The Hoof that Feeds You
I could hear a commotion the moment I came onto the ward. I dropped my bag against the wall and walked straight towards it. There was an elderly man in a patient gown brandishing a fork and yelling obscenities while a nurse attempted to talk him down. A couple more nurses were watching in case they needed to intervene and I approached one of them.
"Has the duress call gone out?" I asked.
"Yep," she responded. "Security is on their way."
"What's his name?" I asked.
"Winters."
We both winced as Mr. Winters lunged forward and nearly lost his balance when the nurse stepped out of his reach. The last thing we wanted was for him to fall and break his hip.
"Mr. Winters!" I called out in a friendly tone. "What's going on mate?"
I kept my body language open and carefree, as I walked towards him. He was confused and thought everyone was against him, so I had to change his mind by acting completely different to how he was expecting. He likely had dementia so if I could just distract him for long enough he would forget that he was angry. Hopefully. Otherwise, he was going to end up being tackled by five people and injected with sedatives.
"Are ya feeling a bit hungry, mate?" I asked with a smile, walking closer but staying aware of his reach.
"No!" He yelled.
"Well then, what's the fork for?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm leaving!" He yelled, waving the fork.
"Were you planning on making off with the silverware then?" I continued, still smiling broadly.
He mumbled something unintelligible.
"Look mate I don't know what's happened before, I just heard yelling and I've come to help you," I explained, more seriously. "Why don't you tell me what's going on and I'll help you out, hmm?"
"These people are trying to kill me!" He said urgently.
"Mmm, that sounds serious," I responded, grabbing his wrist where he was holding the fork. "Let's go somewhere we can talk. Hey, can I borrow this?"
I eased the fork out of his hand and put it in my pocket. Mr. Winters sized me up for a moment before deciding either that he could trust me, or that I was big enough that he had no chance of overpowering me, and he allowed me to lead him back to his room.
I looked over at one of the other nurses and gave a questioning look. She tried to hold up fingers to indicate what room the patient was in, but was confused when she realized that she had hooves.
The patient knocked me to the floor and with my foreleg in a cast I was having trouble getting up again. He ran towards the pink pegasus nurse and jumped on top of her, forcing her to the ground. She was calling out for me to help her, but she was so far away, and I was so small and slow. I yelled at him, tried to get his attention, but my voice, which had been deep and commanding, was now weak and scratchy.
"You leave her alone!" I squeaked. "Get back here and face me!"
It was all my fault! I should have just waited for security.
"Please stop!" I sobbed. "You're hurting her!"
There was a flash of blue and Luna appeared, but the moment I saw her I realized I was dreaming. The dreamscape promptly collapsed, leaving me laying in a soft bed, the familiar sounds of a hospital ward softly but insistently intruding on my consciousness.
I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank god none of that was real. I brought up one of my hooves and inspected it in the dim light. Well, almost none of it. I was still a pony.
There was a glass of water on the table at my bedside. I stared at it intently, willing it to levitate into the air, but nothing happened. Sighing, I moved to pick it up. Ah, right. No hands.
I'd managed well enough up to that point by either picking things up in my mouth or by grasping them between my forehooves. With my right foreleg in a cast that wasn't going to work.
I'd seen ponies pick things up with one hoof, probably using some kind of magic. Even a foal could do that, right? I pressed my hoof to the glass and only succeeded in nudging it along the table.
I briefly considered trying to grab it in my teeth and rest it on the flat of my hoof, but my coordination with this body wasn't the best so I'd probably just end up spilling water all over myself.
I threw my head back into the pillow in frustration, glaring up at the ceiling. I was so pathetic and helpless. Eventually, my thirst won out over my embarrassment and I pressed the nurse call button.
About five minutes later a white earth pony mare pulled back the curtain. She had a practiced smile on her face, but everything else about her body language indicated she was stressed and in a hurry.
"Hi, my name is Nurse Redheart," She said in the slightly sing-song voice used for talking to young children. "Did you need some help?"
"Sorry to bother you, but I'm having trouble holding the glass," I explained. "Could you hold it for me?"
Redheart poorly suppressed an eye roll and her smile faltered almost imperceptibly as she moved to pick up the glass.
