The sprawling metropolis of Ponyville has become a den of crime and evil. In a desperate effort to save her city, Mayor Mare appoints a most unusual defender of the peace. On weekdays, Pinkamena Diane Pie works as a regular salespony at Sugarcube Corner. But on weekends, she dons her heroic outfit, and goes forth as Chicken Mare, the most fantastic crime fighter the world has ever seen. Pinkie Pie will not rest until all criminals have been crushed by one blow from her mighty hoof.
Chapters (1)
The greatest crimefighter Equestria has ever known, ladies and gentlemen.
9987587
She really is
"I am the terror that squawks in the night! I am the punch stain on the tablecloth of evil! I am Darkwing- I man CHICKEN MARE!"
this was in struggling authors: stories that needed to be reviewed, so here i am
i can’t help but notice that during the conversation between the shopkeeper and our dear ms pie, you overused the word ‘asked’.
i’m not good at spotting grammar mistakes. just look at the other review hehe
you need to check your story before submitting it as i spotted a couple of pinky instead of pinkie
just think what kind of terror would have befallen to you if pinkie found out you spelt her name wrong
overall good story got my ribs cracking
i’m pretty sure my literature skills is way worse than yours so i’m wondering why am i giving you a review
10012006
Thanks for the feedback, very helpful.
It was pretty hard to try and write the dialogue for this story, seeing as it was adapted from a radio show. You are absolutely right that I overused the word asked, it's just something that never came up in the shows dialogue. I appreciate you taking the time to give me feedback.
Didn't the police commissioner originally get his tie stuck in the suit?
Hi I am reviewing this for the authors helping authors group. I chose this one because it looked short and cute and my own story is also vaguely superhero themed so it felt right. Overall I liked it. It was very cheerful and wholesome and my day feels just a little brighter because of it. For criticism I will say there should be more actual crime fighting. Also if you ever wrote a darker version of this where she goes full batman on all the bad guys and brutally beats them to a bloody pulp that could be epic.