After hearing Green’s care plan, Applejack felt much better about taking her in. It didn’t hurt that the filly had taken a real shine to her when they met for a second time. All she really needed to do was be stable, dependable, and caring.
As they walked through the cool evening air the filly stuck close by her side. Applejack felt a little proud that the filly trusted her and felt a protective instinct overcome her. She was determined to live up to that trust. She knew Green wasn’t her filly, she was just taking care of her for a while; Dayglow had been clear with both of them that this wasn’t an adoption and that they shouldn’t think of it as such; It was important to manage expectations. Oddly this had seemed to make the filly feel more relieved than disappointed.
When I saw the lights were off and all of the curtains drawn I looked over to Applejack and noted the slight knowing smile on her face. I had a feeling I knew what was coming, but the thought filled me with dread. I tried not to show it.
Applejack opened the door and allowed me to enter first. She closed the door behind us without turning on the lights, and I steeled myself against what was to come. It didn’t help.
“SURPRISE!” A chorus of voices called out as the lights flashed on.
Every single eye was on me. Most of them from above my height. Anxiety twisted in my gut.
“Aww, she’s so surprised she’s speechless!” Pinkie Pie giggled.
I was struggling to keep a smile on my face, and I felt a warmth on my back as I realized that I was subconsciously trying to hide underneath Applejack. My face blushed red with embarrassment. I had to get out of here, but I couldn’t just run away or ponies would worry.
“I need to go to the bathroom real quick,” I said
“Down the hall and first door on the left.” Applejack instructed, “Did you, uh, need some hel-”
“I’ll be fine thanks,” I said quickly.
As soon as I had the door closed I let my smile drop and I heaved a breath. My heart was beating so hard I could feel it in my teeth. A panic attack. Great. Just what I needed. I had been nervous around social situations as a human, but nothing like this. I looked in the mirror and my reflection looked pitiful. Seeing a tiny creature so distressed made my heartache... for myself. I did some breathing exercises and made use of the facilities - it wouldn’t do to return to the bathroom too quickly and have someone wonder if I was hiding in the bathroom to avoid my own party.
Alright, alright. Pinkie probably went to a lot of trouble to organize this party and if she thinks you’re not enjoying it she’ll be crushed. So enjoy yourself dammit. Fun is mandatory. I managed to make myself giggle at my own stupid joke. Alright so you’re going to meet a lot of ponies, and you’re not going to remember their names but that’s okay, right? There’s so many, so that’s a good excuse. They’re all just going to be seeing you for the first time and getting first impressions that you can never take back and they’ll see right through you and know you’re faking it and they’ll take it as an insult like you’re saying that they’re not worth your time and then nopony will like yo-
“Stop,” I said under my breath. “Breathe.”
I took a deep breath, and prepared to walk out of the bathroom. I’d already taken too long and I didn’t want anypony to worry. Alright, you just need to keep this up for a couple of hours and then you can say you’re tired. That’s fine, you’re a child so ponies won’t think anything of it. Alright, deep breath.
I looked back in the mirror to confirm that I had a happy expression on my face, taking note of my ears which had betrayed me before. I still couldn’t control exactly what they did, but by focusing on listening for sounds in front of me I could keep them from folding flat against my head. Satisfied, I pushed the door open and winced at the volume of all the ponies chatting excitedly. I didn’t like being in a crowd at the best of times, and with my more sensitive hearing, it was that much worse.
Applejack and Pinkie were making a beeline for me and I mentally prepared what I was going to say, and tried to make sure my smile didn’t look forced.
“So, were you surprised Greenie? Were you, were you?” Pinkie asked excitedly.
“I was very surprised Pinkie,” I tried to giggle, but I was terrified that she wouldn’t buy it, “You nearly surprised the pee right out of me!”
“Oh no!” Pinkie said, “That would be TOO surprised and you would be SUPER embarrassed in front of everypony and they would all be staring at-”
AJ stuck a hoof in Pinkie’s mouth. “Yes Pinkie, we get the picture. Now if you’ll excuse us I need to show Green what room she’ll be staying in.”
As soon as we were upstairs, away from the party I sighed, tension leaving my body.
“Alright Green what’s wrong?” AJ asked. “Your tail’s wrapped around your leg so tight it’s like you’re afraid somepony’s going to bite it off.”
“What?” I lied poorly, “Nothing’s wrong I just want to get back to the party.”
I’d rather die.
AJ raised an eyebrow at me and I knew the jig was up. I crumpled to the floor, feeling sick.
“I’m not feeling well,” I explained, “But I don’t want to ruin the party for everypony. I’m too tired.”
