guard arrive instead of the Reservists, now you can add "my failure got my friends killed" on top of the other mental baggage) and now, like the current version one of the survivors/Trixie/Conscript!Trixie begs Twilight to save the day in spite of her injuries. I'd also maybe expand on this scene a little by having her interact with the survivors a bit more and showing how the Magic of Friendship draws on the connections between them, healing her a little more with each new thing she learns about them instead of the all-at-once "blinding magic healing ball" thing.
Finally, instead of the glorified magic punch-up we have now Twilight could win instead by utilising the knowledge she gained about her new friends to come up with a trap that utilises their skills to distract Fanatus and wear him down enough for her to land a killing blow. Alternatively, Twilight could remain too injured to fight directly, but draws on her new connections with her friends more directly to lend magical support; in this scenario it's Twilight acting as the distraction whilst her in the end it's her new friends and the bonds between them that actually bring down the demon.
/Rant Ends
Now there are two obvious issues with my suggested rewrite:
1.) It's easy for me to sit here and suggest what might have been done better in retrospect, if I'd been the one writing then I'd have taken about ten years and never released it because "it's not quite perfect". Imperfect things that exist beat perfect things that don't nine times out of ten.
2.) It kinda just follows the classic Twilight Episode formula:
- Twilight has a problem that she tries to solve by herself.
- By attempting to go it alone, she gets herself into trouble that could've been easily avoided otherwise.
- Realising she was being silly, Twilight joins forces and uses her great organisational skills to create a plan to overcome the problem.
Additionally, I'd like you to keep in mind that in spite of what the long ramble may make you think that I really enjoyed reading this chapter of the small series you're making (even if I don't think it's quite on par with the last two) and I'm looking forward to reading the next part with bated breath
Fantastic!
And Trixie was probably the best choice for the catalyst. Well written, to boot.
TwoOne more to go.~Skeeter The Lurker
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I'm replying to both of you at once for simplicity's sake, since your comments are *somewhat* related.
Between the initial finished draft and the final copy you see here, among other changes, I cut out a 'bridge section' that was just under 1000 words. That section was the entirety of the planned appearance of Luna, who was going to dig more into why Twilight was having so much difficulty, focusing on her anxiety and fear of not being good enough.
That's the main reason, I think, for the 'disconnect' between the first and second halves - Luna was supposed to appear in dream-form after Twilight was knocked out, and then once she was done, Trixie would have been the one to 'drag Twilight back'. I did make some changes after I excised that part, but it likely wasn't enough, so the story ended up in the situation where you can see the rocky transition.
I do think at some point, when I'm done with Luna's story and maybe have some more time, I'll clean up that cut section a little and post it as a 'second chapter' here, just so people can see what might have been. It wasn't bad, but there were three reasons I cut it:
1: The story was heading to what I thought was too dark of a place, so the somewhat lighter tone of the back half was an attempt to balance it out.
2: For most of the time I was writing this (and make no mistake, this piece was one of the hardest I've dealt with in decades of writing) I kept having the thought that I wanted to put Trixie in this. As I said in my author's note, there was always going to be at least one more pony in this story. Initially it was 'shadow copies' of Dash and Rarity, placed there by Fanatus to subtly torment Twilight, with each making comments ever so slightly out of character, such as Dash mocking Twilight's abilities, Rarity hinting that they were tired of putting up with her, etc. Then it changed to Luna, who would offer the perspective of age, having been through her own self-doubts. After that, it was Trixie, and I cut Luna to both balance the tone and avoid cramming too much into the story.
3: I didn't want Luna's appearance overshadowing Twilight's story.
Just for reference, about 32% of what I wrote ended up not being used. Some of that included the false-start with the fake RD and Rarity, some of that was Luna's portion, and some of it was other struggles.
I've probably rambled on enough here, but hopefully in that there's some explanations that make sense.
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I'm replying to this one separately from the comment I just posted, but you might find it helpful to read that one as well, just for a little more info.
FIrst, thank you for your critique, as it digs into some of the issues I had with this piece myself.
I want to share this initial 'pre-planning' clip I had when I was sketching out a rough outline of what the next three stories might be.
That might help illustrate why your comment made me chuckle, as it's more or less the original idea I had but ultimately didn't go with (and perhaps that was a mistake).
As I more or less said in the comment before this one, I had hell with this story. Production time was about five times longer than what I usually spend on a fic, and by the time I was done with the draft, I excised the Luna portion, made changes to some wording, polished up a few things, and once it was 'good enough' I hit submit, glad to just be done with it - especially since I've had to keep delaying working on a collaborative fic a friend asked me to finish up, and I've felt bad that I haven't gotten to that yet.
