• Member Since 15th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

LackLustre


i am a sapient garbage fire

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 18 )

This is better than anything Ice Star will ever write.

10257876
I will punch your ovaries.

The relationship between Sunset and Celestia beautifully explained. Good work!

10257876
I will also punch your ovaries.

10257976
You can have my ovaries.

I don't mean to ruin the mood. This story is beautifully written and it definitely goes in my favorites!

Buuuuut... this comment section. Is KILLING me.

I feel deceived, despite the tags sunset and princess Celestia didn’t appear in this story even once. False advertising.

10258139
Perhaps it is because you have had your ovaries stolen. Or punched. Just saying.
10258007
They'll fetch a pretty penny on the black market.
10258855
It's kinda obvious who Sunset and Tia are supposed to be. If you really didn't get it the story is made to imitate the style of fables where characters are usually personified as objects or concepts. Sunset is the candle. Celestia is the sun.

Very rough but not bad.

10259225
‘Rough’ is what happens when I dump garbage on the old alt account here.

There's some nice poetic imagery here, particularly the last lines, but I have to say the candle and sun metaphor is a bit odd at points. Candles don't need the sun to work, and are more useful in its absence, for one thing. Also the narrative is inconsistent with using gender neutral "they" and "she". This being quickly written does explain this, though. Given the time frame, you did a good job.

10260080

There's some nice poetic imagery here, particularly the last lines, but I have to say the candle and sun metaphor is a bit odd at points. Candles don't need the sun to work, and are more useful in its absence, for one thing.

This was entirely intentional. Candles are absolutely useless in broad daylight. The candle is absolutely useless to the sun. It cannot be like the sun. It is doomed from the start. Candles are personified as 'imitating' and 'loving' the sun in the way ponies would love Celestia and want to be like her. But Sunset being a candle is part of the tragedy, as she is never actually needed and would have shined brighter by being herself. By being a candle, Sunset is helpless.

Also the narrative is inconsistent with using gender neutral "they" and "she". This being quickly written does explain this, though. Given the time frame, you did a good job.

Could you please point out any instances where the pronouns are not matching? The candle/Sunset was always meant to use they. The sun/Celestia was always meant to have she. It helped with telling them apart and making the sun seem like a more advanced entity.

10260708
Ah, I see.

As for examples, I see there was only one, but that was enough to make it hard to see a pattern to the pronouns.

However, the candle did not mind. She could not mind.

10260968
This has been fixed. Thank you for pointing it out. Other than that, was there anything that threw you off in figuring out who was who, like the pronouns did?

10262752
Not that I recall.

10262954
Alright, thank you!

I love the author's note.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!