Tracy stumbled through the inner door. Everwake shoved down his throat didn't have quite the same effect as carefully managed doses. The magic was still there, still enough to keep him awake. But now all those nights without sleep loomed behind him like a pallet of bricks.
But he couldn't sleep now. Tracy would have to face the goodbye to his world with barely enough strength to walk. He managed that at least, making his slow way into the living room.
For the second time in a year, he found a princess waiting for him. But where Twilight could pass for one of the unicorns of Ponyville if he didn't catch her wings, this creature barely seemed like the same species. She towered over all of them, even Janet, with proportions that must be the pony equivalent of “supermodel”.
There were no lights on on the ground floor, other than the diffuse glow of his TV. But with Celestia standing before them, he could've mistaken it for daylight.
Rose bowed low to the ground, far more than anything she'd ever done for Twilight. Tracy stumbled to imitate her, though he was far slower about it.
Janet didn't bow, just stopped in the doorway completely dumbfounded. "Dios mio. Are you some... angelic steed, sent to carry us home? Are we dead?"
Rose made a sound of desperate fear, worse than when she stumbled out of Discord's car. She covered her face, and whatever she wanted to say melted into an apology that didn't quite reach words.
The fear was apparently unfounded. Celestia laughed. "These days I trust my ponies to find their own paths. More often than not, I find myself impressed with their results."
Janet nodded, apparently too subdued to speak further. She didn't bow, but she did look away, shielding her eyes with a wing.
"I would be happy to speak with you, visitor," she continued. "But please, would you give us a moment of privacy while I discuss recent events with my subjects? Perhaps if Roseluck would grant you permission, you could take this opportunity to use the facilities upstairs. I won't stay long."
Rose nodded weakly. Her voice was so timid it was barely audible. "O-of course, Princess. Janet, you... upstairs. Anything you want."
It wasn't quite a sentence, but it was enough. Janet backed towards the stairs, never showing her rear to the visiting princess, until she turned the corner and was finally out of sight.
At least this time it didn't seem like half of Ponyville was watching through the window. The darkness outside showed no pairs of eyes.
But there was another creature, settled comfortably on the couch. Apparently he'd been watching something on Tracy's TV—one of the Marvel movies? Tracy didn't care enough to see which one. Discord stood, and suddenly there was another creature to rival Celestia in the room. "I simply cannot wait to get my hands on that security footage."
"Welcome back, Roseluck," Princess Celestia interrupted. "I'm thrilled you've returned to Equestria safe and sound." She levitated something towards them—a tray with five cups and a single fine china teapot. "Not hot chocolate, I'm afraid. But you'll find this more refreshing I'm sure. You in particular, Spark Gap. Or would you prefer Tracy?"
He didn't answer at first—half because he couldn't find the words to answer someone so important, but more because he didn't know. Rose took her cup politely, holding it with a single hoof and a lifetime of practiced balance. Tracy had to fiddle around, nearly knocking over the tray in his exhaustion and clumsiness. But Celestia was ready for that, pulling it back and tilting it upward slightly so none of the other cups spilled.
Then he drank. The supernatural tiredness threatening to crush him didn't fade away, exactly. But the sensation of fighting to stay awake through sleeping pills vanished. It was like coming back to life.
"It won't last," the princess said, settling the tray gently on the table between them. "But a little relief seems deserved."
Tracy could finally think straight, with his debt to Everwake pushed away from his conscious mind for a little while longer. "I wish I could answer your question a little better, Princess." He drained his cup completely, though it took one hoof and one wing working together to tilt it back all the way. "But I don't know."
"I think we do." Discord moved in beside her, blocking the window with his strangely mismatched body. "The terms were clear, Princess. Two creatures with nothing in common, transformed to intimate, lifelong partners. Could you imagine any relationship more lasting? Could I have won this little wager any more thoroughly?"
The princess was unmoved. She settled comfortably down into one of their seat-cushions, the first creature he'd ever seen put her back to Discord. "I don't know. Miss Roseluck clearly risked life and limb to rescue a friend in need. But Spark Gap—you took away whatever choice he would have made. Of course he stands before us in Equestria now—his life was forfeit to powers unknown."
With every word, Rose sunk further and further into her seat. Tracy moved towards her, putting a protective wing between themselves and these great powers. Even Celestia, friendly and polite and helpful—spoke about their lives like it was a game.
