Little Candle

Muggonny

Muggonny #1 · May 28th, 2020 · 7 · ·

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This is better than anything Ice Star will ever write.

Ice Star

Ice Star #2 · May 28th, 2020 · 9 · ·

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10257876
I will punch your ovaries.

ghisl44

ghisl44 #3 · May 28th, 2020 · 3 · ·

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The relationship between Sunset and Celestia beautifully explained. Good work!

LackLustre

LackLustre #4 · May 29th, 2020 · 7 · ·

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10257876
I will also punch your ovaries.

Muggonny

Muggonny #5 · May 29th, 2020 · 6 · ·

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10257976
You can have my ovaries.

Midnight Song18

Midnight Song18 #6 · May 29th, 2020 · 6 · ·

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I don't mean to ruin the mood. This story is beautifully written and it definitely goes in my favorites!

Buuuuut... this comment section. Is KILLING me.

Thisisalongname

Thisisalongname #7 · May 29th, 2020 · 4 · ·

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I feel deceived, despite the tags sunset and princess Celestia didn’t appear in this story even once. False advertising.

LackLustre

LackLustre #8 · May 29th, 2020 · · ·

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10258139
Perhaps it is because you have had your ovaries stolen. Or punched. Just saying.
10258007
They'll fetch a pretty penny on the black market.
10258855
It's kinda obvious who Sunset and Tia are supposed to be. If you really didn't get it the story is made to imitate the style of fables where characters are usually personified as objects or concepts. Sunset is the candle. Celestia is the sun.

fanreader999999

fanreader999999 #9 · May 29th, 2020 · · ·

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Very rough but not bad.

LackLustre

LackLustre #10 · May 30th, 2020 · · ·

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10259225
‘Rough’ is what happens when I dump garbage on the old alt account here.

SigmasonicX

SigmasonicX #11 · May 30th, 2020 · · ·

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There's some nice poetic imagery here, particularly the last lines, but I have to say the candle and sun metaphor is a bit odd at points. Candles don't need the sun to work, and are more useful in its absence, for one thing. Also the narrative is inconsistent with using gender neutral "they" and "she". This being quickly written does explain this, though. Given the time frame, you did a good job.

LackLustre

LackLustre #12 · May 30th, 2020 · · ·

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10260080

There's some nice poetic imagery here, particularly the last lines, but I have to say the candle and sun metaphor is a bit odd at points. Candles don't need the sun to work, and are more useful in its absence, for one thing.

This was entirely intentional. Candles are absolutely useless in broad daylight. The candle is absolutely useless to the sun. It cannot be like the sun. It is doomed from the start. Candles are personified as 'imitating' and 'loving' the sun in the way ponies would love Celestia and want to be like her. But Sunset being a candle is part of the tragedy, as she is never actually needed and would have shined brighter by being herself. By being a candle, Sunset is helpless.

Also the narrative is inconsistent with using gender neutral "they" and "she". This being quickly written does explain this, though. Given the time frame, you did a good job.

Could you please point out any instances where the pronouns are not matching? The candle/Sunset was always meant to use they. The sun/Celestia was always meant to have she. It helped with telling them apart and making the sun seem like a more advanced entity.

SigmasonicX

SigmasonicX #13 · May 30th, 2020 · · ·

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10260708
Ah, I see.

As for examples, I see there was only one, but that was enough to make it hard to see a pattern to the pronouns.

However, the candle did not mind. She could not mind.

LackLustre

LackLustre #14 · May 31st, 2020 · · ·

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10260968
This has been fixed. Thank you for pointing it out. Other than that, was there anything that threw you off in figuring out who was who, like the pronouns did?

SigmasonicX