"Thank you," I squeaked, too embarrassed to make eye contact.
Despite her earlier annoyance at being asked to help with something I should obviously have been able to do myself, she was very gentle, carefully sitting me up with a fetlock around my shoulders before bringing the glass to my mouth and tilting it just enough that I could sip from it without pouring it into my mouth.
She must have thought I was looking for attention by pretending to be helpless. Little did she know I actually was completely helpless, otherwise I'd rather saw my own arm off than ask for help. Unfortunately, I didn't have an arm or a saw, and even if I did, I wouldn't have been able to hold the saw due to the aforementioned helplessness.
"All right, while I'm here I'm going to check on your leg," She instructed. "Lift your right foreleg."
I did as instructed, raising up my cast.
"Do you feel any pain, numbness or pins and needles in your hoof?" She asked. "Can you feel me touching your frog?"
"Sensation is normal," I replied. "I can feel you touching just fine."
I tactfully avoided pointing out that she should have asked me to look away during the sensation test so I couldn't see when she was touching my hoof.
"All right," she said. "Now I want you to hold my hoof as hard as you can."
She pressed her hoof against my much smaller hoof and then pulled it away.
"All right, let's try this again," she said. "When I pull my hoof away from yours I want you to hold on to it as hard as you can."
She placed her hoof against mine and pulled it away. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't figure out how I was supposed to use the hoof magic that allowed ponies to pick things up with their otherwise flat hooves.
"I can't do it," I admitted. "I don't know how."
She couldn't suppress a sigh. She took my other forehoof and pressed it against hers.
"All right, same deal," she explained. "hold on as hard as you can."
She pulled her hoof away with no effort.
"I told you I don't know how," I tried to explain.
"Look, please don't joke about this, it's very serious," She frowned. "If you lose grip in your injured leg, it could mean that your thaumic pathways are damaged. If they are, you'll need more emergency surgery right away or you might never be able to use that hoof again, understand?"
"I'm telling the truth, all right?" I was getting exasperated too by this point, "I don't know how to grip things with my hooves, I can't remember anything since -"
I trailed off when I realized that I couldn't remember how long it had been since I was in the forest. I could remember I got hurt, and then the Crusaders found me and we went back to Ponyville. Something about a hospital where they wanted me to work as a nurse for some reason, even though I was a pony. Probably dreamed that part though.
Well if this world was at all sane that part couldn't have been real could it?
Since I had stopped talking, Redheart had been looking at me with pity, but not surprise. Which meant - no, it wasn't a logical deduction, it was more of a feeling.
"We've had this conversation before," I sighed. "Haven't we?"
She smiled. I had guessed right.
"Yes," she replied, a slight undertone of excitement in her voice, "We didn't get far though since you were having trouble remembering things. Can you tell me your name and date of birth?"
I had my human memories of course, but that wasn't what she was asking. In this new world, in this new body, I didn't really have either. Well in my dream they called me 'Green', which I guess is a fine pony name, or at least half of one.
"My name is Green and, uh," I looked for an ID band only to find Redheart was covering it with her hoof.
"Ah," she said playfully, "No cheating."
I sighed again. "I can't remember, everything before I was in the forest is just blank."
The nurse's excitement deflated somewhat.
"Can you tell me where we are right now?" she asked.
"In Ponyville," I responded immediately. "In a hospital."
"Which hospital?" she prompted.
"I can't remember, but it says Ponyville General on your hat so that would be my first guess," I snarked.
She blushed slightly and glanced around the room.
"To save you the trouble, there aren't any clocks on the wall, you are wearing a fob watch but I can't read it from this distance unless you stand very still." I cut in before she could ask the next question. "I don't know what time it is specifically, but it looks like it's early morning. I don't know the date or year, but from how clean and white my cast looks it can't have been more than a few days since I got here."
Redheart blinked. "Ooookay then," she said, rolling her eyes.
The sense of giddy excitement I had was sucked away like a riptide.
Idiot! You're acting like an arrogant prick, trying to 'score points' by proving how smart you are. She's been nothing but kind and you're treating her like she's an idiot!
