//------------------------------// // To Greener Pastures // Story: Trust Once Lost // by Greenhorne //------------------------------// After hearing Green’s care plan, Applejack felt much better about taking her in. It didn’t hurt that the filly had taken a real shine to her when they met for a second time. All she really needed to do was be stable, dependable, and caring. As they walked through the cool evening air the filly stuck close by her side. Applejack felt a little proud that the filly trusted her and felt a protective instinct overcome her. She was determined to live up to that trust. She knew Green wasn’t her filly, she was just taking care of her for a while; Dayglow had been clear with both of them that this wasn’t an adoption and that they shouldn’t think of it as such; It was important to manage expectations. Oddly this had seemed to make the filly feel more relieved than disappointed. When I saw the lights were off and all of the curtains drawn I looked over to Applejack and noted the slight knowing smile on her face. I had a feeling I knew what was coming, but the thought filled me with dread. I tried not to show it. Applejack opened the door and allowed me to enter first. She closed the door behind us without turning on the lights, and I steeled myself against what was to come. It didn’t help. “SURPRISE!” A chorus of voices called out as the lights flashed on. Every single eye was on me. Most of them from above my height. Anxiety twisted in my gut. “Aww, she’s so surprised she’s speechless!” Pinkie Pie giggled. I was struggling to keep a smile on my face, and I felt a warmth on my back as I realized that I was subconsciously trying to hide underneath Applejack. My face blushed red with embarrassment. I had to get out of here, but I couldn’t just run away or ponies would worry. “I need to go to the bathroom real quick,” I said “Down the hall and first door on the left.” Applejack instructed, “Did you, uh, need some hel-” “I’ll be fine thanks,” I said quickly. As soon as I had the door closed I let my smile drop and I heaved a breath. My heart was beating so hard I could feel it in my teeth. A panic attack. Great. Just what I needed. I had been nervous around social situations as a human, but nothing like this. I looked in the mirror and my reflection looked pitiful. Seeing a tiny creature so distressed made my heartache... for myself. I did some breathing exercises and made use of the facilities - it wouldn’t do to return to the bathroom too quickly and have someone wonder if I was hiding in the bathroom to avoid my own party. Alright, alright. Pinkie probably went to a lot of trouble to organize this party and if she thinks you’re not enjoying it she’ll be crushed. So enjoy yourself dammit. Fun is mandatory. I managed to make myself giggle at my own stupid joke. Alright so you’re going to meet a lot of ponies, and you’re not going to remember their names but that’s okay, right? There’s so many, so that’s a good excuse. They’re all just going to be seeing you for the first time and getting first impressions that you can never take back and they’ll see right through you and know you’re faking it and they’ll take it as an insult like you’re saying that they’re not worth your time and then nopony will like yo- “Stop,” I said under my breath. “Breathe.” I took a deep breath, and prepared to walk out of the bathroom. I’d already taken too long and I didn’t want anypony to worry. Alright, you just need to keep this up for a couple of hours and then you can say you’re tired. That’s fine, you’re a child so ponies won’t think anything of it. Alright, deep breath. I looked back in the mirror to confirm that I had a happy expression on my face, taking note of my ears which had betrayed me before. I still couldn’t control exactly what they did, but by focusing on listening for sounds in front of me I could keep them from folding flat against my head. Satisfied, I pushed the door open and winced at the volume of all the ponies chatting excitedly. I didn’t like being in a crowd at the best of times, and with my more sensitive hearing, it was that much worse. Applejack and Pinkie were making a beeline for me and I mentally prepared what I was going to say, and tried to make sure my smile didn’t look forced. “So, were you surprised Greenie? Were you, were you?” Pinkie asked excitedly. “I was very surprised Pinkie,” I