Rose might be too frightened to speak—or maybe she was just overwhelmed with her respect for the princess. He wasn't. "We're more than a wager," he said, barely keeping his voice calm. "We deserve... better. We're people. Ponies, whatever word you want. You can't just... use us."
"We didn't," Discord said. That alien grin spread wider and wider. "Think for a moment, Tracy Maxwell. You chose to sign that lease. You chose to help Roseluck sell her flowers. You decided to fall in love with her."
"You made me a pony in front of my coworkers!" he shouted, spreading both wings and puffing himself up as big as he dared. But no matter how brave he acted, it still felt like he was a child shouting at a disapproving babysitter. With mom watching, entirely silent. "I'm not sure what I would've chosen now! Her, obviously! But where? My world, this one... you took that away!"
Celestia whistled quietly, then took a single sip from her glass.
"Which world doesn't matter," Discord said. "And again, you assume. I left you with a Worldgate robust enough to survive a year of use, even as you learned your own magic. You say you didn't get to decide—but you did, bat. You chose Everwake, so you could keep the terms of our agreement, and still spend time with her. That extra trickle of magic is what transformed you at last from human to pony."
He bowed dramatically—but not to them. His attention was all for the Alicorn across the room. "You see, Princess. I believe my understanding of friendship has graduated from casual to mastery."
Finally the princess nodded. "You win. Visit Canterlot Castle tomorrow, Discord. We'll discuss our next steps. But I think it’s safe to say that the possibility of future Worldgates with that sister realm has reopened. As you suggest, Equestria will not remain in isolation for much longer."
He positively beamed with satisfaction, then finally turned his attention on the two of them. "In thanks for all the entertainment, I have something for the two of you."
He tossed something onto the table, which unrolled right beside Tracy's cup. He glanced down, and knew instantly what he was looking at. A deed. "I have no further use of this property, so perhaps you will. You know what they say about real estate: location, location, location."
"Send Janet home," Tracy spat. "We want that instead. Whatever choices I made—she didn't. She was just being kind."
Discord loomed down over him, resting one claw on the edge of the deed. "What agreements I strike with the Otherworlder are no concern of yours. You chose—now she will choose. I offer you no guarantees or promises on her behalf."
He snapped one claw, and vanished from before them.
There was a long, awkward silence. Well, awkward for them. Princess Celestia poured herself another glass of tea, looking around their room with mild amusement. She seemed neither intimidated nor surprised by the big screen and other human furniture tucked away in the corner.
Finally, Rose managed a feeble squeak. "Is all that true, Princess? Did you really... make a wager with Discord? Was the last year of our lives just a game to you?"
Celestia met her eyes, unblinking at the accusation. "He thinks so. But would you ponies like to know a secret?" She didn't wait for their confirmation, though she did glance once around the living room—as though searching for Discord, still watching them. When he didn't reappear, she continued.
"Discord saw this as a game, because that's the way he looks at everything. The harm he does to other creatures isn't always obvious to him. But with the right incentive, his remarkable talents can be turned to doing good."
She reached out with one hoof, touching Rose gently on the shoulder. "You've shown incredible fortitude, Miss Roseluck. This is exactly the strength Equestria needs in the years and centuries ahead. As friendships grow stronger and magic advances, ponies will continue to press at the boundaries of our world. Sometimes something—or somepony, finds their way in."
She turned her attention on Tracy. "I'm sorry for what you lost, Spark Gap. But I do want to help you. If any questions still linger, I would like to give you closure."
You didn't really answer Rose's question. All that sounded like a polite way of telling her that you toyed with our lives for a good reason.
But an argument like that risked giving up the chance for real answers. Discord clearly wouldn't be forthcoming, but maybe Celestia would. "What happened to me, exactly? Was Discord telling the truth?"
Celestia nodded. "His Worldgate used the same compatibility spell ponies have used on other portals in the past, to explore realms beyond our hooves. Any creature to pass through from either direction would be changed to match the world waiting for them. It might seem like both directions of travel are equal—this is not actually the case."
She rose, circling slowly around them, and opening the inner door. "When Roseluck or any other creature from our world visits yours, they pass through this door. The spell creates a human illusion. What you did not see was the magic waning every moment they spent in your world. There is no way to replenish the enchantment on your side, or none you were likely to encounter. Any Equestrian creature who remained too long would eventually break that spell, and the illusion would fail."
"I went through over and over," Rose said meekly. "I never felt like a pony over there. Could I break it by mistake?"