I felt tears welling in my eyes. Ugh, stupid oversize child tear ducts.
She's going to hate me now, and I'll never fit in and I'll be all alone and - and -
"Green!" I heard a voice calling my name, but it was far away.
They were all going to hate me!
Somepony was touching my withers, but my skin felt cold and numb. I noticed my breaths were coming in short gasps.
"Pl-ease d-on't h-ate me!" I gasped out.
"Green," her voice was commanding, but not aggressive, I felt as she gave my withers a sharp squeeze, "Hey, Green, stay with me, breathe. You're going to get through this."
It all came together at that moment, but the realization didn't help at all. I was having another panic attack. I was so weak, so useless. This body, my body, ugh!
"I-I'm s-sorry," I managed to say. "It's just- just a panic attack. You can go help someone else, I'll be fine."
Please leave. Please let me have a chance to get my emotions back under control. I don't want anyone to see me like this. It hurts. It hurts in my chest.
"Shhhh," she whispered kindly. "Everything is going to be all right. I don't hate you. You're safe here. Nopony is going to hurt you again."
At some point, Redheart had picked up a brush, and she started brushing my coat while I lay prone on the bed. And I cried. I'm not sure why, but having my coat brushed was really calming. Must be a horse thing. Or maybe another hoof magic thing since she was an earth pony. While my body was getting more relaxed now, my mind kept right on hammering me.
I wanted to just dissolve into the mattress, anything to hide my shame. Not only did I cry at the drop of a hat, but my emotional control was also completely shot. I was stuck in this broken, useless body and everything and everyone I knew was just gone! It wasn't even that they were taken from me, they were never even mine in the first place. I had no control over anything, even my own body betrayed me. It wasn't fair!
Oh great, and now I sound like a whiney foal in my own head too.
Of course life wasn't fair. I fell back on familiar reasoning to calm myself. Fairness was just an abstract concept invented by people. Life wasn't inherently fair, it wasn't kind, nor was it malicious, it just was. The only fairness in life came from people exerting their will to make it so. The only kindness to be found was that which was in your power to grant to others, and that which others could grant to you. Life doesn't have meaning, people give life meaning.
I tried to focus on the words Redheart had spoken to me. Everything was going to be all right. Nopony hated me. I was safe here. Nopony would hurt me again... wait again?
I felt my stomach drop. Nurse Redheart had noticed my sudden tension and hesitated for a moment.
"I, uh," I swallowed. "I didn't say anything weird while I was out of it, did I?"
Patients had told me some truly bizarre and sometimes worrying things while recovering from anesthetic.
"Why do you ask?" Redheart was poorly faking a casual tone, which all but confirmed by fears.
"You said nopony will hurt me again," I echoed. "But this was all my fault. My leg was crushed by a big rock falling on it. I don't want anypony to get the wrong idea."
Redheart's shoulders slumped, and she looked defeated. I could tell from the way her foreleg twitched that she wanted to hug me, but wasn't sure if it would be appropriate.
"Green, you know you can tell us anything, right?" Redheart encouraged. "Even things that other ponies might have told you to keep secret? I promise, whatever you tell us, you won't get in trouble."
Oh god, is that what they thought about me? What on Earth did I say?
"What did I say?" I asked.
"Green, I'm not sure if -" She began.
"Just tell me what I said to make you think I'm a- to make you think somepony hurt me and I'll explain what I actually meant."
Redheart put the brush down and looked me in the eye seriously.
"I know you're very smart, Green," Nurse Redheart said carefully. "You soak up information like a sponge. Two days you've been here and you've already picked up enough medical words to sound like a little nurse."
I facehoofed at that. Ow. Hooves are hard.
For a second the nurse looked horrified, her muscles tensed. I realized that she was preparing to grab me and stop me from self-harming. I sighed and would have pinched the bridge of my nose if I'd had fingers. I put my hoof back on the bed and after a moment she continued speaking.
"When I tell you what you said, you'll be able to come up with a clever little story to explain it away, but it wouldn't be the truth, would it?"
I was taken aback by that.
"You're a clever little filly, but I'm not as dumb as you seem to think," Redheart said. "You've told me you can't remember anything at all, if that were true, you wouldn't be able to tell me what happened one way or the other."
