• Member Since 9th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 25th, 2019


"Writers are vain, selfish and lazy." ~George Orwell

Comments ( 20 )


Yipyapper, you have my permission to pootispenserhere.

To be honest, I prefered the old version, where Spike just didn't care.

i'll read later i don't fell like crying now

Your grammar and structure is improving. Same goes for your show-vs-tell. But. there are still some places where you could improve. Dialogue would be a big one. Your formatting could use a little bit of work as well. I'd suggest using " over ' , since " is the generally accepted punctuation for dialogue.

On the subject of Show-vs-Tell, remember this quote from Anton Chekhov:
"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass."

And also this gem from Mark Twain, even though I really didn't see this particular issue in your story.


I feel emotionless today... I'll read this later so that I can hate my life later... :P

Brohoof! /) OwO (\

For everyone that's lost a friend,
there's a lesson to be learned here. :pinkiesad2:

Yup, I'm doing it.

I'm improvwriting a song about this story. YY, I'mma send you something and you are going to like it.


3471335 A song about this one? I figured something that wasn't my first story would be deserving of a song.

3471365 This is your first?
Seems good to me. With some spiffying up, yeah, it could be like your 8000 worders.

But yeah, a song's gonna come...
Oh yes it will...

This was so well written.
Spike's realization at the end is just epic.


3536130 >Well-written
U wot m8

3536172 Go ahead and write some more, The main thing I wanted to tell was that I enjoyed the story.
And with me being from a non-english speaking country, I normally don't see any errors.

That being said,

'Rite Moar! :flutterrage:

Seems to me that much more could have been done with this. :fluttercry: Still a good read though. :raritycry:

Poor kid its painful to see Spike always left out hell he didn't even appear at Twilight birthday in Sweet Elite

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