"If you stayed too long," Celestia said. "You remember the requirement Discord gave you, that you should make this your home, and nowhere else? That is why. Returning here regularly was enough that the spell was refreshed, no matter which world you chose."
"So where did it go wrong?" Tracy asked, following her to the door. He passed in the narrow hallway, nudging it open with a hoof. He half expected the Worldgate to return, waiting for him again. But it didn't, and there was only snow waiting outside. "Why did I... change?"
"Because of what happens when you move the other way," Celestia explained. "Your kind does not have magic of your own. But in the absence of other magical threats, you don't have any resistance to it, either. This makes you... receptive, malleable to magical effects. Magic is change, Spark. It is a flame that consumes what it touches, and makes it into something new. Not ash and smoke—but new life."
"He didn't have magic at first," Rose said, settling down beside him. She pulled the door closed with one hoof, then rested up against him. "He hid from Equestria for months and months."
"And so he was unchanged," Celestia agreed. "Until he decided to be part of life here. Making friends, learning to fly, and using potions—these decisions all changed you. Until one day you had so much Equestrian magic bottled up inside that your human shape couldn't hold it anymore.
"That was what happened today. No spell shielded you with an illusion, since none was necessary. Until it was. You saw what happened there."
"So if... if the Worldgate was still here, I could use it again?"
Celestia smiled sadly. "For a day, perhaps a week. But beyond that—I'm sorry to say that Discord never lied, Spark Gap. You made your decision."
"Do you... regret it?" Rose asked timidly. She met his eyes, not looking away this time. "Would you rather you spent this year hiding upstairs?"
Spark Gap might not have known what he was doing, and he certainly hadn't known the consequences. But here at least he didn't hesitate. He saved a flower shop, flew off a few cliffs, saved his friends' immortal souls. And most importantly, met Rose.
"No. I wish I'd known. But I wouldn't have done things differently." He flicked one wing towards the stairs. "What about my boss? Janet... she's the only reason I made it back here. She didn't choose anything."
Celestia looked away. "Just as the other you brought through this Worldgate, the illusion will not fail while they're surrounded by magic. Eventually, no illusion will be necessary. If your 'boss' wishes to return, she will have to find another Worldgate soon enough that she is still human underneath. She could have years of time, or maybe weeks. But that power is not mine—she will have to make arrangements with Discord, or else brave the ancient and forbidden places to find a Worldgate of her own."
It wasn't a good answer, exactly. But it was something. Janet could still find her way home.
Tracy yawned, his whole body shaking as he did so. "I think... I think the Everwake is catching up with me again, Princess. I'm sorry."
Princess Celestia chuckled politely. "Then let me be the first to welcome you as a new citizen of Equestria. I'll see to all the legal arrangements, by way of apology for my involvement. I have full faith my little ponies will make you feel as welcome as they have already done. Learn from them, Spark Gap. This is a kinder place than the one you left—understand that I will do anything necessary to keep it that way."
She nodded one last time to Rose, then turned towards the stairs. "I'll do what I can to settle her fears. But she will need a great deal of friendship in the coming days." Celestia vanished, leaving the two of them alone downstairs.
Looking forward to it. Hmm, i I wonder how they cover up his vanishing in the human world.
Also
You seem to forgot a space here
"I'll have more to say then"
I smell a sequel...
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Yes, that would be great. A story as awsomes as this, is a story I could read countless times again, if not for my limited time.
"Loki gets a six out of ten for me. He's got the right idea, but he's a little too in love with his own cleverness."
Hmm. This is one heck of an ethical headscratcher. On the one hand, there's something to be said for using wagers to trick Discord into both doing good and expanding Equestria's horizons. He is Change made manifest, and change can be for the better. But at the same time, the two still played games with people's lives. Tracy and Rose never asked for the Job treatment. Hopefully Celestia will find ways to motivate Discord that don't involve victimizing innocent bystanders in other universes.
(Also, I have to assume that the mirror portal operates differently than Discord's Worldgate. Otherwise Sunset would've turned back into a unicorn months if not years ago.)
In any case, there's a happy ending on the horizon. Looking forward to it.
Seems to me like it’s a transformation spell, not an illusion, considering that Rose could walk around on two legs and use her hands properly.
Sorry Celestia you are still a dick. Tou played with their lives. I hope to god Cadance and maybe Twilight rails into to them for this
Well, at least they'll be able to get that last bit of closure when Worldgate diplomacy starts happening.