I was trapped. I was starting to feel tightness in my chest again.
Nurse Redheart had taken up the brush and continued with her ministrations. She was just about finished with my coat, or at least as much of it as she could see with me laying prone.
"It's all right, Green," she soothed, "I'm not here to interrogate you. You don't need to make up excuses. You don't have to say anything right now, but whenever you're ready to talk about it, I promise, nopony will judge you."
I lay there in silence as she finished up and walked out of the room.
"Was there anything else you needed before I go?" She asked with her hoof on the doorframe.
"No, thank you," I said, embarrassed. "I'm sorry to cause you so much trouble."
The nurse sighed. "You're not causing trouble, Green. You just needed some help, and that's what we're here for."
"Wait, actually-" I called out as she turned to leave.
"Yes?" She asked.
"A straw."
She gave a slight head tilt.
"So you don't have to hold the glass for me," I explained.
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I forgot to say last chapter, thanks for all the work you do in your job. I’m sure it makes a whole heap of difference to your patients.
Am I the only one who finds all the misunderstandings hilarious?
9978501
Yes.
I feel like Luna is going to intervene soon, she would’ve caught the change from dominant male voice, with weird accent, to weak whelp voice, as the mind was describing it.
9978532
Luna may not have seen the entire dream...
^^Same^^ Human services, and medical personnel in especially, don't get near enough thanks. So, thanks!
As for the chapter, it looks like Green has well and truly backed "herself" into a corner. She's not going to be able to convince anypony that she wasn't abused unless she straight out asks for Princess Luna to do a deep mental dive or something. I'll be looking forward to seeing which direction you'll take the story, re: life as a pony or finding help to "get back".
This story:
So. Freaking. Good.
It's just so realistic!
As a preface to what I'm about to say, I'm thinking from an cold, outside perspective. If I were in a situation like Green here, I would likely be acting irrationally and not do what I'm about to suggest.
I feel like the most advantageous step Green could take at this point is to tell the truth. That could be something like, "I do have memories, but I don't think their mine. They're not from the perspective of a pony." As far as Green knows, that is the truth. Let's look at the potential outcomes.
The ponies think Green is either telling the truth or lying. In the latter instance, Green makes no headway and loses no progress. They already think Green is lying about having amnesia, after all. If they do believe Green, the ponies will think one of the following: the memories are real and belong to someone else, the memories are real and Green was a human, or the memories are false. In the first case, they'd most likely help Green recover their proper memories and acclimate to pony society. In the second case, they would either help Green return to the human world, transform Green back to a human, and/or help acclimate Green to pony society. The third case might be the most problematic. In this instance, Green would effectively have a mental disorder that they would likely wish to treat. While I heavily doubt Green would be institutionalized (knowing what I do about pony society), Green wouldn't know. It would be far more likely to involve regular therapy sessions and possibly magical treatment in place of or alongside medication. The need for institutionalization or more extreme measures would only arise should Green actively pose a danger to themselves or others.
I love the hole you're digging Green into. It just gets better and better. Every time he tries to get one up on the nurses, he just ends up piling more on top, and then the double meanings of what he says and how they are misconstrued; it's just a really fun story to read.
Pretty sure after that dream sequence, we know green (and you) are British.
9978568
I dont think its option.
From first chapter we know that "Green" have fatal illness.
9978872
The illness isn't fatal. It just makes me wish I were dead.
The treatment is what's going to kill me. Hopefully not for another couple decades, but I'm in my 20s so... Yeah, I'm really hoping they develop a better treatment before it comes to that.
For the record, this is not my idea of a cure:
media.discordapp.net/attachments/392479930987839489/653024175220588587/anonfilly_POV_DoF.png
The reason Green doesn't want to go back is that she takes continuity of conciousness very seriously and would never willingly go through a star trek teleporter.
9978827
Ye Olde Comedy of Errors. Fun. :)
Digging this, I am
9979113
Yes, that's a better explaination. Green isn't having a cognitive decline and regressing into a child, she just is a child and she's having trouble adjusting.
9979198
Still, one must learn to realize that the secret is to know when to stop.