“That’s not the whole truth,” Applejack stated, “Is it, Green? I won’t make you go back down there if you don’t want to, but you’ll feel better if you just let it out.”
I sighed.
“I’m scared of meeting other ponies, and I don’t like crowds, and I know I’m being stupid and irrational because all the ponies are probably really nice and they won’t judge me but it feels like they will and I’ll never be able to remember all of them but they’ll know me and now I’m too scared to go to the party but Pinkie worked so hard to make this party just for me and if I don’t like the party she’ll be sad and then she’ll cry and I’ll be the worst pony ever because I made Pinkie cry and then everpony will hate me, and I’ll hate me and it will all be ruined because I’m so pathetic that I can’t even, and then, but I-I can’t-”
Without even meaning to, I’d pressed my face into Applejack’s soft chest. Tears were streaming down my face and that just made me even more embarrassed. Applejack had put her foreleg around me and that actually did feel nice.
“Oh Green,” AJ squeezed me tighter, “I’m so sorry. I’m sure Pinkie wouldn’t want you to put yourself through this for her sake.”
“You can’t tell her!” I insisted, “If she knows she made me feel bad then she’ll feel bad too and it would be my fault!”
“It’s not yer fault Green,” AJ said, “You can’t help the way you feel, an’ torturin’ yourself tryin’ to convince Pinkie you’re having fun is only going to make her feel twice as bad when she realizes you were puttin’ yerself through that just to spare her feelings.”
“Can’t you just tell her I wasn’t feeling well?” I pleaded, “Her special talent is making ponies happy, so if she finds out, she’ll cry!”
“Pinkie knows all kinds of ponies, Green,” AJ consoled, “You’re not the first pony to walk out of your ‘Welcome’ party. Why, when Twilight first came to Ponyville she ditched her party to read books and Pinkie didn’t take it personal.”
Stupid, stupid. You’re catastrophizing everything. Everypony is just trying to help you and you’re screwing it all up. Stupid body. Stupid childish emotions.
“You have to give ponies a chance, Green,” AJ said, “If you’re twisting yourself into knots trying to say whatever you think they want you to say then you’re denying them the chance to actually do something nice for you.”
“I just don’t want ponies to be sad because of me.” I explained, “I know I’m being stupid and unreasonable, but I just can’t control my emotions.”
“Ponies will understand if you’re shy.” Applejack was stroking her hoof down my back. “I’m sure they can keep themselves entertained, so you’re not ruining the party at all. We’ll start small okay, how about you meet my little sister and her two friends to keep you company and I’ll go deal with the party downstairs?”
I was a bit nervous about meeting them after the impression I left on them in the forest. I glanced down at my bare flank. I guess it was inevitable that I was going to meet the Cutie Mark Crusaders so I may as well get it over with now.
Applejack misinterpreted my nervous glance.
“You don’t have to worry about them making fun of you, they don’t have their cutie marks either,” AJ explained, “They’ll probably ask you to join their little club.”
I nodded.
“Alright, Ah’ll send them up with some cake,” AJ promised. “Please don’t ever feel like you need to hide when you’re feeling sad, or scared. Ah promise Ah’ll never be mad at ya for being scared of somethin’”
“Okay,” I said in a small voice.
No worries, it was a nice chapter and at this point I'm ecstatic if the story I'm reading has seen any updates in the past year.
To be honest I've had reservations about Aj being Green's care taker, but after this here level head and typically easy going nature, is probably best case scenario for Green. Its also super wholesome and I love it!
Everything I needed for a good day.
Feels good
I'm always happy to see an update to this amazing story. Please don't rush it, I love this story. I'd love to see more updates, but I'd rather see more of the masterpiece you've already started. It's great! Do what you've been doing right along.
a grate little chapter i love how you have Green reacting .
Good update worth the wait
Nice update. Definitely the right kind of reaction to the situation, even if Green knew it was coming. Can't help who you are, can you?
And yeah, AJ was definitely the right choice to be her temporary guardian.
Sorry? I refuse to accept the apology because there's nothing to apologise for. It's perfectly natural for people's creativity and motivation to fluctuate. We're not robots
Cute chapter btw.
The thing in the cover art is a changeling, right?
Good thing Applejack was more focused on the panic attack, or this might lead into awkward questions of how Green knows that.
In any case, no need to apologize. The story's still compelling and you've ended this chapter on a tantalizing note. Looking forward to seeing where it goes from here.
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I've got several files. If I'm tracking a story then it goes into "Tracking" (Duh). Unless the author puts it on Hiatus (its own file). If it doesn't update for 6 months it goes into the "Not Updated Recently" file unless the author hasn't been on site for that 6 months, then it goes in "On Hiatus"
Wait, you're saying there's more for me to read? Amazing!