I see what you did there. But why couldn't she just wait for those future Worldgates you just mentioned to open?
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Forget Sunset, the Sirens should have changed back and been science experiments centuries ago. Though, looking back at chapter 56, that sort of transit was specifically called a 'Mirror Portal' and not a 'Worldgate' by Twilight. So, being of mortal creation it likely operates under different systems.
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Well if you recall Luna didn't seem to happy about the situation with the wager, and seemed to have argued with her before about it.
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Well its also possible that Sunset's human world dose have its own inherent magic to maintain the spells. There dose seem to be, albeit somewhat flimsy, evidence to support that.
Choices or when they are made aren't always obvious at the time. This was the case Tracy made his. In time, he'll accept it. At least he has a path here. And he isn't alone, either.
I suppose Spark Gap now.
I never expected Discord to have such a clean win, honestly. I don't expect him to stop rubbing it in.
Yes, Tracy doesn't know about Everwake but he did delve into that unknown. This was a decision and the consequences are his alone.
Discord and Celestia may have indeed been responsible for the events of Forbidden Places.
Looks like it isn't just Discord who just looks at things from a narrow perspective.
Could make for a good family vacation. The foals could be interested in learning and experiencing their human heritage from time to time.
There's the title drop for the other story . Could be a surprise to see Janet interact and possibly join the other four humans.
Tracy's journey may be wrapping up, but it looks like Janet's just beginning.
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Nope, she isn't. Also there are bigger ones here in the comment section like yourself.
Remember, being Trans & being Gay is not evil.
🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
I also smell a sequel and that new picture actually shows that ponies are human-sized if on two legs so not exactly small. Nice chapter however.
Finally we have some answers and it seems that Celestia didn't do much more than give Discord permission to set everything in motion. I really hope Discord won't give Janet too much trouble but she's still going to have to deal with the problems they left since I doubt Discord would be willing to magically make those problems disappear. I wonder what is going to happen to Spark Gap now and what he will be looking for in work.
So for anyone who was curious, we did think about how the gentleman's wager between Discord and Celestia began. It was somewhat outside the scope of the story so how it all started never really got explained in detail but I kind of feel like sharing it with everyone here.
Also just to say, this is probably more my opinion on how things occurred and not anything that Starscribe initially thought up, sooooooo I don't think should really be considered "canon". Starscribe did make some suggestions for it, but still was a lot of me just making up stuff on the fly, so don't take it too seriously buuuuut still, its fun.
So the whole thing started one afternoon in the throne room of Canterlot Castle when Discord suddenly teleported in, interrupting Celestia's Day Court. Discord's arrival was to claim that the past few years of practice had made him the "Unrivaled Master of Freindship", even better than Celestia's prized student Twilight. Of course Celestia merely chuckled this off and waved Discord away saying that he still had a lot of time ahead of him still before he could say he was better than Twilight.
Discord being Discord, he was "offended" by Celestia's casual dismissal of his claims, and promptly suggested the best way to prove once and for all he was the "Unrivaled Master of Friendship" was to make a bet. A few days later he interrupted Day court again to demand a gentlement's wager between him and Celestia. The wager, that he could make two creatures with nothing in common and from entirely different realms the closest friends within a year. If he won Celestia would have to allow him to explore his worldgates to other realms further, if he lost he'd have to give up on these world gates and admit that he still had a lot to learn about friendship.
Of course this was never about the wager itself. Through all Discord's antics Celestia realized quickly this was more to do with Discord's insistence that Equestria would eventually have to connect itself to other realms. Celestia was hesitant and distrustful of the human realms and did not think it would be safe for her ponies to interact with. When Discord returned with the wager, Celestia accepted knowing that this would be a good experiment to see if humans could be trusted to interact with pony kind safely.
And thus the wager began, with one unsuspecting human and pony down on their luck becoming unwitting test subjects in a grand experiment
Again, I want to stress that this is just my take on this, so dont consider it "canon". Just my little head thoughts when I came up for the concept of Fine Print
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Yes she is
I expected Celestia and Discord to appear larger than they do... But maybe because Celestia's sitting, and Discord is bent...
Nice ending! And yeah, Celestia was sorta gaming things. Better if she were the one overseeing the buying and selling, Earthside instead of Discord. It would've seemed less game-y that way...
I suppose they figured out what worlds new Gates would appear in, so this is just them taking a more controlled stance instead of just hoping at the world or something.