9978663
If only you knew how right, (and simultaneously wrong) you were.
9979573
And suddenly I'm somehow even more excited for what's to come.
I wonder what will happen next...
I didn't know she was a Lannister.
9980629
I haven't watched game of thrones so I don't understand the reference...
9980647
Her hair turned black instead of brown/dirty blonde
Or maybe it's Baratheon.
Click the link and come here.....It is an interesting story.
Love it
I'm really loving this story. It is unique enough to stand on it's own, yet at the same time remind me of an old favorite I truly loved. While Solitary Pinion may be forever dead; Trust Once Lost has picked up the metaphorical mantle for me.
...
That reads very strangely, yet I can't think of any way to say it better. Well, It's supposed to be a compliment.
Just now learning how to draw, huh.
A likely story!
(You're already way too good at it!)
9981986
To be clear, I don't have two years left to live. I have about two years left until I have to stop taking the treatment I'm currently on because the damage it causes is cumulative and permanent. After that I have some other options, but they're not exactly great (they'll kill me faster). I'm hopeful about this newly developed treatment, but it's not available on insurance yet and it costs $10,000/month (DON'T offer to send me money, that's not the issue I just have to wait for a few more months and it might not even work for me anyway).
9982000
There's a whole bunch of reasons to want a fire, a very important one is that the smoke from the fire can be seen from dozens of miles away during the day and the fire itself will stand out to anyone flying over during the night.
9982016
I do use language like that at my job as a nurse, usually when I'm annoyed/embarrassed that someone has called me out for making an assumption and I want to be as clear as possible about what I'm actually saying.
9982029
Good advice about semi-colons, but in patient notes grammar (and occasionally spelling) go out the window.
9982034
9982036
9982046
Thanks for reading! If you have more questions or feedback (or you just want to hang out) you're welcome to join us on my discord server https://discord.gg/ktG3yhM
9982304
Can't send what doesn't exist! But I know how insurance can be about new medicines, so all I can say is good luck.
And it's not even remotely realistic for a kid lost out in the wilderness. Takes some serious force, skill, and blisters to use the spinny stick trick, if you don't have that bow to spin the stick with. Not that she knew she was a kid at the time, but... yeah. Either way she was scared over nothing because it didn't get cold enough to kill her at night.
Oh, well thanks for calling me out on an assumption then. Guess everyone can't be as sloppy as me when speaking in real life! Though it's important to know when to quit... I know in the past I've battered people down with words just because I was frantic to make myself understood. These days I just shrug when that happens and say I don't know what to tell them. I'm not sure it's a better way to do it though.
Yeah I don't know why that particular semicolon bugged me. It looked to me like: "(...reduced LOC (GCS:9), lower RFL hematoma) and besides that, also the following: (gross deformity ?#, superficial cuts and bruises...)" and I was like "Huh? What gross deformity does she have besides her right front leg?" for a minute until I figured it out.
No problem! Thanks for writing it, and the fabulous illustrations. I don't use discord since it's a secret proprietary protocol outside of the company who owns all the channels, and also kind of creepily popular, but I'll keep it in mind if I ever want to set up a sandbox to run some closed source software.
9982554
I use Discord because it's popular, since I use it to communicate with people, and having people on it is what makes it popular, hence why I use it.
The logic is a circle and therefore unbreakable.
Besides, since I run Windows being concerned about closed source software is kinda closing the gate after the pony has bolted.
9982577
It feels more popular than just accidentally popular. I don't have any evidence of underground marketing though, just ghost towns of IRC channels with someone logging on now and then to say "We're all on Discord now!" and lots of people saying join "my" Discord. So it's just really creepy; I might be jumping at shadows.
It's named after an evil god of Chaos and Disharmony! What's not creepy about that?
Yeah, but the thing with Windows is you can still run programs on it that communicate with other people who use open source software. Discord prevents that, making you do work to stop people like me from using open source software. It's not any worse than Skype, or AIM. It's just another "Let's improve IRC but add something so open source clients can't be used."
Like imagine if fimfiction.net popped up a thing saying "Sorry, you can't talk with anyone on this site unless you use IE." That's basically what Discord is.