tried to giggle, but I was terrified that she wouldn’t buy it, “You nearly surprised the pee right out of me!” “Oh no!” Pinkie said, “That would be TOO surprised and you would be SUPER embarrassed in front of everypony and they would all be staring at-” AJ stuck a hoof in Pinkie’s mouth. “Yes Pinkie, we get the picture. Now if you’ll excuse us I need to show Green what room she’ll be staying in.” As soon as we were upstairs, away from the party I sighed, tension leaving my body. “Alright Green what’s wrong?” AJ asked. “Your tail’s wrapped around your leg so tight it’s like you’re afraid somepony’s going to bite it off.” “What?” I lied poorly, “Nothing’s wrong I just want to get back to the party.” I’d rather die. AJ raised an eyebrow at me and I knew the jig was up. I crumpled to the floor, feeling sick. “I’m not feeling well,” I explained, “But I don’t want to ruin the party for everypony. I’m too tired.” “That’s not the whole truth,” Applejack stated, “Is it, Green? I won’t make you go back down there if you don’t want to, but you’ll feel better if you just let it out.” I sighed. “I’m scared of meeting other ponies, and I don’t like crowds, and I know I’m being stupid and irrational because all the ponies are probably really nice and they won’t judge me but it feels like they will and I’ll never be able to remember all of them but they’ll know me and now I’m too scared to go to the party but Pinkie worked so hard to make this party just for me and if I don’t like the party she’ll be sad and then she’ll cry and I’ll be the worst pony ever because I made Pinkie cry and then everpony will hate me, and I’ll hate me and it will all be ruined because I’m so pathetic that I can’t even, and then, but I-I can’t-” Without even meaning to, I’d pressed my face into Applejack’s soft chest. Tears were streaming down my face and that just made me even more embarrassed. Applejack had put her foreleg around me and that actually did feel nice. “Oh Green,” AJ squeezed me tighter, “I’m so sorry. I’m sure Pinkie wouldn’t want you to put yourself through this for her sake.” “You can’t tell her!” I insisted, “If she knows she made me feel bad then she’ll feel bad too and it would be my fault!” “It’s not yer fault Green,” AJ said, “You can’t help the way you feel, an’ torturin’ yourself tryin’ to convince Pinkie you’re having fun is only going to make her feel twice as bad when she realizes you were puttin’ yerself through that just to spare her feelings.” “Can’t you just tell her I wasn’t feeling well?” I pleaded, “Her special talent is making ponies happy, so if she finds out, she’ll cry!” “Pinkie knows all kinds of ponies, Green,” AJ consoled, “You’re not the first pony to walk out of your ‘Welcome’ party. Why, when Twilight first came to Ponyville she ditched her party to read books and Pinkie didn’t take it personal.” Stupid, stupid. You’re catastrophizing everything. Everypony is just trying to help you and you’re screwing it all up. Stupid body. Stupid childish emotions. “You have to give ponies a chance, Green,” AJ said, “If you’re twisting yourself into knots trying to say whatever you think they want you to say then you’re denying them the chance to actually do something nice for you.” “I just don’t want ponies to be sad because of me.” I explained, “I know I’m being stupid and unreasonable, but I just can’t control my emotions.” “Ponies will understand if you’re shy.” Applejack was stroking her hoof down my back. “I’m sure they can keep themselves entertained, so you’re not ruining the party at all. We’ll start small okay, how about you meet my little sister and her two friends to keep you company and I’ll go deal with the party downstairs?” I was a bit nervous about meeting them after the impression I left on them in the forest. I glanced down at my bare flank. I guess it was inevitable that I was going to meet the Cutie Mark Crusaders so I may as well get it over with now. Applejack misinterpreted my nervous glance. “You don’t have to worry about them making fun of you, they don’t have their cutie marks either,” AJ explained, “They’ll probably ask you to join their little club.” I nodded. “Alright, Ah’ll send them up with some cake,” AJ promised. “Please don’t ever feel like you need to hide when you’re feeling sad, or scared. Ah promise Ah’ll never be mad at ya for being scared of somethin’” “Okay,” I said in a small voice.