#likeaboss
#bestprincess
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I figure that Celestia and Discord are capable of adjusting their sizes to fit into smaller places. Which does kind of fit into canon.
I suppose my only question here is why can't Celestia provide a Worldgate? We've seen the mirror that leads to the EQG universe, and there was the one in the comics leading to the good Sombra world, so it would seem that unless she acquired those mirrors from someone else, it's certainly with in her power, although there may be good reasons that she doesn't use that power.
well Janet might be a new citizen maybe who knows
Typical Discord. He goes on like Tracy was not unfairly influenced to become a pony. Remember the threat of eternal toy if Tracy didn't pay and US currency be blanked. This also left a bias against Janet staying human as she likely lost her job helping Tracy and with any prolonged absence she'll build up.
Celestia I don't fault in this because her actions were tied up by how Discord did things.
Janet deserves a fair contract that gives her better self determination than Tracy got. No manipulation in the fine print.
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Twilight explained back in chapter 56 that
So a worldgate is only possible from discord right now.
So Celestia was simply mitigating damage? Well it's better than outright trollery..
I’m curious where we go next. Tracy seems likely to get a job for Flim and Flam, but I don’t know if Janet is going to want to go back. She’s basically on the lam and would have to answer a lot of awkward questions I’d she returned.
I don’t know if herding is a thing is this setting but I do enjoy the idea, especially now that Tracy is all but the only link she’s going to have to any other humanity in this world.
Great work, keep it up.
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Well Spark Gap isnt the only former human in town, there's also Load Bearing around Though I dont know if Janet is really interested in ponies, at least not yet. It took Spark a few months before he could get over the awkwardness of Rose walking around the house without clothes, and even longer for him to be comfortable enough to stop tucking his tail after all
Asher from Beyond Me would have had some choice unflattering religious words to be said here. It also seems a bit like the movie "Trading Places" with the dollar bet. Rose won't say it due to passive intimidation. Tracy is in no position to say anything as strung out as he is. Really, Celestia or Discord could have solved that one for him. Janet is just stuck. There is no going back for her. With the worldgate down, their cell phones won't work either. This "opportunity" comes at a huge price for Janet. Celestia should stop patting herself on the back with this one. This is a tragedy on so many levels. Consider if anyone on earth DIED or got damaged fiscally or physically in the human world with that car chase and what happened in the building. Consider the fall-out over the sightings. Consider the impact of Janet leaving.
Title drop.
I actually totally forgot that it had been mentioned this was a gentlemen's wager, however subtly. I do think it's a little unlike Celestia to play with people's/ponies' live like that, but I guess it all worked out in the end. Not that I condone the 'means to an end' logic, but it does seem to have ended in what appears to be a 'Happy Ever After.' For Spark and Rose, at least. Guess we'll have to see what Janet decides. My guess is that she'll stay, but a different Worldgate would likely lead to a different part of the world, where she could potentially start a whole new life and not worry about what she left behind. But she'd be starting a new life either way. So the question is if she wants to start anew still as a human or if she wants to try being a hippogriff. Personally, given what's going on in the human world, I'd go for the griff.
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I blame Starswirl and his insistence on using that world as a magical landfill. If you store radioactive waste in a cave, you shouldn't be surprised when the cave itself becomes radioactive.
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I think it'd be far more interesting should he choose to strike out on his own, imagine him explaining to Twilight what basic radios have lead to back home, she'll give him anything he needs to make that happen in Equestria.
Janet will be an interesting case, I can't wait to see where things go with her. Since I'm not sure where this fits in the canon timeline, I'm not sure the school exists, but it's clear that this is post movie as ponies know what Hippogriffs are. Imagine if the school does exist, she'll be able to borrow a pearl fragment to change into a sea pony. Heck, Queen Nova might even supply her one. Plus she should be able to find a job easily, being an experienced manager gives her a skill set that can be used in so very many fields.
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You know, the author really missed an opportunity to have Discord watching that when they got back.
I'm not sure Janet is all that bad off. Sure, on one hand she loses everything she knew, but since we don't know much about her, that might've been nothing but a grueling job where she didn't get the respect she deserved. In Equestria with Princess Celestia owing her? The world could be her oyster.
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Very good point
It dose seem like Magic functions somewhat similarly to radiation. We know as Twilight said in a previous chapter that if you remove yourself from the source of magic, its effects will slowly wither away. Perhaps the longer you stay around it the hotter you become till you become a true Equestrian yourself and are emitting your own magic.