One thing I've always kept in mind with fan fiction is that, for me, in many respects it's practice. I get to try new styles and different things in an environment that doesn't cost me money, that I'll later apply to the publishable-for-money fiction I'm always working on. So, this story was definitely a learning experience, and I'll take those lessons and apply them to both Luna's upcoming story, and other works going forward.
Again, thanks for your critique.
Another enjoyable chapter!
I just hope for her sake Luna does run up against the Candle Demon from Doom. If she does, she has no chance!
Curious if the author plans to follow up with a story for Chrysalis.
Twilight being Twilight and not knowing how to do by halves, Trixie finds herself with a magic blue phone box she doesn't have to pull because it can teleport.
"Don't worry," she assures the confused showmare. "It's much bigger on the inside."
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Honestly, I'm just pretty glad that my overthought ramblings weren't completely off the mark
It's sad that Twilights inexperience cost so many their lives
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Is a thing people will be saying for years in canon.
Pretty sweet, it makes sense for Twilight’s to be one through the power of friendship, and I’d say Trixie is a pretty good fit for this. I was a little taken a back when they started talking to each other as though this was pre season 6, but I imagine this takes place around season 5 where Twilight’s role as princess is still pretty new considering they mention how she doesn’t govern anything yet.
I will say having Twilight complete broken and then suddenly healed was the only thing that I’d say was a misstep here. It doesn’t ruin the fic of anything it just felt off. All these fics have felt like the princesses have had to dig deep and confront parts of themselves that they hide from themselves to win the day. Twilight’s left a little too easy if that makes sense.
Still, it a good read and I’m looking forward to Luna’s one next
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It won't be right away, but at some point I think I'll circle back and do a "Side B" second chapter here, giving a different version of the story. I won't delete the original, this would just be a different take.
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Cool, looking forward to it
Awesome third installment. I get that Fanatus's tactic was to make Twilight think she was nothing without her friends (or really exacerbating it since she already thought that way, apparently), but let's get real here. Twilight is the Princess of Friendship. That's her domain, and her greatest strength (bolstered, of course, since her Element is Magic and Friendship is Magic, dammit), so if you take her out of it, of course she's going to be weakened. But everyone—especially princesses—needs to recognize their weaknesses, and Twilight clearly has, but Fanatus's mental tactic worked well on her. But the second you put Twilight back in her domain—namely bring Trixie of all ponies into the equation—she will friggin' demolish anything in her path if she has to. We know she can do it. This method of victory was her restraining herself because Trixie was in danger. Imagine if this had been out in a field like with Tirek. Even without the other princesses' magic, there wouldn't be an atom left.
In other words, Go Twilight!
Crushing the heart? Visceral, but not logical unless its beating makes it easier to lock onto telekinetically or the better target is more magically protected.
What better target? The brain. More delicate, and a quicker death. Quicker is both more merciful and gives less time for a dying return shot. I have heard that Secret Service agents are expected to continue to return fire for the few seconds they will survive after certain types of heart shots (this has almost certainly never come up in actual practice since it would be a rather unlikely specific sort of place for a bullet to hit?).
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Perhaps if the initial injuries were the same, but the recovery not as complete? Hindlegs still paralyzed (but spine mechanically reconnected). Pain still great, but maybe she knows a spell for that? Wings injured but marginally usable?
I love it! And now I will read the Luna story.
Just hold the diaphragm still. Big muscle, easy target.
Good stuff in confronting Twilight's issues and insecurities, and it does make sense that the Princess of Friendship would need some external aid in rallying herself. (Goodness know she often does.) But at the same time, her feeling like the odd one out in terms of finding the inner strength needed to push past the demon's depredations makes the triumph feel lesser. As does the spontaneous regeneration that needs the narration to directly explain it to the viewer.
I know, Twilight's the one princess who doesn't need a solid win in her column to make up for how the show treated her, but this still doesn't have quite the same impact. Still a good read, don't get me wrong, but this may end up the least impressive of the four. (Which is a bit like being the least massive star in the galaxy.)
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Indeed, this one...was a pain in the rear to write. That said, unlike the other three it did get a soft sequel of sorts that both used some of the sections I cut from this one and better balanced Twilight's overall arc.
Let Me In, Twilight Sparkle
An excellent question, and an excellent answer.
Also, there is a typo in "Twilight".
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
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Fixed that typo, thanks. Twilight's name is a pain to catch if I miss that first I, because "ili" tends to blur unless I kick the font size up (free tip: don't get old).
Glad you enjoyed it.
I like a happy ending.
Is it weird I like seeing Twilight getting tortured as much as possible but don't like seeing her die?