I may be repeating a few people but I also agree there's no need to apologize. The story's compelling and your aim was and is on point. You've definitely ended this chapter on what I would also call a tantalizing ending.
I certainly look forward to how to seeing how Green will now interact with the CMC after all that has happened, or how she will deal with the situation as a whole.
[You could let the reader's imagination fill in the gaps of the meeting. Or go back to it in a later chapter, or perhaps reformat it to be discussed in a later scene, for example Luna talking to her sister? ]
Good lord... How messed up was Green BEFORE going to Equestria? I mean, I get the premise that Green as a character is going for "the worst possible outcome" regarding how she got to Equestria... basically either the original her died or she was created from scratch. Not what I'd go for but I can see the reasoning. But still, this much panic over meeting others and the ingrained need to please others like that? That does not bode well for her mental base. Hell, when Aj tells the medical examiners about this I could see them reaching, or I guess confirming, their suspicions about Green's origin. That she was basically groomed to be completely subservient to another, having to always watch out for how the other was feeling.
Also, sorry if this insulting... I can't remember if you said this was a kind of SI. But, if it is, I hope talking about it through this medium helps in some way. Because the Green in this story needs some love and care.
I'm still on the boat for Green not ever being human and just repressing memories of abuse and/or trauma. This doesn't seem like the reaction of a functioning adult, no matter how introverted, assuming they don't have some sort of serious social anxiety disorder. Given that Green believes she worked as a nurse prior to becoming a pony, I find it strange that she struggles to be around strangers to this degree. A good part of her job was being amicable to even the worst of people.
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...that;s Green.
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Green has all of my insecurities, but none of my self control.
I had a tough time of it as a child, but even now I struggle sometimes. I work nightshift permanently so I avoid being around large groups of people as much as possible. When I have to go out during the day I am generally okay, but I wear noise cancelling headphones and try to time my trips to avoid crowds. If no-one is paying attention to me it's not so bad.
Something which people without social anxiety won't really understand though is that it's *socializing* specifically that gives me anxiety, not the fact that there are people. If the building was on fire and everyone was screaming I'd be fine, but if there was a room full of people who all wanted to shake my hand and make small talk I'd feel intensely anxious.
My anxiety, or at least my ability to manage it has been getting better over time, but I've kinda been backsliding recently. I've managed to cut myself off from needing to interact socially with anyone for the last few years. It's nice to not have to pretend anymore, but at the same time, isolating myself probably isn't the healthiest thing mentally.
I've been pretending I don't need help for about 20 years now and I just kinda wonder what it would be like if circumstances forced me to get help.
i.postimg.cc/FHT8B0GQ/unknown.png
Wow... Panik seems to be the standard for Green... No slice of life like that possible
Odd... I know her emotion control is gone but i would say she is depressive at best and panik beyond reason otherwise...
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I'm sorry if what I said was offensive in any way. I'm pretty introverted myself and suffer from a pretty bad case of generalized anxiety disorder. I can see where you are coming from with all of that though. I guess from a story perspective, it would be far more interesting to me if Green was wrong about their past than if they were human.
Also, I can tell you from personal experience that professional help or just talking to friends about your problems is an enormous step towards learning to deal with them. I understand it's difficult to get professional help these days, especially if you live in the states, but don't pass up an opportunity if you get one.
Come on, 12 days waiting isn't that bad. Honestly, by my experience, if someone writtes a chapter per month, it's crazy fast, so... good job!
Also, loved the chapter too. So heartwarming . Keep up with the great work :D
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I've had professional help before, but in my experience they just teach how to cope with your anxiety. I can cope with my anxiety just fine, I just don't want to put myself in situations where I have to put up with it.
If I'm unwilling to try then there's not really anything a professional can do for me.
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If you don't count the filler then it's actually been over a month since the last chapter, and the wait for the previous two chapters has been over a month each.
#ZOOM!
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/mif6-1432578721-208194-full
And think.
In the words of Commander Shepard in Mass Effect 2,
Every time I come to FimFiction and see your story update, I come by and read the new chapter beginning to end. It's a compelling story and I'm really enjoying every chapter I read.
Hope things have been alright on your end of the world btw.
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I have a suspicion that Applejack did catch it, but didn't comment on it for now due to focusing on the problem at hand.
#shouldIstay?
#orshouldIgo?
I was actually going to suggest that.
Jump did seem abrupt. Either way interesting to see her outside the hospital and dealing with other social complications.