(Btw this is probably why Janet's eyes and reflections were happening. With enough time those effects would fade away, so Spark's human friends, at least by this assumption, shouldn't have to worry about spontaneously becoming a unicorn and pegasus given how long they've been gone from Equestria.)
So if Starswirl was using Sunset's human realm as a dumping ground then it wouldn't be surprising that there'd be...magical hot spots... all over the world, enough to increase the background magical radiation as a whole. Perhaps that's what's maintaining Sunset's human illusion.
Wow. That was seriously messed up.
Celestia, 'Well Janet decided to be nice to you and literally save your life, but I don't care enough to go out of my way to help her; even though she'll never get to see her friends or family again unless she risks making a deal with Discord (which he could straight-up lie about and I wouldn't do anything) or risking her life exploring exotic locations what just MIGHT have a worldgate. But meh, I don't really care, ciao.'
Not to mention the subtle threat at the end:
Yeah, I would TOTALLY trust a ruler like that. Good God, statements like that to people who you just allowed Discord to force into a situation beyond their control mark this version of Celestia as a villain. Discord and Celestia are both royally fu<€ed up in the head and have shown themselves to be completely untrustworthy.
And on top of all that, the ENTIRE outcome banked on Janet being nice enough to risk herself to help Tracy. If not for Janet, Tracy would be dead, Rose too. Don't even try to tell me Rose had ANY chance of rescuing Tracy without Janet's help. This whole fiasco was too big a risk. It makes no sense. If everything had not gone EXACTLY according to plan there would be 3 dead at least. In what way is ANY of this to be considered even remotely related to Discord's supposed mastery of friendship? He was not a friend to ANYBODY in this scenario! If anything, he really was the devil! If THIS is your idea of a good or even acceptable example of friendliness, I NEVER want to meet you.
This saddens me. I was hugely enjoying this story until these last few chapters. This chapter and the manipulative, hostile background feeling behind it remind me why I hated all the characters from other stories by this author. They were all selfish A-holes who did not give a damn about anyone but themselves. At least the majority of characters were good people this time, even of Celestia and Discord are disgusting and amoral.
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I'm going to have to agree with you about the mirror portal working differently than Discord's World Gate, for the same reason (Sunset would have otherwise become a pony on the human side years ago if that gate worked the way Celestia just described). Granted, whoever made the mirror portal may have made specific adjustments to account for various factors such as the fact that the mirror was inherently portable and not in a strictly fixed location like most world gates presumably are. And there's also the fact that (normally) the mirror portal is on a three days open - thirty moons closed cycle (at least until Twilight used the journal to modify the portal's cycle by forcing it open whenever the journal was hooked up to it).
And there's at least one naturally occurring portal that connects a cave near Ponyville to a quicksand pit on an island in the EQG world, but it is unknown if it works the same way as the mirror or if its functions are more in line with how Celestia described how world gates function in this chapter.
Also, add me to the list of readers hoping for a sequel! I want to see more of Spark Gap as he settles into his new life in Equestria, and Janet as she weighs her decision to either go on a risky quest for an uncertain way home within an unknowable time limit or try to make her own way in Equestria. There are pros and cons for either choice, and one of the big ones is that even if she did manage to find her way back to Earth before she permanently became a hippogriff, she'd still be wanted for questioning concerning Tracy and his disappearance (and maybe the whole transformation thing too, if the authorities believe that it actually happened).
The fic is essentially done, and I am perplexed.
The Slice of Life here was great.
Like, genuinely great.
The worldbuilding, works.
The art - the best I've ever seen in a fanfic, frankly. And the most I've seen in one, too. And I've been actively reading for over 15 years.
But the "whooo, just you wa~ait, Tracy is about to get something bad happen to hiiiim~!" that was teased through so damn many chapters, just ruined about half of it for me.
Either have conflict happening, or don't. Stretching it out just to keep suspense is horrible, and makes readers nervous about the characters they invested in... again and again.
And nothing happens.
Until it does, and then it's mostly a flop of a conflict, to boot.
I am not sorry I've followed and read this, but I will never re-read it for damn sure.
6/10, great slice of life, needs some sedatives on hand to binge comfortably.
I called it regarding Discord's motivations, absolutely called it.