And I try not to give people a hard time about it. If I had anything at all of value to tell you, that I thought you couldn't live without, then I might be more pushy. Also if Retroshare had a less opaque interface.
9984488
Is this you?
imgs.xkcd.com/comics/team_chat_2x.png
The real point is that if I had to explain to people how to use IRC and find my server then it would be me, you and like two other guys.
Discord I just give them the link and they're in, and they don't need to worry about running IRC 24/7 so they don't miss any messages, or setting up a relay, or anything like that.
The average person could use IRC if they really needed to, but they don't and won't because it's not user friendly for non-techy people and it has learning curve so why bother.
And then there's the fact that discord supports voice chat, embedded images, and a whole bunch more.
People younger than me, and I suspect you as well have probably never used IRC so it just seems archaic to them.
9984496
I never used IRC actually, heard about it, but never used it.
DID use the top 3 back in the day though, MSN, YIM, and AIM
Is this fic going to have something similar to the triumvirate where the truth of the filly's origins literally cannot be given?
Not even Hoof magic grip? Damn almost as horrible as the inability to speak.
Good she has now help.
Very disturbing how fast things can go out of control
Dont know who is in bigger distress the nurses or the young patients.
Yayyy. Maybe more mini Nurse Green too? :0
You forgot to fix uncollored horn in this chapter. Love your fic.
9984496
I'm the type of person who will use almost any means to give myself a less user-friendly experience as long as it takes technical knowledge to do so.
I know it's stupid, but it makes me feel cooler.
This story is wonderful.
Has no one pointed out that "straw" implies one thing to people -- something you use to drink with -- and something else to ponies -- a type of grass/hay.
I can't recall a drinking straw being on the show right now.
I'm also not sure that "hoofgrip" was ever a thing in the show -- we even have Miss Cheerlee having to use her mouth to hold chalk to write on the chalkboard, or Applebloom using her mouth to hold her pen.
10163730
And yet there are other scenes where a pony is holding something with their hoof as if it were a hand. The most famous example being a scene at a fire where Applejack is roasting marshmallows while holding three sticks at once in her hoof. As well as all of the minor "blink and you miss it" scenes where a pony uses their hoof like a hand to open a doorknob. I think it is a little too inconsistent to rule out "hoof magic" as a thing in canon.
10175861
My theory is that their innate magic gives them the grip they need, along with some sort of modesty aura to cover their private parts.
10175861
Check out 472085 on Derpibooru for a neat non-magical take on hoof grips.
Alondro picks up a baseball bat and BEATS HIM DOWN!! "There ya go! Proper South Jersey emergency medical techniques to da rescue!"
It's super-effective!
10757055
you, my good sir. yes you. you are a pony of comedy, a colt of humor, a male genital having barrel of horsing around
Ok I'm going to say it this story is interesting but the way it is written is annoying the author give no context at all for us to understand the mc
It feel like she is a pathological liar or had attachment problem maybe because of her sickness?
11107808
this is an HIE story bro, use ur brain
9978663
Although you think with someone like discord around the statement a guy promised to make me a mare would not be a huge impossibility.
This story has honestly become infuriating. The entire premise and conflict is contrived to the point of being utterly meaningless, the main character is obviously lying about ever having been a nurse (or in the medical field at all) and probably about their age. And considering the utter lack of horrible dysphoria both from him or from the narration considering them basically using cult tactics to force him to see himself as the wrong gender and everything, I don't see any of this improving since it's absolutely clear that none of this is seen as being a writing/plot issue.
Just once I'd like to see this premise without dozens of chapters and tens of thousands of words of forced and contrived misunderstanding/conflict. Literally. If I could see it done a single time I'd be thrilled, but for some reason every last one of these stories looked at the endless contrivance of that first one and went, "We need more of that!"
I'm sorry for my rambling criticisms, but when I saw the literal thousands of upvotes this had and how well written it is along with how it started I was just so hopeful that this would do something different.
11224801
I'm struggling to see how you got that impression.
Lack of magic control is one thing, but total being forced to endure inability of even gripping things? Basically she needs a 24 hour 7 days a week caretaker...