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Firefighters are people who come to your house and teach you to act like your house isn't on fire, and they provide some of the materials for you to set up barriers around your house that keep other people from seeing any fire. Don't you know you're making other people nervous by asking for water like that? Just act like you're not on fire, like everyone else. Look around, do you see any other houses on fire? You probably started the fire yourself to get your parents' attention, anyway.
Seriously though, it can be pretty hard to find a useful therapist sometimes. Sorry you've had that kind of luck.
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It's more like. "Here's some water to put out the fire I want you to start."
"But what if I want to prevent my house from being lit on fire in the first place?"
"No. You have to set your house on fire repeatedly so that your house will become more resistant to fire."
...I may be stretching the metaphor.
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Please get therapy, it does help.
Literally set a "drop dead" date for starting and force yourself. It will suck but it gets better.
You will still have lingering "quirks" but they can fade into manageable background noise.
It greatly helped my sister for dealing with our "parents" (well that and the military).
I'm wired a bit different than her to start with and had some....let's call them not easily reproducible events... that happened to help me.
(Okay, spoilering, and barely in, however I feel a need to say...
SURPRISING someone with trust issues, and anxiety, with a large crowd, is a pretty terrible idea.
There, I said it. With that said, I relate to Green's issues there. I've very rarely been in a situation where I'm at a social gathering, that's by a combination of design and fortune, but whenever I have been, I always find myself losing what little social grace and control I had, and barely able to function in it. Gets worse and worse if it's strangers for whatever reason. So, I feel sorry for Green... and I think Applejack's way of handling it is reasonably good. Offering care and comfort is a good start.)
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That's probably the sane solution to keep your bookshelves in order. I should start doing that too.
Aside from that I meant I'm actually super happy when any story I enjoy on here sees somewhat regular or even biyearly updates. Once I leave the front page or stop sorting stories by recent updates this place feels like a graveyard to me at times.
Honestly the meeting felt pretty wrapped up anyways, at least from a reader's perspective. The transition here feels pretty natural.
Looking forward to more!
I feel like something was skipped.
I was kind of expecting a hamlet reference like "To party, or not to party" during this chapter. Idk why i just had that expectation suddenly.
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Alas, poor Green. I knew her.
Once more another great chapter. Oh how I wish this updated more, but as a person who is litterally the worst at updating I understand completely and that frankly you update at an impressive pace, at least if I could manage that pace I would be impressed with it.
Oh poor Green. It seems to me that Applejack may actually be the best of the Mane Six for her right now. She feels like she can't lie to Applejack and is therefore being honest at least with her feelings, which is a big deal. Once again I am struck at her being Neurodivergent, but at this point there is no doubt of that if we use the larger more umblrella like definition for that term. She certainly thinks in ways that are divergent from quote 'normality' but I love her for it. I do see so much of myself in her so there is certainly a bit of my enjoyment coming from that. I have a feeling that her meeting with the Crusaders isn't going to go well, but I guess drama is fun to read, though frankly if I am wrong I will still have fun reading. Hopefully Apple Bloom and Sweetie Bell will keep Scootaloo from being too intense for Green.
Green needs a real name, though she probably isn't going to get one is she?
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i completely understand. I come from a small town and suffer from social anxiety as well. I prefer massive crowds because, if I'm in a large crowd it becomes easy to blend in and not have to interact with anyone. Other people actually become a shield of sorts that helps me hide and not get noticed.
I used to try being on my own but, by high-school i realized that this set me apart as 'different' and some actually tried to talk to me bc of that. Thus my new strategy was born. Been blending in anonymously to crowds ever since.
I really hope you write more. Love this story so far!
Really like your AJ, she’s very sweet.
Hoooooo... The blessing and curse of this fandom is that it welcomes and encourages everyone, including the dark parts of us we'd really rather not have to face.
You're pretty strong for putting something so very compromising about yourself to paper. It puts a lot of emotional weight to the writing, but it IS hard to read, and easy to get lost in. The risk of all honest and relatively good self inserts. Try not to get too caught up in the reality of the problems you face and loose track of the story though.
Nothing says that you have to write your story in a rigidly linear fashion.
The end of the meeting can come up in a later chapter, or skipping the end of the meeting really doesn't take away from the flow of the story as I see it.
Good writing thanks
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That picture is just great.
Think everyone should have their own Applejack the way Green has here.
...
Some stories makes you want it to be you, your story makes me think; that could've been me - if my life had taken a turn for the worse, when it took a turn for the better.
Never had the situations, the thought, the, unwanted reactions to the point depicted here, and I hope you're doing much better.
But dang I can relate. Especially to the whole; I'm going to screw up and people are going to hate me for it/feel bad because of me, debacle.
Hurray! An' actual Green pov. Only took a couple hundred pages of intermission. :3