Nice way to retroactively work in the choice, after all. Even if it's a response to criticism, I still think it's a good idea. Improves the story.
Honestly, I don't have a problem with what Celestia did - hell, I don't even have a problem with what Discord did. The power was always in Tracy/Spark Gap's hands/hooves. Sure, there were some deceptions involved, but ultimately it was his actions and his desires that led to this. Discord created an opportunity that bettered lives when there wasn't any hope and never imposed force on them to do it.
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I'm pretty sure that the stories that Starscribe writes are done months in advance, and they did not change anything regarding it nor the ending. So props for them for staying true to the course.
Janet is clearly having trouble adapting to the presence of the angel pony.
Hah! So the theories were right, Tracy did it to himself.
Can't say that I expected this story to become a Book of Job allegory.
A high skill immigrant like Tracy is a pretty useful acquisition for Equestria, depending on how his knowledge gets used.
10763864
That is correct. Fine Print was completed in January, as my editors and the commissioner (who got to read it then) will confirm for you.
The TLDR of the way I ultimately decided to take this story came down to the fact that I realized Tracy's choice was too easy. Despite everything I'd done to make it plausible he'd choose to stay on Earth, it didn't feel like there was a remote chance he would go that route. In retrospect, I should've kept his family alive instead of using that to drive him into a new city, or else made his work life way more rewarding so that he had more to sacrifice by giving up his dreams. Maybe instead of a fairly minor role he was making a big difference in people's lives and building things that could change the world, I dunno.
Either way, I ultimately erred when I didn't give him enough to keep him on Earth. If this was a traditional novel, I would've gone back and revised the early sections to lead better into the ending I'd figured out. That's why most professional novelists write with 2-4 drafts, there are things you likely won't see until the ending, even if you outline your stories like I do. The characters take on a life of their own and go in directions you can't precisely predict.
Given that option was closed to me in serialized fiction, my next best option was to give us a different twist for our ending. Since I couldn't make him decide to stay on earth and give us a fakeout ending where Rose thinks she's lost him and the portal is closed forever... I twisted another knife, and took away the choice he thought he had waiting for him. I think that's sub-optimal compared to what I could've done if I had the power to revise earlier and alter his motivations, but overall I'm pleased with how it ended up.
Celestia stop being such a bitch :(
10763887
Makes sense to me, and hey, you slapped the crack that is 'serialized novella' issue that authors tend to have barring the 'rewrites/redone' thing that some authors here do to earlier chapters of their works. I've been around the block to know a good writer and a great one, and not to brown nose, but you did great! It's not easy to continue a fic even if it was done on another person's dime through ... certain people's criticisms, and you pulled through, finished the story, and didn't hold anything back, even though it was officially completed.
Lots of potential with this 'verse you've made and here's hoping to a few more down the line.
<cup raised image here>
Hmm, now if only somepony had a map of where to find those worldgates and possibly of where they lead to on Earth...
(Though what happened to Tracy/SparkGap might have certain interesting implications for that particular group as well...)
10763887
Removing agency rarely provides satisfaction.
10763853
You might wanna read up on what "drama" means!
Rather amusing seeing Spark Gap unconciously adopting Pony mannerisms like flaring his wings to make himself appear bigger.
10763824
I would there have been far too many cases of "kind rulers" falling when faced with challenges. Celestia does what she can to better the lives of her ponies but at the end of the day their living in a sugar coated death world surrounded by predators that want to enslave them at best and eat them at worst. She has to have a certain ruthless streak to ensure they continue to prosper and thrive.
Tracy really IS the spark, that bridges the gap between worlds!
Ahh Celestia the chessmaster, making bets regarding innocent creatures lives for a millennium
So those guesses people made at the beginning of this story were right all along! Dammit, Discord! Dammit, Celestia (I know she was trying to accomplish something good here, but still)!
10763955
The deck was quite stacked.
Rose already has a thing for Bat Ponies -- just they are too flighty. So of course the form Tracy has is a bat pony, and also tied to Ponyville by his lack of experience.
Nothing in common? Let's bring up family, where both Rose and Tracy have very similar issues.
Rose having financial difficulties ticks off two boxes for Tracy. One, it makes Rose into a damsel in distress and a guy tends to want to help such. Two, it is a Systems Problem. How many engineering types can resist a systems problem?
Then you have the pressure discord placed on both of them. Shared adversity will also tend to breed comaraderie.
Personally I don't think there was ever any doubt that they would become close.
need i say more then this.
So, he became a pony in the real world because he had a feeling he belonged to Equestria.
To Janet she says she will make everything she can to make her feel at ease in Equestria.
Huh.
Well, washing off her hands by saying "it's Discord, not me" seems a little easy to me, Discord was the one bringing the cards, shuffled them, gave them, but she still played in his game.
I like this point, in the end she always let the others make their way until they play their role, that's pretty much why she sent Twilight in episode 1 with no hint or clue, because she's positive it will be the perfect outcome.
And it probably will in the end, it's frustrating but it's the only logical outcome.
Well played, I can't really think of another satisfying "conclusion"
Now we wait for the final chapter.
Here's roughly how I would have ended this story:
Tracy oversleeps because of his Everwake usage, and arises in a hospital where he has been on support for over a week. He realizes the date: it is the last day of the contract, and the Worldgate is going to close. He realizes he is free now, because he has successfully made his last payment to Discord before he fell asleep. His future on earth is assured.
But as he lies there in bed, he realizes that he cannot live without Rose. Because he is about to lose Equestria and her forever, he finally understands how much he loved her, loved being able to fly, loved feeling truly and personally useful with the flower stand - his earth job has prestige and money, but is impersonal and lonely - and how much he would prefer to be back there instead of stuck on a magic-deprived, rather cruel universe. He realizes that in his heart, he has already made his choice. But it's almost too late!
He rips the tubes out of his body and finds his clothing. He tries to leave, but there are police at the door to his room. He is under guard. Janet has turned him in to the government, because she is convinced that his room is a portal to Satanic forces. The real-world equivalent of the SCP and the Men In Black are there, and they want answers - and they want whatever they can get from Equestria - magic is power, after all, and the US government wants that power.
Tracy manages to escape his room, and the police, through a desperate and clever trick, and he is on the run against both the clock and the forces of his nation, local and federal. He finds Rose in the alley behind the hospital, she has come to try to save him. She wrecked the car getting there and walked the rest of the way. She is willing to live in his world with him, but he knows this would be difficult - they could try to escape America and live in another country, hiding, but both of them agree that Equestria is better. They can live free in Equestria, and not fear being hunted for the rest of their lives. Plus, both truly want to exist there.
Various action scenes crossing the city and avoiding patrols later, they manage to finally get close to the apartment. The minutes are ticking down. Tracy is forced to create mayhem and distraction sufficient to give them a chance. They use disguise and cleverness to get close to his apartment, which is now covered up like Elliot's house from E.T. and under heavy guard and scientific analysis. They infiltrate, barely, the locked-down area, and make it almost to the front door - where they are caught. Tracy realizes he may not make it, but he will sacrifice anything to get Rose safely back to her universe. A conflict ensues, Tracy is shot, and Rose drags him across the threshold of the apartment with just seconds to spare, and under attack. The portal explosively collapses, because of the weapons fire, slicing off part of Tracy's shoe, and a sliver of his heel before he transforms. The back end of the Equestrian building is heavily damaged.
On the other side, Tracy is still mortally wounded, so Rose does her best to keep him alive. Celestia arrives, summoned by the explosive collapse of the portal, saves Tracy, and upbraids Discord for his actions. His plan was about his personal fascination with our world because it was born from chaos - as it actually, really is - and he wanted some of that - he desperately needs it, because in Equestria his nature is constantly constrained. His goal was to find ways to create contact between earth and Equestria, to normalize that, because in that way he would have free access to a universe of chaos. His scheme was to prove to Celestia that humans - children of a meaningless, chaotic universe - could coexist with Equestrian natives. Tracy and Rose's relationship was a wonderful bonus of proof for him. He is ultimately trying to validate not only the value of chaos, but his own canon relationship with Fluttershy to Celestia. He is trying to validate his own nature to her, and suggest that chaos can also be a force for good.
Tracy and Rose are happy and together. Discord has - somewhat - proven his argument to Celestia, though she is very clear that earth is not ready for open contact, and represents a danger. She forbids Discord from further portal creation until some means of better protection and safety for all can be invented. Discord is marginally appeased by the fact that he now has two humans in his realm, and sees them as intrinsically parts of the chaotic universe of earth that he can enjoy the existence and antics of.
Everything ends on a hopeful note, and Celestia decides to accept Discord and Fluttershy, and to reexamine the utility of chaos as a force - though she remains committed to Harmony above all.
The End.